June 24, 2017

What I've Been Doing Instead of Writing

I have been uncharacteristically quiet since my husband's death a little over a year ago.

This post just might be a figment of your imagination....

So what have I been doing instead of writing?

Honestly, binge-watching ALL THE SHOWS, and some grief nesting.

"Grief nesting", as I call it, began the very night Mark passed away when I came home from the hospital, took one look at his glucometer and meds, and threw them all in the trash.

Over the following weeks and months, I went through all of his personal belongs and other medical supplies. I gave away most everything. I found new places for things we were keeping and filled a "Mark keepsakes" box.

I set about making the house ours, without many of the accommodations Mark needed, and I slowly transformed our bedroom into my bedroom. Family and friends pitched in with some needed repairs and improvements.

But the binge-watching....seriously, you guys, it became my grief therapy. Not only has it allowed me to escape like all entertainment does, but it also cheers me up when I need it, and helps me cry, often when I don't even know I need to.

I finished -- or got caught up on -- shows I hadn't had the time or opportunity to before Mark died, such as True Blood, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and Doctor Who. I rewatched the entire 10 years of Friends with my kids. I have subscriptions to Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime, so I've been bouncing around between the three watching season after season of any show that caught my interest or I heard good things about.

I am a HUGE fan of historical fiction so I'm surprised the one thing I haven't watched is The Tudors for what would be the fourth time. But I did watch Marco Polo, Vikings, The Crown, Victoria, Call the Midwife, Good Girls Revolt (which I'm very sad is canceled) and some of Rome, but I'm not super into it. I'm currently watching Mr. Selfridge.

I had a blanket to crochet and I really wanted to try an actual pattern, so I decided it was time to listen to a book instead of watching something (so as to better pay attention to my crocheting). I chose Outlander.....and then I watched the series.

I got into a murdery phase watching The Fall, The Killing, Broadchurch and River, With my son I've seen all four of Netflix's Marvel shows. I also watched Stanger Things with my kids and we're all big fans of Supernatural.

No, I haven't gotten out much. But I'm also not spending all day watching TV. Promise. I can't. It's actually a hang-up I have. All I ever watch during the day is the previous night's episode of The Daily Show while I eat lunch.

Some might think this sounds like burying one's head in the sand. I don't see it that way. Like I said previously, this has been my form of therapy for the past year. Stories. Immersing myself in examples of other life stories makes me feel things. Lots of things.

I do want to to get back into blogging, though, so when I saw the Finish the Sentence Friday prompt "When I Can't Write...", I figured it was the perfect opportunity to confess my bingey behavior.

What have you been binging on lately?

image source

May 12, 2017

One Year Since My Husband Died

The first anniversary of my husband's death has arrived.

You knew there would have to be a post, right?

A year is a funny thing. Funny strange, not funny haha. It doesn't seem like time is flying by every day, but one always does that oh gosh, a whole year already? thing when looking back on it.

As with every other "first" over this last year, I've had no idea what I would feel as each one came up. I've never done this before, the grieving process. Not really. While other people I've known have died, no one I loved as much as Mark has. Not only that, but I'm aware that people have such varying experiences with grief; it's not one-size-fits-all.

April 30, 2017

7 Year Blogiversary

This humble, little space on the web is seven years old today.

This blog and I have been through a lot together. From knowing absolutely nothing when I set it up, to blogging like a fiend about a lot of dumb things, to finding my focus, to life getting more intense and time-consuming, to quiet introspection.

March 13, 2017

10 Months Since My Husband Died

I had a string of things happen last week that jabbed at my heart and my brain (and exhausted me) to the point that I'm certain the Universe was trying to validate something I was mulling over.

You know how women have been particularly pissed off since last November, to the point that there was the biggest protest EVER the day after the inauguration? Then, last Wednesday was International Women's Day, when women were encouraged to participate in "A Day Without a Woman".

This isn't really about that. Per se.

January 12, 2017

8 Months Since My Husband Died & One Word for 2017

The song "Take it All" by the amazing Adele is one that speaks to me as I journey through the grief process.

Actually, it spoke to me even before Mark passed away. Probably because I knew he was going to (have to) leave me. I've really been grieving for, like two and a half years.

The lyrics are most obviously about a break-up. My husband and I didn't break up, but I've always thought that many love/break-up songs can easily be applied to other circumstances; felt in other ways, for other reasons.

December 16, 2016

Uncle John's Flippin' Fantastic Chocolate Chip Cookies

It is the Holiday season and regardless of anything else going on in the world, the Holidays call for cookies!

Although I fell in love with these chocolate chip cookies a few years ago, I only got my hands on the recipe about a year ago.

You see, I am a connoisseur of chocolate chip cookies. They are my favoritest kind of cookie. In my opinion, the best chocolate chip cookie is slightly crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside. Also, not little. A small cookie is just annoying.

This recipe delivers.