10 Things to Smile About and Be Grateful For

At the beginning of the month I listed 10 reasons I was grateful for March. They had a lot to do with the simple fact that February was over. Stupid February.

March has been better, so I would like to show it some love.

10 Things to Smile About and Be Grateful For

1. A quiet Saturday morning.

2. My husband cut his hair. He says I'm not allowed to be happy about this, but I can't lie to you guys, I really am.

3. Maybe you heard, I got to go on a cruise!

4. Getting to spend that time with my friend who is really the closest thing I have to a sister. She is my kids' Godmother so we refer to her as "Auntie Jen" and it confuses AJ. He doesn't get how she can be his "Auntie" if she's not my sister. Just cuz, kiddo.

5. Mark starting physical therapy. It occurred to me recently that he shouldn't have to simply accept that his legs don't want to cooperate with him, that PT might make a difference. Just two appointments in, he already feels like it's helping.

6. One of my photos was chosen as one of Fat Mum Slim's Photo-a-Day "Fab 4"!

@fatmumslim
Can you tell which one is mine?

7. Spring!

8. Going for walks in the spring sun.

9. My mother-in-law and niece coming for a week-long visit.

10. Getting my spiffy new bloggy business cards in the mail! And, a Dancing in the Rain notebook and pen that I am going to GIVE AWAY for my blogiversary next month!

What were your happy things this month?

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The View From Here: Tire Swing

This week's VIew is coming to you from Lisa of The Golden Spoons.

Lisa is someone I met through lots of blog hopping. We are also in a blogging group on Facebook.

The "golden spoons" are her three daughters, and she talks here about having to force herself to not be too overprotective of them.

Perhaps you can relate.

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Tire Swing

We have lots of wooded areas around our house.  In one spot , down in the woods, my father in law made a tire swing for my three girls.  With what can only be described a grandpa heroics (and a little bit of luck), he threw a rope around a very high, sturdy branch and tied an old tire to the end of the loop.  My girls love it.

dominique ap via photopin cc

Me? Every time I watch them on it I hold my breath.  You see, the branch is very high which means the rope is very long.  When they first get on the swing, in that spot directly under the branch, they are not too high of the ground.  But, just a few steps beyond the “landing” area, the ground drops off abruptly by a few feet, so, when the girls swing way out over this drop-off, they suddenly seem much higher from the ground and, therefore, much more precariously perched atop the swing.

"What if they fall?" I think to myself.  "What if they don't?" I hear myself answer back.  What if they miss the fun, the exhilaration, the time outdoors, the laughter because I was afraid of the "What ifs?"

Thus is the conundrum of parenting, isn't it?  Just like the push and pull of that swing, we are constantly letting go, pushing forward, and hoping they return safely.

We have a fierce desire to protect our children.  We want to spare them from harm and hurt - external and internal.  We want to dry their tears and mend their broken hearts.  Yet, we are simultaneously preparing them to leave our protection and, eventually, be on their own.

Tonight, I watched my daughter on the soccer field.  Her team lost, but she chased that ball and kicked it with all her might.  She had a blast and has come to really love playing soccer.

A couple years ago, however, I was not so sure.  You see, she is not exactly the most coordinated child and was, in fact, rather accident prone when she was younger.  The idea of her playing a semi-contact sport like soccer was very scary to me.  I was certain she would get hurt or, even worse, be laughed at or ridiculed.  She continued to ask and, eventually I gave in and sign her up.

Now, I watch her on that field and think, "Why did I wait so long? What was I really scared of?"  I just wanted to protect her, but the truth is that I was holding her back.  I was keeping her away from something that has turned out to be one of the best things she has ever done!  It has boosted her confidence and she is proud of herself.  It has improved her physical coordination.  It has taught her sportsmanship and teamwork.  She has made friends.  She has had so much fun.

And, I have learned something too.

Sometimes, as parents, we have to be more like our children - unafraid to swing way out over the cliff.  We have to let go and maybe even give them a push.  We have to trust that the branch is strong and that the rope will hold.  We have to have faith that the risk is worth the outcome.  Sometimes, we may even have to be a soft place for them to fall.  But, we can't let the "what if's" paralyze us.

I've seen this quote attributed to several different people, but it has always been one of my favorites and I remember it every time I see my kids on the tire swing or my daughter on the soccer field.

"There are two precious gifts we can give our children.  One is roots; the other is wings."

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You know I love that quote. I've used it somewhere on this blog before....

I don't think I've ever been overprotective. At least not to my kids' faces.

I let them do things, tell them to have fun, while inside I'm worrying.

I think back to my own childhood and remember how much more freedom I had than they do,

and then I feel like I'm probably doing the right thing when I let them go.

Get to know Lisa at her:

Blog - Facebook - Twitter - Pinterest

*If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

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At the Heart of My Journey

In the post I wrote last week about finding ME and shedding the bulk of my insecurities, there was something I didn't mention.

One of the things that helped spur me on to getting to this place.

I might have thought of it while I was writing that post, but felt uncertain about voicing it.

It might come across as macabre.

It's not as if I haven't talked about it before.

It's just....

I try so hard in my daily life not to dwell on the idea that my husband could leave me a widow due to his myriad health problems, so the longer I can go without mentioning it on the blog, the better I guess I think I'm doing with it....?

I don't know. The truth is, The thought crosses my mind daily. Sometimes it's fleeting and I shrug it off easily. Other times it sucker punches me straight in the gut and I literally have to catch my breath.

photo credit: dlemieux via photopin cc

It's a fine line I feel like I'm walking ever since Mark's arrhythmia two years ago: finding myself and becoming stronger, without pulling away from my husband. While I think I've come to a logical conclusion based on past events that I will outlive him, I never want to start acting like -- or treat him like -- he's already gone.

Mark himself has expressed that he often feels like people are just waiting for him to die, failing to see that he's still right here, trying to live his life to the fullest that he's able to. His wife can't make him feel that way. I don't want to.

I love him and want him here for absolutely as long as possible. He could be for quite some time still. We just don't know. That uncertainty is very frustrating and scary. It makes me angry and sad sometimes that this is something I can't shake, that I think about on some level every single day of my life.

So this is what I left out of that other post: that the potential loss of my spouse is one of the things that has helped motivate me to get right with myself. To figure out what really matters to me, to feel like I'm awesome all on my own.

Because in the event of Mark's death, I will NEED to know that. My kids will need to be able to look to me and see someone who's got this. Camryn and AJ need a strong and capable mom. If they lose their dad, I will have to be able to hold them up, but I won't be very good at it if I'm not already holding myself up.

It's akin to the instructions you get on an airplane about the oxygen masks. What do they always tell us? To place the mask over our own nose and mouth before our children's.

I'm speaking as someone who has been shown the very real possibility of losing her husband. However, I think even for those who don't worry about losing their spouse every day, it is a good idea to get to a place where you feel like you could handle life on your own if you had to.

How much TMI can a marriage handle?

In the beginning of a relationship we try to keep our bodily functions private so as not to come across as crude or unattractive in any way.

Somewhere down the line we get comfortable. Really comfortable.

We no longer close the door when using the toilet. We let farts go without giving it a second thought.

Maybe we'll say something like, "Heehee, oops, excuse me."

But then even the "excuse me"s stop. It turns into, "I can't help it!"s.

Men adjust their junk, women reposition their bras.

Scratching, picking, nose-blowing, pimple popping....coughing, sneezing, farting, peeing, pooping, bleeding (menstrual and otherwise)....vomiting!

Not to mention earwax, eye goobers, scabs, hairs and nail biting.

It's gross. Human beings are gross.

My husband, God love him, picks, bleeds and claims he cannot hold back a fart.

He'll explode or something.

And the bleeding! If for some reason Mark dies of suspicious circumstances and the authorities come into my home with Luminol, I'm going to prison.

For the record, if I wanted to murder my husband, I would have done it a long time ago. Lord knows I've had ample opportunity. Ahem.

When I was pregnant with our daughter Mark thought he would NOT be watching me give birth. He planned to stay up by my head.

He ended up watching, of course. And then proceeded to tell everyone who would listen that he had to get that image out of his head. Then he watched with our son too.

He's also a big baby about me talking about my period.

Oh he has no problem purchasing feminine products, but he does not want to know any details about cramps or flow.

It's TMI, he says.

Yet, his grossness is just another charming part of his sparkling personality.

Well I've decided that I'm no longer into sharing my private bodily happenings. Nope.

I've started closing the bathroom door every time I need to use the toilet. I don't discuss my period with Mark, and I try not to fart in the same room as anyone else.

I'm opting for a little more decorum in my marriage.

The pendulum is swinging the other way for me. Give me my privacy, dear. I'd be HAPPY to give you yours too!

What do you think?

How much TMI can a marriage take before you're just grossed out?

A New Product for Stress & Anxiety Relief

I am writing this post on behalf on 1Hour Break to help them spread the word about their Indiegogo campaign launch and open up the discussion on stress and anxiety. All opinions expressed are my own.

Did you know:

• Stress is linked to the top five causes of death in the United States. 
• 95 million Americans suffer from stress-related illnesses every week.
• 1/4 of all women in the US suffer from anxiety disorders.
• Stress and anxiety sufferers often self-medicate with pills, alcohol, cigarettes and food.

I have a lot of stress in my life and I suffer from anxiety because of it. I talk about it here all the time.

My doctor prescribes a low dose medication and it works to smooth out the rough edges. It helps me not be too wound up or easily agitated, and helps me to not go from zero to panicked when something stressful comes up.

I still fully feel all of my emotions. I still cry easily. I am not "switched off" like some anti-anxiety medications or anti-depressants can make you feel.

I like that my medication hasn't turned me into a robot, but I don't like sometimes still feeling the racing heart and churning stomach when something stressful hits me. I don't like losing sleep or not being able to catch my breath.

I know that those things mean my body is having a reaction to a stressful situation, usually something related to my husband's health problems, and it might be hurting my body.

So when I heard about 1Hour Break I was immediately intrigued.

• First all natural oral spray that relieves stress & anxiety.
• Made from Kava Kava root, widely known in Hawaii for its stress-relieving properties.
• Made more effective by adding three herbs that help with relaxation; Lobelia, Passion Flower, and Lemon Balm.

Check out this awesome infographic:

I haven't tried it yet, but I'm looking to get more info (and hopefully win a bottle!) during their Indiegogo campaign launch Twitter party on Tuesday, March 24, 2014 from 6-7:30 PM (PST).

Because if an herbal remedy can help me quell the unhealthy moments of panic I sometimes feel, that would be pretty great.

The makers of 1Hour Break are launching an Indiegogo campaign to raise money for manufacturing and bottling costs without getting big investors involved. The goal of the Twitter party to help open up the discussion on anxiety and give away great prizes!

RSVP for the Twitter party HERE!

Will I see you there?

Without Method or Conscious Decision

The March edition of Old School Blogging is completely random!

nataliedee.com

Questions have been asked, which I have answers for:

What is the last thing you watched on TV? Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. Scandal was super intense. And sad. It made me FEEL, and I like that.

When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Yesterday afternoon to go with my husband to his first physical therapy appointment.

What is on the walls of the room you are in? We moved our computer upstairs to the "loft" a couple of months ago. There are two airbrush paintings JHo did so long ago she wasn't even "JHo" then, some kid art, a clock, a Sky Landers chart and the Bon Jovi logo my friend Jess painted for me.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? A super fun, awesome vacation for my family.

Tell me something about you that most people don’t know. So I have bad eyes, right? Well, sometimes I pretend I see something someone is trying to show me instead of explain that I can't see it, or just to make them happy.

Who made the last incoming call on your phone? My Aunt Renee.

If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do? Oh let me count the ways! I like my house, I really do, but.....when they built it, they could have done a few things differently. Like, extend the master bedroom all the way over the garage, they should have done the half bath door differently (it battles with the door to the garage), I don't understand the rocks on one side of our house and I kind of wish there wasn't a tall juniper blocking my view of the street.

What was the last thing you bought? A copy of Star Trek: Into Darkness on Blu-ray with a Target gift card. I may have said, "Hello, Chris Pine", when I picked it up. Maybe.

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? No. Seriously, I don't understand. Life is dangerous enough, I don't get why one would need to tempt fate.

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Jon Bon Jovi. Or Nathan Fillion. Or Oprah.

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Probably Costco. If they accepted anything besides American Express.

Is the glass half empty or half full? You know the answer to that!

What’s under your bed? The cable for the TV and some other random (there's that word again) electronic wires, a blanket, pillow, dust bunnies.

What is your favorite time of the day? I think the moment I feel like I'm done for the day, when I feel like I don't have to do any more things.

What inspires you? Truth, courage and a sunny day!

Now, tell me some random thing about you!

The View From Here: My Journey Toward Breast Reduction

Wow you guys, I almost blew it.

I failed to get someone scheduled to contribute this week's View ahead of time.

The other weeks of the month are covered.

I blame the cruise.

Thankfully, when you send out a plea for help to a group of bloggers, someone is likely to respond.

It's worked out kind of perfectly, actually.

Below is a very honest and personal piece from Elizabeth of Rocks, No Salt Mommy who is having breast reduction surgery TODAY.

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More Than a Physical Change: My Journey Toward Breast Reduction

I want to be a rectangle.

That’s the thought I had every morning in high school as I stepped out of the shower and saw my reflection in the wall-to-wall mirror of my childhood bathroom. A rectangle. You know, the body type that models have. No hips. No breasts. No curves. A rectangle.

But I was far from a rectangle. My silhouette was almost a perfect hourglass. I had hips. I had breasts. And boy, did I have curves. My teenage body was uncomfortably developed and I knew it. I felt it every day as I got dressed for school and had to worry about whether horizontal stripes would be malformed across my DD breasts. I felt the embarrassment of watching my group video in Zoology class as I was enlarged on the screen and my breasts stretched apart the ribbing of the Gap tank top I wore the day we filmed.

I especially felt it after a friend got some film developed (this was the ‘90s, after all) and I came across a group shot of us girlfriends. I had jumped into the photo at the last minute and was sort of lying across the other girls’ laps, so I was in the forefront of the frame. My choice outfit that night was a white half-zip sweatshirt (hooray for ‘90s clothes!) that was tight across my chest. The angle of the photo, the white of the sweatshirt, and my posing position made my breasts stand out as basically the only thing in the picture. Thank goodness Facebook wasn’t around back then because I would have been humiliated if that photo had made the rounds.

As much as I disliked my breasts, high school boys liked them immensely. I still get comments on Facebook from high school boyfriends about my breasts. I can’t say that I hated the attention when I was younger. I liked having a feature that made me stand out from the sea of girls roaming the halls. But that was just one aspect of having big breasts, and I played it off jokingly many times when my double-Ds came up in conversation. In private, I wished for nothing more than small breasts and narrow hips. The rectangle.

It was in private that my mom duct-taped my breasts before a dance competition. It was in private that I struggled with my backless dress for senior prom when my stick-on bra failed to hold up the girls. It was in private that I saw myself dancing on video and realized I could no longer wear bras without underwire. It was also in private that I cried when I made the cheerleading squad and none of the tops from the cheer closet would fit my chest so a new one had to be special ordered. Those were the moments that made me wish away my hourglass figure.

I was not obese. I was not round. I was simply curvy. I wore size 6 jeans and large or extra-large tops. I always had to buy swimsuits that came in separate pieces because one size would never suffice for both top and bottom. Oh, and those swimsuit tops always had to be a halter with a tie behind the neck in order to pull up my breasts. I knew the meaning of needing support long before most of my friends even started wearing real bras.

And all of this was before I was 20. Before I had children. Before I gained 40 pounds and gave birth. Before I breastfed two children for a combined 19 months.

With a 3 year-old and a 1 year-old, I have now found myself truly despising my breasts. I thought I hated them back when I was in high school, but I had no idea how much they would haunt me in my 30s. I have lost almost 30 of those 40 pounds, and I’m still bulging out of my DDD bras. Yes. DDD.

I can no longer wear button-up shirts, even with a camisole underneath and the top few buttons unbuttoned. My breasts simply pour out. I can no longer wear t-shirts that are not made of stretchy knit because my breasts are too tight across the thick cotton fabric. I find myself slouching as I type, eat, drive, and walk because the weight of my chest is overwhelming at times. I struggle with where to place the seatbelt across my breasts. And worst of all, I’ve basically had to stop shopping at regular stores because shirts just don’t fit me. I tried plus-size stores, but those shirts are too big.

I saw an episode of What Not To Wear featuring a big-busted woman and they gave her the advice of shopping at plus-sized stores, buying shirts to fit her chest and then taking them to get tailored to fit her waist. I’ve seriously considered that, but who wants to do that for the rest of her life?? I want to be able to grab a shirt off the rack at the mall and know it’s going to fit from top to bottom when I get it home. I’m ready to live that life.

I no longer wish for that rectangle. I’ve grown enough emotionally to accept this curvy figure I was given. I realize we can’t change our body type, so I’ve embraced my curves and I’m a proud hourglass these days. But, I cannot embrace these breasts. I cannot live like this any longer. I’ve wasted enough tears and years on these DDDs.

My mom says she remembers me discussing breast reduction before I even graduated high school. So, today I’m finally doing it. They’re going away. I’m saying goodbye to my breasts in a very invasive, permanent way. Today I go in for my breast reduction.

I’m finished having children. I’m finished breastfeeding. I’m ready for the next stage of my breasts. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, but the prospect of finally having a body I’m comfortable in outweighs my fears.

So, box up the huge bras. Break out the swimsuits. Here’s to my first summer of strappy dresses!

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I knew a girl in the same boat as Elizabeth in 6th grade. She looked like a full-grown adult, but was only 11 years old. Of course at the time I felt envy over how developed she already was, even though I heard and saw the teasing she got, especially from boys. I know now that it wasn't cool.

I think Elizabeth is very brave to share this with us, so leave her a nice comment, and then go learn more about her at her:

Blog - Twitter - Pinterest

**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

Slowly But Surely

I am nearly 40 years old. I have a little countdown widget over in the sidebar.

It wasn't until right around the time I was turning 39, that a switch finally flipped inside me.

You know the one.

It's the one that has to do with your self-esteem, having a pretty good idea of who you are and what matters to you, and feeling comfortable in your own skin. The one where, once finally switched on, lets you feel your self-worth, lets you know that you matter.

Yeah, that one.

I tell people all the time when describing my daughter that she'll get there, slowly but surely. I've always thought this has to do with having ADHD, that she's constantly getting distracted and is rarely in any great hurry to do anything.

But maybe it has nothing to do with ADHD. I don't have it, and never did, yet I am now thinking the same thing about myself.

I'll get there.....eventually.

Being that I'm one to ask why, I asked myself, "So Jen, why do you think it's taken you so long to feel good about yourself, and have a little more confidence?"

Light bulb!

I think it has to do with meeting my husband at only 20 years old.

Not that Mark has ever done anything to make me feel less than. He is a wonderful man, has loved me well for nearly half of my life. He is a great husband.

However.....

I think attaching myself to another person -- THE person -- at such a young age, made it more difficult for me to discover who I am as an individual.

Not only that, but all of the trauma we've endured together has served to make us each quite damaged in our own ways.

I would in no way take back anything about my relationship with my husband. I've said it before, and I'll say it until the day I die, Mark is the great love of my life. We met when we met; there's no changing that.

I'm just saying that I think when you become part of a couple -- and I didn't see it before now -- there is indeed a tradeoff. You get to go through life with someone you love and who loves you back, but maybe it then takes longer than it might if you were single, to find out who just YOU are.

I was such a control freak in the beginning with Mark. I had to be a part of everything he was involved in. I had to go to every single appointment and know and manage ALL THE THINGS. Mark isn't a control freak, so he let me. I think he also didn't mind the help.

Then I became a mother and had to let Mark take care of his own self more. Then lots of big, scary things happened to Mark and I was forced to see that there's nothing I can do about it. No amount of control freak will fix his health problems. I had to accept that I actually have no control.

As it turns out, learning that lesson was liberating. And then blogging. And then therapy. Oh, the things I've learned!

I found my way to a place -- fighting tooth and nail with myself the whole way -- where, even though I am still married and in love with my husband and he still has health problems....I'm still a mom, still have these people who need me and expect things of me....I am also ME. Jennifer. Jen. Jenni. Mrs. Dancing in the Rain.

It feels good. But man, it was slow!

I can't say I'm not a little disappointed in myself for letting it take so long. I also can't say I am suddenly devoid of insecurities. My eyes will always be a stumbling block for me. Regularly needing to ask others for help when Mark is in the hospital or something, will continue to give me a complex.

Nor am I claiming to have found the magic formula for attaining balance. That is something that each of us has to look for every day. It changes what it looks like every single day.

Perhaps this is a cautionary tale. Maybe what I'm trying to impart here is that no matter who or what are factors in our lives, we must still find a way to be who we are. To figure that out. To embrace it.

And if we can do that, even if it comes about slowly, surely it will.

Three Days, Two Jennifers, One Cruise Ship

What happens when long-time besties go on a cruise together?

The short answer is lots of walking and drinking.

But you don't want the short answer, do you?

First, a disclaimer: I am going to be talking about jetBlue Airways, the Queen Mary Hotel and Carnival Cruise Lines. These are the travel companies involved in our trip. I am not a representative of, nor advocate for, any of them. I'm not a big enough blogger to have been asked to write about them. I am just going to be sharing my experiences because I had a great time, this was a special thing that happened in my life and several people expressed interest.

You know her, you love her, my best friend since high school, "JHo", was my travel companion. She made the very wise decision to have us fly into Long Beach, CA the night before our cruise began.

This was my first time flying jetBlue and it made me want to fly them forevermore.  It was also my first time flying into Long Beach Airport so I had no idea it was so outdoorsy. I was seriously shocked when I walked through the plane door onto a zig-zag ramp OUTSIDE. I had to stop for a second, but quickly gained my composure because I didn't want anyone to yell at me.

Not only do you leave the plane outside, but half of the airport itself is out of doors. It's like al fresco flying!

Have you ever heard of the Queen Mary? It was a transatlantic ocean liner back in the day (1936-67). It is now permanently docked in Long Beach, operates as a hotel and just so happens to be right next door to the Carnival terminal.

We stayed in a very cute little stateroom, had drinks in the art deco lounge, ate breakfast in the Promenade Cafe, wandered the upper deck and got our toes done at the spa.

As soon as our toenails were dry we were able to head right over to the Carnival terminal, which is a giant, white dome where Howard Hughes' Spruce Goose used to reside. It is the world's largest -- at 115 feet high and 400 feet wide -- free-span aluminum geodesic structure!

We set sail at sunset!

Like I said in 10 Things I Learned on a Cruise, the logistics of getting on and off the ship were super easy. I think we were on board by 1:30. We settled into our stateroom a bit, put our Sail & Sign cards in our lanyards, grabbed our little map and schedule of activities and set off to explore the ship!

I've heard people go on and on about how much there is to eat and how good the food is on a cruise, and they're not lying (more on that on JHo's blog). But there is also SO MUCH WALKING. I mean, do you see all those decks up there? There are elevators, but they were usually too busy, so we took the stairs most of the time. I cannot count how many times we walked back and forth and up and down that ship! They say the average person will gain 1-3 pounds on a cruise, but with all the walking, I think you'd have to be eating an awful lot. Maybe I gained a pound, but I suspect that would be from all the cocktails. Ahem.

We're talkin' Typhoon, Kiss on the Lips, Disaronno on the rocks, a Tiramasu martini, Angry Orchard with a shot of Fireball
dubbed "Angry Balls" and Margaritas, among MANY others!

The first night, Thursday, we had dinner, saw the Divas show, listened to some karaoke, played name that song at the piano bar and saw an adults-only comedy show. Upon waking the next morning, JHo says to me, "I think I actually slept pretty well." To which I replied, "Yeah, because we were exhausted!" But in a good way.

Friday was Ensenada day! We had planned a shore excursion to spend the day at a resort, but it was cancelled, so we had to choose another. We went with the City & Shopping Tour (a three hour tour), and we ended up very happy with the change. Our lovely tour guide, Irma, took us to what is now the Ensenada-Riviera del Pacifico Cultural and Convention Center, the Santo Tomas Winery and a little shopping area.

Sipping on wine at 10:30 in the morning is a trip, I gotta say. The wine was SO GOOD! Our main objective when we were dropped off for shopping was fish tacos. Because of course.

Upon our return to the harbor, we made sure we had all the souvenirs we needed and re-boarded the ship, where they confiscated took our wine to be lovingly cared for until the end of the cruise.

It was sunny and generally warm down there so we got our bathing suits on and headed for the Serenity Deck where there are no children allowed. JHo smuggled baby bottles of flavored vodka with us, so we got some soda and OJ and mixed our own little drinks and enjoyed some relaxation.

Friday was also "cruise elegant" night for dinner. We both wore black. I felt extra elegant getting to have lobster tail for my main course, a glass of Moscato and creme brulee for dessert. If you choose an assigned dining time, you sit at the same table and are waited on by the same servers every night of the cruise. The food was DELICIOUS. But again, I'm letting JHo handle that portion of things on her blog....

You see these pictures here? There are professional photographers roaming the ship snapping shots of you all the time. Besides alcohol, I suspect this is where people spend the most extra money on a cruise. It's fun too, because they make you feel sort of glamorous. I am loving that picture of me taken at dinner. I only wish I had remembered to take my lanyard off first.

You wouldn't know it by that picture of the two of us in our dresses, but JHo was feeling pretty darn seasick at this point. She put her pressure bracelets on and sipped on some ginger ale, but neither was helping, so we went back to our stateroom so she could lie down. The Epic Rock show was happening that night so I changed into more comfortable clothes and slipped out to go watch while JHo rested. She ended up finding me about halfway through the show, but she really shouldn't have. After the show, we called it a night.

Saturday was our one morning to sleep in if we wanted, with nothing in particular scheduled until JHo's massage at 10:30. Guess what time we got up? Seven o'clock! I groaned and demanded coffee. JHo was feeling better, but coffee was the wrong choice for her. 'Nuff said. Thankfully, a hot rock massage and some advice from her spa gal helped JHo and the rest of the day was much better for her.

I wandered around the ship taking pictures while she got her massage.

I cannot get enough of blue ocean and blue sky! My seagull friend was following us. Took me several tries to get that shot of him.

Next it was my turn for a Swedish massage. Then we sunbathed and just chillaxed until it was time to get ready for dinner. We spent the rest of the night with Marty in the piano bar. It was epic fun! He did Love Shack for us and we played the cowbell!

Something that was super funny was that the crew kept doing double-takes whenever they noticed that we're both named Jennifer. Going on and off the ship, when ordering drinks...."You both are Jennifer!?" They were so amused.

I sincerely hope I get to go on another cruise someday. It really is a little bit of everything wrapped up into one vacation. There's so much to do; we totally didn't do everything we could have. Also really didn't eat enough. We never even went to the breakfast/brunch buffet and JHo regrets not indulging in more soft serve ice cream. The crew take such good care of you, and it looked like there was awesome stuff for kids to do. Aahhhhh....

So that's that, my big, fat 40th birthday trip! I have not a clue what, if anything, I'll be doing for my actual birthday next month. I already feel so spoiled. On the other hand, you only turn 40 once, right? ;-)

The sign JHo made for our stateroom door

And if the above pictures aren't enough, here is a chronological slideshow!

Have you ever been on a cruise?

The Best Decade of My Life

I think if one is going to pick out a decade of their life to be labeled the "best", it should be as an adult vs. child, because I think choosing 10 years from your childhood as your best or favorite is pretty much cheating. Of course all of us could say those were some of the best, now that we're in the trenches of adulthood.

As long as you had a decent childhood, clearly you'd love to be a kid again. We know now that, despite having to keep our rooms clean, it was SO MUCH EASIER.

I contemplated this thought, though: what was my favorite decade? What chunk of time did the best things happen? What would I love to go back and experience again, only this time really living in those moments, nary a drop of impatience for the next thing?

I think it would have to be the years between the ages of 23 and 33.

Now I'm not saying I think it's all downhill from here, that I have nothing left to look forward to, or that maybe some decade in the future might not be one of my best. I'm only turning 40 next month, not 80!

But you know, the things that happened in the years between 1997-2007 will remain, no matter whatever else happens before I die, some of the best and most important of my life.

~ Mark asked me to marry him on my 23rd birthday. Officially, that is. We had been talking about spending the rest of our lives together for years already.

~ We got married a little over a year later, when I was 24, and proceeded to enjoy a super fun and fabulous honeymoon in San Diego.

Just under a year after our wedding, I turned 25 and promptly got the serious urge to have a baby. I was in a very long process of applying for a job with the city where we lived at the time so I told myself and Mark if I got the job, we'd wait another year, if I didn't, we could go ahead and try. I didn't get the job.

~ The following year, in July, we welcomed our millennium baby, Camryn, into the world.

Technically, this was 2004, but sshh, it doesn't matter!
Also, three generations.

Now, the next few things are a bit up and down. Or down and up, and down.

~ When Camryn was a year and a half old, winter of 2002, Mark lost his transplanted kidney and pancreas, necessitating a return to insulin and dialysis. It totally sucked.

Now that we had a child, dealing with Mark's health problems became a bigger burden for me. I could no longer stay overnight at the hospital with him, or spend a whole lot of time at the hospital with a child, for that matter. Living in the SF Bay Area, we were completely on our own. I had no help.

~ After much thought, research and discussion, we decided to move to Washington state in June 2003, where I was from and still had family. This was a very good thing. It's been almost 11 years and I've never regretted that decision.

~ Once we settled in Washington, we had to deal with our financial situation. Everything we had been through to date with Mark's health, residing in a place with a very high cost of living, and just plain ole poor judgement, meant we had to file for bankruptcy. Not great.

So there's the iffy stuff. Throw in making some pretty great new friends, and you can see how I might still consider this time in my life to be good.

And then!

~ A couple of years later, in January of 2006, when I was 31 3/4, our family was completed with the birth of our son AJ.

~ For the next year+ I got to coo at and cuddle and love on a baby. He turned eight this year. Sigh.

Unless you know of a fairy Godmother who could magically take away the loss of my husband's transplant and going into bankruptcy, I think I'm stuck with those two bad things.

Otherwise, it was a heckuva decade!




This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.

The View From Here: Standing Alone

My good bloggy friend, Leslie Botchar aka RoryBore of Time Out For Mom
is here with this week's View.

Les makes me love her because she seems to GET me. That, and she is smart and wise and spiritual.

She is someone I have come to respect.

I don't really want to say very much; I'd rather let her speak for herself.

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First, a big thank you to Jennifer for including me in her wonderful The View From Here series. It’s been a great privilege to read all the posts so far. It’s a fabulous thing you have done in creating this space for us to share our stories.

Standing Alone

"Being good is hard.....and lonely."

This was not exactly the talk I expected to have with my son on his birthday.

Yet, truth.   It's not such a bad gift.

This is going to be one of those hard conversations. The ones parents stay up late at night fretting and sweating over.

How do you explain to a 9 year old,  often what a person does/says to you; says more about them, than it does about you? How do you help them understand the reasons behind all the "No's?"

No, we don't do that in our house.

No, we don't talk like that in our house.

No, that is not an activity we will be doing in this house.

No, that TV show/movie/game/music is not appropriate in our home.

Different homes have different rules.   That's okay. As long as we all respect and support one another along the way.

I admit though - I struggle.

Is it really fair of me to expect my son to stand up to all the boys who would tease him: for the personal choices his parents have made for him?

It's not a judgement on other parents. If you think it's fine for your 9 year old to have horror movie parties; that is your decision. Personally? Freddy Krueger stills scares the crap out of me at 40 something. Thus, I see no need to expose my son to that kind of gore and violence at this time in his life. (Please, I beg of you though:  don’t ever let the words “we just won’t tell your mom” pass your lips.  Not Cool, WannaBeCool Parent.)

If he chooses differently later; that's his decision. But for now, it's my job to guard his little eyes and ears. They already hear so much that they should not.

"Why are some kids so mean?"

Well.....that is the million dollar question. I don't know the scientific answer to that son. I can only share what life has taught me.

People are mean because it is easier.

It's easier to spit names like "chicken" - "pussy" at others; then to explain why you are threatened. Or that boundaries are necessary. Especially if you are too young to understand that you actually do want them. In fact - you crave them. And no one is giving you any. Sometimes all that conflict just churns around and causes turmoil, and I guess there is no other option of how to vent it.

It's a whole lot easier to stand there and put someone else down - than fix yourself. I generally find those who are mean, don't like themselves very much. And they especially hate those who DO have confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes when you are strong - you are also a target. That's a fact of life that just sucks. I agree with you there.

It's easier to just go with the crowd  - then to stand up for what you believe. Because who wants to wander the playground alone? One day you will figure out what a true friend is. Until then, sometimes it is better to be alone and be right -- than to stand in the crowd for all the wrong reasons.

Empathy.

Sorry dear boy -- but you will have to learn this. It will serve you well. Especially in those moments when you would prefer to Lash Out (because, easier!). Always remember, you do not know the entirety of another's story: It is sometimes not about you at all. Showing compassion is not a weakness.

I’m also sorry, that these lessons may not seem to serve you right now. When the battlefield is in the place where you should be learning and playing. All I can say is: Some fears you face. Like bullies. That's a good place to start. You will encounter them your entire life. That’s another truth the sucks.

Other fears, you just turn your back and walk away. They aren't real! In walking away; they lose their power, and thus any grip on your life. This also works really well with bullies. A bully craves the attention most of all. Don't feed the trolls son - trust mama on that one.

Life is pretty easy, when there are no rules to follow, and nothing to stand for; or against. That does not require any strength – just an ability to follow. No questions asked, or you might no longer be welcomed as one of the pack. And you absolutely should question THAT.

The route you choose absolutely matters. Perhaps when it seems no one is going your way, you will have to lead. You may be the one to start a brand new path. It will probably be hard. Not much fun at first. But you will feel Good About You.  

Which is Entirely Worth Something

It has value! And most of that value will be found within yourself. It will start like a tiny acorn, but if you protect it -- it will grow like a mighty oak inside you. This oak will be your Tree of Confidence! It's roots are forming even now. They will allow you to Stand Firm! This is what adults mean when we say things like "A Strong Foundation."

You may not understand or even believe me now, but this is how you will grow into a man defined by his own set of standards and values; and not by anothers' opinion of him. This.Is.Important.

For now, it is my job to guide you in this. To help you become a man of character. To stand strong in your Faith.

That is why there are "No's."

There will be a lot of times when you are tested. When you are tempted. A lot of times that you will fail to stand. This is okay. Even adults falter.

Again, why do we fall?

So that we can learn to get back up again.

Courage is not the absence of fear --- it is going forward even when we are afraid.

And son, you have one thing you never, ever need fear:

You are never alone.

__________

Such a good lesson. Such a good mom!

I told you she's great.

Please leave Les some love here and then visit her:

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**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

gif credit

10 Things I Learned on a Cruise

So.....I was going to try to write up a complete recap of the cruise I got to take with my BFF, but....I still had so many pictures to go through and fiddle with, not to mention actual real life stuff to take care of, so I just couldn't get it together yesterday.

But!

On the last night of the cruise, while drinking and singing with Marty in the piano bar, I wrote, on little sheets of paper with a short pencil, a list of....

What I Learned When I Took a Cruise

1. Wearing a dress is actually kind of nice - I must admit, I was comfortable, and now I think I should start looking at dresses more when I'm shopping, rather than dismissing them altogether.

2. Putting on make-up and playing with my hair is fun, not dumb - I totally complained about having to get dressed up one night, but I ended up enjoying it.

3. Being friendly with complete strangers isn't that hard - just say "Hi" and smile!

4. Piano bars are cool - it was so much fun!

5. Being cut off from communication is totally OK - like, so OK, that I braced myself for being reconnected.

6. Maybe I should indeed carry bloggy business cards - a couple of our dinner table mates noticed JHo and I taking pictures of our food and said something like, "what, are you going to blog about this?", and we were all, "yes, actually!", and then they were intrigued and asked all kinds of questions and wanted to know where to find us and stuff.

7. Visiting Mexico is not scary, and actually quite nice - we weren't accosted or mugged or offered drugs or anything like that. I think they LIKE when tourists come and spend their money. Go figure.

8. JHo can name that tune like a mad woman - we're talking at the piano bar and elsewhere, regular songs and TV theme songs. Learned something new about my friend!

9. It might be the motion of the ocean AND the size of the boat that matters - when it comes to motion sickness, that is. Yeah, JHo go a bit green around the gills, poor thing. And, I didn't think a three day cruise would mean I would still be feeling the effects throughout the following day after leaving. Dizzy, off balance spells galore.

10. If everything could run as efficiently as a cruise ship, life would be so much less frustrating - Seriously, they know what the heck they're doing and they do it well.

OK, I am going to write more about all of this. I hope you want to hear it!

The View From Here: Not a Failure

I  may be off playing, but the View must go on!

That's right, I am in California getting ready to board a cruise ship and if I were any more excited you'd wanna smack me a la Cher in Moonstruck.

I have left my family behind to play with my friend and I am not going to feel one ounce of guilt about it. I'm certainly not going to feel like a failure because I'm missing the 2nd grade music program while I'm gone.

A failure, you ask? Why would you say that?

Because it's what my guest today, Olga the European Mama, writes about.

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Not a Failure

Dear mom, I want you to know, you are not a failure!

I think I am reaching my limits. I haven’t slept for months. I feel empty and just so, so exhausted. I want to be left alone.

I have yelled at my children more than I am willing to admit. I said no where I should have said yes. I have nudged my little girl to hurry up, even though she just learned to walk a few months ago. I have found myself asking my children: “what do you want???” with tears streaming from my face.

Many times I have found myself thinking that I am a bad mom, a living, breathing parenting failure. But as bad as I may feel right now, I know I am not a failure.

In fact I think that I am a rather good parent. Even in my sleep deprived state I still managed to take all three of my children out for breakfast to a café one day. The next day, we made pancakes. I still find myself enjoying parenting, cuddling with my baby boy, laughing with the girls, teaching them new things.

I am even raising my children to be multilingual.

So I say to all moms: If you’re in the same situation, please know that one bad day (or even a few bad days) doesn’t make you a bad parent. In fact, if you worry about being a bad parent, you’re most likely a good one. You worry about your children’s self-esteem or what kind of adults they’ll end up to be. That’s a good sign, but sometimes you worry too much and blame yourself for pretty much everything.

Please remember: you are not a failure. You are tired. You worry. You just want to be left alone. You want to sleep. That will get better. You will make mistakes, but you will learn from them. And you will always be an awesome parent. You were never a failure in the first place.

__________

The point Olga makes about how if you're worrying about it, you're probably not a terrible parent, is very, very true. It would only be if you were indifferent, that maybe you'd be slacking in the parental department. Indifference is rarely a good thing.

Get to know Olga better, who is a "Polish mother living in the Netherlands with her German husband and three children", at her:

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**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

Instagram Hearts February

OMG I'm leaving for my very first ever cruise tomorrow!

I am hoping I will be able to Instagram my little heart out during said cruise.

But first, my most hearted (liked) Instagrams of February.

For the #FMSphotoaday prompt "Details"
Close-up of a blanket I crocheted

Little surprise box of Valentine's chocolates

Spotted my boys on the couch like this and just had to take the pic!
Little bit later I realized it would work for the #FMSphotoaday prompt "Vegetable".

This is the purse my mom made me for my cruise!

Wanted to get my fingers manicured before cruising.
I dunno why. Doubt anyone will be paying attention to my fingers.
But they did need it; she really had to work on my cuticles!

When the sun shines, I walk outside!
Stopped for this one for the #FMSphotoaday prompt "Light".

Again, 2 days later, I was walking and noticed this on my way home.
Looked like Mt. Pilchuck was growing a cloud!

There was a time when I thought I would never care about taking pictures.
I thought because of my poor eyesight, I couldn't do it, or I
wouldn't be concerned with looking at pictures.

Just one of my many dumb thoughts.

As it turns out, pictures often help me see things CLEARER,
and looking back at my BABIES? Ooph.

I've shared this quote before. It says it so well.