The Real Reason People Are Pissed Off About Starbucks Cups

source: Starbucks

I have been following the absurdity that is the "War on Christmas" with a mixture of amusement, bewilderment, and lots of head shaking.

Something's Gotta Give with Gun Violence

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the shooting at Marysville-Pilchuck High School.

I live in Marysville, Washington (and have two kids in school). It's a bedroom community bursting at its borders with 10 elementary schools, four middle schools, and another four high school campuses.

Children everywhere!

There are not a lot of violent crimes here. Still, on Friday, October 24, 2014, a 15-year-old boy brought one of his father's handguns to school with him, walked into the cafeteria, and shot five of his friends and then himself, all in the head.

Only one of the kids survived. He was the shooter's cousin.

5 Reasons I Give My Kids Allowance

Whether or not to give kids an allowance for doing chores is one of those personal parenting choices.

Perhaps not quite as controversial as circumcision, breast or bottle feeding, or free range vs. helicoptering. But still a personal/family choice.

I've had the discussion with my mom friends and I've seen it debated online. Everyone seems to land pretty firmly on one side or the other, for or against.

Being a SAHM is Actually Easier

I think it is, in fact, easier to be a stay-at-home mom than a working mom.

There, I said it. Someone needed to, because really.

I can say this because I have been a SAHM for 12 years, since my firstborn, my daughter, was three years old (I worked part-time before we relocated from CA to WA). I had my son two and a half years later.

In that time I watched many an Oprah or Dr. Phil or The View, listening to discussions of work/life balance, tips on time management for busy moms, how to lose the baby weight, and and and...

I have read countless articles and blog posts on the topic of the so-called "Mommy Wars" (even written one or two myself), about how staying home with your kids isn't a real job, but if you work outside the home you're selfish.

I am SO OVER it. The finger-pointing and judgments.

Let's just look at it logically, shall we?

Some Things Just Are What They Are

While perusing my Facebook news feed recently I saw a fan page status asking followers what common phrases get under their skin.

Several people answered, "It is what it is." One person clarified, "Ugh, just change it!"

I kept thinking about this for hours. (Funny how something you see in passing will do that to you, hu?)

You see, that phrase is one if my life mantras (I have it printed on a mug, and would buy a wall hanging of it if I found one I liked), so I can't understand why anyone would be put off by it.

And the person who exclaimed "just change it!" bothered me because that is the exact opposite of what the phrase is about.

Life Will Go On Without Derek Shepherd

I rarely do this.

You know, when you see a really big event happen on one of your favorite shows and immediately need to sound off about it?

In fact, I don't think I've ever done that. Not here on my blog, anyway. And actually, considering I didn't even watch the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy until two days after it aired, and I'm not writing this until two more days have passed, I don't think it qualifies as a knee-jerk reaction.

How I Really Feel About Valentine's Day

When my daughter doesn't like something she says it "can go die in a hole".

Not sure I feel quite that strongly about Valentine's Day, but close.

I haven't always been a V-Day poo-poo-er. Oh no, I I'm usually a hopeless hopeful romantic. When others would contend that couples shouldn't need a special day to express their love for each other, I would think they're just being difficult and contrary. Is there something wrong with buying your love a box of chocolates?

But this year, looking around at all the pink and red, heart-shaped, cutesy, frilly, fluffy sweet shit in every store is....kind of making me what to hurl.

I Don't Need to Pledge Not to Shop on Thanksgiving

Have you seen this?

Pledging not to start your Holiday shopping on Thanksgiving Day seems like a worthy thing to do, right?

It's meant to be a day for gratitude and family. To make yummy food together, eat it, clean it up, have seconds, have pie, watch football or a movie and just SPEND TIME with those you love.

You shouldn't be itching to get out the door to the local mall for scrambling and brawling over the latest hot toy for your kid or grandkid. The next day, Black Friday, is soon enough for all of that.

Right?

Brittany Maynard Has Made Me Think

Suicide is wrong. It's selfish, the easy way out and might even be an unforgivable sin for which you will surely be damned to Hell.

Those are all things I used to think.

But that was before....

• I started reading the personal blogs of people who fight depression,
• I witnessed many celebrities take their own lives, and
• I began to see my husband's illnesses taking such a big toll on him.

I understand much better now how hard depression is on a person. I also understand now that one can be so physically ill that they might as well just let go.

You Can't Convince Me You Have All the Answers

I am the Queen of the Grey Area. I sit on the fence in the middle of the road.

This seems to be largely seen as a negative thing, but it's not that I don't have any personal convictions or strong opinions on anything. I have them, but you do too. Which one of us is right?

To me, seeing the grey areas and being a "middle of the road" kind of gal simply means that I am tolerant, open minded and less judgmental than someone who tends to be more extreme.

Why I Understand the Loss of Washington State's NCLB Waiver

Washington state recently lost its No Child Left Behind waiver because it doesn’t require state test scores to be integrated into teacher evaluations. Evidently, Governor Inslee and our Superintendent of Public Instruction, Randy Dorn, both urged lawmakers to pass a law to bring Washington into compliance with this rule, but they refused.

“Our state Legislature failed to pass a bill during the 2014 session that would have prevented this from happening, Our state could have maintained its No Child Left Behind waiver with a one-word fix (from ‘may’ to ‘must’) on student growth scores being one of multiple measures of assessment in teacher and principal evaluations. This does not serve our state’s students.” ~ Excellent Schools Now, here

I cannot understand why the Washington State Legislature couldn't do this one thing in order to keep flexibility in how our NCLB federal money is spent. Money that our school districts sorely need. Money that we, at the local level, know best how to spend. Seems to me that is why NCLB waivers are possible at all: because after 12 years with No Child Left Behind in place, DC has come to the same conclusion.

5 Things I Have Absolutely No Interest In

Do you ever find yourself on the outside of a fad or expectation or whathaveyou?

I feel that way a lot. There are things about me and my life that are not typical, so I don't see things the way a "typical" person does.

For example, my dad tries to talk to me about women. I sit there listening to these observations he's made about women in general from various influences and so often have to shake my head and say, "Well, not me. I'm not like that. I have no idea what to tell you."

Heh, or maybe it's that most women can't explain why we behave the way we do! Ahem.

To illustrate further, let me enlighten you on five things I have absolutely no interest in.

What Easter Means to Me

I didn't grow up with religion, per se. I wasn't baptized as a baby or child and we didn't go to church. My parents seemed to believe in God, but not so much organized religion. We celebrated Christmas and Easter like other families, but faith was not a part of our everyday lives.

Yet somehow I had BELIEF. It's like I was born with it. I can't imagine NOT believing in something greater than this, than myself. I've listened to what non-believers have to say, how irrational the idea of a God sounds to them. I often laugh at religious jokes because, yeah, a lot of it does sound absurd. I have a lot of issues with the Bible and how it's interpreted.

But nothing I've heard shakes the feeling I have that there is a higher power, that prayers are heard, even that angels exist. It's simply this innate part of who I am.

The View From Here: The "American Blogger" Movie

Soooo....raise your hand if you've heard about a documentary coming out titled "American Blogger".

Quite a bit of controversy has erupted over it.

I must admit, I have felt my share of irritation over it.

Today, Elaine of The miss-Elaine-ous Life shares her View of the hoopla.

__________

My View of "American Blogger" (so far)

Last week I went through a range of emotions after seeing the “American Blogger” trailer that many people were talking about.  As I watched it for the first time I thought “how pretty” and also “how very singular”.  I immediately wondered why the film was titled “American Blogger” when it simply did not seem to represent the true scope of those of us that blog in this country.  I saw very little diversity.

A Couple of Product Reviews

There are two products I've been given to review lately.

Separate posts would be pretty short, so I shall combine my thoughts into one.

I was provided with products to sample in order to facilitate my reviews. I was not compensated further and all opinions are my own.

First:

Ozeri Green Earth Textured Ceramic Nonstick Frying Pan

Since I'm not a food/recipe blogger, this might seem like an odd thing for me to agree to review. While I may not blog about food much, I do still need to eat.

And my husband likes to cook.

We have both used our 8" pan several times now, most often to fry eggs, and we really like it.

Surface really is super slick. Like, might not even need butter or spray slick. Like, eggs slipping around all over the place slick.

• Utilizes GREBLON - an ultra-safe ceramic coating which is 100% PTFE and PFOA free.
• Non-stick performance without releasing harmful fumes or toxins.
• Scratch-resistant ceramic coating that is super easy to clean.
• Made out of durable heavy-gauge die-cast aluminum with no heavy metals or harmful chemicals.
• Comfortable heat resistant silicon coated handle
• Magnetized induction stove safe base for rapid heat transfer.

We needed a new small pan and we really like this one. There's not really much else I can say about it. It's a good frying pan!

Second:

QR Code ID

Now this, I am SUPER EXCITED about!

Their tagline is "help for your loved ones who might wander", but I have decided this product/service can be useful for so much more.

Such as, an emergency alert type of thing for anyone who has a specific medical condition for which one might require assistance from time to time.

LIKE MY HUSBAND.

I actually think this is a pretty genius idea.

Almost everyone has smartphones these days, QR codes are on everything, everywhere. They are recognizable and accessible.

Their products include patches, pins, magnets, stickers, clips and clothing, all with your loved one's personal QR code.

And I am told that they will be coming out with key chains and dog tags soon too!

Here is what you would see if you scanned my husband's code:

formatted for smartphone display

Isn't that awesome? Right there, instantly, someone who noticed my husband might need help would know who to call and even what to do.

I think QR Code ID could be an INVALUABLE tool for those with ANY medical condition who may require assistance from time to time.

If you love someone who falls under that distinction, I would urge you to check it out! They have a blog, as well as Facebook and Twitter accounts.

What is a Caregiver?

There is this issue that has been bugging me for awhile. It is that I feel I am not seen as a caregiver to my husband.

It seems that people think of caregivers as those who tend to the elderly or children.

I get a newsletter from the chain of clinics my family sees doctors at. In it I've seen a blurb about a support group for caregivers. Looking closer, I see that it is specifically for those who care for someone who has Alzheimer's.

In the waiting room of my husband's cardiologist he picked up a copy of the American Diabetes Association magazine. Looking through it on our way home, I noticed in the table of contents an article "for caregivers". I flipped to the page number and read the words "caregivers of children with diabetes".

And I thought, "What about me?"

Is a wife who is there for her husband through all of his health problems not also a caregiver?

Because let me tell you, I am indeed a caregiver to Mark.

Each time he needs me to run upstairs to get something because his legs are too tired.

When he needs help redressing his surgery incisions.

If his blood sugar is low and he needs something to eat.

When he had bypass surgery and they discovered infection surrounding his heart, I had to be taught how to give him IV antibiotics through a port in his arm.

Back in 1996 when he got a kidney and pancreas, his transplant coordinator turned to me and said, after hearing that we lived together, "Congratulations, you just received a transplant too."

And when we very first moved in together in 1994, I learned how to give Mark insulin injections in his arms, so he could sometimes not have to give them to himself in his abdomen.

Through surgeries, infections and hospital stays, for nearly 20 years, I have been helping my husband manage his health problems.

If that's not a caregiver, I don't know what is.

Would I not benefit from a support group or helpful information in a magazine article?

Or is it that the vows "in sickness and in health" mean a spouse is merely obligated?

These are the things I felt until I recently turned to Google to investigate. I found:

• Apparently there is a Well Spouse Association.
• Medicare.gov has a page about caregiving.
• There is what looks like an online magazine called Today's Caregiver.
• And CareGiving.com, "caring for you as you care for family and friends".

So OK, there are some resources out there. I feel relieved by this, but on the other hand, I wonder why I had to go searching for them. Why has no one with Mark's dialysis clinic or his endocrinologist or cardiologist or, or....ever pointed us in any of these directions?

I feel it just goes to show that taking care of the WHOLE person/family is NOT happening.

Like, no one seems to think my children will need any counseling until it falls under the umbrella of bereavement.

Why does their dad have to be dead before the situation looks like something that might need attention?

These are obviously open-ended questions. I don't expect anyone reading this to have the answers.

I just wonder if this is yet another healthcare hurdle, you know? I wonder why I had to seek out counseling for myself. Why, when my primary care physician prescribed an anti-anxiety medication for me, did he not also insist I get into counseling?

Why do I even have to wonder?

Fun Matters Too

I have seen this image on Facebook a couple of times recently and it's kind of pissing me off:

Look, I get it. People get very excited and riled up about sports. They might argue with those who like teams they don't, and possibly take the disagreement really personally. They might spend big bucks to go see games and buy memorabilia. One might think all that money could do a world of good if put to use elsewhere.

But to say sports fans and/or athletes don't also care about "things that actually matter" isn't fair.

I assume the "things that actually matter" are issues like politics, crime, hunger, education, war, etc. Yes, those things matter. Of course they do.

However, so does FUN. Letting go of all that heavy shit matters too. Getting to indulge in a release of happy, excited chemicals matters. Spending time with friends doing something you mutually enjoy matters. Camaraderie and fellowship matter. Putting a little focus on a TEAM instead of me, me, me all the time.

Not taking everything so bloody seriously matters.

All the big issues of the world will still be there after the game. I see nothing wrong with taking a few hours out of our stressful lives to root for our favorite teams and just have FUN.

What do you think?

Are the Seahawks the Red-Headed Step-Children of the NFL?

The Super Bowl is this weekend!!

Two football teams, the best commercials advertising execs can come up with, food, drink, friends and Bruno Mars.

Apparently it's cold in New Jersey. Everyone keeps harping on it. Bruno Mars said yesterday during a press conference ("I've never had to do a press conference before a performance.") that his mic felt like a popsicle during rehearsals.

Well, at least both of the teams competing this year are used to cold weather. It was meant to be! I mean, it would be pretty sad if the two teams were the San Diego Chargers and the Miami Dolphins, right?

If you know me at all you know I live in Washington state, and therefor I am a Seahawks fan.

Perhaps I shouldn't say "therefor" because when I lived in the Bay Area I was not a Raiders or 49ers fan. Nope.

But see, Washington is my home state. I was born here, and although I did live in California for many years, I have now lived here longer than there.

I am a Washingtonian.

But besides all that, I believe the Seattle Seahawks are a very special football team with the most awesome fans.

There is this palpable feeling around these parts that the Seahawks are never going to be taken seriously.

My husband says it's as if they're the red-headed step-children of the NFL.

It's true that the Hawks were not contenders for many years. They were just this cute little football team way up in the Pacific Northwest (where is Seattle again?) trying to make a go of it. As far as I can recall, pretty much any team who played them during my childhood came away with a win.

But all of that changed eight years ago. In 2006, just two weeks after my son was born, the Seattle Seahawks played the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl.

I'm just gonna say it. The Hawks were ROBBED!

Don't you say no they weren't! I watched that game and every single unfair call made by the refs during it. The Steelers whined their way to the win.

Eight years and a ton of work later there doesn't seem to be a whole lot more respect for this team than there ever has been.

Sure, they say Wilson is great, Lynch is the "Beast" and Haushka is an excellent kicker. But Sherman is vilified for his little rant about Crabtree (5 seconds after making the play that won them the game) and we fans, the raucous and passionate 12th Man, are just seen as annoying.

Not to mention the fashion faux pas one female commentator made wearing a red coat as she reported outside Century Link Field before the NFC Championship game against the 49ers. I mean, really? Yeah, she got a lot of flack for that.

This year, I just know that because the Broncos have a few Super Bowl trophies, the Seahawks will be seen as the underdogs. That's OK, though, I think they like it like that. I think it pushes them harder.

But let me tell you: The Seattle Seahawks and the 12th Man are a force to be reckoned with. I know those guys are going to play their hearts out this Sunday. They want it, and they want it bad.

#GoHawks!

Images found on the Seattle Seahawks Memes Facebook page.

Confessions of a Blogger: The Etiquette Edition

About a year and a half ago I published Confessions of a Blogger, in which I listed things I do and don't like about blogs, mostly making points about layout and readability. It's not that I think I'm some kind of expert. It's just that I have noticed the most appealing things about blogs, in my opinion.

Well, I have also taken note of what I find most appealing with other BLOGGERS. The people behind the blogs. The sorts of things I and they do that I think is good blogger etiquette. Things I appreciate, and that I know others appreciate as well.

8 Blogging Etiquette Tips

1. Comments are like crack to bloggers. In this case, crack is NOT whack! Everyone (not only bloggers) is looking for validation. Comments give bloggers that. Also, the love can go both ways if you have an avatar and your name is a link, I can click it and go to your blog and leave you a comment in return. It's all good bloggy karma. I will probably mention good bloggy karma again.

I consider it good etiquette to either respond to a comment on a blog or return the favor by commenting on their blog. Ideally both, but if you can do at least one, that's awesome. - Kim Ulmanis

While comments are beautiful things, it's highly improbable that everyone will comment on every single one of your posts. You do know that, right?

2. Sharing is even better than commenting I think. Because if you decide to share MY post with YOUR followers, that must mean you really liked it for some reason, which means.....I did a good job and you think it should have more eyes on it. I share, share, share the posts I fall in love with. I'm not shy about it at all, and I don't think any of us should be. When you share something someone else wrote, it says to me that you're a very cool, humble and share-the-love kind of person. *Good bloggy karma*

3. Reciprocity is a big word, but basically like currency between bloggers. If someone shares, follows, mentions, comments, at the very least, acknowledge it. Better still, reciprocate in same way. *Good bloggy karma*

4. That being said.... You would like it to go that if you follow someone, that person follows you back, but don't ask them to. It's tacky. I don't care if you phrase it like, "would appreciate a follow back" or "hope you'll check me out too". It's so much better if you just let it be my idea. Honestly, if someone is inclined to follow you back, they will, without being asked. If you ask, you just create this uncomfortable guilt trip thing that makes me angry. One caveat, however: I don't mind when a fellow blogger lets me know they liked my Facebook page and directs me to theirs. The thing is with that, I might not know you're a blogger at all just by your Facebook name.

5. Say thank you for sharing. It's so super easy to hit reply to a tweet in which something of yours was shared and type "thanks for sharing". Just do it. At least that, if not also strike up a conversation with the person who shared. It's just good manners. Oh, and *good bloggy karma*.

6. You should at least mention a link-up host, if not include their button in the post you're linking up. People who host link-ups and blog hops are not to be used solely for more exposure for yourself. It should go both ways. Furthermore, I believe that when you participate in a link-up, you should, at the very least, read and comment on the host's post, and read and comment on another linked up post. Also, the hosts I like best, and continue to link up with, are the ones who read and comment on the posts people linked up with them. It is so disappointing to hook up with a hop and not have even the host check you out. Why host something if you're not going to read the posts? Oh, because you're only in it for the page views? That's not *good bloggy karma*.

7. Good communication when involved in a guest post situation is very important. Since starting The View From Here series in October I learned the best things to do as the person who wants the guest are:

• Get the commitment
• Keep some sort of record of it (I use Google Calendar)
• Remind them several days to a week prior (people forget stuff)
• Have a back-up plan in case they have to bow out for some reason

Things the guest blogger should do:

• Make a note somewhere that you need to write a guest post (Google Calendar?)
• Acknowledge the reminder you get so the host blogger doesn't panic
• Write something you would publish on your own blog
• Help promote your guest post and respond to comments

Because it's not just that you're doing me a favor by writing something for me. I'm also doing you a favor by introducing you to my readers and sharing your words with my followers. It's supposed to be a win-win situation. Networking. Reciprocal. *Good bloggy karma*

8. If another blogger inspires you to write something similar to what they've written, give them a nod. Lisa of The Golden Spoons worries that:

With so many mommy bloggers, it is just impossible to know who has written what recently and there is always overlap of ideas. For example, I was thinking about writing a post about stocking stuffer ideas, but just saw another blogger post the question on her FB page. Do I go ahead or is that "stealing" her idea? Same thing happens occasionally when I read other blog posts. It sparks a similar idea for me, but I certainly don't want to plagiarize. Where is the line?

Basically, I say it's all good. Yes, we women and mothers feel and think many of the same things, so I think it's impossible for us not to echo each other a bit. I think the way it should work is that YOU put YOUR own PERSONAL spin on a topic. That's the whole point of blogging, isn't it, to share YOUR perspective? Also, I think it's OK (even right) to mention the post that sparked the idea, or go to that blogger and say, "I'm planning to blog something similar, great minds think alike!"

Now let me just say that I am not sitting here up on some high horse about this. I'm not 100% perfect. But I absolutely do these things on some level. You probably do too. If there is something you've been overlooking, just step it up a little.

Also, remember that no one is a perfect person. If you feel that someone has been rude to you, I think you should give the benefit of the doubt at first. They could have gotten distracted by a kid just as they were going to tweet back to you. Or they did read your post but their comment got eaten. If a lack of good manners continues, then maybe they're not all that worried about their bloggy karma and it's fine if you just move on.

Is there anything you would add on this topic?

Please Stop Being Judgy

I am absolutely sick and bloody tired of everyone passing judgments on others.

It's pissing me off, actually.

Assumptions. Expectations. Preconceived notions. Prejudices. Judgments.

Just stop it.

Find something else to do.

You are no better than me. I am no better than you.

People's personal lifestyle choices have nothing to do with you.

Other's circumstances are not your circumstances.

We can find people who have things in common with us. We can get to know each other, form connections, bond. But at the end of the day, you don't know what it's truly like to live in my skin, and I don't know what it's like to live in yours.

We have different experiences. Different paths to walk. These things shape us. No two lives are the same.

So how, may I ask, can you have the nerve to question someone else?

source

The mommy wars are bullshit. Nobody really cares which moms work outside the home and which ones don't. And actually, our definitions of "working" need to get broader.

In any case, those sorts of decisions are PERSONAL to each INDIVIDUAL woman and her family. They are none of your business. Just trust that each woman has her reasons for the choices she makes.

How to be a Christian without being a jerk about it

While I'm at it, please for the love of God, stop judging others based on what you believe spiritually. That, my friends, is an even more personal thing than whether you work or not. Religious/spiritual beliefs are just about the most intimate part of us. There are churches, synagogues and temples where we can go for public fellowship with others whose beliefs are similar to ours. Still, they are YOURS and not to be proselytized. I believe that when someone thinks less of you because you don't believe what they do, they are actually doing the direct opposite of what most religions teach.

Hating on the Poor is SO Funny!

It's not your business to wonder at why someone is on food stamps but has an iPhone. It's no concern of yours if your next door neighbor is gay. It shouldn't matter to you if someone is fat or skinny. You should not care if a couple has only one child or six. And you sure as hell shouldn't give a damn if Miley Cyrus wants to twerk onstage with Robin Thicke!

We can think something is a little weird, fishy, off, or "that's not something I would do/choose". But unless it directly affects you or someone you love in some negative way....don't worry about it.

Look, there are simply SO MANY variables to consider in life. And when it's not even YOUR life? When it's someone else's variables? WHO ARE YOU to judge?

So I'm saying, I'm done with it. SO DONE.

In a world where the mentally ill are so poorly helped that they shoot little children at school and a 12 year old girl feels the need to end her own life due to bullying......all I can conclude is that what we need most is a whole lot more LOVE.

I am not talking about crime and terrible, awful things that people do to hurt others (although there are courts of law to judge that). I'm just talking about our personal business and lifestyle choices.