January 31, 2012

My Husband is Enough

My dearest Mark,

I'm not sure you're really hearing me when we're talking so I'm going to put this out to the world as a way of showing you how I feel and what I truly think.

I need you to know that you are enough.

You are enough man, enough husband and enough father.

You are the love of my life. Your children light up when you spend time with them.

Your health problems have nothing to do with how we feel about you.

You are not a burden and you do not cause us pain.

The health problems are hard and cause worry and concern and even fear. But they are what they are. They are not WHO you are; they do not define you.

I know you're becoming afraid, wondering how much more your body can take. I know how afraid you are that you'll leave us too soon.

I'm afraid of that too.  We do deal with a lot of crap. It does get stressful. Scary things happen. There are challenges to overcome. Life just plain sucks sometimes.

But you taught me - YOU TAUGHT ME - years ago that we cannot live in fear. YOU TAUGHT ME about what it is to fight for the life you want. YOU TAUGHT ME how to live in the moment.

Being with you has taught me how to love unconditionally. You have taught me compassion and faith. You have taught me how to laugh in the face of hardship. You, my sweet husband, have taught me to see each and every one of life's blessings and to focus on them when struggles come. Because of your strong influence in my life, I know that everything will be OK. Somehow, someway, it'll be OK.

When I think back to where we began, and look around at where we are today, all I see are the good things.  I see our relationship of almost 18 years, our beautiful children and this little house we bought and I am in awe.  I feel so full of love.

I am proud of us. I am proud of our life together. I am proud of you.

This life - yours, mine, ours - will never be picture perfect. It is what it is, hon. At the end of the day, the crap doesn't matter. What matters is who we are, how we love, our strength and perseverance.

Mark, I can't stand to watch you worrying so much about the future. Please, like Sammy says, stay right here, right now. Breathe in the moments and live your life with the intention of wringing out every single last drop that you can.

And please know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are enough. No, you are more than enough.

I love you,
Jen

PS: Like The Band says, you have The Eye of the Motherfucking Tiger, and don't you forget it!






62 comments:

  1. beautiful..I hope Mark reads this...
    I may or may not be crying...

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    1. I will be sitting him down to read this later.

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  2. Ahhhhhhhh . . . I have no words. :)
    Jenn

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Jim. I was kind of wondering how other men might feel about it.

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    2. Well, I can't speak to how OTHER men feel about it, but how *I* feel about it, is that your husband. . . or ANYONE who people love. . . should know that love isn't a burden, it's a blessing. And you count those sorts of blessings just as absolutely long as you can.

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  4. Whether or not a husband has medical issues; you created a loving tribute to your's and your marriage that EVERY ONE should read and take to heart. Thank you.

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  5. Oh man... I have to say, this took a bit out of me to read. Love you Jen, and Love you to Mark!

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    1. I'm sorry. I'm not meaning to take anything out of ppl!

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  6. Jen, thank you for the reminder to not only take in the moment I am in, but show the man I get to be here with that I appreciate him. Its awesome to get to see this side of your love for Mark. We love you and your hubby very much!

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    1. Wow, carin, you came and read and even commented. Thank you!

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  7. Awwww! This is so sweet! You make me want to appreciate things and not take advantage of what I do have! Thank you!

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    1. I'm glad that's what this makes you feel. Don't take anything for granted!

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  8. I, too, find that when I really want my husband to hear me, it's best to put it in writing. I hope your husband "hears" you through this sweet post. Your unconditional love for him is so evident.

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    1. He sat and read it, and I feel like it's sinking in for him. I hope so, anyway.

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  9. I hope you do make him read this. These are all things he has to know. As a guy, I do know how to "turn off my ears" when my wife is talking - or if I am paying attention I tend not to take what she says too seriously (that she's "only saying this so as not to hurt my feelings" mentality).

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    1. Why do men do that? Is it ego? I see it in my 6 year old son already.

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  10. Oh, I hope he reads this! Such a beautiful love.

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  11. This hit really close to home with me because my son has type 1 diabetes. I understand what and how you feel from a different standpoint because I'm the mom and you're the wife. Being there for them is all we can do. Your letter is beautifuly written, especially when you say that his health problems do not define him. I pray for a cure everyday. God bless.

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    1. Considering how I feel about my husband's diabetes, I feel fairly confident that if one of my children had it, I'd be so angry I could spit nails!

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  12. This kind of love improves health and longevity, I see it time and again!

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  13. Ok Jen, I am crying. So beautiful and so...just...yeah. I have no words but you chose all the right ones. I hope Mark reads this. Love you all.

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    1. I'm sorry I made you cry! He did read it, and I think he really appreciatess it.

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  14. Micky Marie MorrisonJanuary 31, 2012 at 7:47 PM

    Beautiful... Your love is a great healing force and his disease is a great teaching force in your family.

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  15. OK Jen: You had me at the title.
    I was already teary-eyed. At the title.
    Then there was the photo and it sent me over the edge.
    Then of course, the post.
    Beautiful.
    Your lucky husband.
    And one day your children will read this post and they will feel all warm and fuzzy inside just reading it.
    Got my vote, missy. (-:

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    Replies
    1. Ohmigosh, Ado! It means a LOT to me that you think this is a beautiful post cuz you write a lot of great posts. Thank you!

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  16. Such pure love ... so heartfelt and lovely ...

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  17. Well done, Jen. I hope it sinks in. I know how he feels. It is not a mystery that men dread being a burden. We much prefer to shoulder the burden. You have shown him that there is much more to a person, life, and relationship than that.

    It is our vulnerability that inspires love, not our manly deeds. I will help you remind him of that.

    Love,
    Dad

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  18. Wow Jen, love this post. Your love is beautiful. You and Mark are so meant to be together!

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  19. well done for maintaining a strong relationship and sharing your feelings.

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  20. This was just beautiful. Thanks for sharing your inspiring words with the world at large.

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    1. Thank you. I am in awe of the response to this.

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  21. This gave me chills and made me tear up too. Mark is so very blessed to have you Jen. You've always shown how much you love him here on this blog. I hope he reads it often.

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    1. Thanks, Rach. Yeah, Mark is pretty blessed to have me. ;-)

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  22. lovely. anyone who can combine all that great emotional writing and end with "eye of the motherfucking tiger" is pretty special her own damn self, too. just fyi.

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  23. Jennifer, What a beautiful, beautiful letter. A true love is one of the best things for a person's health. Plus Van Halen? Perfection. And you're right: The crap doesn't matter. It's what you have together. XO

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    1. Thank you so much! For Mark, I could've chosen any song by Sammy Hagar and he'd be happy.

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  24. So sweet. All my best to you and to Mark. I hope things get better for you both. I hope he feels this in his heart. God bless.

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  25. Clapping for you for saying this to him so well. So honestly and heart felt. I was blushing a bit!

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  26. Ah, how lovely! I hope he's read this and all the comments too!!

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    1. He read it and he seems pretty happy that I wrote it.

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  27. This is a beautiful post Jennifer. I am sure he is amazed that you have given him this gift and in years to come you will all read this again and it will remind you of how far you have come.

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    1. I offered to print it up for him to carry around, but he said no!

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  28. You are SO sweet. =) Your husband is truly blessed to have a very appreciative wife like you =)

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  29. @momrocksmeals taste tester!February 10, 2012 at 12:47 PM

    Please tell Mark for me that my Dad was sick for my ENTIRE life. I never had a clue. I remember an operation or two. All these years later my Mom informs me how many times he was in fact stricken with a recurrence of cancer. Your children will remember the times you took them fishing, read to them, or just generally spending time with them. Your illness will NEVER be what defines you in their eyes. It will make them more determined to beat whatever comes up in their lives and to never be afraid of anything.

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  30. I just happened to read this again.
    About 8 months later.
    You wrote this BEFORE March.
    Ever so sweet and poignant.
    And I so agree with JHo... That illness does not define a person.
    I love that you all have had a very nice summer together.
    Keep it up!

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