The View From Here: Abundance

Happy Halloween!

Your treat today comes from someone who doesn't even celebrate the occasion.

She is Lizzi of Considerings. Lizzi doesn't celebrate Halloween because
it's not big across the pond in England.

Do you know what she IS big on? Gratitude.

Lizzi hosts the Ten Things of Thankful link-up I often participate in these days.

Her post today is sort of an extension of that.

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Abundance

I thought I’d take the prompt at its word, and literally describe for you, my view from here.

‘Here’ being on my sofa (right-hand end, so I have the arm of it for the mouse) with my laptop on my lap, a blanket over my legs, and my feet up on the coffee table (ankles beginning to ache from lack of cushioning there).

As I scan the room and listen to the rain beating down outside, and catch the occasional flash of lightning from the storm which has been pouncing around the South of England this evening, like a cat chasing a laser light, the thing I see most is abundance.

Ironically.

Because this month, due to administrative goofs on behalf of the council (who are very happy that I’ve gone back to work and received a paycheck for the last week of last month; so much so that they’ve cancelled all of non-working-because-signed-off-sick Husby’s financial support. All of it. And we had less than £250 to pay all the bills and rent this month. Which was just never going to happen.) we would’ve been homeless, or at the very least, up shit creek with no paddle, were it not for the endless generosity of WonderAunty and my Mum, who keep finding the resources to bail us out.

Yet here I sit, surrounded by luxuries.

Indoors, with a roof over my head, rather than out in that storm.

Wrapped in a snuggly, fleecy blanket, rather than shivering in sodden, old clothes.

Typing on my laptop, rather than just crying out to whosoever would listen, because my voice, at least, is free.

Secure in the knowledge that once the administrative goof is fixed, and the next couple of paychecks are received, we’ll be fine.

So in spite of all the challenge and added stress, I’m bloody lucky to have so very much.

Therefore, I thought I’d take you on a slightly whimsical ‘tour’ of some of the ‘stuff’ I have, and why it means so much to me (and yes, I’m WAY too into ‘stuff’, and not good at separating out from the ‘having’ of it –  let’s leave that for a more existential post another day, ‘kay?)

Table – Blond pine, extendable (by way of flaps you add onto the ends), beautifully carved legs, and a large burn on top, courtesy of the previous owners (whose flambéd Christmas pudding got a bit exuberant one year, and leaped off the plate onto the table, melting through the tablecloth and creating a large char due to the burning brandy). Husby and I both wanted a BIG table when we moved in (so we could sit our future family around it and have mealtimes together, yaknow?) and we searched for ages for a suitable one, finally discovering this one on a second-hand advertising site for £10. We rang the guy, he accepted our offer, we went to pick it up in my little car one afternoon (thus reconfirming my theory that you can fit ANYTHING into a Ford Fiesta) and brought it proudly back to the new flat we were just moving into, where we stood it on end, proudly, in the bath, while the walls in the living room were painted. Every so often we still say to one another “I like making house with you” – and we mean it. The novelty of Being Grown-Up, and doing things like getting our own table, has not diminished entirely yet.

Wall-to-wall bookshelves – Custom-made for our end wall, and utterly beautiful, this gorgeous structure goes some way to satisfying the long-held yearning in my heart for my own reading room. Or library – whichever – I’m not picky. But it does need organising. And I’m aware of the large numbers of books still packed in bags and boxes around the house which need to be transferred! A job for Winter, methinks – one weekend when I’ve nothing on, and the house is warm, and I can put on some Christmas music and potter away, luxuriating in handling so many precious, words-like-oxygen books.

Inherited Pieces – All from treasured members of extended family, which helps me to remember them and be grateful I know or knew them, and that they have helped to shape my life, my story, my person, in positive ways. Our brass-lion-topped table, from my wonderful Grandad, who was the best babysitter a granddaughter could ever wish for, as he broke all the rules, played rowdy games, told us hilarious stories of his life as a fireman, and sang us to sleep at the end of it all. The glass-centred coffee table and the deco-style magazine rack from my Great Aunty and Uncle, after they’d both passed away. Her, one of the most glamorous, kind people you could hope to meet, and him, a lovely, friendly, courteous gentleman with a plethora of exciting stories of his time in the war as a mechanic. The sofa I sit on, a hand-me-down from my very stylish WonderAunty, after she moved house. This sofa has been with us since we got married, and has given us many hours of comfort and snuggledness.

The Fireplace – Okay, this one came with the house, but it has a gorgeous, carved mantel above it, and although it’s not functional (something to do with the chimney being cracked further up, and panic at the thought of poisonous fumes leaking into the household in the upstairs flat, which is fair enough) it was a desire of my heart to have a fireplace. And a larder (which, although I can’t see from here, I know is there, in the kitchen, being wonderful).

Husby’s Geek-station – A folding table and shelves over, which can serve as a base for his workstation or his computer, as the mood takes him. Smart swivel-chair and big headphones, as well as drawers full of paints and brushes and whatever-else-it-is-these-creative-modelling-types-use, all serve to keep him (largely) entertained and occupied and enjoying his hobbies.

Wedding photos – to serve as reminders of what we chose. To remind us that there were two young, naïve, optimistic, happy people who got us into this. And to remind us that we should try to turn ourselves back into those kinds of people (albeit older and wiser and with fewer unrealistic expectations).

Lanterns – all shapes and kinds. Because I do love a good lantern (especially if I can’t have a fire). Lately my most colourful favourite was used to house two candles in memory of our two Neverborns, and the patterns it cast were utterly gorgeous, as have been the effects of their tiny lives on us, in terms of shaping us for the better (though work is still very much in progress).

Water bottle – cos I’m meant to try to stay hydrated. Cos I’m pretty bad at it, and I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy to suddenly remember at 5pm that I’ve not drunk since breakfast at 7am. At least, not as many days as I manage it.

Fish tank – with all my lovely fishbabies in. And, er, a reasonable amount of gunk around the edges. And newly chucked-in aquatic snails from the other tank, because looking after two tanks was ridiculous, the snails kept dying, and really they should earn their keep by helping to eat the algae in the fishtank. They better damn well do! But I’m very pleased that nearly 6 months after installing the tank (or is it less?) every single fish is still alive and swimming.And getting bigger and beautifuller. I am very happy with them.

Last but not least

Laptop – decorated (badly) on its lid with rhinestones, this beautiful machine is our source of entertainment (we like to watch DVD series, as we have no television (on purpose)) and the source of my wonderful connection to so many friends around the world, not to mention my writing enabler and my lap-warmer (thanks, nice battery). If I could only save one thing in a fire...

So there you have it – a whistle-stop tour of some of my ‘trappings’, and a list of Ten very good reasons that I should be a little more thankful each day, rather than griping about challenges. I am blessed with abundance. I have plenty.

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You know I am all in favor of recognizing what we have, rather than what we have not.

Lizzi is a girl after my own heart like that.

When you head over to her Blog, I challenge you to NOT
hear her words in your head in a British accent. I can't do it.

Lizzi can also be found on Facebook and Twitter,
but be sure to leave her a comment before you go see!

Medical Emergency Preparedness for Kids

My two children, currently aged 13 and 7 1/2, have a dad who is a Type 1 Diabetic. He also has End Stage Renal Disease (ESRD) requiring dialysis, as well as a heart condition which necessitated he be given an Implantable Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD).

Phew! Lots of big words. Details for adults, really. All kids really care about is that Daddy has health problems and sometimes he has to be in the hospital. Also, sometimes at home, we have to call 911.

We recently got our daughter (the teenager) into counseling. We thought to help her better manage her ADHD as pertains to school. Not surprisingly, Camryn spoke to her counselor about her dad too.

The counselor told us that Cami has some anxiety about dealing with something happening to her dad when I'm not around. Like if I go out with friends, or if she goes out with my husband to run errands.

Camryn likes to go out with Mark just the two of them because she gets to sit in the front seat. That, and I think she genuinely likes to be helpful to her dad.

The counselor suggested that we could help alleviate Camryn's worries if we all sat down as a family and discussed exactly how to handle possible medical emergencies that can come up. Not only to discuss, but also come up with PLANS. Or specific instructions.

Obviously that's something we should do. I mean, of course, right? Sometimes you don't know if something is a good idea until an outside source points it out.

So we did it! I typed up an instruction sheet, and then the four of us sat down and discussed it.

Here is a generic version* of what my kids now have copies of:

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KIDS: If You Need to Help Dad On Your Own

Low Blood Sugar - At Home

If Dad seems weird, suddenly yawning a lot, not finishing sentences, getting sweaty, begins acting kind of goofy or loud, or if he’s sleeping and you can’t wake him up, maybe his blood sugar is low.

Try to talk to him. You’ll know if he’s not responding to you well. If he is low, but not too bad and it looks like he can take car of himself, offer to help, but otherwise let him. If he is really bad off, do the following:

1. Try to find and suspend his insulin pump.
-Once found (should be in a pants pocket) suspend:
Press ACT
Press the DOWN arrow once to highlight SUSPEND
Press ACT again, and then one more time (pump will vibrate 3 times)

2. Call me. ___-___-____. If I answer, I will try to help you help him. If I don’t answer, go on to #3.

3. Grab a phone, any phone, and dial 911.
- Tell them what is happening, that your dad is Diabetic and you think his blood sugar is low but you can’t help him.
- Our address is  __________________________________.
- They will give you instructions. Follow them.
- Firefighters or paramedics will come and help Dad and he’ll be OK.

Something Else is Wrong - At Home

If Dad is unconscious (eyes closed, you can’t wake him up) for any other reason that does not seem to be low blood sugar, just call 911 right away. Then call me.

General Instructions

If you can ever not reach me, here are some other people to try:
______________ at ___-___-____
______________ at ___-___-____
______________ at ___-___-____
______________ at ___-___-____.

You can go get a neighbor you feel comfortable with. BE SURE NOT TO LOCK YOURSELF OUT!

(If it’s AJ who is here alone, or if either of you need to tell someone, Camryn’s phone number is ___-___-____.)

Low Blood Sugar - While Out
If you’re in a store or any business with Dad, grab him a snack or drink, &/or try to ask someone who works there for help. You can try to fish Dad’s phone out of his pocket and call me.

Some Other Emergency - While Out
Try to get Dad’s phone and call 911, look around for a woman who can help you, call me.

Try to not be scared. Try to stay calm. There is always a way to get help.

*If interested, HERE is a link to a Google Drive copy of the above. If you have a similar situation to ours, you could use ours as an example, but customize it to your specific circumstance.

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The reality is that my kids' dad could have a serious medical emergency at any time. This is something I felt was best to do for my kids. Other families may handle it differently. Obviously, the older they get, the easier it is to educate them about these things.

For now, I feel a little better knowing we've talked about it all, and maybe they feel a little more empowered.

An Interview with a Thirteen Year Old

I did my traditional back-to-school posts on my son's second day of 2nd grade and my daughter's eighth day of 8th grade.

And by "traditional" I mean, two years in a row.

Now, though, I have Camryn's official school portrait!

My sweet baby girl is a teenager now. As she winds down her middle school years I thought I'd start a new tradition (inspired by Katie at Your Girls and Boys) of some "interview" questions to help keep track of how my kids' interests, opinions and perspective change over the coming years.

1. My favorite food is: apple pie

2. The best show on TV is: Once Upon a Time

3. The coolest person on earth is: Taylor Lautner 

4. My favorite class in school is: Social Studies

5. The class I like the least is: Language Arts

6. The thing I do best is: sing

7. If I could go anywhere in the world, I'd go to: Forks,Washington

8. My favorite color is: red

9. When I grow up, I think I might like to be a: nurse

10. My current favorite song is: "Roar" by Katy Perry

11. Three words that describe me are: cool, sister and sweet

12. My favorite season is: summer

13. The snack I like the best is: ice cream or apples

14. My best friend is: Rilaya, and Abby

15. My current favorite book is: Dead Is Not an Option by Marlene Perez

16. If I had one wish, it would be: unlimited wishes

17. My best memory is: going to Great Wolf Lodge

18. My current favorite movie is: Pitch Perfect

19. One food that I really dislike is: red peppers

20. My favorite thing to do is: play Minecraft

I am very surprised by the classes Camryn says she does and doesn't like. I thought for sure Math would be her least favorite (I even doubled checked with her to make sure). I thought Graphic Design would be her favorite by a mile. She says it's her second favorite.

Taylor Lautner and Forks, WA are because of Twilight. *gag

Asking for unlimited wishes is something she has thought a lot about.

She had to list two best friends because one she never gets to see outside of school and the other lives here in our neighborhood, so she hangs out with her a lot.

I think Camryn thinks she might like to be a nurse because of the times her dad has been in the hospital. But she says she wants to work with children. Camryn has ADHD and really struggles to keep up in school, so I've informed her that becoming a nurse requires several years of college. Not sure how much she's thought about that.

Apple pie? That's my girl!


Hopefully this isn't too long of a list to link with Monday Listicles. :-)

How Irritation and an Insulin Reaction Turn Into Gratitude

My husband had a nasty insulin reaction last night. He hasn't had any so bad in quite awhile. He was alone downstairs after we put the kids to bed. I was upstairs in our bedroom watching Grey's Anatomy and Scandal, drinking a cup of hot chocolate and trying to get over how thoroughly frustrated I was with how our evening had gone.

I'm seriously more irritated than I've been in a long time, and to top it off, I'm sitting in a squeaky fucking chair!
— Jennifer Hall (@JenAnnHall) October 25, 2013

I was up there thinking how happy I was to just BE, me and the TV, and that yummy cup of hot cocoa. The stress of the evening was slowly melting away as I lost myself in my favorite shows....

It wasn't until the first commercial after Scandal started that I decided to run downstairs with my empty I Love Bon Jovi mug.

Mark was lying on his back in the middle of the living room floor. This isn't actually unusual of him; he often decides he would prefer the floor to the couch. So I wasn't immediately alarmed. But then I said something to him and he only half-heartedly mumbled. Still, I thought maybe he had just dozed off. Remember, his blood sugar hadn't gotten this low for quite awhile, so that wasn't really on my radar.

Then Mark made some other sort of noise and as I moved closer to him I saw that he was extremely sweaty. Then I knew.

I fumbled to retrieve his insulin pump from his pocket. I suspended it and got a cup of yogurt from the fridge. I was able to feed him the yogurt pretty well. I got another one, but he had laid back down so I waited to see if the first cup was going to help enough to make him more coherent. After several minutes, I could see he wasn't getting any better, so I decided to give him a shot of glucagon.

I know that will make him better, so I just sat on the couch and waited. After a few minutes he sat up.

I asked, "Are you feeling better now?"

He replied, "I guess." And then, "I'm sorry."

Mark often apologizes when something happens with him. It breaks my heart. He says he's sorry I have to deal with it. Well, yeah, I am too, but....I love you.

Somehow this segues into gratitude. Because I am grateful for....

1. My knowledge of Mark's Diabetes and how to help him.

2. Glucagon injection kits that I can be assured will fix him right up when food or drink isn't an option.

3. My earlier mood not being even an iota of a factor as I went into "help Mark mode".

4. Mark's body being so darn strong in spite of all it has been through. I don't even know how it's possible. None of us do.

5. My cat to keep me company while I fret. Cats may have snooty tendencies, but they know when you need them.

Know what else?

6. The ability to pause my show while my husband has an insulin reaction.

7. The store still had the Halloween costume my daughter had her heart set on.

8. Cheap candy buckets for only $1 because costumes are not cheap.

9. Nonfat frozen yogurt.

10. That I'm smart enough to figure out why my new blog header was blurry and how to set my old URL to redirect to my new one. That last part was a big relief!

The View From Here: Finding Joy on an Unpaved Road

This week's View comes from Sue who writes at Cookie's Chronicles.

I am excited to present her words to you today because she speaks to us about some

very important life lessons she's learned as she parents with the challenges of chronic illnesses.

Her post has touched me, as I'm sure it will you.

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Finding Joy on an Unpaved Road

When I began my blog, it was to chronicle my journey through motherhood. Motherhood became real for me when I saw his face on the ultrasound monitor.

As I sit typing these words, I am not 'mothering', yet I am still a mother. My writing, my worldview, everything I do is coloured by my experience of being a mother.

My son is with me always. I don't need to conjure the idea of him when facing decisions that may impact him. He is just there. My life follows a particular path or another as if I am carrying him on my back at all times. Some part of him remained with me when he was born and we are connected in every moment.

Motherhood has made me denser as a person. The airy bits of me that lacked weight are fuller. Motherhood will do that to you. It will make you feel everything with more depth. Your perspective will become broader, while always remaining tethered to the foundation you create as Mother. This foundation grows more steady, more sure as the years pass, though you become more flexible and adaptable to whatever life brings.

Life is forever changing. Plans, goals, wishes and dreams are like whispers on the wind. I lean into every curve in the road with my arm gently wrapped around my son's shoulder. I look for the joy in each moment. Sometimes I have to look very closely, but it is always there.

I have been 'chronically ill' since I was in my late teens, if not longer. Though it hasn't always been pretty, I have always managed to stay relatively optimistic and to find joy and purpose in those moments when I felt relatively well. As I have become less and less 'able', I have adjusted my view of a good life and have found new ways to be grateful for what I have, new dreams to dream.

When my son and I were diagnosed with Lyme Disease this year, I paused, just a moment, before adjusting to make more room on my back, lifted him up and stepped onto the path toward healing.

People sometimes say to me, "I don't know how you do it.", or "I could never do it", and I say to them, "Yes, you could and you would, if you had to." And if what I do ever looks easy, it's because I choose to envision it that way. If I believe my burden is light, then it will be lighter. We do not choose the trials we are given. The only choice we ever have is how we will face them.

We can stand at the curve in anger and sadness, stomp our feet, and wallow in the discomfort and fear of this new challenge, but this state can only be temporary.  Either something else will happen to us or we will choose to make something else happen. We can, instead of resisting a trial, accept that we have no choice in what is and what has been and decide to affect what will be.

Today, as I write, my eyes dance across the page and I am at times overcome with nausea and vertigo. These are symptoms of Lyme Disease that come and go. In addition to these, there are about a hundred other symptoms that are a part of my everyday. No, that's not an exaggeration. I wrote them out recently, because as I have adjusted time and time again, I have forgotten how many there are, and because as I move through treatment for Lyme I want to be able to know when I am better, even just a little bit, by the absence of one of those symptoms.

This time, the nausea and vertigo have been with me for five days on and off. During that five days I have tried to sleep with little success, tried to treat the nausea with little success, suffered intense body pain, cried and thought negative thoughts. Still, this moment is an opportunity to see things differently. Do I feel as well as I would like to? No, I do not, and yet I know that it could be worse. I can still type. I can share these words with you and perhaps they will help. I can connect through my writing to a deeper sense of purpose, to my son, to the collective consciousness that we all share.

Life continues to present challenges. I remember in the early days of parenthood, our son was so ill that I never slept and I thought to myself, When will this challenge end? as if life would be better when it did. When you've been a parent for a while, you come to realize that life IS challenge. That one challenge replaces the previous one. One milestone reached brings with it a new struggle... unless we choose to see things a little differently.

If we see these challenges as life itself - life IS challenge - then we simply live them, with our eyes open, with our hearts open, with our full attention in each moment.

Try this: Imagine that you choose to take this bumpy, twisting, unpaved journey called life - that it is not something that happens to you. Remind yourself that you have navigated rocky roads before and have not just survived but have lived along the way. Remember that parts of it were fun! Know that all of it could be fun if only you were not afraid. If you have been afraid in the past and have had a tendency to close your eyes, just for today, open them wide! This time, sit in the driver’s seat, put on your seatbelt and loosen your grip on the steering wheel. Trust yourself to handle the curves. Lean into them! Open your eyes. Look around you. How much more can you see now that you are not afraid to look? Feel the thrill of facing the ever-changing landscape with confidence. Know that for each dip there is always a rise. Allow yourself to move freely through the trials in your life to the joys and triumphs. Expect joy. Be ready for it!

- Sue
aka Cookie's Mom

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The most important thing for me to read was "we see these challenges as life itself - life IS challenge" because I have been known to lump everything together to the point where I feel like the sky is falling. I actually have a friend who has pointed out to me that it's really just LIFE, as Sue did here.

Please leave Sue some comment love and then go check her out at:

Cookie's Chronicles and Cookie's Book Club

Facebook - Twitter - Pinterest

(If you are interested in contributing to The View From Here <-- click!)

Please Stop Being Judgy

I am absolutely sick and bloody tired of everyone passing judgments on others.

It's pissing me off, actually.

Assumptions. Expectations. Preconceived notions. Prejudices. Judgments.

Just stop it.

Find something else to do.

You are no better than me. I am no better than you.

People's personal lifestyle choices have nothing to do with you.

Other's circumstances are not your circumstances.

We can find people who have things in common with us. We can get to know each other, form connections, bond. But at the end of the day, you don't know what it's truly like to live in my skin, and I don't know what it's like to live in yours.

We have different experiences. Different paths to walk. These things shape us. No two lives are the same.

So how, may I ask, can you have the nerve to question someone else?

source

The mommy wars are bullshit. Nobody really cares which moms work outside the home and which ones don't. And actually, our definitions of "working" need to get broader.

In any case, those sorts of decisions are PERSONAL to each INDIVIDUAL woman and her family. They are none of your business. Just trust that each woman has her reasons for the choices she makes.

How to be a Christian without being a jerk about it

While I'm at it, please for the love of God, stop judging others based on what you believe spiritually. That, my friends, is an even more personal thing than whether you work or not. Religious/spiritual beliefs are just about the most intimate part of us. There are churches, synagogues and temples where we can go for public fellowship with others whose beliefs are similar to ours. Still, they are YOURS and not to be proselytized. I believe that when someone thinks less of you because you don't believe what they do, they are actually doing the direct opposite of what most religions teach.

Hating on the Poor is SO Funny!

It's not your business to wonder at why someone is on food stamps but has an iPhone. It's no concern of yours if your next door neighbor is gay. It shouldn't matter to you if someone is fat or skinny. You should not care if a couple has only one child or six. And you sure as hell shouldn't give a damn if Miley Cyrus wants to twerk onstage with Robin Thicke!

We can think something is a little weird, fishy, off, or "that's not something I would do/choose". But unless it directly affects you or someone you love in some negative way....don't worry about it.

Look, there are simply SO MANY variables to consider in life. And when it's not even YOUR life? When it's someone else's variables? WHO ARE YOU to judge?

So I'm saying, I'm done with it. SO DONE.

In a world where the mentally ill are so poorly helped that they shoot little children at school and a 12 year old girl feels the need to end her own life due to bullying......all I can conclude is that what we need most is a whole lot more LOVE.

I am not talking about crime and terrible, awful things that people do to hurt others (although there are courts of law to judge that). I'm just talking about our personal business and lifestyle choices.

Why I Like Being a Soccer Mom

I know there is plenty to complain about when it comes to being a soccer mom. Schlepping the kid to all the practices and games and sitting on the field, quite possibly freezing your booty off, sometimes feigning interest in what's going on, other obnoxious parents.....

I have two friends who have been soccer moms more years than I have. This is only my son's first year playing the sport. I've heard all the crap associated with the title "Soccer Mom"

And yeah, since this season began I have gone from sunburn hot to chattering teeth cold, I have sat through a game in the rain and wind, helped only by the generosity of someone with an extra umbrella. I've struggled with the timing of practice being RIGHT AT DINNERTIME.

But I'm also loving it. Here's why.

1. AJ loves it. Coach just had to end practices because it's getting too dark and most of the other parents can't get their kids there any earlier. AJ is bummed there's no more practice.

2. What makes my kid happy, makes me happy.

3. Watching your kid learning new things is a huge source of parental pride. I swear in the just these few months of soccer AJ has matured.

4. The way my husband enjoys it. Mark is one proud dad when AJ is out there playing soccer. He loves cheering him on and encouraging him. Mark is teaching AJ how to be a good sport. And all things considered with Mark.....well, it just fills my heart with joy to see it.

5. Camryn helped out a couple times at practices by playing on the adults side against the kids in a scrimmage. The little boys were all, "don't let the girl get it!" She totally got it. And scored!

6. The coaches we got are great. They're real young guys, but they have plenty of energy to deal with the boys, and they've been playing soccer themselves more than half their lives.

7. So far, we don't really have any personality conflicts with other parents. I mean, there's this ONE mom and her kid.....but that's all. And, that one mom and kid aren't actually on our team, just at the same practices because our head coach is in charge of two teams.

8. I never did things like this as a kid, so I'm kind of living vicariously. What?

9. Knowing my kid is doing something that is healthy and character-building makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

10. AJ is pretty good. He hustles when out on the field, and he's learned a lot about being a goalie. And like I said already, he freaking loves it, so how can I not?

AJ said to me before his last game that when soccer is over he wants to sign up for football. Told him I don't think he can just jump right into football, but man, I may have a little athlete on my hands!

Do your kids play any sports?

Linked up with Monday Listicles.

PS: I'm in two other places today too! The first is at my BFF's meal planning blog, Mom Rocks Mealtime. She and I have dueling recipes. Check 'em out and let us know which one you'd prefer. The other is at ProJect: Underblog, where a post I originally published here is being featured today for their #31days31voices this month. I'd love it if you gave that one a visit too!

The (Big?) Reveal!

Not sure how big of a reveal my new blog name is since MOST OF YOU GUESSED IT ALREADY!

What am I going to do with you people?

I really am transparent, hu?

That's right, you can see it right up there. The blog formally known as just JENNIFER will from henceforth be called Dancing in the Rain!

The URL is now ImDancingintheRain.com. Please make a note, re-bookmark it, do whatever you gotta do to get your sweet self back here.

Pretty please?

Everything else I am in the process of updating.....all my social media accounts and whatnot. Just one teeny-weeny thing I need you guys to do in that regard.

As I suspected, I had to set up a new Facebook page so I need you to go throw your LIKES on it. Besides Twitter, my blog Facebook page is where I have the most fun with everyone. I really love posting things and interacting with you guys there. Don't leave me lonely, K?

The "just JENNIFER" FB page will likely remain open through the end of the year to hopefully give a nice long time for everyone to get the hook-up to the new page. That doesn't mean you should dawdle, now. All the good stuff will be over at my "Dancing in the Rain" page!

I love my precious' new name and I hope you do too!

The View From Here: That Gut Feeling

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming!

Today we have someone who is NOT named Kristi!

She is Kerstin and she writes at Auer Life.

Kerstin recently took the leap into full-time freelance writing.

She's gonna write like a motherfucker! *covers mouth with hand

Ahem. Here's Kerstin's View.

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That Gut Feeling

A few days ago I dropped off my kids and the dog at the dog park. I’m the kind of dogmother who does not want to deal with other people’s dogs, so I leave the dog park to my kids. When it was time for pick-up and the dog jumped into the car, I knew right away that something was fishy.

The dog was fishy, actually. A bird had dropped a dead fish in the dog park and the dogs - including mine - had decided to roll in it. It smelled pretty bad and I knew for sure the dog needed a bath as soon as he jumped into the car. Naturally I made the kids give him a bath so I would have time to ponder an important revelation:

I thought about how trusting my instinct has gotten me to where I’m at in life.

When I smelled the dog I knew without a doubt that he needed a bath; there have been many times in my life when I knew something was fishy and my gut instinct has never disappointed me. The times when I acted against my beliefs – and there were a few – were not so successful.

Growing up, my mom called me a “freedom fighter” and it was not a compliment. I’ve always had strong feelings about what is wrong and right and about treating people with respect and kindness. Unfortunately, those values were not what my family lived by; it was my father’s way or the highway and to make a long story short – the time came when I could not take it anymore, so I chose the highway.

I remember running into one of my father’s friends shortly after I had severed ties and I’ll never forget what he said to me. He told me that surviving my family with my sanity intact was an extraordinary accomplishment. By telling me that he respected my decision and integrity, he gave me something that my family never did: the ability to believe in myself and to believe in the goodness of other people.

That was almost 17 years ago and I’ve had my ups and downs since then, just like everyone else. Of course I want people to like me and to read my writing and I want to make friends. I even want to be able to stay in touch with parts of my family, but I am not willing to bend my values for it. For none of it.

One of the hardest things to learn was to just say it out loud: “No, I don’t think this is OK”  or “I am sorry, but this is just not right”. You know those situations when you just want to fit in, but deep inside is this feeling that makes you just a little nauseous? That was hard, and it still is. But it’s worth it. A little while ago my 16-year-old daughter told me about how people in her class wanted to know what “her drink” is, since everyone is starting to drink (wait, what?) and she replied that she doesn’t have “a drink” because she doesn’t want to get drunk.

She’s trusting her gut feeling, too; so my view from where I’m at right now is pretty damn good.

__________

"...deep inside is this feeling that makes you just a little nauseous?"

The moment I read that I knew exactly what Kerstin is talking about. I once had this friend who I felt like that around all the time. Totally didn't listen to the feeling until it became a glaringly obvious THING. Now I will never trust that person again. I know other friends don't understand how I feel, but I stand by it.

I always trust my gut when it comes to my kids. That comes easy for me.
What about you? Can you think of a time when you trusted your gut feeling
and it turned out to be exactly right?

Be sure to tell Kerstin about it in the comments, and then check her out

on her Blog and Facebook page!

Blog Action Day #BAD13

*I'm having a couple of cause-themed days here on the blog. Timing....what are you gonna do?
**I am participating in Blog Action Day 2013. The theme is Human Rights. I submit the following for your consideration.

How often do we contemplate the issue of Human Rights?

I'm not sure I do all that often. Which seems funny to me since I am a human and I don't want anyone to take my rights away.

But I am an American, and as such I probably take my rights and freedoms a bit for granted. Also, I don't watch the news very often so I'm not hearing about every human rights violation that happens around the world.

I don't have my head buried in the sand, though. I do know people's human rights are threatened all the time. Still.

A "human right" is a right that is believed to belong justifiably to every person.

Every. One.

Some things I learned:

"The United States has a vibrant civil society and media that enjoy strong constitutional protections. The victims of abuse are typically the weakest and most vulnerable in US society: immigrants, racial and ethnic minorities, children, the elderly, the poor, and prisoners."

"The US incarcerates more people than any other country. Practices contrary to human rights principles, such as the death penalty, juvenile life-without-parole sentences, and solitary confinement are common and often marked by racial disparities."

- Human Rights Watch

"Approximately 27 million people are currently enslaved in the human trafficking trade around the world." - DoSomething.org

The War on Terror has brought about a while new perspective on Human Rights violations. According to a GlobalIssues.org article, Amnesty International stated in 2004:

"Violence by armed groups and increasing violations by governments have combined to produce the most sustained attack on human rights and international humanitarian law in 50 years. This was leading to a world of growing mistrust, fear and division."

I had not thought about the complexities of the War on Terror in this light before.

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states:

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood. - UN Human Rights

I wish declaring this in an official document automatically made it so.

I hope this little post on my little blog might raise a little more awareness for the issue of Human Rights. The process of learning more in order to put it together certainly raised my awareness.

Blog Action Day is a free annual event, that has run since 2007. Its aim is to unite the world’s bloggers by posting about the same issue, on the same day, in order to raise awareness and trigger a positive global discussion around an important issue that impacts us all, raises awareness or even helps fund not-for-profits associated to the theme issue. The theme for 2013 is Human Rights. Please follow the #BAD13 hashtag on social media to find more posts from other bloggers around the world!

I Am Fierce

Whatever fierceness I have in me comes from Love.

I am loved fiercely, and I love fiercely in return.

I've written ad nauseam about my PTSD, anger, fears and worries as regards Mark's last major health crisis (or his health in general). Those are the things I'm not proud of, that I struggle with and have to work through.

But there was something else. Something I had forgotten about, or failed to see or was overshadowed by the fear, until an email popped into my inbox.

It asked if there was a time when I was fierce. And I realized that, yeah, there absolutely was.

The most fierce I've ever had to be was when doctors told me I should prepare for the possibility that my husband was dying.

I was fierce when I had to face my children and answer their questions about their dad.

I was fierce while juggling family members.

I was fierce when pushing for information from hospital staff.

I was fierce when I absolutely had to focus on my own needs.

I had to muster up fierceness when I was forced to tell my husband the doctors thought he might be dying.

Mark and I were both fierce when signing living will/power of attorney papers.

I was fierce by insisting my husband should go home.

I was fierce when letting the tears flow.

FACING MY WORST FEAR made me fierce!

In the moments, I just did these things. At the time, I could not see the fierceness in my actions.

Even though I nearly burst into tears after every few sentences writing this, I see now how I was fierce. I see now that I still am.

I am sharing this with you as part of The Traveling Blue Wig Project. It is to spread the word about the Clever Girls Collective's Fierce Fund, which is seeking to donate $20,000 in support of nonprofit initiatives that celebrate, encourage, and elevate women and girls.

But they need YOUR help! There are three causes the Clever Girls want your help in choosing from: CoachArt, Dress for Success and Girls Who Code. You have until next Monday, October 21, 2013 to get your vote in.

Do you have a story of a time you were Fierce?

Tell me about it, and then go vote to support women and girls.

Visit the #FierceFund to learn more about this girl-power project!

Guess the Name of the Blog!

Wanna play a game?

It's called "Guess the name of the blog"!

Sounds like a ton of fun, doesn't it?

Do you remember in last week's post about my impending blog name change that I got my inspiration from one of my favorite quotes?

I got the inspiration for my blog's new name from one of my favorite quotes.

In an effort to keep everyone in the loop on the upcoming change -- because change can be scary -- I thought I'd give you all a chance to guess what name I came up with by letting you know the quote that inspired it:

That's it! That's the quote that inspired my blog name change. Ms. Vivian Greene's words seem to be pretty well liked around the Internet, as there are many images with variations floating around.

And now I've added mine!

This quote speaks to me on a few levels. Simply, that I live in the rainy region of Western Washington. Not so simply, as a big life lesson, especially where the struggles I have are concerned. It says to me, live NOW, don't wait. Maybe you're in the midst of a storm, but you can make your way through it, not only in one piece, but happily dancing, even.

So! I'm planning to make this change SOON. Like, next weekend soon. You will already notice that I removed my roller coaster header. Hmm? Did you see?

Also, I *might* have to set up a new Facebook page. I'm pretty stressed about this because building a page on Facebook has been a pretty slow process for me, so I really don't want to lose the 248 lovely likers I currently have. It's all Facebook's fault! I keep trying to "Update Page Info" but it does absolutely NOTHING, goes NOWHERE. The link is like BROKEN. Or it hates me. I was able to update the little blurb below my photo via the mobile app, but changing the name is another matter entirely. Whatever happens, will you follow me over to a new page if I have to make one? Pretty please?

So come on, have a guess.

What do you think my blog name will be based on this quote?
(If I've already told you, don't say anything. Obviously.)

Spreading Some Bloggy Love and Gratitude

I just love Elaine's Old School Blogging meme/link-up. It's all about the community of bloggers, supporting each other, getting to know each other better, pimpin' each other out.....you know, spreading some bloggy love.

This month Elaine and co-host Tracy want us to try to narrow our most likely super long list of fave bloggers down to five. Just FIVE.

I have come across hundreds of blogs in my 3 1/2 years in the blogosphere. And I follow or like hundreds on Twitter and Facebook.

How am I supposed to choose? I think I'll follow our hostess' lead and pick five of my more recent finds and/or that I seem to be going back to a lot lately.

Oh and I will double dip a bit, and count them as things I am thankful for this week. I can do that, right?

1. Considerings - written by Lizzi who is a Brit and I read everything she writes with the accent!

2. Here's the Thing... - written by Kenya who I think is super cool for quoting herself and including a pinnable image of the quote in nearly every post.

3. The Family Pants - written by Colleen, aka Mama Pants, who has a fantastic About page.

4. Unintentionally Brilliant - written by "Roxanne: the sweetest and most confusing girl ever."

5. What Now and Why - written by Arnebya (which I don't know how to pronounce) who wrote this really provocative post.

Other things I'm thankful for:
6. I got to see Gravity. It's really good. Sandra Bullock made me cry. I highly recommend. My dad says you can skip 3D, that it wasn't that great.
7. I love that I married someone who loves listening to music and is hopefully passing that down to our kids, just like my dad did with me. It also makes our home feel fun and lively. Unless it's AC/DC, in which case I whine and complain until Mark changes it.
8. I now have three shows to watch with my kids: Once Upon a Time, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland and Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. Mark joins us for Agents. So fun!
9. I have found free clip art, chosen the fonts I like and have been happily making new images to go with my new blog name. Coming soon!
10. A Costco coupon for $6.50 off Tide just when we needed more. Love it when that happens!

The View From Here: A Love Affair in My Kitchen

This week's View comes from someone who is sweet, kind, goofy, funny and older than me.

She is Kristi, aka the robot mommy.

(No, not all of these posts will be written by women named Kristi.)

__________

A Love Affair In My Kitchen

You are more to me than just a breakfast. You are what makes a day worth being a part of.

I'm very blessed. My days get to be filled with something that truly gets me.

Your crunch muffles the sound of my kids fighting or the latest episode of Dora The Explorer. All I hear is rainbows forming and birds tweeting in their nests.

You hold up my ego as you hold up my spoon. If I'm not devouring your joyfulness fast enough, sometimes you let me down. Yet I can't seem to quit you. I just try again with more of you.

You're not jealous of my coffee. You get that I can only enjoy a mug or two during the day. But with you, I can spend some time in the middle of the night. It may be sneaking around but I don't care. You make me into a bran-loving whore.

You don't seem to care about how my hair looks or if I'm wearing makeup when I hold you. It feels like love when I hear the dink dink as you hit the bottom of my bowl.

Each spoonful fills my soul with kinship. I don't worry about my family or the stressors that come with living out of suitcase. Or that we need to keep our son on top of his curriculum so he doesn't fall behind.

You don't care that my son's outfit is mismatched or that my toddler is eating her nose candy. You just concentrate on me and my needs. The pains and woes of my everyday disappear when I open my mouth and let you in.

You are so inviting....

so flavorful....

....and when we sit alone and I masticate you, I am complete. I am whole.

Oh cereal.... You are amazing.

Your puffs filled with peanut butter and understanding make me feel like I can do anything.

Like I can finish this blog post. Like I'm the princess and you and all your raisins are my princes.

Thank you for being a dollar off with coupon.

t.r.m.

__________

See why I can call her goofy? And funny.

Kristi's view is all about finding the humor in the mundane.

The humor in motherhood and raising kids.

Her perspective is to find FUN wherever she can.

If you like Kristi's sense of humor as much as I do, follow along via

her Blog, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

But not before you leave her some comment love here!

Therapy Shmerapy

That would have been my response just one short year ago to the suggestion that perhaps I should seek professional help because I have some tough shit to deal with.

"Oh, therapy shmerapy! I don't need no stinking therapy! I'm fiiiiine!"

Uh hu.

There is this stigma attached to asking for help. To admitting when you need help.

There is also our own pride to contend with.

I never thought I was a particularly prideful person. I have bad eyes, so I have had to get quite used to asking for help from those around me. Sometimes I can't read something. Sometimes I need a ride somewhere....

But if I'm being perfectly honest, it's still hard at times for me to admit when I can't see something.

Am I more prideful than I thought because I didn't want to see a counselor (and asking for help because of my eyes is still hard)?

Or does it have to do with vulnerability?

When I make it known that I'm struggling to see something, I open myself up to questions, and possibly even judgment.

Getting therapy could encompass so much more. My past, present, future. My flippin' inner child.

I'll admit, the stubborn side of me did indeed feel like I should just be able to handle my life issues all on my own. That I should just be strong enough.

Finally, last year around this time, I decided to give it a try.

I AM SO GLAD I DID. Dragging my stubborn ass to therapy is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

You know the joke that goes something like a patient has spilled their guts about something and the therapist asks, "And how do you feel about that?" and the patient is like *facepalm, "Aren't you supposed to tell me what YOU think about that?"

It's kind of true. Therapists don't have all the answers. What they have is an ability to be on the outside looking in at your life. They know just the right questions to ask you in order for you to find the perspective you need to process whatever it is you're dealing with. They get the human condition and they help you understand YOURSELF and others better. All of this contributes to a healthier heart, mind and spirit.

That may sound kind of froo-froo but, whatever. How it sounds doesn't matter. What matters is that I cannot believe the different place I am in now than one year ago. I know myself better. I am more confident.

Confidence? Me?? I have struggled with insecurities as long as I can remember. To be able to say that so much of that crap has fallen away is huge. HUGE.

Having a better sense of who I am, with more confidence, effects how I feel about the tough stuff my husband and I have to deal with as regards his chronic health problems, which is why I sought out a counselor to begin with. I'm not sure exactly how, but it does. I just feel it.

I have seen the light. Anyone who would like to say, 'I told you so", can feel free. :-)

Change is Good

Ch-ch-ch-changes.....

Changes always throw us off a bit, don't they? Even if they're good changes. Like back-to-school or a new baby. We all need a little time to adjust or re-acclimate.

In the spirit of giving time to adjust, I wanted to announce as soon as possible that I am changing my blog's name, the URL and the design just a bit.

I have flip-flopped on whether I really wanted to do this for some time now. I couldn't think of any other good name. But then, I wasn't really trying very hard either.

Last night, the thought occurred to me again, but this time it wouldn't go away. So I thought, brought the idea up to Mark and we brainstormed back and forth. I hopped on the computer to look at my labels to see if any of the words I use to categorize my posts might trigger a name. A couple did and I checked GoDaddy to see if a matching URL was available. A couple URLs were available and couple weren't.

I still wasn't having an AHA, that's it! feeling. Then I thought about how much I like quotes, which led to thinking about my favorite quotes, then one stood out....

And it made so much sense in more than one way. I searched for matching URLs, found one and snatched it up!

Then I attempted sleep. After lying there thinking of exactly how to go about making the change and picking up my phone to write myself a note, I finally relaxed and drifted off.

But it was the first thing I thought of upon waking. You know when an idea won't leave you alone and makes you all antsy? That. I think it means I need to go ahead and make this change.

WHY do I want to change my blog name? Well, because I'm getting tired of my NAME being part of what I call my blog. Yes, this blog is all about me and my life, my perspective and experiences, and I don't plan to change what I write about. It's just that, while catchy, I don't think "just JENNIFER" is very descriptive of what this blog actually encompasses.

Also, whenever someone refers to me as "Jennifer from just JENNIFER", it sorta bugs me because it sounds very redundant. The name Jennifer itself is redundant!

So yeah. I feel that my blog has grown into so much more than I ever thought possible, so I think it needs a real name. I simply threw "just JENNIFER" up there in order to set the darn thing set up. I didn't really put much thought into it. But now I have and I think the change needs to be made. My blog has grown, and I've grown along with it. Neither my blog nor myself are really "just".

I have no funds to pay someone to help me with the changes so it will be all DIY (which is how everything on this blog has been thus far). So if you have any advice for me, BRING IT!

Just to reiterate: I am changing the name and URL of this blog soon. Gone will be the roller coaster metaphor. Staying will be ME, my writing and the colors (or lack thereof). I'm really excited about this and I hope you guys will be too!