Forcing Thankful

I've been in the downy-dumps most of this week, despite trying thing after thing to raise my spirits.

It hasn't been all terrible-awful, but definitely a whole lot of blah and meh. And sigh. And maybe some ugh.

One thing -- on top of the other many things -- which has been weighing on me is that my husband has had C. diff since (at least) sometime after his last round of antibiotics began the week of our son's birthday last month.

An Interview with a Ten Year Old

Here is the third installment of my yearly tradition to "interview" my kids.

Since my daughter's birthday is in the summer, I wait for her new school year pictures and share her answers in the fall. AJ's birthday is in January when I already have his school portrait, so I try to share his right afterward.

This year he is TEN! I happen to think 10 is a little special because you've made it to the double digits.

One Word for 2016

Hi.

I am astonished to find that it has been three weeks since I last wrote. In my mind, it had only been since the kids started their holiday break -- two weeks at the most.

I totally didn't mean to do that.

Everything is OK here; no need to worry. I mean, as OK as it gets for us. I am happy to report that we've welcomed Mark's mother and sister as permanent residents of Washington -- finally! And we had a very nice Christmas.

But today is New Year's Eve and as it has approached I've been pondering what my One Word for 2016 ought to be....

7 Things I Want for Christmas

I wasn't sure if I was going to have much Christmas Spirit this year. When you live in a world controlled by chronic illness and caregiving, you often don't have the energy for things that aren't musts. Sometimes you wonder, what's the point?

As Thanksgiving neared, I knew I didn't want to be in charge of the meal; I asked my dad to run with it. I thought for sure I'd start decorating for Christmas during Thanksgiving weekend, but I didn't. I wasn't even sure if I'd send any real holiday greetings this year.

10 Things I Don't Do Anymore

I used to complete one load of laundry at a time. From sort to wash and dry, to fold and put away. I didn't start another one unless I fully intended to finish it.

And then I discovered how easy it is to let clean clothes sit in the basket. Until tomorrow. Or the next day. Or even until I need the basket again. Because sometimes, someone needs some clean clothes, but then shit happens and they don't get put away.

It's called prioritizing! There are more important things, you know?

The other day I was eyeing two baskets of clean clothes in my and Hubs' closet. One his, the other mine.

I thought, I should get that stuff put away. I even started to do it.

But then I dropped the shirt I was about to hang up and thought, you know what? Screw this. I don't need to do it right now.

An Interview with a Fifteen Year Old

Three years ago I started an annual tradition of having my kids answer the same 20 questions in order to watch how they change.

My daughter Camryn is 15 years old this year and a sophomore in high school. She has changed SO MUCH over the last year. Basically, she became a full-on stereotypical teenage girl, with an attitude to match.

Ahem.

She knows all the things, doesn't need not one single adult for anything, is sarcastic about everything, and would probably like to have a pair of earbuds surgically implanted into her ears.

5 Reasons I Give My Kids Allowance

Whether or not to give kids an allowance for doing chores is one of those personal parenting choices.

Perhaps not quite as controversial as circumcision, breast or bottle feeding, or free range vs. helicoptering. But still a personal/family choice.

I've had the discussion with my mom friends and I've seen it debated online. Everyone seems to land pretty firmly on one side or the other, for or against.

These Little Moments

There have been some little changes going on in our house these past couple weeks that are kind of cool.

Mark got another hole punched in his hospital frequent visitor card, which of course is not so good. But it was, like, OK. Sure, he had developed yet another infection and was put on yet another round of IV antibiotics (plus an anti-fungal).

It's just that he was different during that stay. Calmer and more accepting. There was some emotional tension to work through after he got home, which included a trip to his therapist, but that ended up OK too.

And I'm left feeling grateful for some things:

VLOG: 10 Things in My Junk Drawer

Oh my gosh, you guys, I did a video of what's in my junk drawer for Tuesday Ten this week!

This was no easy task, though. You see, I have had what seems like the entire world in my house today. By the time 4:30 rolled around I had to tell my husband to zip it and kick my son out the door so I could just get 'er done!

There's nothing fancy here. I used my phone's camera. No shots of my face because I couldn't use the camera switchy option thingy while videoing.

But you get to hear my voice!

Bullshit vs. Gratitude

I felt a whole lot of gratitude this week.

It's not that anything particularly wonderful happened.

I think what it it is, is that, at least for me, the circumstances of my life have taught me to easily notice all the things I could/should be thankful for.

To the point, honestly, where I am often dumbfounded by those who don't see. I am that person who, when listening to someone complain about something, can almost always find a way to spin the complaint into something to be grateful for.

Now before you go calling me Suzy Sunshine, it's not that I always arrive at my gratefuls without ever first feeling anger, bitterness or the urge to coat my feelings in sarcasm.

I am both easily frustrated....and easily thankful.

When a Blogger Has Too Much on Her Mind

....And cannot focus on any one topic enough to flesh it out and make any sort of actual point....she might choose to employ the exercise known as a "brain dump".

Because just like when your house is very messy and you look around at where to start and just end up overwhelmed so you freeze and do nothing?

Well, that's how my brain feels right now. There's a big ol' mess up in there!

Sometimes getting it out is necessary, if only to help you discover, and focus on, what matters most.

A Summer Bucket List of Little Things

I've noticed that many people seem to be into this notion of creating a summer bucket list. I get it. It's about seizing the moment, carpe diem and all that.

We often think there's plenty of time to do all the fun summer things, but then those three months go screaming by.

I don't think I have a "bucket" list so much as a "to-do" list. My family is just not the kind that gets to do a whole lot of BIG things.

10 Reasons I'm Thankful for my Husband's Surgery

My husband Mark had surgery on his chest this last week. He had been trying for many months to avoid this surgery. There was much anxiety associated with it.

But everything went very well. He is currently still in the hospital awaiting evaluations for inpatient rehabilitative care.

I am very thankful for some things, and they are:

10 Best Instagrams So Far This Year

Confession:

I am an Instagram slacker this year.

Sometimes I think I need to go back to the #FMSphotoaday challenge

to maybe get my mojo back.

My life has just been too distracting away from social media!

I mean, I've taken lots of pictures of my husband's chest and heel wounds.

But ain't nobody wanna see that!

Ahem.

I have shared some photos, though, and these are the ones my followers liked the most.

Imma Throw Around Some Thankfuls

When your week goes screaming by so fast -- and a bit dramatically -- and you never get a calm moment to write anything else, you sit down on Friday and decide the very least you can do is come up with things to be grateful for.

How Others See Me

Looking for reasons to blog and topics for blogging, as I am wont to do these days because I have been having a hard time with that, I noticed a prompt to simply list 10 random facts/things about myself.

Well, I have done this several times before, so I was like,sigh...I'd probably just repeat myself.

Also, one of the reasons I'm having such a hard time with blogging is my brain doesn't seem to be able to form its own thoughts.

I have started and stopped a few blog posts lately because I simply lost what I thought I wanted to say.

Poof! Gone.

10 Things That Piss Me Off About Chronic Illness and Caregiving

Having a chronic illness and caregiving -- both -- are tiring. And often frustrating. In different ways, but sort of the same too.

It's not about being happy or unhappy, per se. It's just stressful and overwhelming....and it gets real easy to see some annoying things about your situation.

So I'm gonna take a moment here to get out some of the peeves I have, m'kay? Because it's healthy to do so, right? Right.

1. It's chronic, meaning continuing for a long time.

An Inventory of Feelings

Everything that has occurred over the past year with my husband's diabetes and dialysis complications has caused many changes that we are still grappling to deal with and adjust too.

It doesn't happen over night. Just when I think we might be getting the hang of it, we have a terrible day that feels like taking 10 steps backward.

That may not be true, but it feels that way.

Mark and I are both doing our very best to take things in stride. We can problem solve -- how he will get to and from dialysis or having grab bars strategically installed -- but there are many feelings that come with the physical challenges.

You can't really problem solve feelings. Except maybe to express them, get them off your chest.

Sometimes, though, someone's feelings hurt your feelings.

My Way or the Highway

Did you know today is My Way Day?

I'm a sucker for these silly daily "observances". I mean, why not?

My BFF -- also named Jennifer -- calls it taking a "Jen Zen" day.

If I had my way -- totally and completely -- for one whole day...

8 Ways to Save Money

I'm not super comfortable talking openly about money with most people. It's something that is just too easy to pass judgement on. I learned this 11 years ago when Mark and I went through bankruptcy after our relocation to Washington state.

But life around my house has changed quite a bit over the last 12 months, and part of those changes involve money. This is due mostly to my husband's chronic health conditions and his working less and less (and eventually not at all) ,which in turn has an impact on our budget.

I mean, obviously.

And I have found that some people are curious about how we make ends meet. Because of my hesitation to discuss personal money matters, I could simply say it's none of anyone's business. It really isn't, after all. However, I have been tweaking what we do and don't spend money on -- because I've absolutely had to -- and I thought perhaps what I've done could be of help to someone else.