15 Quotes on Grieving

Two years ago this month I shared nine quotes I liked that had to do with grief.

I had felt grief, but it was naive grief, I believe. On the periphery, if you will. Before I had lost one of the most important people I will ever have in my life.

The quotes I shared before are fine. Good, actually. I mean, anything Elizabeth Kubler-Ross has said is excellent.

But there are several more that have touched my heart since my husband died, that truly resonate. That I have found and shared randomly but wanted to compile  and elaborate on.

For me specifically, my children have "mom's sad" radar and get very concerned and want to make it better. It's sweet, but also a little stifling in that it makes me feel like I can't fully openly grieve around them.

I'm Less Important Than Everyone Else

I have always felt like my needs/wants/desires have been less important than anyone else's.

No, really.

Kind of odd for an only child, wouldn't you say? (Only children are generally characterized as a bit on the "it's all about me" side.)

Marrying the man I did doesn't help.

10 Things I Don't Do Anymore

I used to complete one load of laundry at a time. From sort to wash and dry, to fold and put away. I didn't start another one unless I fully intended to finish it.

And then I discovered how easy it is to let clean clothes sit in the basket. Until tomorrow. Or the next day. Or even until I need the basket again. Because sometimes, someone needs some clean clothes, but then shit happens and they don't get put away.

It's called prioritizing! There are more important things, you know?

The other day I was eyeing two baskets of clean clothes in my and Hubs' closet. One his, the other mine.

I thought, I should get that stuff put away. I even started to do it.

But then I dropped the shirt I was about to hang up and thought, you know what? Screw this. I don't need to do it right now.

41 Things I've Learned in 41 Years

Today is my 41st birthday.

I didn't !! that sentence because, meh. Forty-one just isn't sexy.

Although, I have a friend who thinks it's the bee's knees. She's not here yet and is hoping to have life a lot more figured out by 41.

I told her I think maybe I have it at least half figured out. Also, that some of us are late bloomers. I say that because I think I should have learned more by now. Slowly but surely...

You wanna know what I've learned in my 41 years? Here ya go!

It's Not ALL About Me

A couple of weeks ago, right before my husband's recent hospital stay, we had an appointment with his vascular surgeon. He scheduled another procedure for Mark, an angiogram of his right leg, which he never actually ended up having....

But that's not really what I want to talk about.

After seeing the doctor and talking with him about the nasty sore Mark has on his right heel, and what it might mean if we can't get it to heal, that this is another thing, something changed for me.

It has been coming over time, with each new ordeal that crops up in Mark's chronic illness journey....

That he and I are on two SEPARATE paths. Two different journeys.

The View From Here: Battle Scars

This week I bring you Suheiry's View.

It's pronounced "sue-Hay-dee". It's Spanish.

She is a Freelance Writer and Lifestyle Blogger with degrees in English and Fashion Design.

Suheiry like's pretty things, but she talks here about something not so pretty: scars.

__________

Battle Scars

I have a 20-year old scar on my left knee that looks like a blurred map of the world. When I was 10 years old, I fell while jumping rope. I remember getting up, blood dripping down my knees, and walking back home. I remember my mother's anger, which I now realize masked the initial panic of seeing your child covered in blood. I remember her cleaning up my wounds and then telling me I couldn't go back outside. I remember crying and begging to go back outside. It was still early, and I felt fine.

When You're Absolutely 100% Just DONE with a Relationship

I have had a very, shall we say, rocky relationship with the woman who was my step-mother for about 30 years.

She came into my life when I was around five and a half, not long after my parents separated. She moved in with us (my father retained custody of me) and I think things were OK, for a little while at least.

As time went on, she was pretty hard on me, even though I was a very good kid, by all accounts. She expected me to love and appreciate her automatically, pushing her boundaries as my dad's girlfriend (and eventually wife) to the point of trying to take my mother's place. This was a sore spot for her, but it wasn't our only problem. It was certainly no reason to treat me the way she often did.

Spooked Ya

Fairy tale books and fantasy-filled movies feed a child‘s imagination.

Mostly fanciful. A touch frightening.

We assume it’s innocent.

Halfway through 2014: My One Word Check-Up

BRAVE.

That's my "one word" for this year. I didn't choose it; it just is. It had to be. I was time.

So how am I doing with being brave?

Mostly I think I'm doing well. Sort of I think I can be braver.

The View From Here: He is Not Me

The week's View comes from Kristin Shaw of Two Cannoli.
She is a freelance writer, wife, and "mama to a mini-Texan".

She is also a highly respected blogger who has been chosen as a Babble Top 100, and she was recognized as Type-A: We Still Blog awards finalist. She was a 2013 cast member and 2014 co-producer of the Listen To Your Mother show in Austin. She was recently named a BlogHer Voice of the Year reader for 2014, and she writes for the Huffington Post.

Phew! I am very pleased to have Kristin here today, with something I for sure can relate to.

Hindsight

If I could go back in time....

I would never start biting my nails.

I would have made sure that car door was closed all the way so I didn't roll out and get a big lump on my head.

I wouldn't let my friend Shelley push me away in 6th grade.

I would visit my dad as often as I visited my mom before I moved in with her, and do better at staying connected to his side of my family.

I would not let certain people in my life ever make me feel less than.

Slowly But Surely

I am nearly 40 years old. I have a little countdown widget over in the sidebar.

It wasn't until right around the time I was turning 39, that a switch finally flipped inside me.

You know the one.

It's the one that has to do with your self-esteem, having a pretty good idea of who you are and what matters to you, and feeling comfortable in your own skin. The one where, once finally switched on, lets you feel your self-worth, lets you know that you matter.

Yeah, that one.

I tell people all the time when describing my daughter that she'll get there, slowly but surely. I've always thought this has to do with having ADHD, that she's constantly getting distracted and is rarely in any great hurry to do anything.

But maybe it has nothing to do with ADHD. I don't have it, and never did, yet I am now thinking the same thing about myself.

I'll get there.....eventually.

Being that I'm one to ask why, I asked myself, "So Jen, why do you think it's taken you so long to feel good about yourself, and have a little more confidence?"

Light bulb!

I think it has to do with meeting my husband at only 20 years old.

Not that Mark has ever done anything to make me feel less than. He is a wonderful man, has loved me well for nearly half of my life. He is a great husband.

However.....

I think attaching myself to another person -- THE person -- at such a young age, made it more difficult for me to discover who I am as an individual.

Not only that, but all of the trauma we've endured together has served to make us each quite damaged in our own ways.

I would in no way take back anything about my relationship with my husband. I've said it before, and I'll say it until the day I die, Mark is the great love of my life. We met when we met; there's no changing that.

I'm just saying that I think when you become part of a couple -- and I didn't see it before now -- there is indeed a tradeoff. You get to go through life with someone you love and who loves you back, but maybe it then takes longer than it might if you were single, to find out who just YOU are.

I was such a control freak in the beginning with Mark. I had to be a part of everything he was involved in. I had to go to every single appointment and know and manage ALL THE THINGS. Mark isn't a control freak, so he let me. I think he also didn't mind the help.

Then I became a mother and had to let Mark take care of his own self more. Then lots of big, scary things happened to Mark and I was forced to see that there's nothing I can do about it. No amount of control freak will fix his health problems. I had to accept that I actually have no control.

As it turns out, learning that lesson was liberating. And then blogging. And then therapy. Oh, the things I've learned!

I found my way to a place -- fighting tooth and nail with myself the whole way -- where, even though I am still married and in love with my husband and he still has health problems....I'm still a mom, still have these people who need me and expect things of me....I am also ME. Jennifer. Jen. Jenni. Mrs. Dancing in the Rain.

It feels good. But man, it was slow!

I can't say I'm not a little disappointed in myself for letting it take so long. I also can't say I am suddenly devoid of insecurities. My eyes will always be a stumbling block for me. Regularly needing to ask others for help when Mark is in the hospital or something, will continue to give me a complex.

Nor am I claiming to have found the magic formula for attaining balance. That is something that each of us has to look for every day. It changes what it looks like every single day.

Perhaps this is a cautionary tale. Maybe what I'm trying to impart here is that no matter who or what are factors in our lives, we must still find a way to be who we are. To figure that out. To embrace it.

And if we can do that, even if it comes about slowly, surely it will.

The View From Here: Standing Alone

My good bloggy friend, Leslie Botchar aka RoryBore of Time Out For Mom
is here with this week's View.

Les makes me love her because she seems to GET me. That, and she is smart and wise and spiritual.

She is someone I have come to respect.

I don't really want to say very much; I'd rather let her speak for herself.

__________

First, a big thank you to Jennifer for including me in her wonderful The View From Here series. It’s been a great privilege to read all the posts so far. It’s a fabulous thing you have done in creating this space for us to share our stories.

Standing Alone

"Being good is hard.....and lonely."

This was not exactly the talk I expected to have with my son on his birthday.

Yet, truth.   It's not such a bad gift.

This is going to be one of those hard conversations. The ones parents stay up late at night fretting and sweating over.

How do you explain to a 9 year old,  often what a person does/says to you; says more about them, than it does about you? How do you help them understand the reasons behind all the "No's?"

No, we don't do that in our house.

No, we don't talk like that in our house.

No, that is not an activity we will be doing in this house.

No, that TV show/movie/game/music is not appropriate in our home.

Different homes have different rules.   That's okay. As long as we all respect and support one another along the way.

I admit though - I struggle.

Is it really fair of me to expect my son to stand up to all the boys who would tease him: for the personal choices his parents have made for him?

It's not a judgement on other parents. If you think it's fine for your 9 year old to have horror movie parties; that is your decision. Personally? Freddy Krueger stills scares the crap out of me at 40 something. Thus, I see no need to expose my son to that kind of gore and violence at this time in his life. (Please, I beg of you though:  don’t ever let the words “we just won’t tell your mom” pass your lips.  Not Cool, WannaBeCool Parent.)

If he chooses differently later; that's his decision. But for now, it's my job to guard his little eyes and ears. They already hear so much that they should not.

"Why are some kids so mean?"

Well.....that is the million dollar question. I don't know the scientific answer to that son. I can only share what life has taught me.

People are mean because it is easier.

It's easier to spit names like "chicken" - "pussy" at others; then to explain why you are threatened. Or that boundaries are necessary. Especially if you are too young to understand that you actually do want them. In fact - you crave them. And no one is giving you any. Sometimes all that conflict just churns around and causes turmoil, and I guess there is no other option of how to vent it.

It's a whole lot easier to stand there and put someone else down - than fix yourself. I generally find those who are mean, don't like themselves very much. And they especially hate those who DO have confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes when you are strong - you are also a target. That's a fact of life that just sucks. I agree with you there.

It's easier to just go with the crowd  - then to stand up for what you believe. Because who wants to wander the playground alone? One day you will figure out what a true friend is. Until then, sometimes it is better to be alone and be right -- than to stand in the crowd for all the wrong reasons.

Empathy.

Sorry dear boy -- but you will have to learn this. It will serve you well. Especially in those moments when you would prefer to Lash Out (because, easier!). Always remember, you do not know the entirety of another's story: It is sometimes not about you at all. Showing compassion is not a weakness.

I’m also sorry, that these lessons may not seem to serve you right now. When the battlefield is in the place where you should be learning and playing. All I can say is: Some fears you face. Like bullies. That's a good place to start. You will encounter them your entire life. That’s another truth the sucks.

Other fears, you just turn your back and walk away. They aren't real! In walking away; they lose their power, and thus any grip on your life. This also works really well with bullies. A bully craves the attention most of all. Don't feed the trolls son - trust mama on that one.

Life is pretty easy, when there are no rules to follow, and nothing to stand for; or against. That does not require any strength – just an ability to follow. No questions asked, or you might no longer be welcomed as one of the pack. And you absolutely should question THAT.

The route you choose absolutely matters. Perhaps when it seems no one is going your way, you will have to lead. You may be the one to start a brand new path. It will probably be hard. Not much fun at first. But you will feel Good About You.  

Which is Entirely Worth Something

It has value! And most of that value will be found within yourself. It will start like a tiny acorn, but if you protect it -- it will grow like a mighty oak inside you. This oak will be your Tree of Confidence! It's roots are forming even now. They will allow you to Stand Firm! This is what adults mean when we say things like "A Strong Foundation."

You may not understand or even believe me now, but this is how you will grow into a man defined by his own set of standards and values; and not by anothers' opinion of him. This.Is.Important.

For now, it is my job to guide you in this. To help you become a man of character. To stand strong in your Faith.

That is why there are "No's."

There will be a lot of times when you are tested. When you are tempted. A lot of times that you will fail to stand. This is okay. Even adults falter.

Again, why do we fall?

So that we can learn to get back up again.

Courage is not the absence of fear --- it is going forward even when we are afraid.

And son, you have one thing you never, ever need fear:

You are never alone.

__________

Such a good lesson. Such a good mom!

I told you she's great.

Please leave Les some love here and then visit her:

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**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

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10 Things I Learned on a Cruise

So.....I was going to try to write up a complete recap of the cruise I got to take with my BFF, but....I still had so many pictures to go through and fiddle with, not to mention actual real life stuff to take care of, so I just couldn't get it together yesterday.

But!

On the last night of the cruise, while drinking and singing with Marty in the piano bar, I wrote, on little sheets of paper with a short pencil, a list of....

What I Learned When I Took a Cruise

1. Wearing a dress is actually kind of nice - I must admit, I was comfortable, and now I think I should start looking at dresses more when I'm shopping, rather than dismissing them altogether.

2. Putting on make-up and playing with my hair is fun, not dumb - I totally complained about having to get dressed up one night, but I ended up enjoying it.

3. Being friendly with complete strangers isn't that hard - just say "Hi" and smile!

4. Piano bars are cool - it was so much fun!

5. Being cut off from communication is totally OK - like, so OK, that I braced myself for being reconnected.

6. Maybe I should indeed carry bloggy business cards - a couple of our dinner table mates noticed JHo and I taking pictures of our food and said something like, "what, are you going to blog about this?", and we were all, "yes, actually!", and then they were intrigued and asked all kinds of questions and wanted to know where to find us and stuff.

7. Visiting Mexico is not scary, and actually quite nice - we weren't accosted or mugged or offered drugs or anything like that. I think they LIKE when tourists come and spend their money. Go figure.

8. JHo can name that tune like a mad woman - we're talking at the piano bar and elsewhere, regular songs and TV theme songs. Learned something new about my friend!

9. It might be the motion of the ocean AND the size of the boat that matters - when it comes to motion sickness, that is. Yeah, JHo go a bit green around the gills, poor thing. And, I didn't think a three day cruise would mean I would still be feeling the effects throughout the following day after leaving. Dizzy, off balance spells galore.

10. If everything could run as efficiently as a cruise ship, life would be so much less frustrating - Seriously, they know what the heck they're doing and they do it well.

OK, I am going to write more about all of this. I hope you want to hear it!

Being a Grown-Up

My eight year old son has asked, "What's it like to be a grown-up?", of me a couple of times recently.

I think he's asked more than once because he's not satisfied with my answers.

Because, how do you describe it? More specifically, how do you describe it without sounding a little embittered?

I said to AJ:

• Adults have to make money, clean and cook and pay bills
• We have to take care of kids
• Grown-ups have LOTS of responsibilities
• But, we don't have to live with our parents anymore
• Don't have to ask for permission to do or have things
• Can stay up as late as we want and eat whatever we want

But when I think more about it, I could also say:

• Adults who are married, and especially married with children, DO have to ask for permission to do or have things, or we just don't bother to ask because we put our kids' needs ahead of our own
• As you get older you find that you don't want to, or shouldn't, stay up real late or you'll be so tired the next day
• Also as you get older, it is not a good idea to eat whatever you want because your metabolism slows down and you'll get fat, not to mention things like cholesterol and high blood pressure

Further, the most unexpected part of being a grown-up is that I didn't even feel like an actual adult grown-up until I turned 30.

Even though I was married at 24 and became a mom at 26, I still felt like I was 18, maybe 21 at the most.

Before moving back to Washington, we lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. A defining moment in my life was a short encounter I had with a teenager on a BART platform. I was waiting there for my train with my baby in her stroller. This kid walks up to me and asks, "Do you have the time, ma'am?"

I told him the time, he said thanks and walked away. As I watched him go back to his friends, it hit me that they don't see me as one of them. Not even remotely.

I wasn't a kid anymore.

As impressionable of a moment that was, I still didn't feel like I was that far removed from them. Sure, I was a little older, married with a child and a job and bills and all that, but I was still only in my 20s and kind of felt like I was just playing house.

They -- I mean "they" -- say that 30, 40, 50....are milestone years. You change and grow around these ages. It's totally true.

Thirty came and I was all, "I am officially an adult now." No two ways about it and no turning back. I honestly didn't know if I was happy or sad that I had reached that place in my life.

Ten years later, as I approach 40, I am, for the most part, happy about it.

My 30s have taught me A LOT, and I expect my 40s will too.

What I should probably say to my son about being a grown-up is that....it's a journey. A winding, twisty, sometimes uphill path through experiences, emotions and lessons. Often adulthood is mundane, but sometimes it's exciting. It is also surprising. And if you stay open to whatever life throws at you, the more you will get out of it and enjoy it.

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it!


*I wrote this to finish the sentence: "The most unexpected part of being a grown-up is...", thought up by Left Brain Buddha for Finish the Sentence Friday.

Things I Learned When Changing the Name of My Blog

The number one thing I learned when I changed my blog's name is that it is better to make this decision as early on in your blogging career as you can.

That would be ideal. However, if you decide you really want to do it at any point, here is what I learned when I did it at three and a half years in.

1. I will mention doing things 'ahead of time' so I want to touch on what I mean by that.

For me, the inspiration to change the name of my blog hit and I wanted very badly to JUST DO IT. When I'm excited about something I get very antsy. I took a breath, and Googled "changing the name of your blog" and read some advice on the subject, all of which told me to warn my readers first. It makes sense. As it turns out, it was really fun getting people excited about the change along with me.

I posted about my plan to make the change. Then I gave everyone a clue as to what the name would be and asked them to throw out guesses (which I apparently made way too easy). A week later, I made the change and posted about the big reveal.

Lesson: Don't be impulsive, Plan and plot the change, pacing not only yourself, but your readers too.

2. You absolutely want to set your old URL to redirect to your new one. (If you also change your URL) You have put links to your site all over the place through blog hops, social media, applying for brand opportunities, on Pinterest.... If someone clicks on an old link and it goes nowhere? Oh how sad!

For me, this was kind of complicated because I had purchased my first URL through Blogger (Google) and when I renewed it the next year, Google did it through eNom. It took some hunting around to figure this out, and then I had to contact eNom for help with setting up the redirect. The complications of this were compounded by ME purchasing my NEW URL from GoDaddy. However, eNom were awesome about helping me.

Lesson: You should be in control of your URL(s) at all times.

3. Still on the subject of your URL(s), in hindsight, I wish I had decided to change mine more than two months before my old one was set to expire. Due to some still unknown to me problem with Google, I wasn't able to renew the old one for another year like I had wanted to.

However, thankfully, I had worked hard on updating my URL everywhere I came across a place to do so, including updating Pins when I noticed them being re-pinned a lot.

Lesson: Think ahead. And again, control of your URL(s).

4. Figure out what size you want/need your header to be and make it IN THAT SIZE. Don't make it in one size and expect it to look good if you resize later. I made this mistake and didn't notice at first that by the time I got my header sized correctly, it was also blurry. I had to make a brand new one.

In Blogger, you can go into your Template settings and see what your blog width is set at (and change it if you wish). I don't know if this is the case on other blogging platforms. Knowing your width can help you narrow down how wide your header should be. As long as you're close, you can do a LITTLE resizing without ruining the quality of your image.

Obviously, this is a tip for DIY blog designers. My header dimensions are 1140x321, and I used PicMonkey with some free clip art I found to make it.

Lesson: You probably won't get your header just right on the first try. Be patient.

5. Somehow, the HTML code for a new blog button became a challenge. I made a new image, uploaded it to Photobucket, grabbed the direct link and copied it into the code I had for my old button, and it didn't work. I still have no idea why, but I found this site which is a Grab My Button Code Generator.

Lesson: Even if something should be a no-brainer, it might not be. Because technology.

6. Beyond your blog, there is social media. If you're like me and a bit anal about all your social media images matching, make them (or have them ready) before you officially make the changes to your blog. I was able to find the exact sizes for the various social media cover images (not profile photos):

• Facebook: 851x315
• Twitter: 1252x626
• Google+: it was 2120x1192, and you can still get away with this because it's still a 16:9 ratio, but it appears smaller now. Minimum image SIZE is currently 480x270.
• YouTube: 2560x423 (total size), 1546x423 (always visible)

I made all my new images ahead of time so that once the change was official, I simply went to each of my social media channels and uploaded my new images, easy-peasy. No delay or confusion for your followers. It's all streamlined and changed at once.

Lesson: Trust me, it is a big relief when it all flows nicely.

7. If you have greater than 200 likes on your current Facebook page, chances are Facebook won't want to let you change the name of that page and you will need to start from scratch if you want your blog and Facebook page names to match. I mean, why wouldn't you? This is a big bummer, but still doable.

After you mourn the loss of your current page, set up a new page and start bugging suggesting to your current Facebook following to like the new page. I explained the situation and I had many go right away to my new page. My old Facebook is actually still up, three months after the fact, because I was involved in a long campaign when I made the changes. I will unpublish it after I get paid for that.

I made the change in October but continued to share my new blog posts, with my new Facebook page tagged, to my old page through the end of the year.

Don't forget to plug your new Facebook link into your follow buttons widget/gadget in your sidebar. I decided to go one step further in advertising my new page by installing a widget that pops up in the middle of the screen after a reader has been here for 30 seconds, suggesting that they like my Facebook page. I found this at TheBlogWidgets.com. I'm happy to report that likes on my Dancing in the Rain page have surpassed my old page likes!

Lesson: There are things about Facebook that suck, but it's still worth it to go through the effort because interactions there can be pretty great.

8. One word: Pinterest. You have been going through the extra step of including a pinnable image in every post. Pinterest is the hottest thing since sliced bread, so people are re-pinning your posts. There's nothing you can do about the fact that your previous images have your old blog name or URL watermarked on them, but you can go in and edit pins with the updated URL. I'm not doing this for every single pin; just the ones that are getting attention. It takes two seconds. Again, nobody likes a dead link. And remember, if you have your old URL set to redirect, this won't be an issue for you at all.

Lesson: There may be some uber tedious things you'll want to do. Do them as you can and it shouldn't be overwhelming.

There are some other miscellaneous things like updating whatever commenting system you use, as well as making sure you're using the correct URL when commenting on other blogs (auto fill will have your old one at the ready). Check to see if there's anything you should update with your social shares plug-in. Updating profiles on sites that deal with blogger opportunities is important....

I think that's about it!

Have you ever gone through "The Change", the blog name change, that is?

Therapy Shmerapy

That would have been my response just one short year ago to the suggestion that perhaps I should seek professional help because I have some tough shit to deal with.

"Oh, therapy shmerapy! I don't need no stinking therapy! I'm fiiiiine!"

Uh hu.

There is this stigma attached to asking for help. To admitting when you need help.

There is also our own pride to contend with.

I never thought I was a particularly prideful person. I have bad eyes, so I have had to get quite used to asking for help from those around me. Sometimes I can't read something. Sometimes I need a ride somewhere....

But if I'm being perfectly honest, it's still hard at times for me to admit when I can't see something.

Am I more prideful than I thought because I didn't want to see a counselor (and asking for help because of my eyes is still hard)?

Or does it have to do with vulnerability?

When I make it known that I'm struggling to see something, I open myself up to questions, and possibly even judgment.

Getting therapy could encompass so much more. My past, present, future. My flippin' inner child.

I'll admit, the stubborn side of me did indeed feel like I should just be able to handle my life issues all on my own. That I should just be strong enough.

Finally, last year around this time, I decided to give it a try.

I AM SO GLAD I DID. Dragging my stubborn ass to therapy is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

You know the joke that goes something like a patient has spilled their guts about something and the therapist asks, "And how do you feel about that?" and the patient is like *facepalm, "Aren't you supposed to tell me what YOU think about that?"

It's kind of true. Therapists don't have all the answers. What they have is an ability to be on the outside looking in at your life. They know just the right questions to ask you in order for you to find the perspective you need to process whatever it is you're dealing with. They get the human condition and they help you understand YOURSELF and others better. All of this contributes to a healthier heart, mind and spirit.

That may sound kind of froo-froo but, whatever. How it sounds doesn't matter. What matters is that I cannot believe the different place I am in now than one year ago. I know myself better. I am more confident.

Confidence? Me?? I have struggled with insecurities as long as I can remember. To be able to say that so much of that crap has fallen away is huge. HUGE.

Having a better sense of who I am, with more confidence, effects how I feel about the tough stuff my husband and I have to deal with as regards his chronic health problems, which is why I sought out a counselor to begin with. I'm not sure exactly how, but it does. I just feel it.

I have seen the light. Anyone who would like to say, 'I told you so", can feel free. :-)

700 Posts Later....

I have clicked the Publish button 700 times here.

<-- See?

Seven hundred times in three years and about four months is an average of 17.5 times per month. We're talking every other day or more.

Math. Sorry about that.

Perhaps I should count consistency among my superpowers?

When I first set up this blog I didn't know I'd have so much to say. Actually, there are a lot of things I didn't know about myself when I started blogging. To say that this has been a journey is an understatement.

I LOVE BLOGGING. Seriously, like so much. I love this gig!

I was walking and listening to Pandora, as I do. The song Secrets by OneRepublic played and I really listened to the lyrics.

Such as:

And I thought, that's blogging. And then I thought about the 700 post number and......

10 Things I've Learned While Blogging

1. I've got things to say.

2. I'm not the only one who has things to say.

3. The diversity among bloggers is educational.

4. We, as in humans, have more similarities than we do differences.

5. There are many ways to make, and define, a friend.

6. Countless life lessons.

7. Enlightenment.

8. To express gratitude.

9.That there is never enough time to do all the things you'd like to in a day so all you can do is as much as you can and continue on tomorrow.

10. There is still more to learn.




Linked with Monday Listicles.

Approval

I have this one friend who is the tough love type. She's not big on giving compliments or praise and it triggers feelings in me. She's not doing anything wrong, per se. It's not her responsibility to make me feel good about myself. Heaping praise on people just isn't in her nature. But I think that's why I seek it from her so much. Like, if she approves, then I'm golden. So when she doesn't give it to me (having no idea that's what I'm seeking), I get insecure, over think things and end up picking a fight with her.

It's so stupid. But I see what's been going on now. Since the light bulb moment I had over this issue, I have been working on learning that I don't need to seek ANYONE'S approval.

Actually, saying that I've been "working" on it isn't even accurate. It's more like I just stopped. A switch was flipped. I went from insecure mess to whatevs, it's all good.

Anger helped. I got angry. I stomped my foot and said enough is freaking enough, Jennifer. You are about to turn 39 years old (this all happened near to my birthday) and you're still seeking approval from others?

No one is perfect. You aren't. I'm not. None of us is going to do life perfectly. We're all going to screw up, fall down, overlook something, hurt someone's feelings.....maybe even do a stint in a mental institution.

That's OK. The moment I realized that I should not be placing anyone upon a pedestal, is the moment I was able to let go of my insecurities over my friendships. Further, to TRUST in those I call friends. To trust that, while not perfect, they are not out to hurt me.

Not only that, but I am awesome and people should love me.

That's right, I said it.

I am a good person who holds her head up under some pretty weighty issues. I am kind and compassionate. I am fair and give the benefit of the doubt. I have a great sense of humor and I think positively. I'm a good mom and wife and I think I do this blogging thing pretty well. I have talents and thoughts, ideas and opinions to offer. I don't judge things I don't know. I live in the moment, breathe in beauty and am grateful.

I have a disability. I can't drive and have a hard time telling black from navy blue. This might be an inconvenience, but it sure as hell isn't something anyone should hold against me. It's not something I can change about myself. It just is. If anyone does count it as a reason not to like me, I probably don't want them in my life anyway.

It's not that I'll never feel vulnerable again or never need another's advice or support. It's not as if I suddenly have all the answers.

But now -- finally -- *I* like me. *I* am proud of me. *I* approve of me.

and Pour Your Heart Out

Three Years Blogging

On this day in 2010 I hit publish on this blog for the very first time.

It was not at all momentous. Like I've said before, I had no idea what I was doing, and continued in the dark for the entire first year. I got into more of a blogging groove about six months in when I wrote The First Step, but didn't discover the fabulosity of the blogosphere until the summer of 2011.

Since then I have been on a roll. I have completed two November NaBloPoMos, written to prompts, linked up with other blogs, started a Facebook page, redesigned my blog a couple of times, posted some product reviews, given some things away and learned how to tweet with the best of 'em.

I've learned a ton and made some new friends. I've laughed and cried. I hope you have too. I mean, I'm sorry if I made you cry. But then again, not really. Because if you did, that means I made you feel something, and that's pretty cool.

Becoming A BLOGGER has been so serendipitous that I marvel at how it has changed me, and probably the reason I have a pretty zen attitude about it. Sure, I want to be good at it, I want to have a following and a community and I love when I'm able to make a little money because of it. I can't deny that what I'm doing here makes me feel proud. But I haven't forced any of it. I have simply written and shared and learned. I explore possibilities and I'm open. Just open.

I feel like blogging was placed in my lap for me to pick up, mold and make my own, with only the slightest of encouragement from a friend (when I said, "sometimes I think about journaling", she said, "you could start a blog..."). I love how I get to blog for both selfish and self-less reasons. That I can work on my issues and enlighten people about those issues at the same time.

Because that's the most amazing thing about blogging -- enlightenment.  From mundane daily life stories that illustrate all the ways in which our paths are the same, to "light bulb moment" epiphanies that inspire, to giggle-inducing ridiculousness. There is something for everyone; infinite possibilities through which millions of people's paths can cross. Lives can be changed.

I am changed. In such great ways.

This is why I wanted to celebrate all month long and invited you all to celebrate with me. Fifteen awesome bloggers shared a post from some April. It was fun to see what they chose, and apparently they enjoyed going back through their archives and remembering some of the stuff they've written about.

My 5 favorites are (in order of submission):

• #2 Innocence Lost by Robbie at Fractured Family Tales, because she bravely wrote about a scary thing that happened when she was a child.
• #5 Here's Johnny by Stacie at Snaps and Bits, because it's funny!
• #8 The Land of Empathy and Wonder by Kristi at Finding Ninee, because it is a beautiful, amazing idea that should grow (and which she's started a guest series for).
• #11 The Story Of &%^* and The “Thing” by Kristi at The Robot Mommy, because she came up with the perfect way to explain tragedy to young children in the wake of the Boston bombings.
• #13 Metamorphosis by Rach at Life Ever Since, because she so eloquently expresses how motherhood changes us.

Also, I simply must give an honorable mention to Les at Time Out for Mom because she submitted a post she wrote last year about blogging. Les and I tend to agree on many things, and one of which is that we both describe our blogs as "my precious". I'm pretty sure I have literally said that before.

Er, blogging is nothing like being Gollum. Ahem.

So, yeah, three years of blogging under my belt! Thank you all so much for coming along on the ride with me. Thank you for reading, for sharing and most especially your kind comments on my most heartfelt posts.