The View From Here: The Days

I am very excited to have Colleen of The Family Pants sharing her View here today!

Colleen has written some excellent posts that just grab you and make you feel like cheering. From reading her blog, I can tell that she cares about what's right, even if it's not the most popular opinion. So I knew her perspective was one I had to have here as part of this series.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, your head will be bobbing up and down as you read. If you're not, you will surely come away with a very good sense of what it's really like.

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The Days

When the opportunity arose for me to stay home full-time, I started dreaming of all the ways I was going to be the best stay at home mom ever. The house would smell like lemon cake and I’d shower every day and wear nice clothes and take my kids on Maria Von Trapp-like outings. There would be singing and I’d learn to sew and shit. 

This is what happened though.

There are days when I'm ON. I'm in sync with these people and they are in sync with me and we glide through the day on a cloud singing and dancing or something. It's awesome.  It feels easy. Those days bring with them the validation that I am not messing up my kids. Good days involve seeing my kids actually share (#tear) or hearing them sing a song together and help each other out. Good are the days that I run back to the bathroom when I hear the words “I’ll wipe your butt, ok?” and am at once proud of them for helping each other and terrified that they have taken it this far.

These are the days when my house smells like lemon cake and a bluebird chirps on my shoulder.

But there are some days that are downright awful, humbling, mind numbing and completely insane. Those are the days when I find myself staring blankly at the wall waiting for rainbow unicorns to appear to break up these two as they fight. Sometimes I find myself frantically making even more play-doh with that frenzied giant smile that I get when I am over-acting the happy.  You know the smile I am talking about, right? The one where your face hurts because you are really reaching? That one.

There are the middle days that have both highs and lows. There are rainy days and cabin fever days, funny days and sad days. There are days when you want to run for the hills and days when there is no place else you would rather be. There are days when I just can’t make another craft without wanting to pull my hair out. There are days when I just want to be alone. There are days when I never want to be away from them even for a second. There are giggle days and “NO I DON’T WANT TO!” days.

There are days when I dream of what they will be when they grow up. And days when I cannot bear for them to get even one day older than they are right now. There are days when my house is clean and days when every single dish is dirty. There are days when dinner is slow-cooking all day long and there are days when I dump applesauce into a bowl and toss out a few nuggets at 7 pm.

There are days when I wake up and cannot drag myself out of bed without an act of Congress and days when I fly up out of bed giggling with my kids.

Some days start awesome and end bad. Some days start bad and end with a mercifully soft pillow-like landing. Some days are as boring as watching paint dry and other days are exciting and full of harmony. Some days require too much T.V. while others are spent riding bikes and playing in dirt.

There are good days. There are bad days. There are all the days in between.

Most importantly though, there are days. Days that will slip by and be gone before I am ready.  So I love this day anyway. Even if it sucks the high hard one.  Because nobody’s perfect.  Not even Maria Von Trapp. Least of all me.

But then again, I’m not aiming for perfection anymore. 

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This right here is EXACTLY it.

I don't know how it could be described better.

But I do know you need to get to know Colleen better!

Go to her:
Blog - Facebook - Twitter - Pinterest

**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

SAHM vs. Homemaker

There is a difference between being a stay-at-home mom and a homemaker.

At least, there is for me.

I did not choose to stay home for my kids because I wanted to be a domestic goddess.

I chose to stay home because I did not have a job that payed enough to justify putting my child in day care. I would have been working just to pay for child care. But beyond that, I've always felt like my biggest calling in life was to be a mom. I am not career-driven.

However, this does not mean that I am inherently inclined to domesticity. I take CARE of things, not necessarily make sure they're squeaky clean, folded neatly and smelling fresh.

In fact, when I got my first apartment, I pretty much only did chores when I HAD to. Mark had to coax me, and even teach me, some things (especially cooking).

It's not that my parents didn't teach me how to keep house. They totally did. That was the problem. I had LOTS of chores growing up, so by the time I was an adult and didn't have to do them for my parents, I didn't want to do them for myself.

I was all, I'm the boss of me now, bitches!

Slowly over the years I got better. I learned that doing the dishes after dinner is a good thing and keeping up on laundry is far less overwhelming than letting it go for weeks. When Camryn was born, keeping the floors clean for her sweet little crawling baby self became important to me.

Still, I've never kept an immaculate house. That, my friends, is a LOT of work! It kills my back to scrub the tub and dusting is like, my most loathed chore. My step-mother had a zillion knick-knacks so I had to move each one to dust and I HATED it. To this day I am not a big fan of knick-knacks.

If I'm being completely honest, which I always try to do here, I don't SEE a lot of the dirty. Out of sight, out of mind. That is, until it gets bad enough for me to see. So that should mean I do regular maintenance, right? Yeah, totally logical. Yet, no.

Well, I DO do regular maintenance. My house is almost always presentable. But there's a lot I let go. And I kick myself for it because a really clean house would be nice. But on the other hand, it's so frustrating because it won't stay clean for more than 5 minutes!

It truly is a never-ending, and mostly LOSING, battle.

I also want balance in my daily life. A balance of have to and want to. I mean, there are more important things in life than cleaning. If a friend calls me up and asks if I want to go shopping with her, you'd better be damn sure I'm gonna say yes to my friend and put the chores off.

I want to take care of chores and responsibilities, AND have time for more enjoyable things.

I prioritize and I balance. So dusting my picture frames isn't on the list of priorities for months at a time. So what? I keep up on the cat box, vacuuming, dishes and laundry ALL THE TIME. I try to keep the house as de-cluttered as I can. I yell at everybody about their damn socks all other the place!

It's good enough.

That said, steam cleaning the carpet is on the to-do list RIGHT NOW. So there.

PS: If anyone ever came to visit I'd clean for them too!

Oh, the Guilt!

A certain little pink birdy got to choose the topic for Monday Listicles this week and she chose 10 guilty pleasures.

I hate guilt.  Guilt sucks.  Mom guilt.  Survivor's guilt.  Religious Guilt.  Childhood Omnipotent Guilt.

And why, may I ask, is it necessary to feel guilty about things that make us happy?

Pfft.  Whatever.

1.  So there are my favorite food items, such as coffee, caramel and wine, which I already named in another Listicle.  It just so happens that that post is one of my most popular simply because it includes burritos!

2.  Then there are my favorite TV shows, which I just recently told you all about.  I think my most favorite is Grey's Anatomy.

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3.  I suppose I should probably count Blogging as a guilty pleasure, because it's not something I have to do, it's something I want to do and love to do.  I also suppose social media in general is a guilty pleasure.  Again, what-ever.

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4.  Having a huge stash of yarn!

This is an old picture. I have more.

5.  Caramel Apple Spices and Mochas from Starbucks.  Peppermint mochas in December.

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6.  Coloring my hair probably falls under this heading.

7.  Cinnabon Caramel Pecanbon, which I hardly ever get.

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8.  Just because they're so expensive, pecans, walnuts and cashews.

9.  I love going out to eat!  Not only do you not have to do the cooking or cleaning, but it also tastes great.

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10.  Being a stay-at-home mom.  Yeah, I feel guilty about this sometimes.  And yes, it is a pleasure.  I have the utmost respect for working mothers, whether they have to work or just want to.  All mothers have a lot on their plates, but moms who also hold down paying jobs?  Lots more.  I feel blessed to be my kids' primary caregiver (yes, even when they're driving me nuts; it's very confusing) and to never miss a thing.  Being my kids' full-time mom is a gift I guess I owe to my bad eyes.  Ironic, hu?

My beautiful babies.

OK, so there's a list of guilty pleasures for you.  BUT, I think we should all try to feel a lot LESS guilt over the things that bring us pleasure.  Instead of guilt, feel humility and gratitude.  Give thanks, share and enjoy.    I challenge myself, and you, to do so!

"Americans know entertainment, but they don't know pleasure."

~ Luca Spaghetti, Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly. ~Epictetus

I need to talk about something really serious.

Truly.  If you thought my post yesterday was a heavy one, you aint seen nothin' yet.

Are you gonna talk about illness and death some more? Cuz that's so fun!

Sorry, no.  But it's still really important.

Politics?  Religion?  Charity? Marriage or parenting?

No, none of those topics.

What else could possibly be so serious?

It's my style.  Or lack thereof.

Well, it's lacking according to the style gurus of the world.

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To me?

See, I'm a stay-at-home mom, have been for the last 8 1/2 years.  My uniform is pull-on pants and t-shirts.

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And?

Wait for it....

When I can get away with it, I stay in pajamas.

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Oh.eM.Gee! (Think snotty teen tone.)

Here's the thing: why wear anything else?  I don't have to impress anyone.  I don't have to even leave my house except to grab my kiddo from the bus stop most days.  I certainly don't care what the other moms in my neighborhood think about my clothes.

I practice good hygeine, even on the days I stay in PJs.  My hair isn't a mess and I don't smell bad.  I shower, brush my teeth and use deoderant.

I simply believe in being practical and comfortable.

It isn't comfortable to do laundry, homework or blog in jeans or slacks.  Nor is it practical.

Um. No.

I feel like I'm putting some serious effort into my outfit when I wear jeans.  No joke.  Speaking of jeans, I own a pair of Pajama Jeans.  That's right.  That's how committed to comfort I am.

Mark and I went to a wedding last Saturday and I wore a dress for probably the first time since my friend's 30th birthday party nearly 4 years ago.  Beforehand, I had to find things to accessorize the dress.

Asking people online who don't spend much time with you IRL to help you dress yourself is an exercise in futility.  And kinda makes you want to....

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People were suggesting things like chunky bangle bracelets, heels and big hoop earrings.  They used words like "flashy" and phrases like "glam it up".

What?  Seriously? You don't know me at all, do you?

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I wore a really comfortable dress, but add pantihose + tummy slimmer = UNcomfortable.  And, I felt naked from the waist down.  I had really good posture, though.

This is me, dressed up.
We're talking some make-up too!

Mark cleans up nice!

Back to my point.

Fashion is not my thing.  As much as I tried back in high school with my leggings in every color, long v-neck sweaters and Keds, it never has been my thing.

I like a simple hairstyle that doesn't require product.  I like subtle, understated jewelry.  I don't like to wear make-up often because it just makes my skin angry.  And I rarely paint my fingernails because it seems to make them weaker than they already are.

Pants that have zippers and buttons or, heaven forbid, belts, make me feel like I can't breathe.  The one caveat there is low-rise.  Not butt crack showing ultra low-rise.  Just below the waist.

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Not good

Snugness around my waist gives me anxiety.  I mean, I loved my pregnant belly and wearing maternity clothes cuz there was nothing restricting about any of that.

I love the softest, most easy t-shirt I can find.  Whether short, 3/4 or long sleeves, scoop, V or crew neck, it just has to be comfy.  Oh, and underwire?  Not in a million years!

I mean, I'm not wearing moo-moos or cheap sweats.  I won't even wear unisex t-shirts because I KNOW they are completely unflattering on me.  I do have some standards.

I do my best to find comfortable clothes that are cute. I really do. But if they're not that cute. I kinda don't care. This is my life right now and I'm not gonna apologize for it.

I am a coffee whore.  I am a wine whore.  I am a car whore.

I am a comfort whore.

Yep, I said it!


Updated 10/25/11 - Linking with Lovelinks for the first time!