TGIF: By Word of Mouth Edition

Playing TGIF leapfrog means it's a guest post week!

This week I bring you a homeschooling, adoptive mom, Nicole of By Word of Mouth Musings. She blogs about pretty much every aspect of her life, and has a very cute and unique blog design. She doesn't know this, but it was Nicole who inspired me to start making cute, pin-able quote graphics for my posts (one of hers is included below).

As you will see, it would make Nicole happy if it were easier to set good examples for our kids....

* * *

Thank you for saying HI to me over here in the bloghome of Just Jennifer.  Her tagline is so true of life, it is so honest - since it really is a roller coaster, don't you think? Mine sure is, each and every day.

Anyway, I thought that while my blogname is By Word of Mouth Musings 

(yes, I really want to change it) 

I thought today I would write a post on the 'words we use'.

As in do you Talk that Talk, but then you do not Walk that Walk?

I do. I admit it. So very often. I tell my children right from wrong all of the time, and tell them why they should behave in a certain way. But do I always set a good example? No, I really do not. Sometimes, honestly, they are just empty words. So guilty of the 'do as I say and really not as I do' ... at all. Like so many other parents out there who are really just not going the full distance.. And let me clarify,  I don't just mean where I tell the kids there is not going to be any kind of snack before a meal, you know, because we are eating really soon. Then I sneak a chocolate cookie out of our pantry (please tell me that you do that too)  I mean the times where I tell them that if you don't have anything nice or positive to say about a person or a friend, then perhaps you should just keep it all to yourself. Then I find myself on the phone with a friend doing exactly that about someone else that I know. Or that little chat recently with the police officer lady who objected to my being in the handicapped area on my cellphone - I told her I was looking down at directions, but she kindly offered to give a $250.00 fine none the less. The girlfriend on the other side of the phone thought it was quite hilarious, and my kids were truly amused - but really I had just shown them right there and then that it was okay to lie when it suited.

Our kids need to see us Walk the Walk, from when they are really tiny, itty bitty little things. We definitely teach them every single day by the example we set.


They mimic us from the very moment they smile back at us, when they do that oh so cute backwards wave, and play a game of peek a boo. They watch us all of the time, and they learn from us too. Look here while Mom takes a big bite out of this supah healthy apple. Look here while Mom is washing her hands before dinner. Look here at Mom. Yes, look at Mom.


Now look at Mommy as she ignores that voice on the housephone. Don't get it. Don't pick it up right now. I just don't have time to chat with that person for the next hour. See Mommy as she glazes over while looking at her own phone. And while she ignores that little face waiting for her attention.


Little white lies and yes, we use them all of the time. Sometimes, let us be honest here, we even want to hear them.  Like that lie I expect my husband to tell me when I know my pants are just a little snug - I want to hear that my butt is adorable. I encourage him to lie, yes, its quite sad really.


And so is our walk in faith. We are there in the talk, but not always in the walk..  We pray only when we really desire something, and then not even every day.  When the going gets a little tough for us, then we turn to God. Usually only when we finally hit a wall. This right here, is what we are showing our children. So let us pledge to make a difference. Right here and right now.


Do you ever use that old saying, that all Mom's have eyes right there in the back of their heads. Yes, we do  and we always know everything that is going on.  Instead you can just use this one ... The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. (Proverbs 15:3)


My children have sure heard THAT one often enough ... it is also time to remind myself. Always ...

Find me on Facebook

The Twitter

 and that new addiction, Pinterest

* * *

Definitely good stuff to think about. Wouldn't it be so nice if our kids never noticed the naughtier things we sometimes do? Sigh.

Now it's your turn. Write up some happy, grab the button and link away!

Don't forget to visit Nicole's place too!

Talking about my body (on my blog!) forces me outside my comfort zone.

This is difficult for me.

But I really want to do it.

Because now....now it seems to be important. On so many levels.

Just before my birthday this year I found out that my serum cholesterol is "marginally high".

I guess this means it's not dangerously high, but is outside what doctors consider to be healthy.

Let me just say right here, that I'm not planning to disclose actual numbers. Not my cholesterol level, and especially not my weight.

I'll tell you my age all day long. I'm 38. There is, however, something different about a woman's (and maybe a man's too) weight. I believe most people to be far more judgmental about a person's weight than their age.

Not only that, but I don't think the number on the scale is the be all, end all in how people should feel about their bodies. In fact, it's kind of a pet peeve of mine. I get very irritated with people who feel like talking about their weight all the time.

Sure, the number on the scale is important to doctors in looking at contributing factors to any medical problems you may be experiencing. And personal trainers and nutritionists have all these calculations they like to make using your height, weight, BMI and whatnot. Fine. Whatever. None of that is where I'm coming from, or will ever care about.

What is of concern to me is my HEALTH and how I FEEL in my own skin. Last on the list is vanity. But yes, it is on the list. You would all call foul on me if I didn't admit that!

Here's the bottom line: I'm 38 years old, overweight and need to lower my cholesterol for the health of my heart. I had gestational diabetes in both of my pregnancies which increases my chances of developing type 2 diabetes. DIABETES, people! The very disease that is slowly killing my husband. I can't have it! I won't have it. Not only that, but heart attack and stroke run in my family. Family that I am blood related to. These are not small things.

When I found out my cholesterol had crept up, just as with having gestational diabetes, I immediately thought of the welfare of my children. With a chronically ill father, they need their mom to be the healthiest she can be.

I want to be the healthiest I can be.

Since April I have reintroduced breakfast back into my diet (the most important meal of the day!), am drinking a little more water and am eating less of the bad stuff I enjoy. I've decided I don't love french fries that much. More recently, I have begun exercising at least every other day. Nothing extreme; more like small steps. That's just how I roll.

Why am I telling you all this? Honestly I probably wouldn't be if it weren't for an opportunity I have been given to be provided with a 90 day supply of a diet support product to see if it might help me with my weight loss endeavors.

I am going to be trying Diet 1234™ from Creative Bioscience. I have chosen this product because:

Diet 1234™ is for modern dieters who want to lose weight without constantly counting calories and exercising all day. It is a revolutionary diet supplement designed to provide energy and promote weight loss naturally using key herbal extracts clinically supported to aid weight loss. Dieters face fatigue and food cravings as they eat less to slim down, and Diet 1234™ addresses these important issues.

I want to start making better dietary choices and this sounds like something that will help me do that.

Obviously I have already begun making changes to better my health. I will simply keep that up, while adding the supplement. I think this should make it easy for me to see if it is helping me or not.

And yes, I will periodically check what my weight actually is in order to know for sure if the things I am doing are causing me to shed some pounds.

So please, wish me luck!


PS: If any of my blogging friends would like to join me on this journey, you can click HERE to read the details and apply!

TGIF: Choose Happy & Do Good

Welcome to....

Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

"Happiness is a form of courage", said Holbrook Jackson.

A Chinese Proverb goes, "One joy scatters a hundred griefs."

And modern-day philosopher Robert Brault says, "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

These thoughts are what TGIF: Get Your Happy On is all about.

Because life is crazy, hard, confusing, stressful and exhausting. But dammit, it's also beautiful.

I believe very strongly that we must CHOOSE happiness. Not just once, or every once in a while, but DAILY.

Not only happiness, but gratitude too. I bet if you try really hard, even on your worst day, you can find something - just one thing - to be grateful for.


And also charity, which is really only another word for love....
"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day", from Sally Koch.
Some unknown person said, "Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something."
I know I'm throwing a lot of quotes from other people at you, but I'm trying to make a point. That these three things - Happiness, Gratitude, Charity - are important to me. I think they should be important to all of us. Because on the dark days, which anyone who comes here regularly knows I have, searching for the good is essential.
I feel I do well at finding things to be happy about and grateful for. I still strive to be more charitable. I've got the bleeding heart, bot not always the means.
Guess what? I can use my blog to help others. And that's exactly what I'm going to do when I post about, and host a giveaway for, the Fruit for All Project.

This is a new program that will help get 35 million pieces of fresh fruit into the hands of hungry children all summer. Juicy Juice will provide two donations of 400 meals each:

• One donation of 400 meals to my local food bank; and
• Another donation of 400 meals to a nearby food bank of one of my readers

I feel passionately that NO ONE should ever go hungry. I have made small donations to my local food bank many times over the years.
Not only am I going to do the above, but I am also joining last week's TGIF guest, Jamie at Chosen Chaos, in her Run. Blog. Give. efforts.

Actually, I will WALK. Blog. Give. Be quiet, Jamie said I can! Each blogger chooses how they will give, and I pledge to give a non-perishable food item for ever mile I walk to my local food bank, along with the donation they will receive from Juicy Juice. I started on Tuesday with 1.05 miles which is 2 laps around the perimeter of my neighborhood, and I did the same yesterday.


Squee!
I am so excited about all this, for many reasons (which I won't go into now because this post is long enough!). Stay tuned for the giveaway coming next month!
Now GO! Get Your Happy On and link up below!
(Btw, I would really love for more people to know about TGIF, so if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you pimp out this post? Shameless, I know. I don't care.)

Your Social Media Rights

Everyone knows the Miranda Rights cops recite when they arrest someone.

If not (what rock have you been under?), here they are:

Your Miranda Rights

• You have the right to remain silent.
• Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law.
• You have the right to speak to an attorney.
• If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.
• Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?

For some unknown reason I got to thinking about the perils of social media and the Miranda Rights came to mind. Surely the two shouldn't be related because social media is FUN! Ahem.

Nevertheless, I give you:

Your Social Media Rights

• You have the right not to Comment.
• Anything you Tweet or Pin can and will be held against you on Facebook.
• You have the right to connect with an attorney on LinkedIn.
• If you cannot find anyone on Google+, you may peruse Instagram.
• Do you understand how the Klout algorithm works as it has been explained to you?

And because this is so clever and witty and gosh darnit! pin-able, I give you:

Tell me what you think!

I am totally hooking this up with Yeah Write,
cuz this shiz needs to be seen!
Love you, YeahWriters!

Kindergarten in the Rear View

My little man, AJ, graduated from kindergarten last week!

His impending entrance into 1st grade is a much bigger deal to me than kindergarten was. K wasn't much different from preschool. However, 1st grade will mean all-day school, eating lunch there and  everything! No more days off during conference week, no more two week spring breaks. Enter homework and real math!

My baby is so not a baby anymore. Can I cry now?

Happy Father's Day!

My dad and my husband.....

My dad is Randy and he is a very cool guy. I know many of you have noticed his awesome comments here on my blog, and even entertained the idea of starting a "Randy fan club".

But really, you shouldn't exalt him like that. He doesn't need the ego boost.

I am my dad's one and only. Our relationship has had its ups and downs just like most relationships. Neither of us is perfect (truly, dad!). But I have always known he loves me, that I'm a huge part of his heart. I often describe him as a mix of Michael Landon, Phil Donahue and Steve Martin. We share a love of good and greasy fish 'n chips (with lots of tarter sauce!), TV and going to the movies.

Lately I have been a little bit in awe of his generous heart where Mark and I are concerned. My dad has been 100% there for us during some of our most trying times. It makes me feel safe and cared for.

Dad, I hope you know how much we appreciate and love you.

Mark is a great dad. He has a great "dad voice" that gets the kids' attentions. He is a very hands-on dad and always has been. Sure, he avoided changing diapers as much as he could, but he totally did it. He made a point of asking me to pump breast milk so he could also feed our daughter, and  get that special bonding with her. He did realize though, that there are plenty of other ways for dads to bond with their children. And it's a good thing, because our son wanted nothing to do with bottles!

What I appreciate most about Mark as a dad is his ability to relate to the kids, to draw on his own childhood in order to better understand them. This has been especially helpful with our daughter and her ADD. Mark should have been diagnosed with ADD as a kid. Watching Camryn, he now sees how similar their experiences are. It took me much longer to accept that Cami wasn't going to be like me. She is soooo her father's daughter, and has been from day one!

Mark plays Xbox with the kids and cooks with Camryn. We're almost always on the same parental page, and when we're not, we only fight about it a little bit. Maybe.

Mark, I love the kind of dad you are. I know you love the kids just as much as I do, and for that they are so lucky.

I must not forget about my step-dad, Doug....

Doug and I met when I went to live with my mom at age 12. Their relationship was actually pretty new and here I was, thrown into the mix. Doug was never one who wanted kids of his own. But he took on a woman and her daughter and loved us.

Doug is one of the kindest, most easy-going people you could ever know. He's a retired firefighter, which I think says loads about the kind of person he is. I will never forget how he would come home from a 24 hour shift and regale me with stories of "scraping some stupid kid off the road", trying to impress upon me the dangers of teen driving.

He managed to make it through my teen years without killing me, and stood by my side when I was having my eye surgeries. Today he is my kids' GranDoug and he is terrific at it. He was their main caregiver while Mark was in the hospital in March. I appreciated it sooooo much!

Doug, you are an awesome step-dad and an even better GranDoug. We love you!

Happy Father's Day to all the great Dads and Grandpas out there!

Stupid PTSD or Grief or WTF-Ever!

I've been feeling kind of angry and cynical lately.

But I don't want to admit it. I don't know if I want anyone to actually see that side of me.

Everyone says such wonderful things about how I handle the struggles in my life. And I feel so proud that I'm able to be that kind of person.

It makes me angry that I still get angry, if that makes any sense at all.

I remember the night of Mark's bypass when his heart stopped the first time. After going in to see him, I emerged from his room and walked directly into my friend's arms. She held me as I began to cry. But then I pulled away from her, balled up my fists and stamped my foot in anger.

I didn't fucking want to be crying! I didn't want to feel afraid. I didn't want to be a mess.

I have to be strong.

I don't want to get lost in feelings of despair and hopelessness. What good does that do? Whom will that serve? There's nothing to be gained by wallowing.

But Goddammit! I also don't want my husband to be sick, and I sure as hell don't want him to die!

I love being married. I don't want to think about being a widow. I don't want to think about losing my very best friend and I don't want to think about being a single parent.

I do think about those things. A lot. Too much.

And if one Goddamn person makes any stupid judgments about how I should have known these things were possible or maybe we shouldn't have had kids, I will punch them in the face!

Because that is pure bullshit. No one should go through life not grabbing onto the things they want, their heart's desires, for fear of the maybes and what-ifs.

That is not a life well lived.

My cynicism comes out when someone very sweetly and innocently says something like, "Praying it will be smooth sailing from here on out." I think, that's nice, but not likely. Yes, we experience calmer waters, lulls in the chaos, but there is always something else on the horizon.

And I just can't, even for one minute, hope that that's not true. I'm too practical.

There is a battle going on inside my head right now between the part that is grounded, positive and grateful, and the part that is scared, angry and tired.

I'm so tired. But you can't take a break from chronic illness.

My nerves are raw and frayed.

I'm hardly laughing.

::

And then I start to get fed up with all the above and somehow....some miracle happens where I can feel my feelings starting to shift. Something that brings me back to the NOW. And I say, "All that there? That's the bullshit, and it's robbing me of my joy."

But it takes a lot of work on a DAILY basis to do that. It takes effort to push away the scary thoughts all the time.

And so I'm still tired.

I suppose that probably won't change.

Linked up with Pour Your Heart Out and Yeah Write.

Getting to Know My Daughter Better

Of course I've known Camryn all of her nearly 12 years, but the past couple of weeks I have gotten to know so much more. There was plenty I already knew, like about her personality and interests. What I didn't know, was that she has been doing some growing.....but it's like it was turned on like a switch.

At the end of the school year all the 6th graders around here put together a big "Who Am I?" project. I've mentioned Cami's twice already, sharing a story and a poem she wrote.

She had been slowly plugging along at it since it was first assigned right after the MSP testing in May. This past weekend we did the final push to get it completed to be turned in yesterday. I was so proud of how hard she worked, pretty much all day, both Saturday and Sunday, without whining. I helped, but ONLY as a nag to keep her organized and as the grammar police (to an extent). When it came to putting her scrapbook together, I gave her creative license, letting her use anything of mine she wanted, only suggesting she change up the layouts so each page didn't look identical.

I happen to think Camryn's book came out fabulous! I really hope her teacher agrees and gives her a big, fat A!

In the process of watching her project unfold I learned that my daughter is thoughtful and perceptive. She does internalize things and feels deeply. She knows what she likes and what she hates (at least for now). And she is creative.

I think this was the perfect grade/age to do this sort of project too. Cami has enough years behind her to have plenty to share and document. Enough has happened that is starting to shape her. Also, now is a great time to clearly identify who she is and what matters to her, as she heads into her teens.

I got pretty invested in seeing this through with Camryn. My dad called me twice to see if I wanted to catch a movie with him, but both times I said no, that I gotta keep helping her. She did need my guidance, but also, I was really enjoying watching it happen. I was very proud.

Cami's photo collage

TGIF: Grampa's Backyard....and a Poem

Welcome to your spot for celebrating the end of the week!

A few weeks ago we went over to my dad's house for the afternoon. It was a very nice, sunny spring day. The kids played frisbee, AJ climbed a tree and I roamed around taking pictures of all the blooms.

The sunny, pretty family time made me happy, so that's what I want to share today. (Especially because things are quite the opposite as I sit here putting this post together.)

Nothing fancy here. Was just using my phone....

And then this....

Last week in my Fine post I told you about my daughter's end-of-the-year school project all about who she is. She's writing several stories and poems for it. Again, I got her permission to share this. Don't know if anyone else will love it like her mom and dad do, but we sure think it's great!

Who Am I?

A daughter, a sister, a friend

Do other people really know who I am?

To my parents I am their favorite little girl

To my teachers I am a sweet, hard-working student

Always special

Sometimes I am annoying to my little brother

And sometimes I am hard working at my chores

I am parts of my mom

Parts of my dad

Parts of my friends

Parts of my community and parts of the world

I am a sixth grader, but mostly a

teenager, and I admit also a child

Pieces of a puzzle that I think might fit together someday

I am awake, alert and ready to meet my world

To become a nurse, to learn everything I need to know

You may not believe it, but sometimes I am very stubborn

I am also a good listener, a good worker, who tries her best

I am a rememberer, and a forgetter

There are times when I feel like cooking with my dad

When I love spending time with my mom

When I feel totally happy and satisfied

Who Am I?

A daughter, a sister, a friend

And most of all Camryn Rose Hall

She's not actually a teenager yet, will turn 12 next month. I find it interesting that she constantly claims to hate her brother, wish she had a sister instead and wouldn't mind a bit if he were gone, yet "sister" is one of her biggest identifiers. Uh hu, can't fool me, Cami!

Alright, bring on the HAPPY! Grab the button and link up.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

My mother was born on June 6, 1957. Today she is 55!

My mom was only 16 when I as born, turning 17 shortly after. She got pregnant, married my dad in Reno, and moved with him back to his home state of Washington. She was 16 and he was 19. Just babies themselves!

Things didn't work out between my parents and they split up when I was 5. My mom left her heart in Lake Tahoe when she married my dad, so she decided to move back there. I stayed with my dad, visiting my mom on every school break until it was time to live with her after I turned 12. This wasn't easy, but they both loved me and I knew it.

I like to say my mom and I grew up together. Lots of people thought I was her younger sister and I think she liked it. I remember once when I was about 16, we were in the grocery store. I was an aisle away and yelled, "Mom!" She came around the corner Ssshhing me. She didn't want me to call her mom so loudly. Because if she's the mom of a 16 year old, how old must that make her? Of course I was just like, whatever, mom.

I am very sad that I don't seem to have any pictures of my mom and I when I was a teenager. Actually, don't think I have any with either of my parents. What's up that?

Her name is Deanne, by the way. That's "Dee-anne". She is the middle child of three, a Gemini through and through and a free spirit. She's a vegetarian, but not a vegan, thank God, and gets totally bitchy when she's hungry. I find this so hilarious because she absolutely needs food at regular intervals, yet it's sometimes hard to find her food she will eat. She hates doing housework, leaving most of it to my step-dad, who is a veritable saint. She's a pretty good cook even if she didn't bother to teach me how. She and my step-dad are very active, outdoorsy people.

The most important thing to know about my mom, probably the biggest part of her, is that she is a horse lover. She currently has two horses, Gabe and Bandit. Gabe is an old man now; Bandit is her youngin.

The white horse she's on? She rode an Andalusian horse in Andalusia, Spain last spring. Pretty awesome, hu?

This horse thing? Totally skipped a generation. I think horses are beautiful creatures. But I'm a little afraid of them. Because not only are they beautiful, they're also large and powerful. Gabe was the first horse I ever felt comfortable around. He's such a sweetheart (and only 14 1/2 hands). But my daughter? The love of horses went from my mom straight to her. A fact which I know my mother is quite proud of.

Speaking of my kids, to them she is GrandMama. This came about when Cami turned one and my mom was trying to teach her to say grandma. It came out like, "Grandmamamama". It was so cute, and my mom decided it sounded great. With several grandmothers to choose names for, it wasn't already taken either. Also unique is what Cami and AJ call my step-dad: GranDoug. Don't tell anyone, but that's my favorite!

Camping at Lake Tahoe last summer

My mom and I have turned out to be quite the opposites. Sure, there are traits and mannerisms I inherited from her, but that's about it. She and I have very different interests and have had very unsimilar life experiences.

Sometimes I think my mother is completely nuts. I'm sure sometimes she thinks the same about herself me. I know we've each hurt the other.

But here's the thing: We have unconditional love and respect for each other. I'm very proud of that. Here's another thing: We have mutual admiration for one another. I admire my mom's utter determination to live life to the fullest, and to do it authentically. She doesn't apologize for who she is or what matters to her.

Mom, I love you and I wish you the happiest of birthdays! I wish I could give you a big hug today, and have a a glass of wine. How 'bout this? Close your eyes, imagine hugging me, and later on, sip some wine with me in mind, remembering that we are connected, always. XOXO

Oh, and I think this is the BEST birthday card I could ever give you, so maybe print it out? Just sayin'.

Question Me (Did You Know?): About the Tough Stuff

Welcome to the fourth and final installment of my answers to the questions you asked me for my blogoversary! Phew. That was a big sentence.

This one is doubling as my Did You Know? post for June. Cool? Cool.

Did you know I saved the tough/deep questions for last? Well I did.

::

1. Do you ever wish you hadn't married a diabetic?

Whoever asked this question has balls! Because you could easily offend with a question like this. I, however, am not offended. On the contrary, I think it's a very valid query, all things considered. And I can't say I've never thought about it.

What I wish is that Mark wasn't a diabetic. I never for one minute wish I hadn't married him.

Yes, Mark came with health problems, it's hard and I could lose him. But that's all just....but not just....like, what's on the outside, or a piece, of it. I wrote in My Husband is Enough that Mark is not defined by his poor health, that it's a part of who he is, not the whole of who he is.

Mark is an insulin dependent Type 1 Diabetic on dialysis with heart problems. But he's also a good husband and father, a cooking, music loving, motorcycle riding, gun toting, sarcastic, loyal, faithful man with a great sense of humor and positive attitude. I would be missing all that if all I could see was his Diabetes.

I was meant to love him and marry him. However it turns out.

YouTube video

2. What has been the absolute worst thing about your sight issues?

Two things, I think. The first is not driving. I gave up the great public transportation in the Bay Area when we decided to move to Washington and I do feel it. Most especially where my kids are concerned. I hate it so much when they have to miss out on something because I can't drive them and it falls at a time when their dad can't do it either. They are good kids who seem to understand and don't get too upset about it. But I still feel bad.

The other thing is when I look like a bumbling idiot. I was a little embarrassed when I met Danielle at motherhood: TRUTH because I kept bumping into her and Jessica, and couldn't see a thing in the restaurant (goddamn ambient lighting!). I couldn't see where to put my water and I groped Jessica's hand because I thought she was holding something. At one point I said, "I swear I'm not usually this blind!"

Also, I wonder if fast food employees think I'm illiterate when I ask about something that's probably clearly written on the overhead menu THAT I CAN'T SEE. I have such a hard time asking even those I'm with to read something for me. It makes me feel stupid and I hate it. This is where the grey area that is my vision is difficult. If I were totally blind it wouldn't be an issue. But because no one knows what I can and can't see, it gets confusing. Of course I prefer the vision I have to the alternative, though.

3. You have talked very candidly about the things you are facing in your life. Many of us out here find you inspiring. Do you think of yourself as inspiring/strong or are you "just doing what you do"?

If sharing the ups and downs in my life is inspiring in some way, I would love to own that. What one person finds to be inspiring another may not, so perhaps it depends on the reader? I am just doing what I do too. This is my life; these are the cards I was dealt. I either live it or shoot myself. Right? Doesn't mean I enjoy the hard stuff. But I can't change it. All I can do is take each day as it comes, put on my big girl panties, not sweat the small stuff, express myself and let the love flow. If what I put out there is inspiring, that makes me really happy.

Am I strong? Yeah, I think so. For the most part. Mark and my children have made me strong. I also have some great friends and family. I'm not living my life in a vacuum. I am so lucky to have some other strong people who are there for me.

I may be able to draw on some inner strength, but I still cry. I cry hard. I get frustrated, irritable, and I get down. I have bad days. I ask why, like a lot. The thing about that is, I listen for the answer. I believe an angel whispers an answer in my ear every once in awhile. Being open to the unknown helps. That sounds like it might not make sense. But it does to me.

4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Hahahahaha! Oh, thanks for the laugh! I have no freaking clue!

But seriously, my mother recently gave me a book called The Gift Giver. It's a memoir written by a woman (named Jennifer) who lost her husband suddenly (named Mark), and the conversations she says she had with her husband from the great beyond.

At first I was all, really mom, you want me to read a book about a woman losing her husband and they have the same names as us, right now, shortly after almost losing my own husband, amid the continuing fear of if/when that will happen?

Yeah.

But I was intrigued by the message my mom hoped I'd get from the book. And although it was a difficult read, I did get it.

There are two passages from that pertain to the question I'm trying to answer here. The author writes that her dead husband told her:

"Life is meant to be lived in each moment. You need to live in the moment--not in the past, not in the supposed, lost future."
and
"The only thing that you need to do is see, smell, touch, taste, listen, and feel your feelings. That's all. Do those things and you will live an extraordinary life. It's that simple."

After reading the first quote, I realized that Mark (mine) knows how to do that. He's always known how to be in the moment. Here's an existential thought for you: it's probably because his soul knows he isn't meant to live a long life.

I was somewhat astonished to read the second quote because that is what I have always felt to be true about life. That everything else is much less important than the seeing, smelling, touching, tasting.... Actually, this reminds me very much of the movie City of Angels, which I have written about here, long before I ever read this book. This is all very deep and profound to me.

So what I'm saying is, my husband has taught me to live in the now. As much as my brain will let me. I have had to learn to do what feels right in the moment. I have had to accept that planning for the future may be pointless.

All I can know for sure about five years from now is that I will be 43 years old (the age Mark is now) and I will still be a mom. Beyond that, as I've been saying and will keep saying, I am open without expectation.

Danielle and I host this blog hop the first Tuesday of every month.

Play along with us!

Ooh, Shiny!

I was born in April so diamond is my birthstone.

I know. Lucky, right?

I like that my stone is diamond, not only because, hello, DIAMONDS! But also because they're neutral, will match anything (and everything).

Unfortunately, I have not been privileged enough to own very many.

Sad Jennifer.

I currently have my engagement ring, a pair of earrings and a pendant my mother gave me for a birthday present one year.

All of which are very light in the diamond department.

But I'm not complaining!

Anyway, I got to looking around on the Kranich's Jewelers site and found some pieces I would love to have.

A Mother's Ring
Yes, I only have 2 children and there are 3 stones here. But as you can see, my January (garnet) and July (ruby) babies both have red birthstones. So I added a diamond in the middle for me!

An opal and diamond bracelet.
I just like opals. I already have an opal pendant and earrings.

A box chain for my opal or pearl pendants.
Had one, but need a new one because my babies enjoyed tugging on my first one so much that it broke and was repaired a couple of times. It's just broken now.

Mark would probably think I need these Dallas Cowboys earrings.

Now, if we were to get married all over again and I got to pick out new rings, I might seriously consider Verragio Engagement rings. I have simple taste in jewelry, so I checked out their Classico collection and I think this Cushion Cut Diamond Engagement Ring and band could fit the bill....

These are WAY fancier than what I wear now. Again, not complaining!

Looking at jewelry is nice. A girl can dream....

This post was written for Kranich's blogger campaign and I am being compensated, but everything I've said is real and true. I really do want jewelry similar to the above items. Of course I do!

TGIF: g*funk*ified Edition

It's time for a guest post....

And it's coming to you today from a super sweet and awesome gal named Greta Funk who calls her blog g*funk*ified!

Greta recently put her sassy pants on and revamped her blog. She has an awesome weekly meme, Great Expectations, which I have written for. Not only is Greta a terrific blogger, but she's also the mom of 4  and getting there hasn't been easy. She lost her first husband and had to pick up the pieces with two little kids. She did, and her life is full and beautiful and happy!

Speaking of HAPPY, here's Greta's....

* * *

I have a lot to be thankful for. A LOT to be happy about. So, why am I writing about potty training??


We started potty training child #3 this week. She’ll be 3 in July. She’s our little celiac, so even if we had wanted to potty train her earlier (and I didn’t. I’m a lazy potty trainer, yo.), we couldn’t have until we had her celiac disease (and bowels) under control.


I’m also a card-carrying member of the potty-train-in-a-weekend-with-a-nekkid-kid-and-a-potty-chair-close-by-at-all-times school. I’ve done this twice before. I’m practically valedictorian.


But day one of potty training the 2 year old? AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE. It was the worst potty training experience I’ve had in over four years of potty training. I feel like I should’ve flunked out. FAILED. From the minute she woke up and I took her diaper off, she cried and cried and cried. “But I don’t want to be naked!” (imagine the whiniest voice you’ve heard in your life). All day long, nothing but accidents, crying, whining. The only time she was quiet was when she fell asleep in living room chair, naked from the waist down.

She’s almost three….shouldn’t this be easy?


So, by now you’re asking, where the heck does the HAPPY come into this post? Am I right??


Well, today we got up, came downstairs and I put her on the toilet. She cried. “But I don’t want to be NAKED!” I wasn’t backing down, of course not. Not unless I want to be potty training her until kindergarten.


So, what did I do? I asked her 4 (almost 5) year old sister, who she looks up to, loves with all her little might, and wants to be exactly like, if she would get naked, too. And she was. In 0.2 seconds (because she LOVES to be naked). And the 2yo was happy again. And still naked.


I know this is going to be a long process, but we’re making progress. And maybe we’ll get some pee in the potty today.


Happy TGIF, y’all!

* * *

Oh, the glamorous life of a Mommy! Potty training is F-U-N fun! (That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!)

You know what makes ME happy? That both my kids are fully potty trained!

Greta, you tell Essie she'll never regret learning how to go on the toilet. Truth.

Let's see, here are all the places I stalk follow Greta, and so should you....

Blog * Twitter * Facebook * Pinterest

(You can also look her up on Instagram as gfunkified.)

Wanna share some happy with me and Greta? Write, grab the button and link up!

PS: Next Tuesday (6/5) is Did You Know? day here and at motherhood: TRUTH! You can share something completely and seriously true, or try to convince us of some BS. Either way, we'd love to see ya!