June 13, 2015

Bullshit vs. Gratitude

I felt a whole lot of gratitude this week.

It's not that anything particularly wonderful happened.

I think what it it is, is that, at least for me, the circumstances of my life have taught me to easily notice all the things I could/should be thankful for.

To the point, honestly, where I am often dumbfounded by those who don't see. I am that person who, when listening to someone complain about something, can almost always find a way to spin the complaint into something to be grateful for.

Now before you go calling me Suzy Sunshine, it's not that I always arrive at my gratefuls without ever first feeling anger, bitterness or the urge to coat my feelings in sarcasm.

I am both easily frustrated....and easily thankful.

In fact, I was very frustrated, and even angry, at several things this week. But I also felt so much gratitude!

Does that make me complicated? Maybe.

I mean, we have family drama, friendship struggles, the hoopla of my husband's discharge from the rehab facility, businesses being assholes and the deaths of my clothes dryer and my Keurig coffee brewer.

My bullshit bucket actually quite overflowed this week.

But then we have these cool things:

1. Mark finally coming home after a month recovering from surgery. He wheeled into the house, stopped in the living room and sighed happily.

2. Two of my good friends taking turns helping me get to and from Mark's rehab facility so I could properly learn how to assist Mark in getting up without the use of his arms (and start bringing home the many items he had requested while there).

3. Those same two friends taking me for a pedicure!

4. My mom's quick and generous purchase of a new dryer when mine died for the third time in about a month and a half.

5. The continuous trickle of visitors Mark had. I know it helped him get through being stuck in a rehab facility.

6. My dad for swooping in to retrieve Mark a day early.

7. The TV show Supernatural on Netflix. It is one of the few reasons our teen hangs out in the same room with us.

8. Speaking of Netflix, season 3 of Orange is the New Black!

9. Expressing some anger that had built up over many years. It has to do with the family drama I briefly mentioned above. I felt bold and brave when I did it, then I felt worried about the consequences the morning after. Now I'm kind of indifferent. I have yet to see how it's going to play out.

10. How absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's kind of a confusing thing, feeling more love for someone when you get some space from them. But that, coupled with how proud I am of Mark for how well he handled something he had been dreading, made me feel even more love than I already did.

Sharing with Lizzi's Ten Things of Thankful :-)

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