I Am More

Over the last several weeks I have written and published some pretty heavy and/or meaningful posts.

Each one serves to take whatever weight the subject matter was placing on me off, or at least lift it for a time.

But I have to admit, I'm so tired of the heaviness right about now. Tired of feeling so serious all the time.

Tired of my issues. My circumstances. My anxiety.

Tired.

That is not all there is to me, to being me. I am so much more than my husband's health problems, my anxieties or my bad eyes.

I am a mom of two great kids whom I love with everything in me. They are the lights of my life. They can be very annoying and difficult, but they make everything better. They give me reason and purpose, strength and resilience, laughter and hope. It is my greatest joy to be their mother.

I am a daughter who loves her parents very much. I hate the distance (two states) between my mom and I, but am so grateful to have my dad close. Close geographically and in my heart.

I am the kind of friend who feels like her girlfriends are the sisters she never had. I would do anything I could for them. Sometimes it bothers me and hurts my heart so much that I am limited in what I can and can't do for others.

I am a wife with a fantastic husband! Our marriage is made up of so much more than our struggles. We will be married 15 years this July and I am very proud of that. So grateful that we will be able to celebrate that day, that milestone. He makes me crazy some days, but to say I am "thankful" Mark is still on this earth with me is a gross understatement.

I am so much more than my fears and anxieties. I am able to see the beauty around me, find joy in the littlest of things. I feel with my whole heart, even for total strangers I hear about on TV or read about on a blog. I have hobbies, watch TV, see movies, listen to music. I covet comfort.

I am proud of myself for doing the work I need to do on myself. So I can be the best version of me possible.

But it's hard work and I know I will need to write about it more. Even if I think I don't want to. Which is how I feel right now.

I just don't want to be seen as someone who is constantly struggling, always heavy and burdened. Because that's only part of my truth, not my WHOLE truth.

I am becoming more.