February 29, 2012

How I Like Me Now


Seven months ago I stumbled on something that was spreading through the blogosphere called, "What I Like About Me". And I wrote a post for it.

When I look at that post today, I think it kinda sucks. I mean, I used categories, was all matter-of-fact about it. But perhaps that's how I needed to do it - then.

I feel so much different now than I did then. In just 7 short months I feel like so much about myself has changed. The things I listed then still apply, but what I want to list now, are totally different things.

Actually, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I have been experiencing these changes in me since I came away from the night of Mark's bypass surgery with PTSD. That was September 21, 2010.

When @finallyMom put out a request for year-end posts about what we learned in 2011 and want to carry with us into 2012, I wrote something for her and, with encouragement from @AdotheMomalog, came up with my very own hashtag: #ShedtheCrap.

So what I like about me now is:

1. I am open to the possibilities. What possibilities? Any! Whatever might come my way.

2. I am shedding the crap I have felt my entire life. I seem to finally be getting old enough to that place in life when you stop caring so much what other people think, start feeling more comfortable with yourself, start to actually know who you really are and what makes you happy. Not saying I know and feel ALL of that right now, today. But I know I'm on my way.

3. So many of the insecurities I've had for AGES are much less of a concern now. I feel considerably more secure in my friendships, for example.

4. I have some wisdom. I have been through a lot, dammit, and I have the scars to prove it! But what I've gained as well, is wisdom.

5. I can confidently say #4 because I LEARN from my experiences. Whether positive or negative, I learn something from every little thing. From interactions in my marriage to parenting to friends & family and blogging too.

6. Speaking of confidence, I have more of it. "Jennifer" and "confident" in the same sentence wasn't something I ever used to say. Again, I think time and experience, as well as blogging, are what are helping these changes come about.

7. I love to laugh and look for the humor in everything. And you really can find it almost everywhere. Even in a hospital worrying about your husband. Even in the middle of sobbing, the tears can turn to laughter on a dime. Shit happens, and a lot of it is funny!

8. I put on my big girl panties every day. I'm not a whiner and don't feel sorry for myself. I don't say "I can't handle this". I might say I don't want to handle it, but I can. And I will. I'm too stubborn not to.

9. I've learned how to state my opinions with tact. Mostly. I think.

10. I'm pretty proud of the kind of mom I am. I am NOT perfect. Neither are my kids. But I know them and love them fiercely. Their needs come before mine, I try to teach them the lessons they need to learn and I make them take baths and brush their teeth.

11. I'm not as uptight as I used to be! I can be spontaneous, I'm not as controlling and I can let things go.

12. (Still not letting go of the even number thing though.) I'm not as shy as I once was. I can more easily talk to strangers and actually come up with interesting things to say in social situations.

Can I do a happy dance now? This took me like 3 days to write!

ALL of these are me, from the little girl squinting in the sun, to the center, most recent.
Daughter, cousin, girl, young lady, woman, wife, mother, friend.
Jennifer, Jenni, Jen, Sweetie, Mommy

23 comments:

  1. Love this post. Love the amazing woman you have become. I just love YOU!

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  2. this is seriously one of the best things i've read in a long time. i love so much about this. go you! :)

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  3. I love this list! I love that you have come out of your shell and have embraced just how effing awesome you are.

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  4. You did fantastic! Thank you for pushing me to do this, and hopefully next time you can add that you KNOW you are a GREAT friend because it is 100% true!

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    1. I think I'm a pretty good friend, but I also think I can work on it.

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  5. Wow! What a wonderful post! And the collage at the end is fantastic; hope you're getting a big ol' print and putting it in a frame. I don't know that I could have done this writing assignment on myself (or it would be awfully short). Glad you did!

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    1. It's meant to be hard. Believe me, it's no easy task for me to sit here and toot my own horn. The point is that we are ALLOWED to every once in awhile.

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  6. Fantastic list. All things to be proud of! Number 2 - that's what I'm striving for. I really care about other people's feelings, but I care way too much about what they think. Love your picture collage. I was trying to make it bigger cuz I really want to see the one of you on your wedding day!

    And I agree with Motherhood Truth, you area GREAT friend.

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    1. We didn't hire a professional photographer, so our wedding pics kind of suck. Plus it was WAY BACK in 1998, so also not digital. Sad, but true.

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  7. Wow! This is a really powerful post. I love it! I could definitely use a few pointers in all of these areas. New follower!! Found you through Mama Wants This!

    http://apaprikao.blogspot.com

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  8. Alright now, put the wine glass down! Just because you have, like , all this experience and life wisdom and stuff, that doesn't mean you can get all confident and roll with the punches and everything!

    Seriously, it has been a joy to watch your soul develop. I love you almost as much as I love me.

    Dad

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  9. I love this!! I think that it is wonderful that you can reflect on positive things in your life. Too often we find ourselves thinking about negative things and getting stuck in that rut. I love #9...mostly! :) Way to go for letting things go, I know that can be very hard to do.

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    1. Thank you! I think this is a really great exercise.

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  10. That must've felt good to write! I'm happy that you are happy with yourself. You have every reason to be!

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  11. Oh your dad's comment was awesome! This is a really great list. Jen, I want to be just like you!

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