August 13, 2013


I have this one friend who is the tough love type. She's not big on giving compliments or praise and it triggers feelings in me. She's not doing anything wrong, per se. It's not her responsibility to make me feel good about myself. Heaping praise on people just isn't in her nature. But I think that's why I seek it from her so much. Like, if she approves, then I'm golden. So when she doesn't give it to me (having no idea that's what I'm seeking), I get insecure, over think things and end up picking a fight with her.

It's so stupid. But I see what's been going on now. Since the light bulb moment I had over this issue, I have been working on learning that I don't need to seek ANYONE'S approval.

Actually, saying that I've been "working" on it isn't even accurate. It's more like I just stopped. A switch was flipped. I went from insecure mess to whatevs, it's all good.

Anger helped. I got angry. I stomped my foot and said enough is freaking enough, Jennifer. You are about to turn 39 years old (this all happened near to my birthday) and you're still seeking approval from others?

No one is perfect. You aren't. I'm not. None of us is going to do life perfectly. We're all going to screw up, fall down, overlook something, hurt someone's feelings.....maybe even do a stint in a mental institution.

That's OK. The moment I realized that I should not be placing anyone upon a pedestal, is the moment I was able to let go of my insecurities over my friendships. Further, to TRUST in those I call friends. To trust that, while not perfect, they are not out to hurt me.

Not only that, but I am awesome and people should love me.

That's right, I said it.

I am a good person who holds her head up under some pretty weighty issues. I am kind and compassionate. I am fair and give the benefit of the doubt. I have a great sense of humor and I think positively. I'm a good mom and wife and I think I do this blogging thing pretty well. I have talents and thoughts, ideas and opinions to offer. I don't judge things I don't know. I live in the moment, breathe in beauty and am grateful.

I have a disability. I can't drive and have a hard time telling black from navy blue. This might be an inconvenience, but it sure as hell isn't something anyone should hold against me. It's not something I can change about myself. It just is. If anyone does count it as a reason not to like me, I probably don't want them in my life anyway.

It's not that I'll never feel vulnerable again or never need another's advice or support. It's not as if I suddenly have all the answers.

But now -- finally -- *I* like me. *I* am proud of me. *I* approve of me.

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