5 Reasons I Give My Kids Allowance

Whether or not to give kids an allowance for doing chores is one of those personal parenting choices.

Perhaps not quite as controversial as circumcision, breast or bottle feeding, or free range vs. helicoptering. But still a personal/family choice.

I've had the discussion with my mom friends and I've seen it debated online. Everyone seems to land pretty firmly on one side or the other, for or against.

Today

I just want to tell you what we did today.

It was such a little thing, really. A family outing that probably most people just do and don't really think much of.

But it's kind of a bigger deal to me.

Because Mark can't drive anymore (I never could, remember) and he may have one doctor appointment or another, or be in the hospital, or even just not feel well enough....

So we don't do many fun things as a family these days. I do things sometimes, and our kids do too, with friends and such. Once in awhile Mark gets to as well.

Today? We took a quick 15 minute drive with Mark's paid caregiver to a local beach and picnic area called Kayak Point.

(Don't think the caregiver is supposed to take us to do such things, but it's very nice that she wants to; kind of feels like she's taking care of all of us a little bit.)

How Others See Me

Looking for reasons to blog and topics for blogging, as I am wont to do these days because I have been having a hard time with that, I noticed a prompt to simply list 10 random facts/things about myself.

Well, I have done this several times before, so I was like,sigh...I'd probably just repeat myself.

Also, one of the reasons I'm having such a hard time with blogging is my brain doesn't seem to be able to form its own thoughts.

I have started and stopped a few blog posts lately because I simply lost what I thought I wanted to say.

Poof! Gone.

And My Heart Melted

Yesterday was my son AJ's 9th birthday.

Altogether now: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AJ!

This kid, man. He has been such a good guy these past months. Before Christmas I teased that he must be trying to get to the tippy-top of Santa's Nice List.

One day during Christmas break, he was spending most of his time hanging out with his friend who lives right next door to us. He was even planning to spend the night there.

His sister was also at a friend's house when my MIL and I decided to run to the store for a few things. This left my husband home alone.

I Promise

As part of adapting to the physical changes my husband has gone through in this last year, and how it changes some things for us as a family, we recently met with a social worker.

She asked several pretty personal questions about our relationship and how it is doing.

Where we stand.

Because oftentimes the significant other of someone with chronic illness decides to leave.

The social worker asked us, "How long have you been married?"

"16 years," I answered. In my head I always add, "Together for 20," because those first four years matter too.

Transitions

As I mentioned in my first post of the year, my mother-in-law, who has been living nearby in order to be of help to us since my husband's hospital stay back in September, is going back home to California.

Today, in fact.

The reasons are personal to her, and have nothing to do with us. She doesn't want to leave, and does hope to return.

I have made no secret that 2014 was a bitch of a year for Mark. Several things started going south for him (his health), to the point that he is no longer working or driving. I've never been able to drive, because of my stupid eyes. Mark's mom's arrival on the scene was timed perfectly (completely by accident), and we've had the luxury of transitioning to a new way of life more gently than we could have hoped for.

Getting Back Into It: A Brain Dump

So I've taken nearly two weeks off from publishing anything here.

It's been good, but my blog has been on my mind the entire time. I've been thinking non-stop about so many things I could write.

It's funny, before I started to blog 4 1/2 years ago, I didn't fret over such things. Now that I do blog, it's like I HAVE to. Blogging is like crack.

Know what else is funny, that I feel the need to write about how much I've been thinking about writing before I can get on with what I want to say.

Thinking about what to share is clogging my brain so that actually doing the sharing is hindered!

Give Us Gifts!

The Tuesday Ten topic this week is to share what's on our Holiday wish lists.

I mean, yeah, I have a list of stuff I want, but it's not necessarily on my CHRISTMAS wish list. It's just stuff I want.

And, I don't think I can rattle off 10 things right now (my brain, I'm sorry)....BUT, I do think it would be fun to share what my husband and kids want too.

Because of Love

My dad, for all his inherent manliness, is really a big softy.

There are many things he's taught me during my life, like:

• How to ride a bike
• How to cook the basics
• Work before play (but DO play)
• Love of music
• Responsibility

There have been lots of pearls of wisdom and advice given over the years (some that I took in and others I didn't, for better or worse), but the thing that sticks out the most in my mind right now, is actually something we talked about very recently.

The View From Here: Blended Family Bliss

For the second to the last week of "The View From Here", I bring you a man.

Lance Burson is a writer living outside Atlanta, Georgia with his wife and 3 daughters.

He's a published author of 2 books, The Ballad Of Helene Troy and Soul To Body,

available on amazon.com for kindle and lulu.com in paperback.

He co-runs the politics and pop culture site, Lefty Pop - Suckers For Politics And Pop Culture

and blogs at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog.

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Blended Family Bliss

I'm terrible at taking compliments, but my favorite one is when people find out my wife and 3 daughters and I constitute a blended family and say "oh, wow, I could've sworn you guys had been together from the start."

Summer: Um....What?

So I guess there's this thing called summer. Maybe you've heard of it? It's when the kids aren't in school, the weather is really nice, people do a lot of traveling and reading. There's lots of grilled food and refreshing cocktails. Many of which are sipped on beaches....

I mean, this is what I hear. I wouldn't really know.

We have had nice weather (for the most part), the kids haven't been in school, I've had a few delicious cocktails and my husband has grilled meat like four times.

Summer is normally pretty low key for us, and this year has been even moreso, mainly due to Mark's healing foot.

Also? It's like I blinked and it's nearly September! I genuinely do not know how this happened.

I don't know how much I can go on about my family's boring summer, but it's Elaine's Old School Blogging topic (yay, it's back!) for this month, so I'm gonna give it a shot.

The View From Here: On the Brinks

Today I have a View from Kelly of Kelly Roberts Writing.

I began reading her words when I set out to get this post ready, and I was instantly sucked in. I had skimmed it briefly when she first sent it, but my skimming didn't get the point across.

Her writing is wonderful! Just see what I mean....

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On the Brinks

Many important things fill our Brinks fireproof lock box. 

There are certificates of birth and marriage, and thankfully not death. 

There are wills, my husband’s and mine, the kind drafted by lawyers— we keep the kind strengthened by perseverance through years together with us at all times. 

Savings bonds, social security cards and snippets of a child’s caramel-colored hair also rest in the box. 

When You're Absolutely 100% Just DONE with a Relationship

I have had a very, shall we say, rocky relationship with the woman who was my step-mother for about 30 years.

She came into my life when I was around five and a half, not long after my parents separated. She moved in with us (my father retained custody of me) and I think things were OK, for a little while at least.

As time went on, she was pretty hard on me, even though I was a very good kid, by all accounts. She expected me to love and appreciate her automatically, pushing her boundaries as my dad's girlfriend (and eventually wife) to the point of trying to take my mother's place. This was a sore spot for her, but it wasn't our only problem. It was certainly no reason to treat me the way she often did.

First Comes Love

Boy and girl meet.

Flowers, candles and Zima woo.

Girl and boy decide to forge ahead together.

What We Add Up To

One diabetic man on dialysis with various complications.

+

One anxious visually impaired woman.

+

The View From Here: One Way Streets Are Lonely

This week's View is coming to you all the way from Germany!

Deanna Hermann is an expat blogger and freelance writer. She writes today about something I could relate to after we relocated from California to Washington. It's hard to leave people you love behind, but they don't need to make it harder.

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One Way Streets Are Lonely

If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

I know my answers to that question evolve as I grow and change. Never would I have thought that one day, the answer to that question would be that I want to become an expatriate.

I got my first taste of Germany when I lived here briefly from 2008-2010. During the end of my stay, I met my husband. I had to return to the states and a year later he followed. We went through the immigration process, married and had our first child all pretty quickly. Like, in the first year, quickly.

As much as we both thought a life in the states was what we wanted, we longed for the simpler life we could have in Germany. We wanted our son to be near family, but also experience that same lifestyle. In addition, I suffer from a chronic neurological disease and you just can’t beat socialized health care. So, in May 2013, we returned to Germany and started our lives over once again.

A decision that big, doesn’t come without some expected fallout. My family, of course, all live in the states. For my mom, especially, this move takes away her only grandchild. We are now approximately 5,500 miles away with a nine-hour time difference. For the most part, my family has been very understanding and supportive, but it’s difficult; small, yet passive aggressive, jabs happen.

And this is where it becomes frustrating.

Often, people make it seem like we have no right to complain about how hard it is when we made this choice. “No one forced you to move”, they’ll say. While there is truth to the statement that we chose this life, it’s no different than anyone else making choices for their family.

For instance, whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a work-outside-of-the-home mom, it’s hard. You are constantly making sacrifices and while the details of those are different, the reasoning behind them is still the same: you want the best for your family, your children. In Las Vegas, my husband and I have a great network of friends, we have my family, we both have career opportunities, but neither of us can accept raising our son there when we have options. I know kids grow up in Las Vegas, but ours doesn’t have to, so we made a choice.

We decided to give up what may be easier for us, what may be better for us, for what we know is better for him.

It’s not that we don’t have family or friends here. It’s not that we can’t both have careers here. Germany is lovely or we wouldn’t have wanted to return, but even the most lovely place can’t mend your heart when you miss your family and close friends from your “other home”. So, sometimes it’s hard and we want to complain when we feel homesick. Mostly though, we just want people to reach out instead of it always being a one-way street. We may have been the ones who left, but that doesn’t mean we have to be the only ones to stay in touch.

In the end, you have to make choices in your life. The decisions are always yours whether you believe them to be or not. Only you can live life the way you want.

We are coming up on our one-year anniversary here and we still believe in our decision, but a little reciprocation would be nice. There’s even this thing called Skype (or Face Time) that makes it easy and free. Try it out sometime, would ya?

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Yeah, my mom had a hard time with our move too. And honestly, now that my children are growing up, I can relate to never wanting them to move too far away from me. My daughter sees commercials for St. Jude's and says she wants to work there when she grows up. I tell her there is a perfectly good children's hospital in Seattle!

On the other hand, Deanna is right, we all have to make choices based on what we think will be best for ourselves and our families. Most of the time, things that are necessary, aren't easy.

On the other, other hand, no one should feel like they're allowed to make you feel bad for the choices you make.

It's a touchy thing!

Please leave Deanna some comment love and then get to know her better at her blogs, From Casinos to Castles and My Muted Voice.

Find her on social media too:

Twitter - Facebook - Instagram

**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

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Strings Attached

In the 19 years of my relationship with my husband I have learned that I should not be responsible for the intricacies of managing the connections with my in-laws. They had a relationship with Mark for 25 years before I came along. Why should I step in and make things happen for my husband who is a grown man?

I know many wives do this. And their husbands let them. I did for awhile too. I am really good at remembering dates and I would remind Mark of his parents' birthdays, and make sure he got them at least a card.

But sometime after having children I realized I was a parent now too and didn't need to keep mothering my husband. I had actual babies to worry about.

It's not as if he made sure I remembered my parents' birthdays or thought of gifts to give them for Christmas. Nope, that was all on me.

So I decided that Mark's relationships with his family members were his responsibility.

I had to tell his father too when he got in the habit of emailing me with questions for Mark. I can understand that my father-in-law is hard of hearing and using email is easier for him. I also understand that my husband would rather use the phone, so these opposing preferences present a problem. However, my father-in-law has high quality hearing aids and can pick up the phone and call his son.

Unless Mark is lying in a hospital bed, I don't need to be a middle-man.

__________

Another problem has presented itself in the past few years. Mark's step-mother has called me twice a couple of days after Christmas complaining that we didn't call them on Christmas Day. I think both of the years in which this happened, we had guests for the Holiday and were kind of busy.

See, she feels it is the kid's job to call the parents on Christmas. And she is apparently pretty hard over on this.

I, on the other hand, think it shouldn't matter who calls whom. If you want to talk to me on Christmas, call. If I happen to think of it first, I'll call you. As long as we connect, it shouldn't matter who dialed the digits.

She called me again this year, two days after Christmas. She said, "We've been waiting. You're the kids."

::begin rant::

It is so completely frustrating to be scolded like that. Especially when it's not even my fault! I actually did remind Mark to call his dad. We had guests, we were doing things and he forgot.

I think these expectations are stupid. We are parents now too and busy making Christmas special for our kids. I think YOU should call if it means that much to you! And actually, all that should matter is that we talk sometime AROUND Christmas and the New Year. To check in, to talk about the gifts that were exchanged, whatever.

Why does it have to be FORCED?

It makes me feel like the gifts they send to us have strings attached. In fact, I have tried to get them to NOT give me anything before because of this. I stonewalled when asked what I wanted for Christmas last year. They wouldn't leave me alone until I gave them some clue as to what I might like.

This year, I told them about household items we could use. Nothing personal for myself. I just can't handle the sense of obligation that emanates from them.

When Mark's step-mother called this year, I cordially said I was sorry we hadn't called yet, but at that moment Mark had just gotten home from dialysis and wanted to take a nap before going to work. She said, "Well, it's the kids we really want to talk to." Oh. Well then call the kids!!

::end rant::

Cordiality. Obligation. Strings.

That's all I feel. It doesn't feel good, and I don't know what to do about it, IF there's anything I CAN do about it.

I don't think they have any idea I feel this way. Because of other difficulties in the relationships over the years I am always completely cordial and polite to/with them. I am beyond gun-shy of making waves.

So I sit here and bite my tongue the hardest I've ever had to bite it. I do that for my husband and my children. But it bugs me so much.

(I am 99% sure they don't read my blog, by the way. If they do read it and never say anything to me.....well that's just oogy.)

The View From Here: I'll Be Home For Christmas

The View this week is from Robbie of Fractured Family Tales.

She is a very busy working mom of 3 with a little writer on the side. Robbie is one of the sweetest people I've met through blogging. She is heading into what could very well be her mom's last Christmas, so her View right now is tinged with sadness.

Let's read her words and send some virtual hugs her way.

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I'll Be Home For Christmas

Sitting here in the tan recliner I bought for my mom's visit last year with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. We are leaving in six hours. 

Even if it were six days away, the heaviness would weigh me down. I'm not sure what to expect so I prepare for the worst. I still won't be ready.

In the darkness of the morning, we will carry pajama clad children into the waiting mini van and drive another three and a half hours to catch our flight. At least Salt Lake City is prepared for winter weather. 

I'll cling to the hope that we make it out of Denver but will be prepared for problems. I've learned this year that Denver International Airport is not my friend.

Dreaming of home at this Christmas time

Even more than I usually do

And although I know it's a long road back

I promise you

I'll be home for Christmas

You can count on me

A load of still warm laundry piled high on the forest green love seat across from me. The laundry that must be folded and sorted and stuffed into a suitcase before I climb into my black canopy bed.

I hope against hope that the blue gel tablets I swallowed an hour ago will bring the sleep that I am desperate for. 

Pine needles sprinkling the snowman tree skirt and the carpet beneath our nearly seven foot tall Christmas tree. The lights shining a rainbow of colors into the dark living room. 

It's empty underneath except for a few remnants of wrapping paper left behind. A wadded up white ball dotted with green hat wearing penguins remains.

We celebrated Early Christmas tonight. Big Yankee cannot make the trip this year. The kids and I cannot NOT make the trip this year.

 My view is distorted and complicated. My mom is sick. 

My family will be separated once more. It's a short term physical break that is growing into an agonizingly emotional hole.

I don't like the view from here. Yet I am unsure how to see things differently.

Christmas Eve will find me

Where the love light gleams

I'll be home for Christmas

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My daughter's first Christmas was her great-grandfather's last (paternal). Pretty much the entire Hall Family gathered because we suspected it might be. He passed away the following September.

I think Robbie's post reminds us to take the time to spend with those we love, while we still can.

More of Robbie can be found on her Blog and Twitter!

Who are you spending Christmas with?

**If you would be interested in contributing to this series, please go HERE.**

The View From Here: My Sister Friends

This week's View contribution comes from a fellow Pacific Northwesterner!

Bruna of Bees With Honey is a mom to three beautiful girls and a teacher.

She is one who blogs straight from the heart, as you will see here.

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My Sister Friends

One of my favourite past times is listening in on the conversations of my youngest two as they play together. Listening to them create, command, perform and teach together warms my heart. Watching them play creatively and using their imaginations brings me back to my own childhood.

Like my daughters, I grew up with sisters, two of them. We did everything together from sharing a room, swapping clothes, playing Barbies, making up games, hanging out with friends and fighting. As the oldest, I was the bossiest of the three but I was never unkind. Okay, well maybe once or twice I pinned Sister #2 to the ground and threatened to spit in her face, but for the most part, I really loved her. I was more than just her sister, I was also her friend.

Now that we’re grown women, all three of us don’t always get the chance to be together as much as we’d like. Two of us are married with kids and one of us is still living the single life. We‘re waiting for baby sis to catch up and join the Mom club!

While my sisters and I don’t think we look a lot alike, people know instantly when they see us that we’re related. Whether it’s the long dark hair or our rambunctious conversation, we tend to stick out like sore thumbs no matter where we go together. There is always something to bicker or laugh about. That’s just us.

In the last few years, I’ve come to realize something very important about having sisters. No matter what happens in my life, I can’t get rid of them! When friends have disappointed or hurt me, my sisters were there to put back the pieces of my heart. When I went through difficult times in my life, they were there to walk me through and out of it. When I celebrated joys, they stood by me smiling and happy for me. They have been my counselors, my relationship advisers, my fashion police, my fitness trainers and my friends. We have had our fair share of disagreements and bicker over silly, absurd minor details not worth the cause but we’ve never been jealous of each other. We pick each other up when we are down
and bring each other down when we’re flying too high.

We talk.
We listen.
We support.

I love them for who they are and am grateful to have them in my life.

They are my sister friends.

The best kind of friends to have.

Have you hugged your sister today?

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I think it would have been awesome to grow up with a sister! But I don't have siblings, so I tend to see my best girlfriends as sisters. I put a lot of emphasis on those relationships. They feel like family.

Please leave comments, and then hook up with Bruna on her

Blog - Facebook - Twitter - Pinterest

Medical Emergency Preparedness for Kids

My two children, currently aged 13 and 7 1/2, have a dad who is a Type 1 Diabetic. He also has End Stage Renal Disease (ESRD) requiring dialysis, as well as a heart condition which necessitated he be given an Implantable Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD).

Phew! Lots of big words. Details for adults, really. All kids really care about is that Daddy has health problems and sometimes he has to be in the hospital. Also, sometimes at home, we have to call 911.

We recently got our daughter (the teenager) into counseling. We thought to help her better manage her ADHD as pertains to school. Not surprisingly, Camryn spoke to her counselor about her dad too.

The counselor told us that Cami has some anxiety about dealing with something happening to her dad when I'm not around. Like if I go out with friends, or if she goes out with my husband to run errands.

Camryn likes to go out with Mark just the two of them because she gets to sit in the front seat. That, and I think she genuinely likes to be helpful to her dad.

The counselor suggested that we could help alleviate Camryn's worries if we all sat down as a family and discussed exactly how to handle possible medical emergencies that can come up. Not only to discuss, but also come up with PLANS. Or specific instructions.

Obviously that's something we should do. I mean, of course, right? Sometimes you don't know if something is a good idea until an outside source points it out.

So we did it! I typed up an instruction sheet, and then the four of us sat down and discussed it.

Here is a generic version* of what my kids now have copies of:

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KIDS: If You Need to Help Dad On Your Own

Low Blood Sugar - At Home

If Dad seems weird, suddenly yawning a lot, not finishing sentences, getting sweaty, begins acting kind of goofy or loud, or if he’s sleeping and you can’t wake him up, maybe his blood sugar is low.

Try to talk to him. You’ll know if he’s not responding to you well. If he is low, but not too bad and it looks like he can take car of himself, offer to help, but otherwise let him. If he is really bad off, do the following:

1. Try to find and suspend his insulin pump.
-Once found (should be in a pants pocket) suspend:
Press ACT
Press the DOWN arrow once to highlight SUSPEND
Press ACT again, and then one more time (pump will vibrate 3 times)

2. Call me. ___-___-____. If I answer, I will try to help you help him. If I don’t answer, go on to #3.

3. Grab a phone, any phone, and dial 911.
- Tell them what is happening, that your dad is Diabetic and you think his blood sugar is low but you can’t help him.
- Our address is  __________________________________.
- They will give you instructions. Follow them.
- Firefighters or paramedics will come and help Dad and he’ll be OK.

Something Else is Wrong - At Home

If Dad is unconscious (eyes closed, you can’t wake him up) for any other reason that does not seem to be low blood sugar, just call 911 right away. Then call me.

General Instructions

If you can ever not reach me, here are some other people to try:
______________ at ___-___-____
______________ at ___-___-____
______________ at ___-___-____
______________ at ___-___-____.

You can go get a neighbor you feel comfortable with. BE SURE NOT TO LOCK YOURSELF OUT!

(If it’s AJ who is here alone, or if either of you need to tell someone, Camryn’s phone number is ___-___-____.)

Low Blood Sugar - While Out
If you’re in a store or any business with Dad, grab him a snack or drink, &/or try to ask someone who works there for help. You can try to fish Dad’s phone out of his pocket and call me.

Some Other Emergency - While Out
Try to get Dad’s phone and call 911, look around for a woman who can help you, call me.

Try to not be scared. Try to stay calm. There is always a way to get help.

*If interested, HERE is a link to a Google Drive copy of the above. If you have a similar situation to ours, you could use ours as an example, but customize it to your specific circumstance.

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The reality is that my kids' dad could have a serious medical emergency at any time. This is something I felt was best to do for my kids. Other families may handle it differently. Obviously, the older they get, the easier it is to educate them about these things.

For now, I feel a little better knowing we've talked about it all, and maybe they feel a little more empowered.