April 30, 2013

Three Years Blogging

On this day in 2010 I hit publish on this blog for the very first time.

It was not at all momentous. Like I've said before, I had no idea what I was doing, and continued in the dark for the entire first year. I got into more of a blogging groove about six months in when I wrote The First Step, but didn't discover the fabulosity of the blogosphere until the summer of 2011.

Since then I have been on a roll. I have completed two November NaBloPoMos, written to prompts, linked up with other blogs, started a Facebook page, redesigned my blog a couple of times, posted some product reviews, given some things away and learned how to tweet with the best of 'em.

I've learned a ton and made some new friends. I've laughed and cried. I hope you have too. I mean, I'm sorry if I made you cry. But then again, not really. Because if you did, that means I made you feel something, and that's pretty cool.

Becoming A BLOGGER has been so serendipitous that I marvel at how it has changed me, and probably the reason I have a pretty zen attitude about it. Sure, I want to be good at it, I want to have a following and a community and I love when I'm able to make a little money because of it. I can't deny that what I'm doing here makes me feel proud. But I haven't forced any of it. I have simply written and shared and learned. I explore possibilities and I'm open. Just open.


I feel like blogging was placed in my lap for me to pick up, mold and make my own, with only the slightest of encouragement from a friend (when I said, "sometimes I think about journaling", she said, "you could start a blog..."). I love how I get to blog for both selfish and self-less reasons. That I can work on my issues and enlighten people about those issues at the same time.

Because that's the most amazing thing about blogging -- enlightenment.  From mundane daily life stories that illustrate all the ways in which our paths are the same, to "light bulb moment" epiphanies that inspire, to giggle-inducing ridiculousness. There is something for everyone; infinite possibilities through which millions of people's paths can cross. Lives can be changed.

I am changed. In such great ways.

This is why I wanted to celebrate all month long and invited you all to celebrate with me. Fifteen awesome bloggers shared a post from some April. It was fun to see what they chose, and apparently they enjoyed going back through their archives and remembering some of the stuff they've written about.

My 5 favorites are (in order of submission):
  • #2 Innocence Lost by Robbie at Fractured Family Tales, because she bravely wrote about a scary thing that happened when she was a child.
  • #5 Here's Johnny by Stacie at Snaps and Bits, because it's funny!
  • #8 The Land of Empathy and Wonder by Kristi at Finding Ninee, because it is a beautiful, amazing idea that should grow (and which she's started a guest series for).
  • #11 The Story Of &%^* and The “Thing” by Kristi at The Robot Mommy, because she came up with the perfect way to explain tragedy to young children in the wake of the Boston bombings.
  • #13 Metamorphosis by Rach at Life Ever Since, because she so eloquently expresses how motherhood changes us.
Also, I simply must give an honorable mention to Les at Time Out for Mom because she submitted a post she wrote last year about blogging. Les and I tend to agree on many things, and one of which is that we both describe our blogs as "my precious". I'm pretty sure I have literally said that before.

Er, blogging is nothing like being Gollum. Ahem.
So, yeah, three years of blogging under my belt! Thank you all so much for coming along on the ride with me. Thank you for reading, for sharing and most especially your kind comments on my most heartfelt posts.

April 27, 2013

Ribbed Crochet Throw Blanket


I recently finished crocheting this blanket for our living room. It incorporates the various colors in the room, plus helps tie in the bold red dining room wall (upper right corner of pic).

I love stripes, so I did stripes. But man, does it leave a lot of ends to be weaved in!


I used the back loop single crochet stitch. Real super easy and creates ribbing, giving your work a little extra thickness.



The yarn I chose was Impeccable which is sold exclusively at Michael's. Colors were black, white, southwest (multi) and cherry for the border. I like Impeccable yarn because it's soft, washable and a little on the thick side. Maybe plush is the word?

I love the way this turned out. It looks PERFECT in my living room! But doing single crochet takes longer than double.....so I kinda wish I had done double. Something to think about, anyway.

I chose to begin and end with white, because having the red border run along the long edge next to white matches our dining/kitchen colors. I didn't want big, thick lines of black and red together. (It makes sense in my head.)

I have no idea how many chains I started with. I simply chained until it was as long as the long edge of another throw blanket I have. It measures about 63 inches (without the border).

The pattern I did for the stripes goes like this:
  • White - 4 rows
  • Multi - 10 rows
  • Black - 4 rows
  • Multi - 10 rows
  • White - 4 rows
  • and so on....ending with 4 rows of White
Like the black and red, I didn't want the black and white together either.


Oh! I needed 6 1/2 skeins of the multi yarn, 1 1/2 of each black and white, and 1 skein of the red.

I needed a lot more than I thought. I'm no good at estimating how much yarn I'll need for a project. Thankfully this particular yarn is readily available.

My cat is enjoying it!

Linked up with Saturday Show & Tell.

April 25, 2013

We dared our kids to stop annoying us.

Dad vs. Spawn
Mark and I totally did this hybrid bribe/dare thing with the kids recently.

It started with our son who is 7. AJ cannot make it through a meal without talking about poop. Or farts.

I was sitting next to him at the table, trying to enjoy my dinner, when he decides to describe something as "poopy". I'm not one to have my appetite ruined by such talk (if only), but it still really bugs me. I mean, can we just please refrain from talk of bodily functions at the dinner table?

So I turned to AJ and said, "Hey dude. I dare you to not say 'poop' for the rest of the night."

Mark chimed in with, "Or how 'bout anything to do with our butts?"

And then he continued, "AJ, if you can manage to not say anything about what comes out of a butt, I will help you buy a new Xbox controller."

(Because Mark and the kids play a lot of Xbox and a couple of the controllers are getting worn out and wonky.)

AJ accepted the challenge. Pretty sure he thought it was funny AND he wanted a new controller.

So then our 12 year old daughter decides to step into this. Which, of course she would. Camryn asks a clarifying question, ending it with "or something like that".

So I go, "Camryn, I think you should not be allowed to say 'or something like that' for the rest of the night."

Both of the kids look at me, confused. She just said it! Do I really need to explain?

Camryn says "or something like that" at the end of just about everything she is trying to say. Such as, "So I got on the bus this morning and sat down next to this 6th grader....or something like that."

It's like people who always say "know what I mean?" or give a little a giggle at the end of every sentence. I think it's a nervous thing....or something like that.

Now, because AJ was to receive a reward for successful completion of his dare, you know Camryn asked what she'd get.

I thought about it for a minute. "If you pull it off, " I said, "I will completely do a load of your laundry without any help from you."

The girl lit up! She asked, "You mean, sort, wash, dry AND put away?"

"Yup", I confirmed.

"All of it?" She had to try.

"ONE load*," I replied. The girl has a mountain of dirty clothes.

She shrugged her shoulders. "OK!"

And wouldn't ya know it? They both pulled off their respective challenges.

Now, I'm not saying one should employ this particular parenting strategy all the time. These two things weren't things the kids were doing wrong. This wasn't misbehavior, per se.

They were just annoying us.

I suppose you could say it has the potential to teach kids that they should only do something if there's something in it for them.

But sometimes -- just to save your sanity -- maybe it's not such a bad thing.

I didn't have to stick my fingers in my ears and sing, "Lalalalalalala", once that whole night!

So, bribery, FTW!


*Truth be told, I would love to just go in and do all of Camryn's laundry. But I can't do that because I have to be a good teacher and make her learn how to do this stuff on her own because one day she will be a grown up and not live with me anymore and she will need clean clothes and at that point I'm definitely not doing it for her!

April 24, 2013

Being Different Sucks


I really don't want to sound like a big whiner, but sometimes.....being different just sucks.

Like right now. The process of finding a place that can manage to make the sort of eyeglass lenses I need as a visually impaired person.

My prescription is too strong and complicated for your average optical store. I knew this before I began. Yet I am surprised at just how difficult this is turning out to be.

It doesn't feel good to be handed off from one eye care professional to another. My ophthalmologist didn't think he could do my refraction well, so he sent me to an optometrist he thought could. The optometrist couldn't figure out my reading lens, so off to a "low vision clinic" I went. The low vision clinic was able to figure out my entire prescription, but they themselves do not have a lab for making me a pair of glasses.

Which I think is lame and pretty half-assed of them, but whatever.

I went to the optical department of my insurance carrier where they told me their lab could pull it off, I picked out frames and the glasses were ordered. I was so excited, expecting to have new, fresh, pretty glasses on my face by Mother's Day.

Then I got a call that completely deflated me. Turns out that lab couldn't make it work and my order had to be cancelled.

I cried.

I have been wearing the same glasses for over 10 years and now that I'm finally trying to make this happen for myself, I feel like I am being jerked around at every turn. I can't understand why, when 10 years ago I was able to get the glasses I needed, it's so damn difficult today. I would have thought I had built up this big annoying process in my head, only to find out that it's not that big of a deal after all.

But I was right. I was right that this was not going to be fun and that I would have to jump through a whole bunch of hoops.

I am not happy to be right in this case. I wish I were wrong. I think I should be wrong. Because TEN YEARS! Shouldn't there have been many advances in eyeglass technology by now? Shouldn't it be more commonplace for someone with low vision to need glasses? And shouldn't optical companies want to accommodate that need?

And after 20 years of being visually impaired, shouldn't I not feel like such a freak anymore?

I want to tap into my zen attitude of well, maybe those weren't actually the right frames, I will find the right place and the right frames and lenses and it will be FINE. Then there's that old adage, "Things worth having never come easy", or some shit like that.

You might be thinking, jeez, it's just a pair of glasses. But what you don't understand is, my ability to see just half as well as you is what's on the line here. With corrective lenses I am still visually impaired. I cannot be corrected back to 20/20, no matter what.

It's about my comfort level as my current glasses pinch my nose and dig into my right ear. It's about maybe being able to feel a little bit prettier.

This matters to me. It's not trivial.

The very best thing said to me as I've expressed some of my frustration was:
All the good people are freaks. Let your freak flag fly and chin up! All will work out in the end.
So alright, I will try not to be bitter about this. I will try to let it roll off my back and look to the end result.*

*But for the record, I'm stomping my foot right now!


Linked up with Pour Your Heart Out.

April 18, 2013

A Book About Bullies by a 7 Year Old

My son AJ wrote a little book about a bully in school.


One day John had a very, very bad day at school. He came home whining about his leg and after that his leg stopped hurting. He asked if he could have a cookie and his mom said, "No." But he got one anyway. He is very naughty and he is 7.

Then the next day at school John went to class. Then at 11:55, John went to lunch and after that he went to recess. John played soccer and after that John went in the class and packed. He went home.

At home, he asked if he could go to the park so his mom said, "Yes." So John went to the park. Then a boy named Parkersaid, "Get off my playground or give me a dollar."

Then John started to shake. The bully said, "Why are you still here when I told you to get out of here? In fact, GO AWAY!"

Then John shouted, "NO! You are not going to kick me out of the playground." Then John stood up to Parker and said, "Do not bully me any more." So the bully stopped bullying John and they became friends.

(He dedicated it to his sister Camryn. Not sure what that means.)

AJ's teacher gave this to us at our spring conference a few weeks ago. It was so cute how excited she was. She said, "Now THIS is something you're going to want to save with the keepsakes!"

"And mom will want to blog it", I said to my husband when we left.

Good job, kiddo!


April 16, 2013

Drawing a Line at 39

I am beginning the final year of my 30s and I am drawing a line in the proverbial sand.


I often characterize my daughter as "slowly but surely". I'm beginning to think the same of myself.

Because I think I should be past many of the "issues" I have by now. Certainly by the time I turn 40 next year.

But then again, I am who I am, shaped by my experiences, and I am where I am, regardless of any self-imposed (or someone else's) timeline.

Who gets to define where I am in my life at what age?

There's a song I love by Sara Bareilles. Perhaps you've heard it. A lyric in the chorus goes, "Who died and made you king of anything?".

And there lies the rub. I don't have to apologize for anything about myself. But I do have some things I would like to be different by my next birthday.

I am sick and goddamn tired of feeling like I need someone else's approval in order to feel good about myself!

That's the biggest thing.

I want to stop doubting that people love me and want to be in my life, warts and all.

It seems that being different than others, and having had a few "fair weather friends", makes you wary. You think, "it would be much easier to have someone 'normal' for a friend. Why do they stick with me?"

Doesn't matter why. Trust it.

Whoa.

I am going to keep working on healing my wounded inner child. And then let it go.

Over the next year I am going to keep working on making myself healthier, mentally and physically, so that by the time I turn 40, I can be proud of it.

And all the big, scary things there are to face?

I am resolved to being confident in the courage I am somehow always able to draw on. It's like, down in my gut. I feel it there. Like armor.

I can do this.

_______
I feel so sure of these things I've written just now. But I must admit, there is still this tiny little voice saying, "I can do this......I hope." But HOPE is my word for this year, so.....there we are.

Linked with Pour Your Heart Out.

April 14, 2013

West Coast Girl


After writing about what I was doing 10 years ago, and while standing in the shower, I realized something.

I have now been living in Washington, combined total years, longer than I lived in California.

I first lived in Washington from birth to 12 years old. I have been living in Washington again for nearly 10 years. That's 22 years. I lived in California for 17 years in between.

God. I remember the first time I could say I had been or done something for 10 years (as an adult). I felt old then! Now I'm talking about 17 and 22 years? And add those two numbers together? Gah!

I feel basically equal fondness for the two states I've called home. Leaving both was difficult. I left people, and a chapter of my life, behind both times.

Ooph. Typing that just made me tear up!

Five Things I Miss About California

1. All the sunshine you could ever want.

2. The most beautiful lake in the world (Lake Tahoe).

3. Great sourdough bread.

4. BART - Bay Area Rapid Transit.

5. Friends and family.

Five Things I Love About Washington

1. Nary a drought to speak of (even if certain people sometimes panic needlessly).

2. My son and I were born at the same hospital (he in a new building, but still).

3. Four distinct seasons.

4. I feel special living in the state where Starbucks and Amazon are headquartered.

5. Friends and family.

Both the Bay Area and Puget Sound are shaped similarly. There is water to the west and there are mountains to the east and I always know what direction I'm going. One freeway, I-5, runs through both states and it makes me feel like I'm still connected to California because of it.

I have always lived near bodies of water, and I suspect I always will.

So you see, when someone asks me where I'm from, it's kind of difficult to answer. I feel like I'm from both places. I suppose I have to say Washington officially. But I know there's more to it than that.


Linked with Monday Listicles.

April 10, 2013

Feelings


I am a massive mess of feelings. Not only feelings I currently have, but feelings I've had all my life, whether I could recognize them or not.

I hate my feelings. I resent how easily they are hurt.

Must be why I have a tendency to try to ignore them.

Just like anything you try to ignore, however, they keep coming back, pestering me like a little toddler who wants a piece of candy.

I think I need to name the feelings that continue to plague me. Flesh them out. Hoping that exposing them to the light will cause them to shrink. Take away their power over me.

I feel....

Weak.

Meek.

Alone.

Insecure.

Hindered.

Lost.

AFRAID.

Overlooked.

Raw.

VULNERABLE.

Bitter.

Unimportant.

Guilty.

Stupid.

Sorry.

I emphasize AFRAID and VULNERABLE because I have truly had some scary ass shit happen to me. Of course I'm afraid! I feel vulnerable that more scary shit is going to happen. That scary shit will always happen. And vulnerable to being left alone and sad, and hurt.

I am desperately trying to push my way through these feelings. Trying to do it all by myself because another thing I feel is like I can't talk to anyone about them. No one who I'm not paying to listen. Or it's that there are certain feelings I shouldn't talk to certain people about.

Honestly, none of MY feelings are anyone else's problem, are they?

I lean on my husband a little, but I keep thinking about how he might not be there to lean on one day, so I pull away, even from him. And I know I am going through all of this now, in preparation.

I am overwhelmed by these emotions, tears waiting for any little excuse to spring forth.

How long will it be before the floodgates that have been opened close?

I feel weak and meek, but therapy, and facing one's inner demons, is most definitely not for the faint of heart.

Trying to have patience with the process. I remind myself that I will be made stronger as I learn how to change how I perceive my feelings.

_______
I understand if this post doesn't make much sense to anyone. It doesn't have to, and nobody needs to feel like they should try to make it better. These are just things I feel, that influence my moods, that I struggle with.

“Love is more than simply being open to experiencing the anguish of another person's suffering. It is the willingness to live with the helpless knowing that we can do nothing to save the other from his pain." - Sheldon Kopp


Life goes on....



Linked with Pour Your Heart Out.

April 8, 2013

Marriage, Babies and Bliss

Remember I was tagged to do a little "old school blogging" last month? I had missed out on the link-up, but not this time!

LOVE the questions for April so Imma get right to it:

1. How did your husband pop the big question?

In a greeting card on my 23rd birthday. It was very sweet. I unknowingly kept him from proposing in front of a group of our friends and family at a dinner a week prior because I told him I needed him to save his gift so I would have something to open ON my birthday. He gave me the card and I read it. He wrote "P.S. Will you marry me?" at the bottom, and when I looked up, he was holding my ring out.

2. What are the three most surprising things about married life?

That you can come to love someone more over the years than you did on your wedding day.
That you and your spouse will NEVER agree on some things. But it's OK.
It's not at all the romantic fairy tale a girl hopes it will be, but it's wonderful in other ways.

3. How did you find out you were pregnant for the first time?

First clue was my boobs started to hurt. Then, my period was like 6 days late and we were invited to a Halloween party. Figured I'd better take a test before we went so I'd know if I could drink alcohol or not. Test was positive and I positively wasn't drinking at the party!

4. How did you choose your first baby's name?

My MIL had wanted to name my husband Cameron. But her mother pressured her to name him Mark because a family member named Mark had died. Hubs decided he liked Cameron and we agreed it could work for a boy or a girl. Our first was a girl, so we went with Camryn, Cami for short, which we started calling her before she was born. Her middle name of Rose my mom suggested, we thought it was pretty, so we went with it.

5. Describe where you see yourself in 10 years from now.

Almost 50 years old and trying to let myself stop coloring my hair and just let it be grey. What? I don't like these kinds of questions. I kind of think they're dumb. SO MUCH can change and happen to you over the course of 10 years, it's not even funny.

Fine. I HOPE I will still be living in my little house with Mark and our son (Camryn will be 22, so she may be outta here), in good health (both physical and mental), surrounded by friends, a pet or two, a nice little garden and.......? I'm sorry, I tried. I suck at this.


6. Describe how you find bliss, either with words or images.

Hugging.
Sitting in warm sun.
Listening to a great audiobook.
Laughing.
When I hear the words "I love you" from one of my children.
Caramel.

April 5, 2013

Tea for Two

I got to take my beautiful daughter to a "Serenity High Tea" at a little local tearoom for the very first time yesterday.



Camryn chose strawberry rose tea and I chose vanilla almond.


We were served scones with lemon curd, finger sandwiches and dessert!




It was such a special mother/daughter thing to get to do.
Camryn loved it. I could tell she felt very grown up.


Essence of Now

April 2, 2013

Slow Down, Little Man


My son is always in a big hurry.

He's got places to go, things to do, people to see.

He chooses what he wants to eat based on how long it will take to prepare.

AJ extends this quickness to his learning. He is inherently able to pick things up without much effort. When something does take more practice, he gets very impatient and frustrated.

Things that don't come easy make him feel dumb and he beats himself up for it. He doesn't want to do things he thinks are too hard. AJ thinks spreading peanut butter is hard, so he doesn't want to do it. Yet he can run the electronics in the house and ride his bike with no hands.

We had our spring conference with AJ's teacher last week. She pointed out that she has noticed most of the mistakes he makes on schoolwork are because he is simply going too fast.

An interesting point she made, and what made me think of Mr. Ferris Bueller, is that while AJ may be able to continue advancing along on his reading levels, she doesn't necessarily want him to....so fast. He is already above grade level and she wants him to slow down a bit.

Her reasons being A) if he gets too far ahead, we'll run into books with subject matter inappropriate for his age, and B) she would like him to slow down and ENJOY the books that are perfect for a 7 years old.

I found this to be kind of deep.

Knowing AJ's proclivity for doing things as fast as possible, I believe one of his life lessons is going to be about slowing down. He will need to learn how to stop and smell the roses, to take a deep breath and be still.

And to find some patience.

To my Little Man I say this: You are smart and bright and funny and oh so handsome. It is amazing to be a motivated learner and go-getter. You will certainly go far in life. But dude, Ferris and Mrs. V are right, you gotta stop and look around. Relish in the moment. Soak it up. Soak it ALL up!

You have a competitive spirit and want to be the best at whatever you do. Of course you do! Should your teacher and I want you to slow down a bit, encourage you to pace your learning a little? I don't know. I can see that it may seem counterintuitive, that we should only want you to learn as much as you can.

And of course I do want that for you. But I also want you to look around and really SEE the world around you. To marvel in it and appreciate it. I don't want you to take anything for granted. I want you to be able to be quiet and enjoy that as much as you enjoy constant stimulation.

Well rounded and balanced. Whatever it is you decide to do over the course of your life, that is what I ultimately hope you will achieve.

Well, that and happiness.

Is that too much for a mom to ask for her son?



Linked with Pour Your Heart Out.

April 1, 2013

April #Birthaversary Extravaganza!

It's April 1 and time to start this party right!


My birthday is on the 16th (39) and my blogiversary is on the 30th (3 years).

Not to mention that April is just an awesome month.

Spring is in full swing....
the flowers are blooming and birds are chirping.
It's warming up!

So let's celebrate, shall we?

If you are a blogger, please delve into your archives and pick out a post you published in April of any year you've been blogging. One you really like for whatever reason.
And link it up with this post.
(In the event that you've been blogging for less than a year, just pick one of your best so far.)

I shall read, comment and tweet.
(You can too. If you do, use the #Birthaversary hashtag.)

At the end of the month, on the 30th, I will publish a post of my favorites.
(I don't know how many yet; kind of depends on how many are linked up.)

Here are a few of my April posts:

2010
Nope. If you want to see my very first post, you'll have to go digging for it!

2011
Diabetes is Dumb

2012
Dinner
Labeled

Now it's your turn!
Link 'em below...

If you have any questions, feel free to leave 'em in the comments,
tweet me or say Hi on Facebook!


Cordially inviting the Yeah Writers to this party via the Weekend Moonshine Grid #103!