Whether or not to give kids an allowance for doing chores is one of those personal parenting choices.
Perhaps not quite as controversial as circumcision, breast or bottle feeding, or free range vs. helicoptering. But still a personal/family choice.
I've had the discussion with my mom friends and I've seen it debated online. Everyone seems to land pretty firmly on one side or the other, for or against.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
October 13, 2015
May 26, 2015
A Summer Bucket List of Little Things
I've noticed that many people seem to be into this notion of creating a summer bucket list. I get it. It's about seizing the moment, carpe diem and all that.
We often think there's plenty of time to do all the fun summer things, but then those three months go screaming by.
I don't think I have a "bucket" list so much as a "to-do" list. My family is just not the kind that gets to do a whole lot of BIG things.
We often think there's plenty of time to do all the fun summer things, but then those three months go screaming by.
I don't think I have a "bucket" list so much as a "to-do" list. My family is just not the kind that gets to do a whole lot of BIG things.
April 23, 2014
Swinging Into Spring
My niece and mother-in-law where here visiting at the beginning of the month.
One afternoon, niece Lindsay, who is 20, went with my kids down to our neighborhood playground,
and took these great action shots of them jumping off the swings....with her iPhone.
March 27, 2014
The View From Here: Tire Swing
This week's VIew is coming to you from Lisa of The Golden Spoons.
Lisa is someone I met through lots of blog hopping. We are also in a blogging group on Facebook.
The "golden spoons" are her three daughters, and she talks here about having to force herself to not be too overprotective of them.
Perhaps you can relate.
__________
Tire Swing
We have lots of wooded areas around our house. In one spot , down in the woods, my father in law made a tire swing for my three girls. With what can only be described a grandpa heroics (and a little bit of luck), he threw a rope around a very high, sturdy branch and tied an old tire to the end of the loop. My girls love it.
dominique ap via photopin cc
Me? Every time I watch them on it I hold my breath. You see, the branch is very high which means the rope is very long. When they first get on the swing, in that spot directly under the branch, they are not too high of the ground. But, just a few steps beyond the “landing” area, the ground drops off abruptly by a few feet, so, when the girls swing way out over this drop-off, they suddenly seem much higher from the ground and, therefore, much more precariously perched atop the swing.
"What if they fall?" I think to myself. "What if they don't?" I hear myself answer back. What if they miss the fun, the exhilaration, the time outdoors, the laughter because I was afraid of the "What ifs?"
Thus is the conundrum of parenting, isn't it? Just like the push and pull of that swing, we are constantly letting go, pushing forward, and hoping they return safely.
We have a fierce desire to protect our children. We want to spare them from harm and hurt - external and internal. We want to dry their tears and mend their broken hearts. Yet, we are simultaneously preparing them to leave our protection and, eventually, be on their own.
Tonight, I watched my daughter on the soccer field. Her team lost, but she chased that ball and kicked it with all her might. She had a blast and has come to really love playing soccer.
A couple years ago, however, I was not so sure. You see, she is not exactly the most coordinated child and was, in fact, rather accident prone when she was younger. The idea of her playing a semi-contact sport like soccer was very scary to me. I was certain she would get hurt or, even worse, be laughed at or ridiculed. She continued to ask and, eventually I gave in and sign her up.
Now, I watch her on that field and think, "Why did I wait so long? What was I really scared of?" I just wanted to protect her, but the truth is that I was holding her back. I was keeping her away from something that has turned out to be one of the best things she has ever done! It has boosted her confidence and she is proud of herself. It has improved her physical coordination. It has taught her sportsmanship and teamwork. She has made friends. She has had so much fun.
And, I have learned something too.
Sometimes, as parents, we have to be more like our children - unafraid to swing way out over the cliff. We have to let go and maybe even give them a push. We have to trust that the branch is strong and that the rope will hold. We have to have faith that the risk is worth the outcome. Sometimes, we may even have to be a soft place for them to fall. But, we can't let the "what if's" paralyze us.
I've seen this quote attributed to several different people, but it has always been one of my favorites and I remember it every time I see my kids on the tire swing or my daughter on the soccer field.
"There are two precious gifts we can give our children. One is roots; the other is wings."
__________
You know I love that quote. I've used it somewhere on this blog before....
I don't think I've ever been overprotective. At least not to my kids' faces.
I let them do things, tell them to have fun, while inside I'm worrying.
I think back to my own childhood and remember how much more freedom I had than they do,
and then I feel like I'm probably doing the right thing when I let them go.
Get to know Lisa at her:
July 28, 2013
Life With Kids: A Pictorial
I have two kids.
My oldest, a daughter, named Camryn Rose. She is 13.
And a son we call AJ, for Alexander Jared. He is 7 1/2.
This is what life with them looks like.
1. Lots of PB&Js
2. Girl Scouts
3. Chillin'
4. Boy stuff
 |
 |
| (with a kitty photo bomb) |
6. Bikes. In the grass.
7. Girly stuff, aka growing up
8. Report cards
9. Fun new experiences
 |
| (blueberry picking) |
10. Sweetness
Linked up with Monday Listicles!
January 18, 2013
Cousins
My mother-in-law and niece visited us last week. It was a very nice visit that did not involve the hospital!
Our niece Lindsay is almost 19 and just a fantastic young woman. It was great how she would bounce between hanging with our kids and holding adult conversation with us.
I met this girl when she was just 6 months old!
I only wish her older sister and my sister-in-law could have come too!
Mark got this great shot the last night they were here:
Our niece Lindsay is almost 19 and just a fantastic young woman. It was great how she would bounce between hanging with our kids and holding adult conversation with us.
I met this girl when she was just 6 months old!
I only wish her older sister and my sister-in-law could have come too!
Mark got this great shot the last night they were here:
 |
| Do they all have the same chin? |
January 11, 2013
Guest Post: Raising Humans
Last Friday I tweeted....
....because AJ's school serves pizza for lunch every Friday and he always looks forward to it.
Apparently mine isn't the only kid who loves pizza (go figure), and it inspired Tricia of Raising Humans to write a post for me about her daughter's love of the cheesy, round food.
She rolls over. Her hair sticks up in a dozen different directions. Her eyes squint in the early morning light struggling to pour through her blinds.
"Is it Friday?"
I smile as I smooth her hair.
"No, love. It's Monday."
This scene plays out nearly every morning.
And after I've broken the news, she moves right along. Happily getting ready for school. Going about her weekday morning routine.
It's not that she feels the grind just yet. It's not that she dislikes school (she loves it) or counts the minutes until the weekend (she doesn't).
It's that Fridays are something special. Friday leads to Friday night. And Friday night is pizza night.
We didn't do this one intentionally. It started one week on a whim. Back in the early days of family dinners. In the early days of thinking, for the first time, about what would go on the table. Planning meals and making food each night because now she was eating with us. Suddenly, picking up sandwiches from Subway on the way home wasn't going to cut it. My girl needed warm food and a table with place mats.
But by Friday… well we were out of ideas. We couldn't think of one more meal. So I ordered a pizza and we snuggled on the couch for extra stories.
That very night, Friday night-pizza night was born.
And two years later, it's still going strong.
Now that she is in school, Fridays are only getting better. Friday is school spirit day. It's music class and dance class day. There is a certain energy at preschool on a Friday that you don't find on any other day.
But when you ask her what happens on Friday, the answer is always the same. Pizza.
Well, now I'm hungry! My favorite kind of pizza is Hawaiian. Has been since I was a kid. But I love all sorts really. Even "weird" ones like BBQ chicken or taco.
What are your favorite pizza toppings?
(I will have one more guest post for you on Monday!)
Son: Every day is a good day if it's Pizza Day!
— just JENNIFER (@JenAnnHall) January 4, 2013
....because AJ's school serves pizza for lunch every Friday and he always looks forward to it.
Apparently mine isn't the only kid who loves pizza (go figure), and it inspired Tricia of Raising Humans to write a post for me about her daughter's love of the cheesy, round food.
_________
Traditions on a Whim
She rolls over. Her hair sticks up in a dozen different directions. Her eyes squint in the early morning light struggling to pour through her blinds.
"Is it Friday?"
I smile as I smooth her hair.
"No, love. It's Monday."
This scene plays out nearly every morning.
And after I've broken the news, she moves right along. Happily getting ready for school. Going about her weekday morning routine.
It's not that she feels the grind just yet. It's not that she dislikes school (she loves it) or counts the minutes until the weekend (she doesn't).
It's that Fridays are something special. Friday leads to Friday night. And Friday night is pizza night.
We didn't do this one intentionally. It started one week on a whim. Back in the early days of family dinners. In the early days of thinking, for the first time, about what would go on the table. Planning meals and making food each night because now she was eating with us. Suddenly, picking up sandwiches from Subway on the way home wasn't going to cut it. My girl needed warm food and a table with place mats.
But by Friday… well we were out of ideas. We couldn't think of one more meal. So I ordered a pizza and we snuggled on the couch for extra stories.
That very night, Friday night-pizza night was born.
And two years later, it's still going strong.
Now that she is in school, Fridays are only getting better. Friday is school spirit day. It's music class and dance class day. There is a certain energy at preschool on a Friday that you don't find on any other day.
But when you ask her what happens on Friday, the answer is always the same. Pizza.
__________
Well, now I'm hungry! My favorite kind of pizza is Hawaiian. Has been since I was a kid. But I love all sorts really. Even "weird" ones like BBQ chicken or taco.
What are your favorite pizza toppings?
(I will have one more guest post for you on Monday!)
December 26, 2012
December 14, 2012
Juicy Juice Fruitifuls Review & #Giveaway
My kids love juices. I've always let them have juice -- good juice, like Juicy Juice. Of course I watered it down for YEARS when they were little. But still, Juicy Juice has always been one of our go-to juices.
Judge me all you want. Tell me I should have only given them water.... What's done is done. Can't go back.
I've actually always felt that my kids have enjoyed a varied diet. And they're pretty darn healthy, so I must not be doing too much wrong....
There's a new juice box on the block!
It has less sugar than other juice boxes and provides one full serving of fruit.
- 35% less sugar than regular fruit juices
- Juicy Juice Fruit Promise: Every box of Juicy Juice Fruitifuls provides one serving (1/2 cup) from the Fruit Group (source: USDA)
- All-natural ingredients: No added sugar, sweeteners, preservatives or artificial flavors
- Hydrating: A naturally refreshing blend of fruit juice and fresh water to help hydrate active kids
- Great for the lunchbox: Comes in convenient, ready-to-go packaging
- Four fun new refreshing flavors: Apple Quench, Punch Splash, Berry Cherry Burst and Orange Strawbana Blast
AJ really likes them!
You know, juice boxes can be very handy when you have young kids. But I've always been frustrated with most of the options out there because I feel like they're merely sugar water. So I am glad that there is a better option out there now.
Would you like to try Juicy Juice Fruitifuls for FREE? I have FIVE coupons for FREE Juicy Juice products to give to one of my readers!
ENTER!
Have a great weekend!
I was sent Juicy Juice Fruitifuls products for my children to try. All opinions are mine and my kids'. Images via Facebook.
October 26, 2012
TGIF: Funny Shit My Son Says #2
This is technically the second post like this because I previously posted about the Cheeto and the Spider (just didn't call it "funny shit my son says").
Regardless, AJ is pretty damn funny.
The other night I was up in my room watching a TV show when, close to bedtime, AJ walks in, clearly upset.
ME: Hey little man, what's up?
AJ: Mommy, I can't find my sound sort homework ANYWHERE!
ME: What? Why are you worried about your homework right now?
AJ: Because I really have to do that one with the /t/ /th/ sounds.
ME: But sweetie, that one was from last week. You have a new one with /c/ /h/ and /ch/ sounds for this week.
AJ: But I just can't find it! You didn't throw it away did you? I'm supposed to do it! Mrs. V wants me to!
ME: OK, calm down. No, I didn't throw it away.
AJ: Well then *starting to cry* WHERE IS IT??
ME: *sigh* I'm pretty sure it's on the table. I promise I'll find it. CHILL OUT.
AJ: NOW, Mommy! PLEASE! *sniffle*
So we head downstairs, I locate the missing homework and all is right with the world.
A little while later we are upstairs to get the kids into bed. AJ is lying in his bed and both Mark and Camryn are sitting there, all three talking about something, when I walk in.
I don't know what they're talking about and don't care. I crack the whip: "Bedtime!"
So Camryn leans over and kisses AJ on the forehead and says, "I love you, AJ".
To which he replies, "I hate you."
Awhile later as Mark and I are watching TV I, forgetting about the "I hate you" moment, start gushing about how good of a little student AJ is becoming and how sweet I think he is to worry about his schoolwork so much.
Mark agrees, and points out how sweet Camryn is too because of how she kissed AJ and said she loves him at bedtime.
Total moment of parental pride, right?
So I ask, "Well did you hear AJ's response?" He says he didn't.
I tell Mark that AJ said "I hate you".
Mark starts laughing and I'm all, "What?"
I guess my brain wasn't firing on all synapses because I wasn't getting the irony.
Mark goes, "Oh yeah, AJ is so sweet! One minute he's all emotional about his homework and the next he hates his sister."
We both start cracking up!
And it's all downhill from there. We start dissecting the Jekyll and Hyde intricacies of our son, sweet vs. evil, and we're laughing so hard we can hardly breathe!
So then I go, "I'm gonna have to blog about this."
Now it's you're turn!
Bring me your happy, funny, special....
And link it up!
(Button in the sidebar. Keeping linky open until the 1st now!)
 |
| IDK if it's weird to link a linky to a linky, but , you know...it just fits! |
August 16, 2012
The School Cycle
There is a cycle to each year when you have kids in school.
Every June you are just as ready as the kids for school to be over and summer break to commence. Then August hits and you start counting down the days until you can wave goodbye to your darling children as they hop onto the school bus to begin a shiny new school year.
This September, for me, a whole new chapter begins, as both of my offspring will be in school full time.
Wait. Let me clarify. People seem to think that all day school is literally ALL day. It's really only six hours, which is only one fourth of 24 hours. Which is why moms worship at the school altar.
Nevertheless, this is a big deal.
8 things I look forward to when sending the kids back to school
1. Getting back to a consistent routine
2. Knowing my children's brains aren't turning to mush
3. Space and time to focus on some long-neglected stuff
4. A (hopefully) less messy house
5. Fall also means TV shows returning!
6. Not having to feed my kids lunch
7. Cute pictures of my kids and their backpacks and the school bus
8. This....
August 10, 2012
I'm so sick of feeding my kids.
Right now, my #1 kid irritation is having to feed them.
Constantly.
Every day.
Breakfast, snack, Lunch, snack, Dinner, snack.
To be completely fair, it's not so much my daughter as it is my son.
AJ is 6 1/2 and seems to be having a growth spurt because he is SO FREAKING HUNGRY!
And apparently whining must accompany being hungry.
Like a kid needs one more reason to whine!
Breakfast is usually pretty easy. He wants either an English muffin or toast with peanut butter, or cereal.
Lunch, on the other hand? I give him choices and he says NO to EVERY SINGLE ONE the first time I say them. Then he asks what his choices are AGAIN.
And sometimes....SOMETIMES....he makes a choice, I start getting it together and he CHANGES HIS MIND.
He's TRYING to drive me INSANE!
Same with snacks. I've finally filled a basket with all sorts of snack foods and set it smack dab in the middle of the table.
DO NOT ASK ME WHAT YOUR SNACK CHOICES ARE ANYMORE, my dear sweet child.
But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Come September, he will start full day school which means EATING LUNCH THERE.
 |
| source HALLELUJAH! |
If he lives until then....
June 8, 2012
TGIF: Grampa's Backyard....and a Poem
Welcome to your spot for celebrating the end of the week!
Nothing fancy here. Was just using my phone....
And then this....
Last week in my Fine post I told you about my daughter's end-of-the-year school project all about who she is. She's writing several stories and poems for it. Again, I got her permission to share this. Don't know if anyone else will love it like her mom and dad do, but we sure think it's great!
She's not actually a teenager yet, will turn 12 next month. I find it interesting that she constantly claims to hate her brother, wish she had a sister instead and wouldn't mind a bit if he were gone, yet "sister" is one of her biggest identifiers. Uh hu, can't fool me, Cami!
A few weeks ago we went over to my dad's house for the afternoon. It was a very nice, sunny spring day. The kids played frisbee, AJ climbed a tree and I roamed around taking pictures of all the blooms.
The sunny, pretty family time made me happy, so that's what I want to share today. (Especially because things are quite the opposite as I sit here putting this post together.)
And then this....
Last week in my Fine post I told you about my daughter's end-of-the-year school project all about who she is. She's writing several stories and poems for it. Again, I got her permission to share this. Don't know if anyone else will love it like her mom and dad do, but we sure think it's great!
Who Am I?
A daughter, a sister, a friend
Do other people really know who I am?
To my parents I am their favorite little girl
To my teachers I am a sweet, hard-working student
Always special
Sometimes I am annoying to my little brother
And sometimes I am hard working at my chores
I am parts of my mom
Parts of my dad
Parts of my friends
Parts of my community and parts of the world
I am a sixth grader, but mostly a
teenager, and I admit also a child
Pieces of a puzzle that I think might fit together someday
I am awake, alert and ready to meet my world
To become a nurse, to learn everything I need to know
You may not believe it, but sometimes I am very stubborn
I am also a good listener, a good worker, who tries her best
I am a rememberer, and a forgetter
There are times when I feel like cooking with my dad
When I love spending time with my mom
When I feel totally happy and satisfied
Who Am I?
A daughter, a sister, a friend
And most of all Camryn Rose Hall
Alright, bring on the HAPPY! Grab the button and link up.
March 19, 2012
About Being a Kid
For this week's Listicle, Stasha asked for 10 Reasons Being a Kid Rocks.
I can easily give 10 Reasons Why Being an Adult Sucks, so I'm going to defer to my children on this one!
AJ (6) says being a kid rocks because...
1. You don't have to make your own bed.
2. You get to play Xbox.
3. You get to ride bikes.
4. You don't have to pay for stuff.
5. Jumping on beds.
Camryn (11) says being a kid rocks because...
6. Getting to play lots of games.
7. Eating sugary things.
8. Summer camp, or summer in general.
9. Sleepovers
10. Girl Scouts
January 27, 2012
TGIF: Yeah. Good Times. Edition
I've got a fun treat for you today.
The gal behind Yeah. Good Times. is here to get her happy on with us!
Jill is unique. She's also pretty awesome. She blogs semi-anonymously as @Jillsmo or "Jill H. Smo", lives in Berkeley and she has two sons whom she refers to as Child 1 and Child 2. Jill describes herself as an "excessively chatty", "snarky, liberal bitch" who is "actually a nice person".
And she really is -- all of those things -- and I really enjoy her posts. Jill can completely crack me up with her funny drawings, or make me think when she has an important issue she'd like to discuss.
Today, I'm just beyond thrilled that she agreed to share her brand of happy with us! You will see below how it might be just a little bit of a twisted happy....
When Jen asked me to write about something that made me happy, I originally thought I would write about how awesome it is when my 2 boys (one with autism, one without) play together, despite their often "saucy" use of language. I even drew this picture!!
But then something else happened that I thought was funny, so I changed my mind. But I didn't want this picture I already drew to go to waste, so there it is. Totally out of context.
Child 2 has this LeapPad Explorer thingy; it's like a fake tablet for kids, and you have to hook it up to a computer to install stuff on it. The other day we were messing around with it and when we hooked it up to the computer we had to install some software. I guess as part of their marketing strategies, the LeapPad company thought it was necessary to put in pictures of REALLY happy people using their products, so as we sat there waiting for it to install, we were treated to pictures like this:
... and, well.... I thought that was kind of funny. Because who is actually that happy to be using their computer? Without a glass of wine? So I say to Child 2: "Man, that woman is happy to be using her computer, don't you think?" He didn't care, so I kept going. I like to mess with him during down time. Here, I drew it for you....
... until he shrieked at me: "STOP IT, YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!!"
"But do I look as happy as she does?" I insisted. "I AM installing software right now!!"
"YES. YES YOU DO. Now stop, this is really awkward!"
Ahhhhhhh...... Happy :)
Hahaha! It IS fun to mess with our kids! I mean, they've gotta be good for something, right?
Leave Jill some comment love here and then go check out her blog, Yeah. Good Times.
The gal behind Yeah. Good Times. is here to get her happy on with us!
Jill is unique. She's also pretty awesome. She blogs semi-anonymously as @Jillsmo or "Jill H. Smo", lives in Berkeley and she has two sons whom she refers to as Child 1 and Child 2. Jill describes herself as an "excessively chatty", "snarky, liberal bitch" who is "actually a nice person".
And she really is -- all of those things -- and I really enjoy her posts. Jill can completely crack me up with her funny drawings, or make me think when she has an important issue she'd like to discuss.
Today, I'm just beyond thrilled that she agreed to share her brand of happy with us! You will see below how it might be just a little bit of a twisted happy....
* * * * *
When Jen asked me to write about something that made me happy, I originally thought I would write about how awesome it is when my 2 boys (one with autism, one without) play together, despite their often "saucy" use of language. I even drew this picture!!
Child 2 has this LeapPad Explorer thingy; it's like a fake tablet for kids, and you have to hook it up to a computer to install stuff on it. The other day we were messing around with it and when we hooked it up to the computer we had to install some software. I guess as part of their marketing strategies, the LeapPad company thought it was necessary to put in pictures of REALLY happy people using their products, so as we sat there waiting for it to install, we were treated to pictures like this:
... and, well.... I thought that was kind of funny. Because who is actually that happy to be using their computer? Without a glass of wine? So I say to Child 2: "Man, that woman is happy to be using her computer, don't you think?" He didn't care, so I kept going. I like to mess with him during down time. Here, I drew it for you....
"But do I look as happy as she does?" I insisted. "I AM installing software right now!!"
"YES. YES YOU DO. Now stop, this is really awkward!"
Ahhhhhhh...... Happy :)
* * * * *
Hahaha! It IS fun to mess with our kids! I mean, they've gotta be good for something, right?
Leave Jill some comment love here and then go check out her blog, Yeah. Good Times.
Do YOU have something HAPPY to share? Grab the TGIF button in my sidebar, write a post and link it up! You've got all weekend....
June 16, 2011
Mama Bear
I realized not long after my daughter was born nearly 11 years ago now that I am a bit of a "mama bear". Meaning, I'm protective. But not in the "helicopter mom" way. I'm not hovering around my children afraid they're going to kill themselves if I don't physically watch them at every second. No, I'm more protective in the "don't mess with my kid" kind of way.
I'm not scared to death of one of my children hurting themselves. I've always found ways to leave them safely unattended while I take a shower. I let them go outside to play by themselves at a younger age than other moms might. When we moved into our house a year ago we established that they were allowed to run amok all over the neighborhood, as long as they stayed on our side of the main road. AJ was only 4 1/2 (Cami was 9, though).
When I was a kid I had so much more freedom than they do. I had a bike and I rode it all over the place (without a helmet). I was a latchkey kid when I was only 7. I rode the city bus with my cousin to the local mall when I was 9. I babysat for an aunt of mine when I was only 10. And nothing bad ever happened to me. I know bad things do happen to kids, but I don't think it's nearly as often as we tend to think.
I'd have CPS called on me so fast if I let my kids do any of those things. In fact, I have had CPS called on me just for letting little 2 1/2 year old AJ go outside and stand in the summer rain. I would never call the authorities on a parent unless I was really damn sure there was some abuse or neglect going on! Why don't people consider how they'd feel if someone questioned their parenting abilities before they go and do crap like that?
Yet I realize times have changed and there are things we just don't do anymore. In general, I try to find an acceptable mixture of rules that allow for some freedoms for my kids that won't offend the social mores of their generation. Like I said, they're both allowed to run around our half of the neighborhood. I also only just started to make them wear helmets when they ride bikes or scooters. That's a tough one to admit because I know I have one friend who will ground her kids for a week if they don't wear their helmets. We gave Cami her own house key when she was in 3rd grade, in case we were ever running late doing something while she was at school, which has happened about a handful of times. Now that she's almost 11 we're even willing to let her stay home alone if we have something to do that she really doesn't want to tag along for. But only for a short time. And we're not yet comfortable with her being left in charge of her little brother.
So I feel like I'm a pretty level-headed mom when it comes to safety vs. freedom. But when it comes to somebody doing my kid wrong, or another adult thinking they can discipline my child....let's just say there's a little more emotion involved there.
Let me try to clarify. It's OK for other people who care for and about my kids to help me discipline them. Their grandparents, my good friends, and their teachers if necessary (although so far I am blessed to have 2 well-behaved students). What gets under my skin and makes me want to slap a person, is when they think they can scold my child without even thinking about it.
The first time I noticed this instinct in myself Cami was somewhere around a year old. We went out to lunch with 2 of our best friends to a burger place. Cami was really only munching on french fries and at one point she took one from one of our friends. Well he turned to her and yelled at her, "No!" Now I love this man, but I wanted to yell right back at him not to yell at my baby! Another time, with Cami again, we didn't hardly talk to my in-laws for a few years because while visiting them something was said about spanking Cami if she was naughty and we weren't around. She was still really little and we hadn't decided where we stood on the spanking issue, and regardless, no one else can spank our kids but us!
Then there was this really awkward incident involving AJ. I took him to my good friend's daughter's birthday party. All the kids were being crazy upstairs while us moms chatted and snacked downstairs. We heard something that sounded like a fight, probably between AJ and another boy, so me and the mom of the other boy started upstairs to investigate. The other mom got up there first. As I'm nearing the top of the stairs I see and hear her grab my son by the arm, yank him down onto a bed and yell at him for whatever she thought he was doing to her son, and that he needed to show her some respect. My son started crying hysterically. The other mom saw me, said something to her son and just shimmied past me on the steps muttering something about how she's sorry but her kids had better damn well listen to her so she couldn't help it.
AJ threw himself at me wailing and I sat down with him on the steps, pretty dumbfounded at what just happened. I knew that AJ and this other boy fought a lot, they were both instigators, so I didn't understand why she got so angry at AJ and not her own son. She and I used to talk all the time about how much our boys fought and how kind of funny it was. I know the other factor for her was she felt AJ wasn't listening to her, but still, I didn't feel she had the right to take matters into her own hands and scare the hell outta my kid like that.
As I sat there with AJ, neither comforting nor scolding, just being there, letting him know I cared, I got pretty angry about the whole thing. The other mom should NOT have grabbed my son like that, nor yelled in his face. She should have told me he wasn't listening to her and let me deal with it. We were friends, but not good enough friends that she should have felt like she had carte blanche with my kid. I wouldn't have done that to any of her children. I wouldn't feel it was my place.
After AJ calmed down, and me too I guess, I gave him a little talking-to, reminded him to be nice to his friends and he's supposed to be respectful to other mommies. But when I went back downstairs I really didn't feel any better. The other mom looked at me and asked if I wanted to talk about it, but I was too angry and didn't want to say something I'd regret so I said no. Besides, this was a birthday party so really not the time or place.
We never did talk about it though and now I know it festered for her. I let it go after awhile. The reason I chose to let it go was because with this particular mom, I knew she'd railroad me with all her reasons for doing what she did, and I wasn't about to let her make me feel bad for my opinion on the matter. She shouldn't have touched my kid, goddammit! That's MY child, MY responsibility to discipline as I see fit. She demanded respect from my son, yet didn't have any for me as his mother. But like I said, I chose to let it go as far as she and I were concerned, deciding I would simply try not to let that kind of thing happen again.
These were all things that got me upset when my kids were little. I'm going to have to work pretty hard at not letting all the social things that are impending for my daughter as she goes on to middle and high school get to me too much. The idea of her peers hurting her like I know they will from time to time breaks my heart! I have this plan to stay strong when she comes to me with some new angst.....and then cry for her when she's not looking.
The very best quote I've found to describe parenting:
I'm not scared to death of one of my children hurting themselves. I've always found ways to leave them safely unattended while I take a shower. I let them go outside to play by themselves at a younger age than other moms might. When we moved into our house a year ago we established that they were allowed to run amok all over the neighborhood, as long as they stayed on our side of the main road. AJ was only 4 1/2 (Cami was 9, though).
When I was a kid I had so much more freedom than they do. I had a bike and I rode it all over the place (without a helmet). I was a latchkey kid when I was only 7. I rode the city bus with my cousin to the local mall when I was 9. I babysat for an aunt of mine when I was only 10. And nothing bad ever happened to me. I know bad things do happen to kids, but I don't think it's nearly as often as we tend to think.
I'd have CPS called on me so fast if I let my kids do any of those things. In fact, I have had CPS called on me just for letting little 2 1/2 year old AJ go outside and stand in the summer rain. I would never call the authorities on a parent unless I was really damn sure there was some abuse or neglect going on! Why don't people consider how they'd feel if someone questioned their parenting abilities before they go and do crap like that?
Yet I realize times have changed and there are things we just don't do anymore. In general, I try to find an acceptable mixture of rules that allow for some freedoms for my kids that won't offend the social mores of their generation. Like I said, they're both allowed to run around our half of the neighborhood. I also only just started to make them wear helmets when they ride bikes or scooters. That's a tough one to admit because I know I have one friend who will ground her kids for a week if they don't wear their helmets. We gave Cami her own house key when she was in 3rd grade, in case we were ever running late doing something while she was at school, which has happened about a handful of times. Now that she's almost 11 we're even willing to let her stay home alone if we have something to do that she really doesn't want to tag along for. But only for a short time. And we're not yet comfortable with her being left in charge of her little brother.
So I feel like I'm a pretty level-headed mom when it comes to safety vs. freedom. But when it comes to somebody doing my kid wrong, or another adult thinking they can discipline my child....let's just say there's a little more emotion involved there.
Let me try to clarify. It's OK for other people who care for and about my kids to help me discipline them. Their grandparents, my good friends, and their teachers if necessary (although so far I am blessed to have 2 well-behaved students). What gets under my skin and makes me want to slap a person, is when they think they can scold my child without even thinking about it.
The first time I noticed this instinct in myself Cami was somewhere around a year old. We went out to lunch with 2 of our best friends to a burger place. Cami was really only munching on french fries and at one point she took one from one of our friends. Well he turned to her and yelled at her, "No!" Now I love this man, but I wanted to yell right back at him not to yell at my baby! Another time, with Cami again, we didn't hardly talk to my in-laws for a few years because while visiting them something was said about spanking Cami if she was naughty and we weren't around. She was still really little and we hadn't decided where we stood on the spanking issue, and regardless, no one else can spank our kids but us!
Then there was this really awkward incident involving AJ. I took him to my good friend's daughter's birthday party. All the kids were being crazy upstairs while us moms chatted and snacked downstairs. We heard something that sounded like a fight, probably between AJ and another boy, so me and the mom of the other boy started upstairs to investigate. The other mom got up there first. As I'm nearing the top of the stairs I see and hear her grab my son by the arm, yank him down onto a bed and yell at him for whatever she thought he was doing to her son, and that he needed to show her some respect. My son started crying hysterically. The other mom saw me, said something to her son and just shimmied past me on the steps muttering something about how she's sorry but her kids had better damn well listen to her so she couldn't help it.
AJ threw himself at me wailing and I sat down with him on the steps, pretty dumbfounded at what just happened. I knew that AJ and this other boy fought a lot, they were both instigators, so I didn't understand why she got so angry at AJ and not her own son. She and I used to talk all the time about how much our boys fought and how kind of funny it was. I know the other factor for her was she felt AJ wasn't listening to her, but still, I didn't feel she had the right to take matters into her own hands and scare the hell outta my kid like that.
As I sat there with AJ, neither comforting nor scolding, just being there, letting him know I cared, I got pretty angry about the whole thing. The other mom should NOT have grabbed my son like that, nor yelled in his face. She should have told me he wasn't listening to her and let me deal with it. We were friends, but not good enough friends that she should have felt like she had carte blanche with my kid. I wouldn't have done that to any of her children. I wouldn't feel it was my place.
After AJ calmed down, and me too I guess, I gave him a little talking-to, reminded him to be nice to his friends and he's supposed to be respectful to other mommies. But when I went back downstairs I really didn't feel any better. The other mom looked at me and asked if I wanted to talk about it, but I was too angry and didn't want to say something I'd regret so I said no. Besides, this was a birthday party so really not the time or place.
We never did talk about it though and now I know it festered for her. I let it go after awhile. The reason I chose to let it go was because with this particular mom, I knew she'd railroad me with all her reasons for doing what she did, and I wasn't about to let her make me feel bad for my opinion on the matter. She shouldn't have touched my kid, goddammit! That's MY child, MY responsibility to discipline as I see fit. She demanded respect from my son, yet didn't have any for me as his mother. But like I said, I chose to let it go as far as she and I were concerned, deciding I would simply try not to let that kind of thing happen again.
These were all things that got me upset when my kids were little. I'm going to have to work pretty hard at not letting all the social things that are impending for my daughter as she goes on to middle and high school get to me too much. The idea of her peers hurting her like I know they will from time to time breaks my heart! I have this plan to stay strong when she comes to me with some new angst.....and then cry for her when she's not looking.
The very best quote I've found to describe parenting:
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever
to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
~ Elizabeth Stone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)