8 Months Since My Husband Died & One Word for 2017

The song "Take it All" by the amazing Adele is one that speaks to me as I journey through the grief process.

Actually, it spoke to me even before Mark passed away. Probably because I knew he was going to (have to) leave me. I've really been grieving for, like two and a half years.

The lyrics are most obviously about a break-up. My husband and I didn't break up, but I've always thought that many love/break-up songs can easily be applied to other circumstances; felt in other ways, for other reasons.

Sounds of Happiness

Music.

Rock, pop, metal, rap and a little country.

How I Fell In Love With Jon Bon Jovi

Bon Jovi's third studio album, Slippery When Wet, was released on August 18, 1986. I had just moved to California (South Lake Tahoe, to be specific) to live with my mother. I was 12 and entering the 7th grade.

My mom's new boyfriend at the time (now my step-father) had a friend with a 10 year old daughter. I was introduced to her and we became BFFs in one evening. One of the things we bonded over was this new-ish rock band and their super cute lead singer with his big hair.

She and I would blast "You Give Love a Bad Name" and then "Livin' on a Prayer". We would watch MTV and scream and giggle when their videos came on.

And then. And THEN! Just after 1986 became 1987, we found out Bon Jovi would be playing at Lawlor Events Center in Reno, Nevada, the closest city to us in Lake Tahoe.

But we had no money and the concert date was too close and there probably weren't any seats left anyway and WAAAAAA! Woe is us!

Then something amazing happened. My mom's boyfriend's roommate surprised us with tickets to the show. He and my friend's mom would take us girls.

You cannot imagine the squealing!

On January 23, 1987 I went to my first concert. I sat in the very top, nose-bleed, row of the arena and rocked out to my favorite band.

Jon wore that infamous Superman jean jacket of his (oh yes you ARE a super man, Jon!) and told a funny story about how they wrote "You Give Love a Bad Name". Jon flew out onto a pedestal in the middle of the floor crowd for a song. They were AH-MAY-ZING!

We may not have been close to the stage, but Jon made us feel like he saw us. I may have lost my voice yelling and singing along. Like I cared. I got to see the hottest rock band of the '80s in concert!

Major swoon. I STILL swoon over Jon Bon Jovi. He is pretty much the other love of my life.

I was listening to Pandora while out for a walk yesterday. Of course Bon Jovi is one of my stations. A live version of "Wanted Dead or Alive" came on. Jon said, "this is for all the cowboys out there", and the crowd went wild. A big grin came across my face, and when he started singing, goosebumps covered my skin. Their music, his voice and smile will never get old for me.

Sadly, that was the only time I've seen Bon Jovi in concert. It's a tragedy. I'm not a very good fangirl, am I?



Linked up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

Pop Hits

I listened to Casey Kasem's Top 40 Countdown every week from about the age of 12.

Yes, I was one of those girls.

I actually still am.

Hi, I'm Jennifer and I like current pop hits.

Back in the day it was Madonna, The Bangles, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on the Block and George Michael.

There are many current hit songs I'm enjoying these days. And even though I do like "Call Me Maybe", I am NOT including it in my list because I am officially sick of it.

For the record, I like LOTS of music, not only this stuff....

10 Popular Songs I Have to Turn Up When They Play
*Links are to YouTube.

1. Anything by Adele, but especially "Someone Like You"

2. "Brighter Than the Sun" by Colbie Caillat

3. "Time of My Life" by The Black Eyed Peas

4. "50 Ways To Say Goodbye" by Train - the lyrics are great!

5. "Love You Like a Love Song" by Selena Gomez & The Scene

6. "Back to December" by Taylor Swift

7. "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" by Pink - my very favorite Pink song is "Glitter in the Air".

8. "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz



9. "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson

10. "Settle Down" by No Doubt

Alright, give me a hard time all you want. I can take it!

TGIF: Beat Up Your Blog Edition

Phew! It's been a busy bloggy week for me. But I love it, so it's all good.

However, because it's been busy, I am glad to welcome a guest for TGIF.

He is @TLanceB on the Twitter. His blog is titled My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog. He is a fiction writer and a music lover. And he is here to share his HAPPY with us! It's not your typical sort of syrupy-sweet, giggly happy. He's a guy with inner demons.

* * *

In the pre-apocalyptic wasteland the Internet tends to be, when a nice person asks you to write about what makes you happy, you accept. I'm married to my best friend. She's tall, blonde, voluptuous, funny, sexy, smart and interesting. You'd think that was enough to make me happy on a consistent basis. Throw in three beautiful, talented, unique daughters aged 16, 8, and 7, and you'd wonder why in the hell am I not ridiculously happy to where I shouldn't need to write, blog, tweet, and the Facebook? Well, it's hard to explain.

My childhood was a mixed bag of okay and life altering nightmares. The only thing that got me to be good enough to be around my wife and kids, today, was music. I started early. My first memories that I can recall involve taking my parents records, yes, vinyl albums that looked like this: 

I immersed myself in music. There were times where I thought Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson were my cool, outlaw Uncles. Stevie Nix was my babysitter in 1977 when Fleetwood Mac's Rumors album came out. My parents weren't audiophiles like me. They liked music, I loved it. During difficult times in my life, especially my rough teenage years, I dreamed of being a rock star. The guitar riffs, chord changes, and fragments of art and poetry inside a three-minute pop songs or five-minute rock and roll epic transfixed me. 


I'm one of the most internally morose people you'll ever meet. On the outside, I'm presentable. I'm like an Ace of Base happy pop song but on the inside it's a melancholy marathon of The Smiths, Bauhaus, and Jeff Buckley. Music always finds the balance. My wife will sarcastically remark, "You're in a bad mood. Go listen to one of you T. Rex or New York Dolls CDs and come back to me." A few days ago, I was trudging through a terrible morning. I decided to break away from the Sturm and drang of the office and go grab a sandwich. While in line, Sister Golden Hair by America, one of the 1970s bands my parents had a vinyl record of, began to play. For three minutes my inside and my outside met in simpatico. It was a microcosm of my life. My wife called me shortly thereafter and I guess my voice had some giddy-up. She muttered, "you must have heard a good song. Thank God for your music. I love you."

* * *

Family + music = HAPPY. "Music always finds the balance."

When I'm in a bad mood, turning on some favorite music I can sing to helps me tremendously.

Thanks so much for this, Lance!

Leave the guy some love, and check him out on his Blog, Twitter and Facebook!

Then, write some HAPPY, grab the button --> and link up!

(Linky open all weekend.)

My Life's Soundtrack

For this final Monday of January, Bruna at Bees With Honey challenged us with this:

If they were to make a movie of your life what would the soundtrack be like? Share 10 songs that best tell the story of your life. Be sure to include the period or event that each song represents.

I love music and have had many favorite songs in my life, so I *think* I can do this. I'm just glad she didn't ask who would play me and the people in my life, because that I do not think I could do!  Well, except that I think my husband looks a little like Tim Robbins.

Speaking of Mark, he could totally pull off this task because he so easily remembers events in his life and the music that he liked at the time. Problem is, he'd have a very hard time stopping at just 10 songs.

The year of my birth was 1974. April of 1974, in fact. The #1 Billboard song on the date of my birth was a ltitle ditty called TSOP (The Sound of Philidelphia) by MFSB & The Three Degrees. It's a fun R&B song, but does nothing to tell you anything about me or my life. There are, however, plenty of other songs that were #1 on my birthday over the years that I really liked. Such as Against All Odds by Phil Collins, Like a Prayer by Madonna and Boom Boom Pow by The Black Eyed Peas,

1. There's this one song that was apparently #1 on my birthday in 1996 that became the song Mark and I danced to at our wedding in 1998 (not Mark's choice, he would like me to note): Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion.  Actually, now that I know it was #1 on the charts on my birthday that year, I find it even more apropos that it was our wedding song. Because...Mark had his kidney/pancreas transplant in April of '96 which was a hugely defining thing in our life as a couple. And that song, well, it gets me every time. It's actually from a movie -- the one with Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Redford where Robert Redford dies and I sob -- Up Close and Personal.

2. The song that is really "our song" is Thank You by Led Zeppelin. Mark put it on a mix tape he made me somewhere between our first kiss and his vacation with a friend a couple month later. I had never heard this particular Zeppelin song before and I fell in love with it.

I printed up the lyrics and had them framed by my FIL as a gift for Mark one year...long ago....

3. My mom, I guess, dedicated Close To You by The Carpenters to me. She would sing this part of the song when she was feeling particularly mushy towards me:

On the day that you were born the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair
And golden starlight in your eyes so blue

4. My dad liked to sing Dog and Butterfly by Heart to me. I'm actually not sure why, except maybe because it sounds a little like a lullaby. He pretty much liked to sing anything to me. Still does.

5. I'm not sure if Mark knows this, but In My Life by The Beatles holds a ton of meaning for me in regards to how I feel about him. What I know he doesn't want to hear, is that I adore Bette Midler's version of it. I tear up every single time I listen and sing to it.

6. At Christmastime, I gotta have me some of Elvis' Blue Christmas.

You're thinking I have an awful lot of old songs here, hu?  Are you wondering just how old I am? Not THAT old, don't worry!

7. When I entered adulthood I was really into Melissa Etheridge, and would be remiss if I didn't list Like the Way I Do. It is a rockin' scorned woman song that came out LONG before Alanis Morissette that my friend Brandie and I used to crank up and belt out together. It's on her first album, which I actually discovered only after Yes I Am came out. Anyway, Brandie and I went to see Melissa live and I just have to say it is such a trip to be surrounded by lesbians screaming, "I wanna have your baby!"

8. I absolutely HAVE to talk about Bon Jovi because he/they have been a big part of my life since I was 12 years old. Can I pick just one song of theirs that would be on the soundtrack of my life? I think not. The first song I heard was You Give Love a Bad Name which introduced me to the wonderful world of the "big hair band". I love to belt out I'll Be There for You. I'm all over Livin' on a Prayer and Dead or Alive on Rock Band. When Jon Bon sang Lay Your Hands on Me, I said OK! I suppose It's My Life is the one that would be most appropriate, right?

9. When I got pregnant with Camryn in 1999 the song With Arms Wide Open by Creed was out and climbing the charts to #1. It's about the lead singer, Scott Stapp, learning that he was going to be a father. Needless to say, the song resonated with both Mark and I, and still does.

Well shoot. This has been fairly easy up until now. One more song that articulates some facet of my life? How do I choose?

10. I think I will have to go with Carrie Underwood's Lessons Learned, which is probably my theme song.







PS: Mark your calendars for a shiny new monthly meme hosted by me and Danielle at Motherhood: Truth. It's called "Did You Know...?" and will go live on the first Tuesday of the month. First one is February 7! So come share some bit of info with us. It can be completely true, or total BS. Point is, we want you to have fun with it!