January 25, 2018

Falling in Love Again

A very surprising thing happened to me three months ago; I fell in love again.

I know, right!?

I say "again" because it is comparable to what I had with my late husband. If it wasn't, I wouldn't say again. Because the time, love and commitment that Mark and I shared set the bar high for me.

It's surprising because, although I was actively dating, I wasn't meeting men who were love and relationship material. Also, I sincerely didn't expect to find what many widows call their "chapter two".

But I think I have.

"After only three months, Jen?", you're probably thinking.

Yes.


Here's the deal: I know a good thing when I see it. I know how it feels to love and be loved well. I'm in my 40s, have been through some stuff (obviously) and know what I want.

This Sweet Man (what I call him) fits the bill for me. Like, so much!

After everything I went through with Mark, I didn't think I'd want or be ready for another committed relationship for a long time. There was no denying the energy and subsequent connection between me and Sweet Man*, however.

We are SO into each other. You'd probably think it's disgusting.

We have a connection, a rapport,  chemistry and a ton in common, and anything we don't have in common is minor. Becoming involved in each other's lives has been effortless. We're just very compatible.

***


For the past several years I have chosen a word for the new year versus resolutions. I always know what my word will be by sometime in December, and this year was no exception. There was no other word it could be than LOVE.

I'm full of it, I know! Full of LOVE, that is. *snort

Seriously, though. That's what I do: I love. I have a strong mind, but I am ultimately ruled by my heart.

So why not go for it? Don't be afraid. Just jump in and LOVE.

It's the way I'm wired. Apparently.

***

The most fantastic thing about loving Sweet Man is that it's 100% reciprocated. I am so grateful to have someone who CARES about ME in my everyday life.

We are both grateful. We're in love and happy and we're not screwing around.

Life is too short to not just grab onto the good things that come your way and ENJOY them!


*Not referring to him by his name here because he tends to be more guarded about sharing the details of his life on the Internet, and I respect that.

October 16, 2017

An Open Letter to Those Who Would Judge a Widow

Dear Random Dude on a Dating Site,

You saw my online dating profile and decided to message me. You must have thought I was cute or liked something I wrote in my bio.

Everything started out just fine; your standard introductory small talk. Then you asked how dating has been going for me. I answer and ask the same of you. You ask what I'm looking for. I say that I'm dating and hoping to find someone to have a relationship with.

Then you say, "You must not have loved your husband very much."

What?!?

September 26, 2017

This Shit is Real

"How are you?"

"I'm good", "I'm fine" or "I'm OK" are the standard answers, whether true or not.

I say them all the time. Partly because there are things I feel like I shouldn't -- or don't want to -- admit.

You know, things that could make me look vulnerable or weak.


Because I pride myself on being a strong person. I've earned it.

But you know what? I still have feelings. And sometimes my feelings get hurt, or weird and hard to understand.

August 25, 2017

9 Musings on Grief

1. I fucking hate grief.

2. It adds insult to injury because you're forced to lose someone you love, which rips your heart out and throws it onto the floor.

3. Totally exposed, raw and sensitive.

August 11, 2017

The Evolution of a New Widow

My husband died 15 months ago and there have been many changes. Some days I feel like that's what my life is now: change.

I'm doing really well. So are my kids.

We've been through the gambit of grief emotions, of course. It's interesting to me to note, though, that I haven't experienced much anger.

June 24, 2017

What I've Been Doing Instead of Writing

I have been uncharacteristically quiet since my husband's death a little over a year ago.

This post just might be a figment of your imagination....

So what have I been doing instead of writing?

Honestly, binge-watching ALL THE SHOWS, and some grief nesting.

"Grief nesting", as I call it, began the very night Mark passed away when I came home from the hospital, took one look at his glucometer and meds, and threw them all in the trash.