Wrap It Up and Put a Bow On It

Alright, ONE MORE end-of-the-year, look-back-at-everything-and-forward-to-new-things post.

Bloggy peer pressure from Lizzi. Blame her!

Shucks. To be fair, she didn't peer pressure me at all. She just wrote responses to these questions and I was all, "Man, now I wanna do it too!"

It's for this:

And it's kinda-sorta like old school blogging style questions and answers.

Let's wrap up 2013 and put a bow on it, shall we?

Gained or lost weight? Lost! But only a little. Slowly but surely for me. I do think I am *thisclose* to a smaller pants size.

Predominant feeling in 2013? Happy.

Predominant feeling for 2014? I'm feeling Eager.

Something you did for the first time in 2013? Tried quinoa.

Something you did again in 2013 after a long pause? Saw an eye doctor and got new glasses.

Something you unfortunately did not do in 2013? Plant strawberries.

Word of the year? Hope.

City of the year? The only city I've been to this year is Seattle. We drove through Portland. Does that count?

Hair longer or shorter? Shorter.

More or less money spent? It's hard to say because our income doesn't change much from year to year. Technically, Mark worked less because of his health, but I earned a little here and there through bloggy things. So, it's a wash?

Hospital stays? Yes. Two short ones for Mark, one for a very high blood sugar last spring and another just last month for a minor heart attack.

(Fallen) In love? With Doctor Who! Got all caught up, watched the 50th anniversary special and the Christmas special - *sniff.....and now I wanna start all over!

Most called person? I talk on the phone the most with my friend Jess and my dad.

Whom did you spend the most beautiful time with? I have to say Mark, because the longer he's here with us, the more I appreciate it.

What did you spend most of your time with? Probably right here with my computer. No judging! I do SO MANY things on my computer/internet. I don't even know how we ever survived without it.

Song of the year? Katy Perry's "Roar", for sure. Second, Sara Bareilles' "Brave".

Book of the year? For me, The White Queen by Philippa Gregory. But, I had to choose that one by default because I haven't yet read Chelsea Cain's Let Me Go. If I had, it might be that.

Movie of the year? Serious: Gravity, Comedy: The Heat.

Insight of the year? That I matter, I am loved and to trust it.

Three things you totally could have done without?

• Fighting for help from my daughter's school and worrying so much about her grades.
• Mark's heart attack that scared the HELL out of me, and has thrown him for a loop.
• My inner child. (But then, some say I should be nicer to her.)

Most beautiful event? Being able to give back a little to a good friend who has done so mch for me.

More short-sighted or more far-sighted than 2013? This is a funny question for me when taken literally. ;-) Figuratively, I am definitely more short-sighted because I choose to live in the moment and try not to think too much about my uncertain future.

The most expensive thing you bought? A used Dodge Durango (for Mark, of course).

The most delicious meal or food you ate? My dad procured, and Mark prepared, a super delicious tuna steak. Also, avocado eggrolls at The Cheesecake Factory!

The best party? I actually hosted an in-home wine tasting with my friends last summer!

The most important thing you wanted to convince somebody of? Myself, that I am, and will be, OK. Mark, that whatever happens, it will be OK. Camryn, to speak up for herself at school.

The most beautiful present you gave to somebody? The blankets I crocheted for my mom and my BFF.

The most beautiful present that somebody gave you? Any. All. Every single thoughtful thing someone gives me I love.

The most beautiful sentence someone said to you? My paternal grandmother, who is apparently not easily impressed, told my dad that she thinks I'm pretty good at blogging.

The most beautiful sentence you said to someone? I love you, unconditionally. To my children.

How will you celebrate New Year's Eve? At home, I'm sure, letting my kids stay up til midnight.

What will you have for dinner? Don't know, but I would like to have something good!

What drinks will be in your glasses to clink? Wine or rum or maybe just tea.

Will you ignite any fireworks? NO. Enough crazies around here for that!

What are you going to wear? Comfy or glamourous? Oh you know me, comfy!

Did you have any resolutions for 2013? And how about 2014? I totally can't remember if I made resolutions for this year. It doesn't appear that I blogged them if I did (if it isn't blogged, it didn't happen!). This year, I listed some things in my last post. Also:

What are your wishes for the new year? I wish for some real snowfall (on a weekend), the Seahawks to win the Super Bowl and health.

In one word, 2013 was... Enlightening.

Now it's your turn. Pick a question or two or all, and tell me what your answer would be!

Year in Review: October, November, December

In the movie world, the fourth installment of a franchise might be thought of as a bit much.

But for the purposes of the 2013 Review Extravaganza, it can only be seen as being thorough!

This week's year-in-review post encompasses the most recent three months. One would hope one can remember these easily. Let's see....

October

Oh this was a big bloggy month because I decided to change the name of my online home from just JENNIFER to Dancing in the Rain! I also launched The View From Here series (which, incidentally, I am looking for contributors for, so please click that there link and let me know you wanna)! I love this series so much, and I hope you guys are enjoying it too.

Besides that, I admitted that therapy has been such an amazing thing for me, I claimed to be fierce, asked told everyone to stop being judgy, listed 10 reason I liked being a soccer mom and shared how we helped prepare our kids for medical emergencies.

November

I wanted people to stop being judgy in October, and said we shouldn't be assholes in November. Someone who isn't an asshole is my daughter's role model.

I shared a list of comfy things and why I'm not into holiday gift guides. Then, with help from a reliable source, I put together a post chock full of health care reform info.

Also, my husband had another minor heart attack (yes, really) and I contributed a guest post about the mysteries of blogging to Yeah Write.

December

On the 2nd I shared a fun little exchange between me and my husband, then got super serious about a tough question our daughter asked.

I wrote about good blogger etiquette and blasted my daughter's middle school for being apathetic.

Finally, I shared the adorable keepsakes both of my children gave me in kindergarten and sent you all Merry Christmas wishes!

(Less blogging in December happens. What'r'ya gonna do?)

Joining in on the Review Extravaganza has been so fun!

The first three weeks are here, here and here.

Goals and Hopes for 2014

Well, "hope" was my word for 2013, and I think it was appropriate. I definitely felt it, and tried to live it. I sometimes have private goals for myself. I tend to keep them private because I used to be chicken when it comes to accountability. But I don't feel that way anymore, so here goes:

• I'm pretty sure my word for 2014 will be Brave.
• I want to find the key to unlock my daughter's potential in school.
• To keep up, and step up, the healthier choices I've been making for my body.
• Celebrate my 40th birthday with pride.
• Continue seeking opportunities to spread my wings as a blogger.
• Use up my scrapbooking supplies and fill the pages I have left to fill with the photos I have printed that have been sitting in a box for several years now.
• Finish knitting the pillow cover I started 2 years ago.
• Figure out how to take down all the blinds and wash them in the bathtub.
• Do more gardening.
• Volunteer at the food bank.
• Spend another year with my husband.

What about you? Have you started thinking about the upcoming year?

The View From Here: This Skewed View

On this day after Christmas, the last Thursday of 2013, we have

Erin of Chronically Sick Manic Mother.

Erin found me on Facebook and loved that I'm also on Instagram because it's her latest obsession.

(You know I love it too!)

I thought my husband had a lot of medical issues. Of course he does, but I think Erin has a few more. What I enjoy about her is, like Mark and I, she has a sense of humor about it all. And perspective. Which is exactly what this series is about.

__________

This skewed view

When Jen was looking for someone to write The View from here for December 26th I thought great, I can do that! It was harder than I thought. Some great friends helped me get my thoughts in order, and the grammar too! My brain was kind of scattered and arthritis flared so talk to text was a life saver, even if it did leave a lot to be desired grammar wise.

The view from here is very skewed; this is not the life I thought I’d be living.

I always thought I would be a mother. That part has stayed the same – I just thought I would be a mother of more than one. I never thought I would be dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss after a successful pregnancy and delivery. Nor was I expecting chronic illnesses to stack up, ultimately making it impossible for me to work. However, I have never been so happy with my life as I am now…chronic illness, pain, and all.

Someone recently told me that we are not the sum of our parents’ decisions. To an extent I believe this. However, my past shaped what I have become, how I think, and what I think. I don’t regret my past and I don’t wish it had been different. I don’t resent my parents’ decisions anymore. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. Everything I’ve gone through, from unmedicated ADD to infertility, to the loss of a parent, to now – every bit of that molded me into who I am right this minute. However, I don’t use it as a crutch, either. I use it to help change myself, to make the changes I want in my life.

My family is not big on self-analysis. It has taken me awhile to be comfortable with it and to be comfortable with the fact that I need it. I need it like lungs need oxygen. I need to make sure that I am not making the same mistakes that prompted me to change myself to begin with. We may be the result of our parents’ decisions, but we don’t have to be what they’ve made us. It doesn’t mean we can’t change. It doesn’t mean we can’t use our past to help keep us on our desired paths.

Sometimes, even with all my sarcasm and dry humor, depression takes hold. It’s much easier for it to take over when my body is screaming at me. It’s so easy for to me to just give in and say, “Yup, I’m a worthless pile of trouble.” To lose interest in everything and ignore everyone. To not allow my distractions of reading or watching Dr. Who to pull me from those depths.

It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the everyday struggle of functioning to ignore the warning signs. When my dreams start taking on a realistic edge, when I can’t meditate no matter how hard I try, when reading doesn’t interest me and I move from one thing to the next, desperately hoping something will help – these are all red flags. I know my mental state is okay when my dreams are sci-fi and very unrealistic. I have always been accused of living in a fantasy world, but it’s okay – they all know me there.

It took me years of battling depression to find that the best defense against it is to know myself, to not be afraid to look at those feelings and explore why I have them. To not just accept them as true. To not remain in denial about something, but to look at it head-on. It took years of therapy for me to get to that point. I can’t say that I don’t squirm when I see the therapist. I do. I absolutely hate going each month. I know I have to, though…I don’t want to go back to weekly visits. So, I try to remember that this is a narrow edge I walk, and I must be aware of it and accept it as part of who I am.

There is such a negative image of mental health that sometimes we bury ourselves deeper in an effort to be “normal.” In reality, all this does is make the problem worse. When you add chronic illness and chronic pain into the mix, it can be a disaster waiting to happen. Once I started looking at my depression as just an aspect of mental health and not an illness, I started making progress.

I always related to Grumpy Bear from the “Care Bears.” Some people are just content with being grumpy. It always made sense to me. I am not a happy, cheery, peppy person. Once I accepted that and found ways to balance between extreme Doom and Gloom, and extreme Sunshine, Happiness, and Flowers, I found myself.

I wish I could say that I don’t lose myself. I wish I could say that once I found myself, I was able to move on to different problems. I can’t say that. It’s a continual process, one that, during really bad days, I find extremely frustrating. It’s hard for me to say, “It’s okay.” It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay for it to be a process. It’s all just okay. It is what is is.

It’s a very skewed life…but it’s my life, and I love it.

__________

She said, "It is what it is"! That seems to be a common conclusion those of us who struggle with adversities come to. There are things that simply can't be changed. They just are what they are.

Also, what she said about going to therapy....yeah, that.

And then I love that she says she found herself. I think I have too.

Please leave some comment love and then check out Erin's

Blog - Facebook - Twitter - Instagram

**If you would like to contribute to this series, please go HERE**

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve!

My mom and step-dad are here spending the holiday with us.

We have opted not to cook a big meal this year.

Instead, we are going out to a nice buffet at the local casino tonight.

Then I will let the kids open their new ornaments and PJ's.
We will get cookies ready for Santa.

After the kids go to bed, we will stuff their stockings and stage the Santa gifts.
(I don't wrap them.)

In the morning, my dad will come over to share in gift-opening with us.
Mayhem will ensue.

And then we will watch football, put things away, and probably get some Chinese food.

Other than that, there will be visiting and laughter and movie viewing,
and alcoholic beverages consumed.

Oh, and a cat to help not be too angry that there's a dog in his house.

Our card

Peace, Love & Joy to you!

Year in Review: July, August, September

Blogger Decree

The third quarter of the year -- summer -- shall now be recapped

for the

2013 Review Extravaganza!

July

Besides December, July is the busiest month of the year for our family.

At the beginning of the month I got to contribute a guest post to the Our Land of Empathy and Wonder series on Finding Ninee. I'm Humbled by it.

Back here, I told you about how we don't travel much....as we were leaving on a road trip. If you read it, you'll understand. Upon our return, I went off about doing all the things, posted a special photo of three generations of Hall men and shared something kind of personal that happened while camping when I was 13.

Not a lot of posts to share due to the busy-ness!

August

My BFF suggested we do a 30 day crunch challenge, and being highly susceptible to peer pressure, I consented. This actually began a series of fitness challenges I kept doing through the end of the year!

We were given a little boon of hope that I'm now not sure still exists, but it was a good feeling at the time. I gushed about Jon Bon Jovi, flipped the bird to needing approval and was pleasantly surprised that my kids didn't make me crazy over the summer. I made it to 700 posts here and explained why I feel like I'm Mark's everything.

September

There was my son's second day of 2nd grade and my daughter's eighth day of 8th grade.

I came up with a few social media truths and schooled you on how to properly celebrate the kids going back to school. I asserted that my blog is no one's bitch and announced The View From Here series.

I wondered if I could let my guard down, wrote about how walking is good for me in so many ways, and realized that at the end of the day, no matter what, I am happy.

I have already recapped the first and second quarters of the year. Next week will be the final three months!

Do you remember any of these posts? Are you hearing about any for the first time?

The View From Here: I'll Be Home For Christmas

The View this week is from Robbie of Fractured Family Tales.

She is a very busy working mom of 3 with a little writer on the side. Robbie is one of the sweetest people I've met through blogging. She is heading into what could very well be her mom's last Christmas, so her View right now is tinged with sadness.

Let's read her words and send some virtual hugs her way.

__________

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Sitting here in the tan recliner I bought for my mom's visit last year with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. We are leaving in six hours. 

Even if it were six days away, the heaviness would weigh me down. I'm not sure what to expect so I prepare for the worst. I still won't be ready.

In the darkness of the morning, we will carry pajama clad children into the waiting mini van and drive another three and a half hours to catch our flight. At least Salt Lake City is prepared for winter weather. 

I'll cling to the hope that we make it out of Denver but will be prepared for problems. I've learned this year that Denver International Airport is not my friend.

Dreaming of home at this Christmas time

Even more than I usually do

And although I know it's a long road back

I promise you

I'll be home for Christmas

You can count on me

A load of still warm laundry piled high on the forest green love seat across from me. The laundry that must be folded and sorted and stuffed into a suitcase before I climb into my black canopy bed.

I hope against hope that the blue gel tablets I swallowed an hour ago will bring the sleep that I am desperate for. 

Pine needles sprinkling the snowman tree skirt and the carpet beneath our nearly seven foot tall Christmas tree. The lights shining a rainbow of colors into the dark living room. 

It's empty underneath except for a few remnants of wrapping paper left behind. A wadded up white ball dotted with green hat wearing penguins remains.

We celebrated Early Christmas tonight. Big Yankee cannot make the trip this year. The kids and I cannot NOT make the trip this year.

 My view is distorted and complicated. My mom is sick. 

My family will be separated once more. It's a short term physical break that is growing into an agonizingly emotional hole.

I don't like the view from here. Yet I am unsure how to see things differently.

Christmas Eve will find me

Where the love light gleams

I'll be home for Christmas

__________

My daughter's first Christmas was her great-grandfather's last (paternal). Pretty much the entire Hall Family gathered because we suspected it might be. He passed away the following September.

I think Robbie's post reminds us to take the time to spend with those we love, while we still can.

More of Robbie can be found on her Blog and Twitter!

Who are you spending Christmas with?

**If you would be interested in contributing to this series, please go HERE.**

My Hand Print

When our children are little we moms love their little hand prints.

Footprints too. Don't want to leave out the baby toes!

Hands are touch. Touch is intimate. Intimacy is bond.

There aren't many stronger bonds than those between mother and child.

Both of my children made hand print poem keepsakes for me for Christmas when they were each in kindergarten.

The one on the left is AJ's and on the right is Camryn's.

These two school craft projects are my very favorites. I put them up somewhere every Christmas, and I will cherish them forever. Every year I read them and get a catch in my throat.

The poems are very similar, with just a few differences.

AJ's reads:

Sometimes you get discouraged

Because I am so small

And always leave my fingerprints

On furniture and walls.

But everyday I'm growing--

I'll be grown some day

And all those tiny hand prints

Will surely fade away,.

Here's a little hand print wreath

Just so you can recall

Exactly how my fingers looked

When I was very small.

And Camryn's goes:

Sometimes you get discouraged

Because I am so small

And always leave my fingerprints

On furniture and walls.

But every day I am growing up and

Soon I'll be so tall,

That all of those fingerprints will be

Hard to recall.

So here is a hand print so that

You can say,

This is how my hand looked in

2005 on Christmas Day.

Every. Single. Mom. Out there will nod in agreement that our kids grow up way too fast. There's no escaping it. The days can drag, but the years fly by.

Camryn is 13 and AJ will turn 8 next month. My babies are no more; haven't been for awhile now.

Cami's feet are bigger than mine and she's nearly as tall as me. How true the line "Soon I'll be so tall" is! She can be dropped off at the movies or the skate deck, and she walks a mile round trip to the nearest gas station mini-mart.

AJ is still kind of small, but growing and learning and maturing at lightening speed.

We are able to leave them home alone for more than just a few minutes. Camryn can do some simple cooking by herself. The other night we were two miles down the road at Mark's work party (no kids allowed), and the kids got themselves ready for bed, including AJ's shower. (I did get one phone call during the party due to a fight, but still.)

All these changes. Time marching on. Kids growing up. Makes me so glad I have those keepsakes.

So I can remember when....

How do you DO the Holidays?

It's Old School Blogging all about the Holidays!

What do I do and how do I do it?

Er, WE. Because, family, right?

First things first: One Holy Night or Eight Crazy Ones? (Do you Celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, both?)

We celebrate Christmas. I did say to Mark, though, that I think it would be cool to celebrate Hanukkah too. I think Menorahs are beautiful. Is that a silly thing to say? I don't mean for it to be.

Peppermint or Chocolate?

Not "or", but rather AND!

Sing us into the Holiday Season, what is your favorite carol this time of year?

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, Baby It's Cold Outside, Blue Christmas (by Elvis), Silent Night

Tell us about a Favorite Family or Personal Holiday Tradition

I'm awful. I can't really remember any family traditions from my childhood. There must have been some....

What I like to do with my kids now is let them put all the ornaments on the tree. We bake cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve and also that night, I try to give them each a new ornament and new pajamas all washed and ready to wear to bed.

C’mon you remember your favorite gift, tell us all about it

From childhood, I remember birthday gifts more. Except for the year I finally got a Cabbage Patch Doll. She even had glasses just like me. My mom knew I was getting one, and sewed me clothes for her.

As an adult, a year that stands out was me and Mark's first Christmas. We had moved in together in October, so for Christmas we received a lot of household items. I thought that was really cool.

That magical moment? (Your favorite scene from a Holiday movie…it’s okay if you have 2)

I love the scene in The Santa Clause when Scott and Charlie arrive at the North Pole after finishing gift deliveries and all of Santa's Village is revealed. And the ending of Elf when all of New York City is "singing loud for all to hear". Both give me tingles.

Kissing under the mistletoe?  Who do you hope is standing underneath (We know it’s normally your spouse, if it did not have to be, who would you choose?)

Who would I like to kiss other than my husband......? Too many cute boys, er men! If I'm being a cougar, Zac Efron. No judging!

Swans a swimming, lords a leaping, golden rings; which gift of the 12 days of Christmas would you like most?

The 5 gold rings, of course!

Play Secret Santa, what inappropriate gift would you love to give this year?

Maybe something having to do with bacon. Do you know there's bacon flavored toothpaste? How can your mouth feel clean using that?

Martha Stewart or the Grinch? What is your decorating style? (Pictures would be awesome!)

I don't like Martha Stewart so I don't try to emulate her at all. I just like my house to look warm and festive. I put gift wrap over all the living and dining room pictures, we have a tree, some cute little rugs/mats, stockings, Christmas mugs and blankets.

If Santa could assure its delivery, what’s the first thing on your holiday wish LIST?

Well, as of a few days ago....a new treadmill. Or maybe an elliptical instead. Ooh, or maybe that treadclimber one! Something smaller would be new walking shoes or an Old Navy gift card.

What is ONE WORD that defines the holiday season for you? (Examples: Believe/Wonder/Bah Humbug?)

Stillness. Contentment. Magic. That's three, sorry. I have always felt like Christmas Day FEELS different than any other day of the year.

Part of the fun of Old School Blogging is tagging friends. But I hate putting people on the spot. So I tag YOU...if you want to! The link-up is open for five more days. Just let me know if you join in, OK?

Year in Review: April, May, June

Second week of the 2013 Review Extravaganza means the second quarter of the year....

And, GO!

April

Both my birthday and blogiversary happen in April so I invited you all to my Birthaversary Extravaganza. I asked you guys to link up favorite April posts and you did!

I wanted my son to slow down a little bit (a la Ferris Beuller), and I had high tea with my daughter. I expressed some feelings and drew a line at 39. (Ack! I'm gonna be 40 next year!)

I admitted that sometimes being different sucks, then celebrated three years of blogging.

May

I had a revelation regarding menstrual cycles, looked a gift horse in the mouth, got a little ranty and gushed over all things pop culture.

I noticed an irony as I was trying to learn to let go, wrote about the issue of perceived expectations and felt at a loss in regards to my daughter and school. Huh, I still do, only now, I'm angry.

June

I told a funny story about something one of my kids did and anticipated my girl becoming a teenager as only a mushy mom can.

I was filled with gratitude for my husband, threw out a few simple thoughts at the beginning of summer break and made a list of 10 things summer.

I recapped January, February and March last week, and will continue on into the summer next week. Oh, and it was a good summer!

The View From Here: Grand Entrance

Today's guest post is from Nadia of Mama and the City. She lives just north of me in Vancouver, BC, is a Latina working mama-blogger-foodie-photographer. Phew!

She writes today about her child getting sick (away from home!) and the dreaded Mom Guilt.

__________

Grand Entrance

You are sleeping right now and I’m happy for it. You’ve been through so much pain, both directly by the disease that attacked your body last Monday, and by the induced pain we gave you at the hospital in order to get better. Those were a lot of needless. And I’m sorry.

Your face looks so peaceful and in relief as you manage to sleep now it’s so hard to think you were ever sick. Your breath is clean and flows more easily. Your mouth and lips look round, full and pink. And your skin is cool again. This is comforting and I want to preserve it in the memory of my inner thoughts to eradicate the agony of our last 4 days.

I still remember your body being weak and warm last Monday, in spite of that you tried to stay calm while taking that plane with me. I told you over and over I needed you to be a nice girl and not to get mad at mommy for no reason. And, you did an amazing job.

When we finally landed at our destination we already knew we were both sick and you, more than me, needed immediate attention. We got you in bed and gave you something to control your high fever. It worked and by the following morning you were already asking for food. That was a good sign. We took that day easy. Your fever was still coming in intervals, but being the cough the one that annoyed you the most.

On Wednesday the city was bright and warm, 29oC (85oF) and you were not happy staying at home with my mom - despite her insistence - and wanted to come with me instead of resting. Your eyes were so sensitive to the light I had to go back to get your hat. As soon as we went into the car you fell asleep and I started to regret it (I had plans to run a lot of errands that day and I wasn’t entirely happy). And just as I made peace with my plans being changed, in less than 2 hrs we made it back home. You were fuzzy, warm and yelling in pain. I wasn’t sure if the heat had something to do with it, probably, but you were not feeling any better once we came into the house.

After a nice 2 hr nap your cough woke you up and started yelling non-stop. I can only imagine the amount of pain you were in at that moment. But I still tried to quiet you down. I was feeling crappy that night, sore throat and feverish. I only wanted to go back to bed and it didn’t feel like it was going to happen. So I splashed a couple of drops of water on your face and you got quiet and begged for no more. I couldn’t stop feeling miserable that night.

The next morning, you were still in bed. I continued providing your medicines and after 30 mins of the last dose of Ibuprofen your fever didn’t get better. And then the reading was 39.4 oC and I started to freak out... “What if this fever is not coming down?, What would I do?, How long do I have until it becomes more serious?” I grabbed the phone, I contacted the medical insurance agency and asked them to send us to one of their authorized hospitals. 15 minutes later we were on our way, you hanging from my arms, still hot and still weak.

The 8 hours after that were very intense, not only emotionally but physically, that I’ll never forget from this trip. Since the moment the first needle made your arm I knew I had a lot of work ahead. I had to hold you down when you somehow found strength to fighting like a warrior against anyone trying to touch you again. In the middle of all my love and powerless emotions I had to be strong. Strong not only for you but also for me. I couldn’t stop blaming and judging myself for my poor decisions. Especially when the doctors told me you were showing symptoms of Influenza. If only had I reacted sooner when you were yelling at me, instead I got mad and splashed your cute sweet little face.

It’s been 4 days since your hospitalization and now you seem to be back to your regular self. Playful, strong, happy, all those things that fills my heart with joy. I guess your personality needed to make a grand entrance into this country. That’s what I keep telling myself to minimize the level of guilt my dear child.

__________

Oh my gosh, so stressful and scary! Nadia, I'm sorry this is your Perspective right now.

So glad your little girl is OK, though.

Please check out Nadia's online digs:

Blog - Facebook - Twitter - Pinterest - Google+ - Instagram

A Letter to Those in Charge of My Daughter's Education

Dear Principal and Counselor at My Daughter's School,

I am writing today to tell you how very disappointed my husband and I were in the meeting we had with you and some of her teachers last month.

Since the meeting, I have been trying to get over how it felt and what we took away from it, but I can't. I keep coming back to it and what a huge waste of time it was. My husband tried to say something during the meeting, but I quieted him because I didn't want to undermine you all in front of our daughter.

But we can't continue to be quiet.

We asked all of you to come together with us to help our daughter because she is struggling at school. You took the opportunity to tell us how to parent. Principal, you pointed your finger at us and said we were wrong. It was condescending and completely unhelpful.

At the risk of sounding defensive, I must say that my husband and I are good parents. We do everything in the world that we can for our children. We have tried and tried and tried to give Camryn all the tools she  needs to succeed at school. I asked for the meeting because I am worried about her ability to succeed there. You all decided that the problems were only hers and ours.

Well I disagree. You are passing the buck. You all are not willing to take any responsibility for failing my daughter. Both literally and figuratively. From the moment Camryn stepped through those doors in 6th grade, you have not been willing to lift one finger to help her.

Except to have a couple of meetings which accomplished nothing. They were just for show, to make it look like you were putting in some kind of effort.

After school homework help? Great. Yes, that's helpful, but Camryn is STILL shy at school. She still isn't comfortable asking for help. She is going (when it's not cancelled for no reason), but this doesn't help her with feeling overwhelmed by being behind and continuing to have more and more piled on her.

I am not saying she isn't at all responsible for her own school work. She is 13 and in 8th grade and of course she has to take some responsibility for these things.

However, she has ADHD and maybe you don't know this, but kids with ADHD mature slower than their peers. Camryn is not like other kids! I feel that you do not get that at all. Her brain works differently. She has a LEARNING DISABILITY. Yet that doesn't even seem to register for you.

All any of you have ever said to us the entire time she's been at your school is that she has to do this and we has her parents need to do that. WE DO all the things you suggest. She TRIES.

What are YOU doing?

You all are the college educated, trained professionals. YOU are supposed to know how to help kids learn and succeed in school. My husband and I are not trained teachers.

I was talking with Camryn last night about some school things. You want to know what she told me? She is having a hard time not feeling like just giving up.

My heart breaks for her over this. She is a good girl who wants to do well. You all tell me this! No teacher has ever had anything but great things to say about having her in their class.

Yet she's just on her own there. She gets no support from you. No one ever pulls her aside and asks if she needs anything, if she understands what's expected of her, if she feels good about things. She doesn't feel like any of you give a damn about her.

Yes, yes, I know she's not the only student. I know she's not the only kid with a learning disability. But, honestly, that's not my problem. You all should have some game plan on how to deal with these things.

There is something else I feel you should know. We have some unique family circumstances that might play a factor in the way Camryn is. Her dad and I are both legally disabled. I have bad eyes and her dad has chronic illness. He is a type 1 diabetic who is on dialysis and has heart problems. He nearly died in March of 2012.

We know these things weigh on Camryn a bit and cause her some anxiety. We got her into counseling over the summer. So she has ADHD and some family stress she is carrying around. We are doing everything we can to help her learn and grow and end up well-adjusted. But we NEED your help too!

Perhaps a 504 plan isn't good enough. Maybe it should be bumped up to an IEP. Counselor, wouldn't that be your department?

The simple fact is, my child is currently failing most of her classes. NO ONE should want that and EVERYONE should want to fix it. Do you want my daughter to fail? Shouldn't you be intervening? Doesn't it reflect poorly on you as educators when students fail?

ISN'T IT YOUR JOB TO TEACH MY CHILD??

Please stop being apathetic about her. Please step up and do your jobs. I'm begging you. What is happening here is not OK. We are angry, and we are done being polite.

Unhappy, but sincere,
Camryn's personal advocate
aka MOM

**I actually sent a version of this to my daughter's principal and guidance counselor (what guidance?), and CC'd the school psychologist. I wasn't kidding when I said I'm done pussy-footing around these issues. I stand here right now, ready and willing to rock the boat. I have read too many other blog posts written by parents of children with much bigger needs than my daughter's, who have found the exceptional educators their children need to succeed, even in public school. I hear in their words the immense relief they feel knowing that their child's teachers actually care on some level. I desperately want to feel that too! And my daughter deserves better.

5. Talk about a problem you tackled this week.

Confessions of a Blogger: The Etiquette Edition

About a year and a half ago I published Confessions of a Blogger, in which I listed things I do and don't like about blogs, mostly making points about layout and readability. It's not that I think I'm some kind of expert. It's just that I have noticed the most appealing things about blogs, in my opinion.

Well, I have also taken note of what I find most appealing with other BLOGGERS. The people behind the blogs. The sorts of things I and they do that I think is good blogger etiquette. Things I appreciate, and that I know others appreciate as well.

8 Blogging Etiquette Tips

1. Comments are like crack to bloggers. In this case, crack is NOT whack! Everyone (not only bloggers) is looking for validation. Comments give bloggers that. Also, the love can go both ways if you have an avatar and your name is a link, I can click it and go to your blog and leave you a comment in return. It's all good bloggy karma. I will probably mention good bloggy karma again.

I consider it good etiquette to either respond to a comment on a blog or return the favor by commenting on their blog. Ideally both, but if you can do at least one, that's awesome. - Kim Ulmanis

While comments are beautiful things, it's highly improbable that everyone will comment on every single one of your posts. You do know that, right?

2. Sharing is even better than commenting I think. Because if you decide to share MY post with YOUR followers, that must mean you really liked it for some reason, which means.....I did a good job and you think it should have more eyes on it. I share, share, share the posts I fall in love with. I'm not shy about it at all, and I don't think any of us should be. When you share something someone else wrote, it says to me that you're a very cool, humble and share-the-love kind of person. *Good bloggy karma*

3. Reciprocity is a big word, but basically like currency between bloggers. If someone shares, follows, mentions, comments, at the very least, acknowledge it. Better still, reciprocate in same way. *Good bloggy karma*

4. That being said.... You would like it to go that if you follow someone, that person follows you back, but don't ask them to. It's tacky. I don't care if you phrase it like, "would appreciate a follow back" or "hope you'll check me out too". It's so much better if you just let it be my idea. Honestly, if someone is inclined to follow you back, they will, without being asked. If you ask, you just create this uncomfortable guilt trip thing that makes me angry. One caveat, however: I don't mind when a fellow blogger lets me know they liked my Facebook page and directs me to theirs. The thing is with that, I might not know you're a blogger at all just by your Facebook name.

5. Say thank you for sharing. It's so super easy to hit reply to a tweet in which something of yours was shared and type "thanks for sharing". Just do it. At least that, if not also strike up a conversation with the person who shared. It's just good manners. Oh, and *good bloggy karma*.

6. You should at least mention a link-up host, if not include their button in the post you're linking up. People who host link-ups and blog hops are not to be used solely for more exposure for yourself. It should go both ways. Furthermore, I believe that when you participate in a link-up, you should, at the very least, read and comment on the host's post, and read and comment on another linked up post. Also, the hosts I like best, and continue to link up with, are the ones who read and comment on the posts people linked up with them. It is so disappointing to hook up with a hop and not have even the host check you out. Why host something if you're not going to read the posts? Oh, because you're only in it for the page views? That's not *good bloggy karma*.

7. Good communication when involved in a guest post situation is very important. Since starting The View From Here series in October I learned the best things to do as the person who wants the guest are:

• Get the commitment
• Keep some sort of record of it (I use Google Calendar)
• Remind them several days to a week prior (people forget stuff)
• Have a back-up plan in case they have to bow out for some reason

Things the guest blogger should do:

• Make a note somewhere that you need to write a guest post (Google Calendar?)
• Acknowledge the reminder you get so the host blogger doesn't panic
• Write something you would publish on your own blog
• Help promote your guest post and respond to comments

Because it's not just that you're doing me a favor by writing something for me. I'm also doing you a favor by introducing you to my readers and sharing your words with my followers. It's supposed to be a win-win situation. Networking. Reciprocal. *Good bloggy karma*

8. If another blogger inspires you to write something similar to what they've written, give them a nod. Lisa of The Golden Spoons worries that:

With so many mommy bloggers, it is just impossible to know who has written what recently and there is always overlap of ideas. For example, I was thinking about writing a post about stocking stuffer ideas, but just saw another blogger post the question on her FB page. Do I go ahead or is that "stealing" her idea? Same thing happens occasionally when I read other blog posts. It sparks a similar idea for me, but I certainly don't want to plagiarize. Where is the line?

Basically, I say it's all good. Yes, we women and mothers feel and think many of the same things, so I think it's impossible for us not to echo each other a bit. I think the way it should work is that YOU put YOUR own PERSONAL spin on a topic. That's the whole point of blogging, isn't it, to share YOUR perspective? Also, I think it's OK (even right) to mention the post that sparked the idea, or go to that blogger and say, "I'm planning to blog something similar, great minds think alike!"

Now let me just say that I am not sitting here up on some high horse about this. I'm not 100% perfect. But I absolutely do these things on some level. You probably do too. If there is something you've been overlooking, just step it up a little.

Also, remember that no one is a perfect person. If you feel that someone has been rude to you, I think you should give the benefit of the doubt at first. They could have gotten distracted by a kid just as they were going to tweet back to you. Or they did read your post but their comment got eaten. If a lack of good manners continues, then maybe they're not all that worried about their bloggy karma and it's fine if you just move on.

Is there anything you would add on this topic?

Year in Review: January, February, March

I am ALWAYS late to the party!

Apparently there's been this Review Extravaganza thing going on for THREE years but I'm just finding out about it now. In the fourth year.

Lots of us bloggers like to take a look back over the year. It's one of the best things about blogging, having a record RIGHT HERE of your life.

So! The way the Review Extravaganza works is by focusing on three months of the year at a time over the four weeks of December.

January

The very first thing I got to do in 2013 was write a guest post for Shell's "Things They Can't Say" series. It was about judging poverty and the the assumptions people make. I was pretty proud of it.

Our year started off right with a visit from Mark's mom and niece. It was so nice to spend time with family that had nothing to do with a hospital stay. The kids loved hanging with their big cousin!

I decided to share how I finally kicked my own butt into getting back into shape and be healthier. I really think it's something you can only do for yourself.

So I was all GO ME with the exercise stuff, but also struggling with some confusing feelings because I felt like people were handling me with kid gloves.

My little boy turned SEVEN and I told you about his birth story, which I had never done before.

And then after much himming and hawing, I chose a word for 2013: Hope. Did you choose a word for the year?

February

I dealt with some lingering anger over my husband's hospital stay in 2012, didn't make much sense and had to write a post script because I had a light bulb moment.

I hosted a little Valentine's Day link-up, told you what it's like to be visually impaired, suggested maybe I'm not really all that worthy of admiration and made a list of things I have buyer's remorse over.

March

Oh boy, March was a big revelations month when a lot of the things I had been talking about with my therapist started to really click.

On the first, I put my foot down, insisting that the day meant nothing. The day being the anniversary of Mark's arrhythmia.

I went on to list 10 reasons I have to be proud of myself, while also ruminating on feeling both strong and fragile at the same time.

I then asserted that this is MY path, wrote a letter to my annoying inner child and outlined all the reasons I am MORE than any one thing.

It was all kind of heavy!

On the lighter side of life, I listed 10 reasons why procrastination isn't the worst thing in the world and 11 awesome things about my husband.

AND, I wrote a guest post for The Robot Mommy that I like SO MUCH and sorta wish I had written for myself!

The View From Here: Promises, Promises

The View for this first week of December (hello!) is from someone who isn't actually a blogger (yet), although she does write a regular column called "Triple Threat"
for the Capital District Parent Pages.

Like me, her name is Jennifer and is almost 40.

Unlike me, she lives in Albany, New York and has triplets!

She uses her BS in Community and Human Services as a
personal "social worker" for her family.

I'm not sure how she found me, but I'm glad she did, because she is a very interactive follower and that always makes things more fun. Her words below resonate loudly with me.

__________

Promises, Promises
By Jennifer F. Steuer

I am weird. Well, no kidding! Aren’t we all? We each have our own idiosyncrasies and secret hopes for our futures. My biggest hope is that my children will be everything and anything that they want to be. I hope they will be happy and loved. My hope is that they will love and make others happy. I hope that all of my children can be authentic and true to themselves.

One of my biggest (and quite possibly best) idiosyncrasies centers around two little words, one phrase, eight letters. This tiny phrase can seal a relationship forever or doom it for all eternity. In two words you can deliver the moon to your child or destroy the center of a lover’s universe. Eight letters—half of them vowels, can stand between you and bliss or between you and the brightest smile on your child’s face.

I promise.

In a society that once believed in one’s word being their bond, we now let ‘I promise’ roll off our tongues without a second thought. The consequences of breaking a promise can be devastating.

When I was five years old and in kindergarten, my teacher promised us that on the very last day of the school year she would wear her hair down. She would free it from the bun and snood she wore everyday in an effort to beat the summer type weather found in Hawaii. The heat only got more intense as the days flowed in to one another as I waited to see my teacher’s hair. She promised the class. Thirty-five years later I can still remember the confusion I felt when I saw her hair piled high on her head on the last day of school.

The words can be spoken so quickly, so eagerly and so convincingly that both parties believe in this promise. My children know that I do not make promises, I believe in the power of my words. I believe that should I utter the words of a promise to my child I am bound to the words. My word is my bond. Children have this innate ability to understand ‘I promise’ and if I add to the vow ‘that I will be home before bedtime’ I have opened up a chance to disappoint. There are just too many variables: my car could break down, not start, a road could be closed, my child could fall asleep early, not go to bed, or the world could end. I would have broken my promise. ‘I promise that I will take you to the park after school’is fraught with potential heartbreak as well. ‘I promise you can watch Arthur this afternoon’—I can have every intention of letting them watch their beloved PBS show, it just is not in my power to control when the power goes out, PBS does not air Arthur that day or maybe the television was stolen. I wish the television would be stolen most days!

Promising my children anything is almost enough to make me physically ill with worry. I worry that I will not be able to make my promise, my word, a reality for them. The kids know how I feel about promises and for them this works right now. They know that if they were to make a promise they must be willing to move heaven and earth to fulfill their promises.

My unspoken promises are vows to myself about my family. Being pregnant with higher order multiples (triplets) makes you think, makes you beg and makes you promise over and over that you will do anything for the babies to be born healthy and safely. When seeking help to get pregnant I made a solemn vow to love the child God entrusted me with and to raise my child with a strong moral and ethical character. The thought was to have one baby…then there were three!

When it was discovered that we had beat the 4% odds of all three babies ‘sticking’ to me and then the 8% chance of all three babies living through the pregnancy, delivery and 40 days in the NICU, I promised each child a lifetime of love, good education and a future fit for a king and two queens. Or at least a few hot meals, lots of books and warm beds.

No. I do not promise anything. I do not accept promises either. I do not want to hurt anyone and I do not want to open myself up to be hurt. You see, part of me is still that little girl waiting for the last day of school to see her teacher’s hair and I do not want my kids to be thinking back over their lives and remember how I broke a promise that meant so much to them.

And really, do I need to add anything else to discuss with their therapists when they grow up? I don’t think so!

__________

I must say, I feel the same. This philosophy is the same reason I dislike trying to answer questions about where I think I'll be in 5 or 10 years, or what my goals are. For me, it's due to being married to someone with chronic illness. I never know when some medical crisis might totally derail us from plans we had, or even that my husband just maybe doesn't feel well enough to go somewhere. I rarely tell my kids we're doing something until the day of, so as not to disappoint them in the event it doesn't happen. Sometimes I think it might make me look wishy-washy, but it's not that at all. I'm trying not to be flaky. Don't want to promise anyone anything I'm not certain I can deliver.

So thank you very much for this, Jenn. I feel ya!

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