30 Day Push Up Challenge

I did a 30 Day Crunch Challenge during August.

Now I want to help the other least favorite part of my body: my upper arms.

I dislike them so much I never wear anything sleeveless.

Push ups can be pretty tough, so I looked for two different charts,

one starting with just 5 and the other with 15.

Both get you to an end goal of 40.

Found HERE

30dayfitnesschallenges.com

Yeah. I'll probably be going with the one that starts with 5.
And doing "girl push ups" on my knees!

I've been walking regularly for about 14 months, and will of course keep that up.

I will also continue to try and do at least 50 crunches a day.

I guess I see this as adding in the ingredients of a work out, month by month.

Big thanks to my very supportive friend, J.Ho!
(who also has a blog, Mom Rocks Mealtime)

Tomorrow is September 1st. Let's DO this!

Talking About Bums with Cottonelle

*This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Cottonelle.

Cottonelle Toilet Paper and Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths
are designed to work together for a clean you can feel.
Join the conversation on Facebook and try the Cottonelle Care Routine for yourself.

Bum. That's such a cute word for a bottom, isn't it?

We all have one and we all poop. Yeah, I said it. We teach our kids that it's all good and it's all normal when we're toilet training them. But somewhere along the way talking about using the bathroom becomes more inappropriate or uncomfortable.

I get that it's your personal business, but it's just as regular an everyday thing as eating, bathing or sleeping. Talking about bathroom habits can be embarrassing but you may be missing out on a better way to get clean. That’s why Cottonelle is partnering with London-based immersive journalist Cherry Healey to get people to talk about the way they wipe.

And I'm here to say that I am a toilet paper snob. It's true. I feel quite disappointed when I use a bathroom with substandard toilet paper. I simply cannot understand why anyone -- I don't care about your excuses -- would want to wipe with low quality TP.

We're talking about one of the most sensitive areas of your body, people! Don't you think you should treat your bum well?

If you're all "meh, whatever" about your TP, I'm not sure we can be friends anymore. Or, at least I'll make a mental note not to use your bathroom.

I'm a fairly regular gal. I need to go every morning, usually after my first cup of coffee. I have kids, so I retreat to my own bathroom and hope they won't notice I've left the room. Yes, even now that my youngest is 7 1/2. I swear that boy has "mom is going to the bathroom radar"!

Speaking of kids, when we change a baby's diaper we use wet wipes, right? How come we stop using wet wipes as we get older? Why do we want our big bums (haha) to be any less clean than our baby's?

See that sleek, white dispenser there above my Cottonelle toilet paper? That holds Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths. Together, we call this the Cottonelle Clean Routine.

You know what else "we" do? We love it! The cleansing cloths are pretty perfect. I love the light scent, they're not too wet and the right size. I sound a little like Goldilocks, I think. But it's true! I have really been enjoying finishing up with a cleansing cloth. Oh, and for all you men out there, my husband agrees, and he's not too proud to say so.

Cottonelle wants to get you talking about your bum and on a better way to clean “down there” by using the Cottonelle Clean Routine. By combining the use of Cottonelle Toilet Paper and Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths, the Cottonelle Clean Routine is a revolutionary way to keep your bum cleaner.

Are you ready? Don’t be shy! Visit the Cottonelle Facebook page to learn more about the Cottonelle Clean Routine and join the clean routine conversation about bums (#LetsTalkBums)!

What is your opinion on toileting etiquette?

*This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Cottonelle. All opinions are my own.

His Everything

I am my husband's everything.

I am the only person in his life who loves him unconditionally.

I am the only one who isn't afraid of him on some level.

At least, that's what it feels like to him.

Honestly, I can understand why Mark feels this way.

His friends used to do more with him than they do now. He asks and asks if they want to do something sometime, to let him know and he's there. Besides my dad, they don't call.

I try to convince my perceptive husband it's not that they don't like him or care about him. I truly believe they do.

Mark bluntly says, "But they're afraid of me. Afraid something might happen to me when we're together."

This hits me in the gut and I burst into tears. I can't argue. It could very well be true. I've often wondered it myself, never wanting to ask any of his friends for fear of the answer.

"I'm so sorry, honey!", I wail. God, this hurts.

It's not like fair weather friends. Those kind of friends aren't there for you in hard times. They scatter, avoiding you, unable to handle whatever it is you're going through.

Mark's friends are actually always there for him when he's in trouble. They flock to his hospital bedside and offer to help me if I need it.

But when he's OK, living life day to day and just wants to hang out? Mark feels that it's like pulling teeth.

He is a social creature. He's perfect for working retail because he loves interacting with people and loves doing whatever he can to make them happy. It gives him energy, makes him feel alive.

Oh sure, he knows everyone has their own lives to deal with and sometimes people get too busy. But when he hears about others getting together and not including him? That's when it starts to feel like they just don't want to. And what else can he deduce but that it has to do with his health problems?

Even if they don't have the time to get together, might they have a little time for a quick phone call, or even just a text?

So when I spend a week immersed in an audiobook every evening after the kids go to bed, headphones on my ears and crochet project in hand, Mark feels like even I don't want to hang out with him.

He is lonely even though his wife is sitting one couch cushion away.

Being a typical (yet not) man, he keeps his feelings all bottled up until it hurts a little too much and then it comes out at me in anger.

I feel attacked and defend myself, "What, can't I do anything for myself??"

And then we're both hurt.

Where does this leave us? What does it mean for me?

This all feels.....heavy. And sad. Not only for myself or Mark, but for others because they are missing out on spending time with a great guy. They should feel sad about that. I feel sad for Mark because no one should have to feel the way he does, like they're a burden or it's too hard to be around them. I feel helpless because I have no idea what I can do about it.

If Mark's friends are indeed afraid of what might happen while hanging out with him, or are holding him at arm's length out of self-preservation (for fear of losing him), then I think that means I really am all he's got.

An Instagram Link-Up!

Instructions

Look through your Instagrams from June, July and August.

Pick out the Top 10 Most Hearted (liked) photos.
(The ones your followers liked the most!)

Put them in a blog post.

Use words or go wordless.

Come back on September 1st and link up your post with ME!

GIVEAWAY

I will randomly choose one linker to receive a

Starbucks gift card!

I think this will be super fun!

Please join me!

Addicted to the Internet?

There was this post on BlogHer way back on March 1 titled "Are You Addicted to the Internet? Take a Test and Find Out".

So I did. I went to NetAddiction.com, "The Center for Internet Addiction....your source since 1995", (yeah, evidently this is a real thing) clicked on Recovery Resources and then Self Test and then chose the second one down, the Internet Addiction Test.

Like the BlogHer post writer, Melissa Ford, I scored a 32, which means:

You are an average on-line user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage.

I absolutely promise I answered the questions truthfully!

That self test says I'm not addicted, but the Internet IS a big part of my life.

I use it to:

• Blog
• Socialize/Network
• Pay bills
• Help my kids with their homework
• Check movie listings
• Find recipes
• Find knit and crochet patterns
• Shop
• Email
• Edit photos
• Research products
• Keep track of my kids' school records
• Find info I need/want
• Learn from others
• Fill out and submit forms 
• Get directions
• Check on news and weather
• Check my husband's work schedule
• Watch All My Children (which is now only available online)
• Watch Netflix instant streaming
• Make phone calls using my Internet connection

Honestly, this list could go on and on. The Internet is useful in a bajillion ways.

I don't know how many times exactly I've talked about BALANCE here. Oh wait, yes I do. That's what the handy-dandy labels are for. Sixteen. I have mentioned something about the need to find and/or keep balance at least 16 times on this blog.

It is my personal goal each day to make it a balanced one. To do things I need to do, things I should do and things I want to do. Too much of any one thing makes me feel off, UNBALANCED. I get cranky.

This applies to my use of the computer, just like anything else. The last thing I want to do is be sitting here all damn day. Popping up and down from the computer chair is something I often do. A little of this, a little of that. And I don't like to be on the computer at night. That's when I want to watch TV or a movie with my husband, or read and crochet. That's my down time.

I've noticed lots of people complain about the pervasiveness of the Internet, smartphones, tablets and whatnot. I see things on Facebook about how it's getting in the way of face-to-face interactions (isn't it kind of ironic to post something like that on Facebook?). I saw an infographic that asserted: "57% of people talk to people more online than they do in real life".

Really? OK, maybe. I mean, people are busy. And spread out. Gone are the days when family, immediate or extended, all live near each other. I live two states away from my mother, as does my husband from his. My best friend too. In fact, my entire adult relationship with my BFF has been a long-distance one. We see each other as often as we can, but our main form of communication is via email.

Regardless, it looks to me like we do have plenty we're doing away from our computers. I see all the time when people purposefully decide to unplug. I have faith that the possibility of the Internet or texting or whatever else getting in the way of personal interactions is on everyone's minds and they will, for the most part, take steps to make sure they DO OTHER THINGS.

It's the swing of the pendulum. We see it all the time, things going from one extreme to the other and then settling somewhere in the middle. Internet addiction is an extreme.

The Internet is a necessary part of life nowadays. And I think that's OK. Even good. I happen to think that the Internet actually connects human beings to each other MORE than it isolates anyone. I learn things, have easy access to information I need, my mind is opened to issues I didn't know existed, I discover people who have things in common with me and I'm able to share in the day-to-day of my BFF and her family.

I have become far more open-minded, tolerant, compassionate and just plain kind since I began blogging and reading other blogs.

We feel LESS alone because of the Internet.

It doesn't mean we aren't interacting face-to-face like we should.

I'm not addicted to the Internet and I bet you're not either.

Nearly Wordless: Evolution of a Sunflower

My son planted a sunflower seed in a cup at school last spring.

It sprouted and started to grow a bit before he brought it home
as his Mother's Day gift to me.

I apparently did not take a picture of it in the cup.

Isn't it gorgeous?

700 Posts Later....

I have clicked the Publish button 700 times here.

<-- See?

Seven hundred times in three years and about four months is an average of 17.5 times per month. We're talking every other day or more.

Math. Sorry about that.

Perhaps I should count consistency among my superpowers?

When I first set up this blog I didn't know I'd have so much to say. Actually, there are a lot of things I didn't know about myself when I started blogging. To say that this has been a journey is an understatement.

I LOVE BLOGGING. Seriously, like so much. I love this gig!

I was walking and listening to Pandora, as I do. The song Secrets by OneRepublic played and I really listened to the lyrics.

Such as:

And I thought, that's blogging. And then I thought about the 700 post number and......

10 Things I've Learned While Blogging

1. I've got things to say.

2. I'm not the only one who has things to say.

3. The diversity among bloggers is educational.

4. We, as in humans, have more similarities than we do differences.

5. There are many ways to make, and define, a friend.

6. Countless life lessons.

7. Enlightenment.

8. To express gratitude.

9.That there is never enough time to do all the things you'd like to in a day so all you can do is as much as you can and continue on tomorrow.

10. There is still more to learn.




Linked with Monday Listicles.

My kids didn't drive me crazy this summer!

It is the middle of August, 3 weeks until a new school year begins.

I have already shopped for supplies. Soccer practice, eighth grade orientation and 2nd grade back-to-school night are right around the corner.

The kids going back to school is on my mind because we need to prepare for it, but for the first time since Camryn was a kindergartner, I am not counting down the days. I am not antsy nor impatient this year. I am not irritably grumbling about how long summer break is or that my kids are driving me nuts.

I have enjoyed this summer.

It is such a relief to not dread school breaks. Rather, to be the mom of big kids and look forward to having them home with the freedom to do whatever we want.

I LOVE little ones. To pieces. I think they are so cute and funny and snuggle-able. I love the scent of a new baby and the way a one year old is just finding his or her footing. I love to watch as they start really taking in the world around them. I love their first words, when they learn to clap and when they fall asleep on me.

I often really miss those stages. If anyone has a baby they'd like to let me borrow, please, had it over!

I'm not kidding. Ahem.

Anyway, last summer I got so sick of feeding my kids. The summer before that we had some major behavioral issues going on.

Now though? I can't really put my finger on what's different. Because kids are always challenging no matter what age they are. Little ones are physically demanding while big kids are more mentally demanding. Maybe fewer physical demands make all the difference in the overall enjoyment of children?

Could be their ages, or my age. Could be the experiences I've had that have taught me to just breathe and live in the moment. Could be therapy. Maybe it's all of that combined.

For once I don't really care why. I'm just glad it is.

This has been a very nice summer. In fact, the thought of my kids -- or just Camryn, if I'm being honest -- going back to school is causing me some anxiety. But that's a whole other post.

Linked up with Mama Kat for the prompt: What were you blogging about last year at this time? What has changed?

Approval

I have this one friend who is the tough love type. She's not big on giving compliments or praise and it triggers feelings in me. She's not doing anything wrong, per se. It's not her responsibility to make me feel good about myself. Heaping praise on people just isn't in her nature. But I think that's why I seek it from her so much. Like, if she approves, then I'm golden. So when she doesn't give it to me (having no idea that's what I'm seeking), I get insecure, over think things and end up picking a fight with her.

It's so stupid. But I see what's been going on now. Since the light bulb moment I had over this issue, I have been working on learning that I don't need to seek ANYONE'S approval.

Actually, saying that I've been "working" on it isn't even accurate. It's more like I just stopped. A switch was flipped. I went from insecure mess to whatevs, it's all good.

Anger helped. I got angry. I stomped my foot and said enough is freaking enough, Jennifer. You are about to turn 39 years old (this all happened near to my birthday) and you're still seeking approval from others?

No one is perfect. You aren't. I'm not. None of us is going to do life perfectly. We're all going to screw up, fall down, overlook something, hurt someone's feelings.....maybe even do a stint in a mental institution.

That's OK. The moment I realized that I should not be placing anyone upon a pedestal, is the moment I was able to let go of my insecurities over my friendships. Further, to TRUST in those I call friends. To trust that, while not perfect, they are not out to hurt me.

Not only that, but I am awesome and people should love me.

That's right, I said it.

I am a good person who holds her head up under some pretty weighty issues. I am kind and compassionate. I am fair and give the benefit of the doubt. I have a great sense of humor and I think positively. I'm a good mom and wife and I think I do this blogging thing pretty well. I have talents and thoughts, ideas and opinions to offer. I don't judge things I don't know. I live in the moment, breathe in beauty and am grateful.

I have a disability. I can't drive and have a hard time telling black from navy blue. This might be an inconvenience, but it sure as hell isn't something anyone should hold against me. It's not something I can change about myself. It just is. If anyone does count it as a reason not to like me, I probably don't want them in my life anyway.

It's not that I'll never feel vulnerable again or never need another's advice or support. It's not as if I suddenly have all the answers.

But now -- finally -- *I* like me. *I* am proud of me. *I* approve of me.

and Pour Your Heart Out

How I Fell In Love With Jon Bon Jovi

Bon Jovi's third studio album, Slippery When Wet, was released on August 18, 1986. I had just moved to California (South Lake Tahoe, to be specific) to live with my mother. I was 12 and entering the 7th grade.

My mom's new boyfriend at the time (now my step-father) had a friend with a 10 year old daughter. I was introduced to her and we became BFFs in one evening. One of the things we bonded over was this new-ish rock band and their super cute lead singer with his big hair.

She and I would blast "You Give Love a Bad Name" and then "Livin' on a Prayer". We would watch MTV and scream and giggle when their videos came on.

And then. And THEN! Just after 1986 became 1987, we found out Bon Jovi would be playing at Lawlor Events Center in Reno, Nevada, the closest city to us in Lake Tahoe.

But we had no money and the concert date was too close and there probably weren't any seats left anyway and WAAAAAA! Woe is us!

Then something amazing happened. My mom's boyfriend's roommate surprised us with tickets to the show. He and my friend's mom would take us girls.

You cannot imagine the squealing!

On January 23, 1987 I went to my first concert. I sat in the very top, nose-bleed, row of the arena and rocked out to my favorite band.

Jon wore that infamous Superman jean jacket of his (oh yes you ARE a super man, Jon!) and told a funny story about how they wrote "You Give Love a Bad Name". Jon flew out onto a pedestal in the middle of the floor crowd for a song. They were AH-MAY-ZING!

We may not have been close to the stage, but Jon made us feel like he saw us. I may have lost my voice yelling and singing along. Like I cared. I got to see the hottest rock band of the '80s in concert!

Major swoon. I STILL swoon over Jon Bon Jovi. He is pretty much the other love of my life.

I was listening to Pandora while out for a walk yesterday. Of course Bon Jovi is one of my stations. A live version of "Wanted Dead or Alive" came on. Jon said, "this is for all the cowboys out there", and the crowd went wild. A big grin came across my face, and when he started singing, goosebumps covered my skin. Their music, his voice and smile will never get old for me.

Sadly, that was the only time I've seen Bon Jovi in concert. It's a tragedy. I'm not a very good fangirl, am I?



Linked up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

Stay This Way

My husband has been basically OK for over a year now and a thought occurred to me the other day.

If things could stay the way they are right now indefinitely, I could totally live with that.

Sure, he's diabetic and on dialysis. He has an implantable defibrillator and needs to use a cane to steady himself as he walks due to nerve damage in his feet.

But he's alive, able to continue working some and present as a father. This is more than I expected after his hospital stay a year and a half ago.

Then, I thought he could very well be on borrowed time. We were talking about making goodbye videos for the kids and even choosing songs that would adequately express things he's felt in his life that we could play at his service.

Slowly, very slowly, as time has passed and Mark has been holding his own, we have let go of those fears, for the most part, and just continued living. Living in the moments, with no expectations, with immense gratitude.

__________

Last week I published a post about my new friends, Steve and Tiffanie, who are were about to undergo a living donor kidney transplant. Unfortunately the infection that got in the way left a couple of wounds in Steve's belly that need to heal before they can go forward. Surgery has been put out for up to a month now. This is very disappointing. Necessary, but frustrating.

When I was writing about Steve and Tiffanie, I had no idea the curve ball that was about to be thrown in our direction when we visited with a kidney transplant doctor at the University of Washington just a day later.

Mark received a dual kidney and pancreas transplant back in 1996. We met in '94, so I was there for all of that. Two years later we got married, and two years after that we had our first child.

When Cami was 18 months old, in late January 2002, Mark's transplanted organs failed. He had to go back on dialysis and insulin. He was re-listed for another transplant at UCSF because that's where we lived at the time (and where he received the first transplant). When we decided to move to Washington, UCSF sent his files to UW where they took over his case.

Shortly after our move we made our first visits to the UW transplant team. They gave us some bad news, however. They told us Mark had a very high antibody count to a majority of the population due to his first transplant, and this would make it very difficult to find him a good match.

Then the heart problems began. One cannot go through transplant surgery if their heart isn't strong enough. Mark would have an abnormal heart stress test and be deactivated from the transplant list. Then he'd have a stent placed and a normal stress test, and be reactivated. This happened a few times.

Mark had a heart attack and eventually double bypass, after which he was obviously deactivated from the transplant list again. Then the arrhythmia in March 2012. All of these heart problems happening over the course of TEN years, plus the uphill battle of those darn antibodies....and you can imagine how we felt about the prospect of a new transplant.

It was not on our radar.

It was so not on my radar that when UW called and asked Mark to come in for an appointment, I figured the most likely thing they'd say was that they didn't feel he was transplantable anymore and needed to go ahead and just remove him from the list.

But that's not what the doctor said in her cute Irish accent.

She asked us if we would be open to a kidney only. Her reasoning is that doing both a kidney and pancreas is so much more complicated and dangerous, especially considering Mark's heart problems. She said she needs to see a CT scan and a dopplar study of Mark's legs. She needs to check for decent blood flow in order to safely hook up a new kidney.

Pretty sure we looked like deer caught in headlights.

You're telling us there's still a possibility Mark could have a kidney transplant and get off dialysis?

The doctor asked us how we felt about that. Mark said he would still prefer to receive a pancreas too, but he wouldn't turn down a kidney only. She turned to me. I said I feel like a new kidney would be a big improvement and something is better than nothing.

But wait. Really?? Could this really happen?

We have to have those tests done, but apparently yes, it is still within the realm of possibility.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself until we know for sure if we can go ahead. Like, does this doctor know enough about Mark to be saying these things? What if she's completely wrong?

But if there was ever a time to be hopeful, I think it's now.

My middle name should be Practical

Practical.

Reasonable. Down-to-earth. Sensible. Efficient. Functional. Pragmatic.

If something isn't any of those things, I have a hard time justifying it. The most likely reason for this is that at no time in my life have I ever had an overabundance of money. I have always needed  to make the dollars stretch as far as they absolutely can. So if something isn't a good VALUE, all things considered, or doesn't make sense to me, I generally want nothing to do with it.

EXCEPT for things that require a leap of faith. The unseen and unknowable. That stuff I'm cool with.

(I'm not complicated at all.)

My pragmatic side drives Mark crazy sometimes. Whenever he wants to buy something, I tend to make him work pretty hard to convince me that it's something worth buying. For Christmas and birthdays, he feels that gifts should NOT be something one NEEDS. Those should be the occasions when one gets to indulge in something they simply WANT. I feel a sense of relief when someone gives me something I need, because then I don't have to worry about that anymore, and that, to me, is a gift itself.

Over the years Mark and I have rubbed off on each other in this area. He has learned to ask himself if a particular purchase is a good idea or just an instant gratification thing, and I have learned to lighten up a little, and even feel justified in some of my own impracticalities.

Not all impractical things have to do with purchases, however.....

10 IMPRACTICAL THINGS

1. Specialty coffee drinks - Admit it, they are totally impractical. But oh so good! They make me happy.

2. Expensive wine - Cheap wine will get the job done, but oh man, a really good bottle of wine...well, like the coffee drinks, just makes me so happy!

3. When it snows in Western Washington - It only happens about every other winter, and when it does, everything just sort of stops. Schools close and people don't go to work. While fun, it's highly impractical.

4. Grocery shopping - It is the most inefficient thing EVER! Get a cart, fill it up, empty cart at checkout, fill cart with bagged items, transfer bags to car, remove bags from car and carry into house, empty bags into cupboards/pantry/fridge. If I think about it too much, I get stabby.

5. Going to the movies - With all the other movie viewing options out there, it really isn't necessary to see any movie at the theater. And the cost of the snacks? But it's really fun, isn't it?

6. Setting up a baby nursery - I mean, unless you have the easiest, most perfect baby in the world, you're not gonna use it much. Chances are your baby will sleep with you (at least for awhile), you'll change diapers wherever and that fancy rocking chair will hurt your back. I learned that all you really need to bring baby home are diapers and wipes, onesies, burp cloths, blankets and a car seat. Everything else I think you can buy as you go.

7. Traffic jams* - They are murder on your gas mileage, unhealthy because you're breathing too much exhaust and suck up your time. Unless there is an accident or construction literally blocking movement, why doesn't everybody just GO?

8. Romantic comedies* - While cute and entertaining, a case could be made that they set up unrealistic expectations for relationships. Watch at your own risk.

9. Most drug laws* - This may or may not surprise you, but I am one who feels that criminalizing drug use is stupid. It doesn't do a damn good thing for anyone. One could argue that they create more crime than they prevent.

10. How far away my daughter's middle school is - There are three middle schools and all of them are kind of close together. Why? Why weren't they built a little more spread out so it doesn't take kids who live at the north end of town an HOUR to get home after school? Bugs me.

I think perhaps an alternate title for this list could be 10 PEEVES. Or at least six. But see, that's how I feel about impractical things.

Yeah, call me "just practical JENNIFER".

*Mark helped me with these ones.

Linked up with Monday Listicles.

30 Day Crunch Challenge

My friend JHo, who is a food blogger at Mom Rocks Mealtime,

emailed me and her other friends saying we should all do this:

With help from Google, I found 30dayfitnesschallenges.com

where they also have this variation:

A handful of us are on board, complete with a hashtag: #30daycrunch.

I gotta say, ever since having my son 7 1/2 years ago, my belly has been my least favorite

part of my body. The boy gave me "jelly belly"!

My OB/GYN called it that. Nice, hu?

So I'm doing this.

You should join us!