The Whole Sordid Story

My husband was just in the hospital for five days. It was a bit of a roller coaster.

He had to have his fistula (dialysis access) reworked back in February. A vascular surgeon placed a graft and made a sort of hybrid access consisting of graft and fistula. Usually these are two different forms of dialysis access.

Although a bit odd (red flag?), it seemed to be working fine until Mark's body decided to get angry with the graft and it got infected (but wait, we didn't know this was the culprit yet). He developed typical symptoms of infection: fever, chills, muscle pain, and was started on IV antibiotics at dialysis.

Over the next several days we made two trips to the ER because the symptoms weren't going away, which one would expect after only about 24 hours on antibiotics. Mark is especially susceptible to infection (usually staph) and has even had pericarditis, an infection surrounding his heart, so we were very nervous and didn't want to take any chances.

Still Critical

First and again, thank you all so much for being such wonderful people who leave incredibly warm and heartfelt comments for me here. I assure you I am seeing every single one and they are deeply appreciated.

I need to let you all know that Mark took a turn for the worse Monday night. He had to be re-intubated and sedated, as well as put back on all the supporting meds for his heart rate and blood pressure. They've also found staph in what he was coughing up. We're currently waiting on results of a blood culture to know if the staph is in his bloodstream. His heart may be infected with staph. But I don't actually know that yet.

My husband is very, very sick. You know he is a Type 1 Diabetic on dialysis. Those are his "health problems". But now, he is just plain sick.

We don't know if Mark can recover from this. It is just wait and see right now.

I am very scared, but also holding up. My kids asked me the tough questions last night. I was as honest with them as I needed to be.

The kids and I got some good sleep together last night. I needed that, and to be with them.

I don't know what today holds. I'm simply hoping for more information and understanding, as well as grace to handle all of this.

I have a huge support system all around me. Both my and Mark's parents are either already here or on their way. I have wonderful friends, my dad and extended family, as well as this sweet online community.

I know I am not alone!

If you are so inclined, I am asking for your thoughts, prayers, vibes and energy towards what is BEST FOR MARK. Not what we want. What is simply the right things for him.

Thank you so much.

Climb Aboard the Hall Family Roller Coaster!

I posted this on Facebook on Monday: Climb aboard the Hall Family Roller Coaster! Sit down & buckle up. Our ride begins with a broken chest wire, we will pause for just a sec to remove it, there will be several very fun loops and things during a perfectly normal weekend and then we will end by heading back to the station (hospital) for IV antibiotics. Enjoy the ride!

I am so witty online!

For those of you who don't know, my husband Mark had heart bypass surgery a little over a year ago and they use wire similar to piano strings to hold the chest plate together for healing.  Well, Mark broke one of them, possibly by sneezing hard, it got infected and he needed to have it removed.

And now....

My husband is in the hospital with a staph infection requiring IV antibiotics after he tried to get himself treated before it got to this point.

I am angry, frustrated, bummed and completely OFF.  I just wrote last week in a post about my priorities how when something is not OK with one of the four of us, everything feels off, and here we are.

I know I remind the world all the time of Mark's health conditions, but it seems to be necessary, even to the medical professionals who care for him.  He is a Type 1 Diabetic, has been since the age of 9, with a 6 year reprieve when he had a successful kidney/pancreas transplant.  He is 43 now and since losing his transplanted organs, has been back on insulin and dialysis for nearly 10 years.

These things make him extra susceptible to infection.  Last year when heart bypass was required it was discovered that he had pericarditis, a septic staph infection SURROUNDING HIS HEART.

People?  Mark may have survived that, but this is not a man we take chances with!

So yeah, I and just about everyone we know are pretty frustrated that Mark's doctors dragged their feet on this.  That might be a bit of an understatement for me.  Because a staph infection could KILL MY HUSBAND!

I don't think this is just me being melodramatic.  Or maybe it is....buuuuuttt it happened to my uncle.  It happens all the time.  It could happen to Mark.

On the other hand, I do think PTSD from "the night from hell" is rearing its ugly head right now.  I am having to force myself to see this as a separate thing.  I am having to force myself to not think about death.

And it's really hard to do.

This infection was caught early, in spite of the initial bumbling efforts of the doctors.  This will be OK.  Mark will be OK.  EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.

This is just another hiccup, bump in the road, minor inconvenience...yada, yada.  I feel like people think I should just be used to this.  That these things happen with Mark and we just have to deal them.  Well yes, that's true, but "these things" are actually serious, and they suck.

I'm allowed to hate it, aren't I?

I'm allowed to hate taking my kids to see their dad at the hospital.  I'm allowed to hate all that Mark has to deal with.  I'm allowed to hate what I have to deal with, what our parents deal with, and our friends deal with.  That there are perfectly healthy people out there who have no flipping idea how good they've got it!  I hate it all.

When you've been traumatized the way I have it can be hard to be OK with the little hiccups.  They tend to all feel like big, scary things.

It's almost Christmas.  Mark had his first heart attack on Christmas Day of 2008.  Such lovely timing.

I'm sorry if this post is rambling and doesn't totally make sense to anyone else.  Just gotta get it off my chest.

We're hoping he will be able to come home today and we can get on with Christmas....

(This post was linked with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out at Things I Can't Say.)

* *

Update 12/27/11: Mark did come home that day, but it was difficult to "get on with Christmas".  He was really tired and bothered by the wound vac they sent him home connected to.  We were both very tense and on edge all the way up to Christmas Eve.  But Christmas Day was great!  We had fun, the kids loved their gifts, we saw extended family and had a fantastic dinner in spite of a power outage.  Yesterday, at the Wound Ostemy Clinic where Mark has his dressing changed, the nurse said his chest is healing so well and so quick he may not need the wound vac much longer.  This I believe is due to all the care and concern from both and near and far, and I am grateful.  Oh, the roller coaster!

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