The Anti-Post

This is NOT a blog post.

I swear.  I'm not posting today.

I have been posting really consistently for at least the past month.  Almost every day.

I keep telling myself I should slow down or I'm going to get burned out.

But then I discover lots of things to blog about.

Blog hops, link-ups, writing prompts, kindness, philanthropy, just photos....and stuff in my life.

It's been really fun and eye-opening.  (Don't laugh at me!)

I'm learning lots.

Like, apparently I'm not a real quick learner.

I remember when the Internet was "invented" I thought, "Oh that's lame.  It'll never catch on and I don't need to get online."

And then I did and I was all, "Whoa!"

I never did MySpace, but I do Facebook, and while its appeal is waning a bit, Twitter is still going strong.

And while I've had a Twitter account for a long time, I never used it until recently.

See?  Slow.

Or maybe just stubborn.

I have lots of questions too.

Like, do I really need to have a fancy personalized template with my own button?

Why do some of my comments on other blogs include my picture and some don't?

I just know there are great blogs out there that I'm not reading.  What if I'm missing out on something wonderful?

I'm trying to be all Zen about it.  "I'll find the blogs I'm meant to find because they'll enrich my life or my blogging experience in some way," I tell myself.

And now, this really cool and fun and enriching thing called blogging that I'm all hooked on now is one more thing to balance.

Becasue I might really go blind staring at my computer monitor too much! (Don't laugh at me!)

AND, while I'm thoroughly enjoying having fun here, I don't want to lose my focus.  That this is MY PERSONAL SPACE, where I have a VOICE and can journal and get things out.

Because I need that.

Oops, looks like I tricked you into NOT reading a post!

Random Act of Kindness: Become an Organ Donor

Become an Organ Donor

This is something that is near and dear to my heart.  It should be near and dear to all of our hearts.

I believe we all have a moral obligation to be organ and tissue donors.

And not only because my husband has had a kidney/pancreas transplant and needs another one.  No, it's because 18 people will die each day waiting for an organ.

It does not matter what your religious beliefs are.  All major religions support the principles of donation and transplantation.

It is just your physical body anyway.  You don't need it anymore once you've passed on.  Really.  And even when you're still alive, there are parts of your body that you have multiples of, such as kidneys, or that can regnerate, such as the liver, bone marrow and blood.

Seriously.  Don't be a hoarder!

According to the United Network for Organ Sharing, or UNOS, the current transplant trends are:

• Waiting list candidates as of today: 111,724
• Active waiting list candidates:  72,346
• Transplants January - April 2011: 9,055
• Donors January - April 2011: 4,490

See those last 2 numbers?  Transplants vs. Donors?  The number of transplants is higher than the number of donors.  That's becasue one body can provide as many as 50 opportunities for transplantation. Fifty! Organs, skin, stem cells, eyes, perhaps even limbs. It's truly amazing!

Now here's the tricky part.  If you're all, "Yes!  I absolutely want to be an organ and tissue donor!", that's awesome.  But you have to SHARE YOUR DECISION with your loved ones.

Share your life.  Share your decision.  If your loved ones aren't aware that donation is part of your final wishes, they might say no when the doctors ask.  You can fill out an online donor registration form or tell the DMV you are a donor all you want, but if your next of kin say no, that's it.

The most important thing to do is to sign up  as an organ and tissue donor in your state's donor registry.  Then....

To cover all bases, it's also helpful to:
• Designate your decision on your driver's license
• Tell your family about your donation decision
• Tell your physician, faith leader, and friends
• Include donation in your advance directives,
  will, and living will

There is also an International Association for Organ Donation, as well as the Donate Life website.

I hope that each and every one of my readers will commit to being an organ and tissue donor....and then some!

"Hey, Boss!"

“What’s up, Boss?”

“How’s it goin’, Boss?”

“Thanks a lot, Boss!”

These are phrases my husband uses a lot.

He works for Home Depot giving excellent customer service to wayward DIYers. His department is Hardware. He is absolutely cut from the retail sales cloth.

Mark uses “Boss” as a pronoun both with his regular customers and often with friends as well. I think with his customers it is a safe option in cases where he can’t remember their names. With his friends, it is a term of endearment.

My husband is a serious people person. He makes friends wherever he goes. He is unafraid and un-intimidated by butting in on other’s conversations or making small talk with strangers. He is the life of a party, will talk your ear off and then offer to get you a refreshment if you don’t have one.

Now I’m not saying he always likes everyone he meets. Rather, he is friendly with everyone he meets. He may make a character assessment later, but he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt upfront.  I'm all about assuming the best about people, I just don't assume they want to talk to me.

I both admire and dislike this about Mark. It’s about 90% admire with 10% dislike. See, I am the complete OPPOSITE in nature. So I am in awe of this quality in him, but it can also make me feel really uncomfortable.

Early in our relationship I would dread going to social gatherings with him. I would talk to him about it first, asking him to please not abandon me. He understood that it was harder for me and he really tried. Even so, he would eventually wander off in some conversation with someone and I was left to fend for myself.

This has been a good thing for me though. I have learned that people aren’t as scary as I fear. Socializing really doesn’t warrant heart palpitations and a strong desire to curl up in the fetal position.

(If anyone reading has a very real social anxiety disorder, I am not speaking about you. I am only referring to my own silly insecurities.)

Honestly, just being Mark’s girlfriend/wife makes it 10 times easier to find things to talk about and socialize. There are so many stories, experiences and just plain unique things about him, and since I’m guilty by association, about me as well.

Beyond my connection with a very interesting and social being, I have learned a thing a two on my own. Age and maturity have lent new perspectives on people. I now know that each and every one of us is just a human person on the planet trying to make our way along our individual paths. Each person I meet might have the same fears I do, or some other ones. They might be hoping I’ll like them, just as much as I hope they like me. Everybody’s got STUFF they’re carrying around.

We should all try to be as friendly as Mark is.

“See ya later, Boss!”

Write a post where the first and last sentence contain any form of the word "boss."

PYHO: Blind Girl

There’s a little something I’ve mentioned here before, but never really written about. Pour Your Heart Out seems like a good opportunity

* * * * *

I think I was around 7 when I first realized I couldn’t see the stop sign at the end of the street. At that time both of my eyes were fine, I was somewhat near-sighted, but all I needed was glasses.

A few years later, at age 10, I had my first bout with “inflammation” in one of my eyes. The right one, if I remember correctly. It was treated with a shot of steroids and life went on.

Then during the summer after my freshman year of high school (I was 15) I completely lost the sight in my left eye.

Towards the end of the school year I dealt with redness and pain around my left eye. My mom took me to a walk-in type clinic, the doctor there shined his little pen light in my eyes and diagnosed me with “eye strain” because I had been studying for finals, prescribed some kind of drops and sent me home. He should have known that he wasn’t an opthamologist and given me a referral to one. But because we automatically trust people with Dr. in front of their names, we took his word for it.

After some period of time (I honestly can’t recall how long), those symptoms did go away and we assumed my eye was fine. Not even I knew that I was actually slowly losing the vision in my left eye. All I can guess is that my right eye compensated, or denial, or….?

I lived in Lake Tahoe when I was a teenager and every year there is a great fireworks show over the lake on the 4^th of July. We decided to go see the show that year. We got to the beach where we wanted to watch when it was still sunny. I didn’t have prescription sunglasses so I would sometimes put my mom’s sunglasses over my regular glasses when it was too bright. Well I went to do this and that was when I noticed I couldn’t see anything to my left.

I didn’t freak out. I just sort of took the sunglasses off and tested things. I covered my right eye and lo and behold, I couldn’t see a damn thing out of my left eye.

Um. What the hell is going on here?

I still didn’t say anything. I think I figured if I couldn’t see, what could my mom do about it? Besides, it was a holiday and nothing was going to happen that night anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I was definitely worried and uneasy, but I chose to keep it to myself until the next day.

My mom found an opthamologist in Carson City and we went right away. After his exam he informed us that my retina had detached. He referred us to a retinal specialist in San Francisco who might be able to help. I think we drove to SF the very next day and met Dr. McDonald.

Dr. McDonald said that I needed emergency laser surgery to try and reattach my retina. However, my retina had been detached for so long and the vision had deteriorated so far, that it might not work.

We’re talking about my VISION, so it was worth a shot.

One of my most vivid memories of that time was all the tests they ran trying to determine how this was happening to me. A nurse pulled me aside to ask if I was still a virgin because if I were sexually active perhaps it was an STD. Can you imagine my 15 year old horror at having to discuss this?

After surgery I had to lie face down for TWO WEEKS in order for the little bubble they left inside my eye to float up and keep my retina pushed to the back of my eye. My mom and step-dad took turns sleeping out in the living room with me to try and make sure I didn’t roll over. I ate hanging my head down. My mom was a pretty big Nazi about it.

And it was the middle of summer. Fun times!

We did everything we could, but it didn’t take. My left eye is dead to me. It ended up atrophying and looks really bad. I had to return to school for sophomore year with an ugly eye.

Because I am one of the kabillions of Jennifers in the world I became known as the “one-eye” Jennifer. Horrible, nasty jokes were made at my expense. The kind of jokes only cruel teenagers can make.

But I had some really good friends who would tell the jerk faces to shut up and would even explain about my eye for me to those who asked. Because I did get really tired of explaining it to people. Still, all of this changed me. I no longer looked people in the eye because I was self-conscious. When I met someone new and we shook hands, I would stare at our hands and mutter my hello, nice to meet you.

After a couple of years Dr. McDonald told me I could get a plastic prosthetic eye to sit in front of my bad one. For one reason or another it never happened, probably because it involved more trips to the Bay Area.

The rest of high school went along without incident. Well, without any more eye-related incidents, anyway. And even though I still hadn’t managed to get a driver’s license, my mom & step-dad gave me a car for my graduation!

Sounds good, right? Read on.

Less than 2 months after graduation I started seeing little grey/black floaters swimming around in my RIGHT eye. Then, the retina in that eye, the only good eye I had left, suffered a peripheral detachment. Meaning, a “corner” of it detached (there are no corners in the eye, though). Perhaps flap is a better word? The best way to describe it is it was like there was a bit of a curtain covering a small part of my vision.

My mom & step-dad were away on a trip to Canada. I was going to have to call my grandmother but I really didn’t want to bother her. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Denial was my friend even at age 18.

I did force myself to call my Grama and of course she rushed to my side. We went to the Carson city opthamologist who confirmed my fears. My mom must’ve called home (this was only 1992, long before the entire world had cell phones) because the next thing I knew they were cutting their trip short and coming home.

This time I had to lie on my side for 2 weeks. But this time it worked. My vision was left a little damaged, but otherwise things were alright.

In the meantime, however, I had to quite my movie theater job, so once I was recovered, I needed to find something to do with myself. A friend of my mom’s had recently given birth to twins and needed help. Well I love babies, so I was all over it!

Through my “mommy helping” I had the opportunity to spend a month in Florida the following April. It was fabulous, but my right eye started acting up again while I was there.

This time I simply noticed a change in my vision. It got ever so slightly blurrier. And again, I didn’t say anything right away. I was all the way across the country, and we’d be home soon enough anyway.

I think close to the time we were to be leaving I talked to my mom and gave her a heads-up that I thought maybe something was wrong again, and I think she made an appointment even before I got back. I have this vague recollection that we went straight from the airport to the Carson City opthamologist, but maybe not, so don’t quote me on that. Jeez, why aren’t these things super easy to remember? We’re talking about life-changing stuff here!

What I do know for sure is that Carson City doc told us my entire retina had detached and called Dr. McDonald who scheduled the surgery.

The weight of this situation hit us pretty hard. We became very concerned that I might end up totally blind. So my mom decided we needed to take a trip so I could see some of my favorite places one more time - just in case. Dr. McDonald said pushing the surgery out a little probably wouldn’t make much of a difference, so that’s what we did.

My dad & step-mother came down from Washington and all of my parents plus my Grama took a road trip together. Oh boy. It was really cool, but also really awkward. Nevertheless, we took the scenic route through Yosemite and Mammoth, over to Gilroy, Monterey and Santa Cruz, and the gorgeous Pacific Ocean, on our way to San Francisco and my third eye surgery.

I had to be on my face again, but this time my retina stuck, thank God! However, my vision was reduced quite a bit. I was now legally blind CORRECTED. The legal definition of blindness is 20/200. That’s right where I was at. That’s right where I am today.

Thankfully my right eye has remained stable since I was 19. There is a theory that adolescence exacerbated the problem so once I was through puberty, it calmed down. Seems plausible.

I never did get to have a driver’s license. But I DID finally get a prosthetic eye before my wedding day. It’s so funny to me that both my left “eye” and the left lens I wear in my glasses are totally useless. Purely aesthetic, vain. Just so I look normal, balanced. It’s kind of ironic I think, given that I pride myself on being authentic. I know that’s one of the reasons it took me so long to get the prosthetic even after I was living in the Bay Area. Isn’t it kind of a lie?

So that’s the story of my bum eyes. I’ve adapted fine. I’m mostly OK with having this disability, but I’m not going to pretend it’s all fun and games. I do get frustrated by not being able to hop in the car to run my own damn errands. And sometimes it’s extra frustrating as a mom when my inability to drive my kids places means they miss out on something.  Also?  It does hold me back some, contributes to my insecurities.

Considering the alternative, though? I am very grateful that I can still see ANYTHING! I’ve met a lot of blind people and 2 of my closest friends are totally blind. It’s doable. But nobody wants to do it.

I recently asked my daughter what she thinks about my bad eyes. She didn’t understand what I meant so I clarified, “Do you think anything in particular about your mom not seeing very well?” She shrugged and said no.

Sure, for now she doesn’t care, but I’m prepared for the day she throws it in my face in some angst-filled teen drama moment. Yeah, it’ll happen.

Blog on Fire!

I wasn't going to post today.  I'm pretty sure I've posted every day for the past few weeks so I was thinking I could stand to take a day off.

But a certain someone had other ideas.

My new bloggy friend, The Sarcasm Goddess, at For the Love of Writing is, as she would say, all kinds of "AWESOMESAUCE"!  And she does say that.  All the time.  About herself.

But she's not the only one who thinks she's awesomesauce.  She had not one, but TWO bloggy awards bestowed upon her last week.  And the neat thing is she now gets to pass them on.

What does this have to do with me?

Ms. Sarcasm passed a "Blog on Fire" award to me!

Thank you.  Thank you very much. (Read with Elvis in mind.)

She said: "Just Jennifer because her name should be Just Plain Awesome."

I asked her if she knew she could be nice sometimes.  She said she tries not to make a habit of it.

Here's the award:

Yep, that's it.  Just a picture to add to this post.

Whatever.  Did you get an award?

Now I'm supposed to share 7 things about myself with you, and then I get to pass the award on to 10 other bloggers.

There's just all kinds of sharing going on here!

Not real sure what to tell you that I haven't already written about, but I'll give it a shot....

1.  Stats: I'm 37, an Aries, married 13 years, have a daughter age 11 and a son age 5 1/2.

2.  Places I've lived: Everett, WA; South Lake tahoe, CA; Albany, El Cerrito, Hayward & Castro Valley in the SF Bay Area, CA and Marysville, WA.

3.  I haven't done much traveling.  Have only traveled around Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada and Florida.  Been to British Columbia on a couple day trips.  That's it!

4.  I got my first tattoo for my 36th birthday.  I want another one.

5.  I color my hair.  Have since I was a teenager.  Still do it now because I have greys.  Oprah thinks hair color is the single greatest beauty invention.

6.  I believe in Santa Claus.

7.  I have been watching All My Children since I was a kid when my mom would come home on her lunch break and watch it.  It was off and on back then, but I've been a loyal fan my entire adult life.  I still record it every day to make sure I don't miss anything.  Very sad that it's coming to an end.  Don't judge!

I don't think I should pick any of the same bloggers Ms. Sarcasm did....here goes....

1.  No Longer Quiet because he's a guy who blogs and it's not just stupid guy stuff.

2.  MomJovi  because she calls herself "MomJovi" of course!

3.  Things I Can't Say because I covet the title of her blog and because she is nice and hosts fun link-ups that have opened me up to the blogospshere.

4 & 5.  Four Plus an Angel and a belle, a bean and a chicago dog because they are hosting a Summer Blog Social for bloggers who aren't attending any of the blog conferences this summer.  Really cool idea!

6.  Holly's House because it was through commenting on her blog that I got FREE WINE!

7.  Mommy Needs a Vacation because she likes wine and cocktails and owns it!

8.  The Kir Corner because she knows when to put herself in the corner.

9.  Lola is 40 because she is older than me and draws cartoons.

10.  Practical Parenting because this is one STRONG mom and woman.


Well that was fun.  Sharing is fun.  Mostly I really appreciate that someone as awesome as The Sarcasm Goddess thinks I'm awesome too.

Bleeding Hearts (For Art) Unite!

There is this little island in Indonesia called Bali.  Perhaps you've heard of it?

Is it just me, or is it shaped like a chicken? (Not making fun, I'm just saying.)

It's a beautiful place.  A major tourist destination with resorts and spas.  There's this really famous book in which a woman finds herself and falls in love in Bali.  It's a movie now too.  Perhaps you've heard of Eat Pray Love?  Great book.  One of my favorites.

Unfortunately, this is all I've ever known about Bali.  And unfortunately, it seems that all of this little island's beauty is masking a harsh reality.  Widespread poverty among its locals.

Very near Bali is the country of Australia.

Bali is there in that string of islands to the northwest of Australia (right there in the middle of the picture).

Apparently Aussies enjoy taking little jaunts over to Bali.  One such Aussie who has done so is a big-hearted blogger whom I've mentioned here before, Edenland.  Recently, Eden wrote a post titled Meddlesome Do-Gooding in which she spoke about a charitable organization called Project 18.

"Foundation 18, Indonesia runs a group home based at Ringdikit and education outreach program offering sponsorship to children who remain in the care of a family member.  Our five year goal is to have every child in Ringdikit fully immunised and attending school at least to senior high school level."

After reading about Project 18 a fellow blogger, Stay At Home Babe, decided she wanted to do something.  So she came up with a little idea called Heart For Art.

"Heart For Art is not a charity, legal entity or official anything. It’s the title I’m giving to the movement that WE (you & I) are going to start. We’re going to make art, by ourselves, with our kids, with local artists or school art classes, and we’re going to send it to these girls. Then they can send pictures back to us. Simple, right?"

Cool, right?  What's also cool is that I didn't stumble upon this directly.  Yet another blogger I follow, Mama's Monologues, wrote a post about the Babe's idea.  And I went, "Oh hey, I read about this org on Edenland and even already put the button in my sidebar!"






If YOU would like to mail some pretty pictures to the children in Bali to let them know there are folks all around the world thinking of them, there are 2 addresses to choose from:

Less expensive for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere:

UK address
Lerner Farrington
Attn: Heart For Art
18 Suffolk Rd
Lincoln, LN1 2UG
UK

Or, directly to Australia
Cate Bolt
Attn: Heart For Art
PO Box 239
Glass House Mountains, Qld 4518
Australia

More info
Project 18 has 9 girls in the group home aged 3 – 13. There are also 24 more children in the education outreach program. They take a family into the program – if there are 3 kids, 2 school aged and one toddler, they provide for all of them. Project 18 pays for the cost of their education, gives them clothing and a monthly staple food donation (usually 10kg of rice, sugar, eggs, milk powder, formula for babies, water, oil etc). These children still live with a family member, usually an uncle or grandparent, but still get the benefits of the program. There’s a long culture in Bali of sending children to orphanages when there are living parents simply because the parents can’t afford to keep them. Project 18 refuses to take children who have families, if their home is safe.

Other ways to help
*Web Hosting Services: Wanna self-host, want discounted rates and know that the cash from your hosting service will go to an amazing cause? http://www.project18.org.au/blog-hosting/
*Make a purchase from the Foundation 18 Inc. shop or Etsy shop.
*Buy a ‘brick’ of Fairtrade chocolate and help P18 build a ‘chocolate classroom’.
*Make a one off, or regular monthly contribution directly to Foundation 18, Indonesia
*Grab a banner or button from the Project 18 website and add it to your blog or website.
*Follow Project 18 Inc on Twitter and on Facebook. (Use the #Heart4Art hashtag on Twitter too)
*Participate in Auctions for Education – pick up a bargain and know the money is going to Educate kids.

What I love about this, and why I wanted to write a post too, along with at least 10 other bloggers so far, is that this is about regular people just like you and me wanting to do a little good.  And it's about an online GLOBAL community of people who want to use their little corner of the Internet to help spread a little love.

After the tragedy in Norway on Friday, as well as a local mass shooting yesterday, this kind of thing reminds me that most human beings are good and kind and care about the world around them.

Happy Sunday!


PS: Linking this post up as one of my faves of this week! Thanks to Adventures in Mommyhood!

The Simple Things

The simple things all around us make up the best parts of our lives. We take them in with our five senses and they become a part of us. Our favorite and our best parts.

The things I SEE….my kids’ cute little faces, sunsets, colorful flowers, my friend’s smile, my cat curled up sleeping, my husband’s freshly shaved face, photos, blue sky and my little house.

The things I HEAR….laughter, music, the patter of little feet, my cat’s purring, the light click-clack of my knitting needles, the nearby barn owls, little frogs and crickets, the tick-tock of the clock and raindrops.

The things I SMELL….roses, the tops of my kids’ and husband’s heads, cooking food, vanilla scented anything, coffee beans, the scent outside when it rains after having been dry for awhile (rare) and clean laundry.

The things I TASTE….coffee, cheese, avocado, creamy things, apple pie, sourdough, caramel, wine, watermelon, tortilla chips, steak, scallops, garlic, honey, tomatoes, sweet red peppers, Coca-cola, chocolate and tears.

The things I TOUCH….soft, squishy yarn, my kids’ little hands in mine, a baby’s cheek, my cat’s fur, the smooth touch screen on my smartphone, soothing lotion and the back of my husband’s neck.

All of the above make me happy. Yet they’re so simple. I think a perfect day would include coffee, blue sky, clean laundry (because then I’m not doing it), a sandwich on sourdough bread with cheese, tomato and avocado, taking a walk holding hands, knitting, a pretty sunset and a glass of wine.

That’s my idea of enjoying the simple things. What’s yours?

PYHO: Leaving.... & WTF?

I have been debating with myself about writing this post.

On the one hand, I don't want to dwell on my fears and anxieties, but on the other hand, I don't want to pretend they don't exist.  That will only make me think about them more, hence dwelling.  It always helps me to get stuff out.

And Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday with Shell at Things I Can't Say just screams "write the post, Jennifer!".

As you may recall from my post last week, Happy (if you don't shame on you), my kids and I are taking a trip to Lake Tahoe next month.  I am very happy about this!  It has been way too long since I've been - 7 years - and my little boy has never been.  AJ hasn't even met his great-grandmother, nor any other family on my mom's side besides my mom and step-dad.  Also, we have the opportunity to see my kids' Godmother JHo and her family, who we haven't seen since AJ was 3 months old.

(By the way, yes, people do actually live in Lake Tahoe.  It's not only a major tourist destination.  My mom and her family have lived there for ages and I lived there for about 8 years, not counting all the times I visited before moving to Tahoe.  And yes, it is as gorgeous as people say and I believe that everyone should visit Tahoe at least once before they die.  A piece of my heart lives there.)

The time is at hand and it's definitely awesome and I am SO grateful!  However, the reason I haven't been back for so long is my husband.  Mark is on dialysis and while you can travel and visit another clinic, Tahoe doesn't have any.  Last time I took Camryn and spent 10 days there, I felt horribly guilty the entire time and thought I'd never want to do it again.  It's not fair and it kind of really pisses me off.

Over the last 7 years Mark and I (and my mom) have talked about it, mulled it over, yadda yadda.  My mom and step-dad have come here several times for visits and have had Camryn visit them once she was old enough to fly as an unaccompanied minor.  I haven't been willing to leave Mark for the past 7 years.  Actually, I wanted to last year, but my mom was being weird that time.  But if I'm being completely honest, my reasons are not only due to unfairness or guilt.

We have been through the wringer with Mark and his health problems.  SO much has happened and it has all affected me deeply.  I am traumatized and full of fear and anxiety.  In my mind, I am the only one who can make sure Mark is OK.  I'm the only one who can take care of him well because I know and love him best.  I have developed a sixth sense when it comes to low blood sugars.  I often know before he does.  Mark downplays his condition to other people all the time.  Only I know how he really is, if he's struggling, just alright or doing really well.  I nag him about things I think he needs to pay attention to, and while he doesn't like it, he will listen to me.  He's not real big on other people's opinions.  He's a stubborn man.

I figure as long as I'm with him, or at least close by, everything will be OK.  Even it it's not OK, at least I was here.  I dread the idea that something bad will happen to him while I'm 2 states away living it up.  That no one else will know how to help, I won't be able to get to him.....  And how horrible would that feel??  So I just won't do it.  That's fine, I'm willing to sacrifice Tahoe for Mark.  It's not fair anyway, right?  (Can you tell I have a strong sense of fairness?)  If he can't go, I won't go, and that's that.

But it's not that simple.  There are things like maybe NOT being a martyr.  Not making Mark feel guilty that he's holding the kids and I back from something really special.  Perhaps trying not to be a control freak and trying not to think the worst will happen just because I'm elsewhere.  And how about not hurting my mother by keeping her from sharing the things she loves with her grandchildren?  And most importantly, how about not living in fear?

When my mom first told me she wanted us to do this, I literally panicked.  I don't have full-on panic attacks, the kind that feel like a heart attack.  But it was enough to make me a little shaky and do a little crying.  I called my friend Jessica to talk this out with her and was so surprised to find myself crying at her.  Gawd!  Seriously?  She of course wasn't surprised because she knows how traumatized I am.  But oh, it made me so mad!  Not Jess, me, my stupid fears.

(If you're curious as to what exactly is so traumatizing, you can go back to November 2010 in the archives, or even up to the Favorite Posts tab.)

So yes, leaving Mark home alone for a week scares me.  And yes, he's a grown man and he CAN take care of himself.  And no, probably nothing even remotely terrible will happen in my absence.  (From my fingers to God's ears!)  Mark wants us to go and promises he will take good care of himself.  He's looking forward to having a break too, even if it's just here at home.  We're actually jealous of each other.  I'd love to spend a week at home alone and he'd love to go to Tahoe.  What's that people say about having cake and eating it too?

* * * * *

Now, I want to end this post with a little levity.  I've been having fun reading other people's WTF Wednesday posts but wasn't finding many things that I thought would qualify to post myself.  But today I have something.  Or at least it makes me think WTF??

source

"Crown Royal Cask No. 16 - Presenting Sponsor

Crown Royal Cask No. 16 remains the Rolex Sports Car Series presenting sponsor and is the exclusive whisky of GRAND-AM."

Um.  Does it strike anybody else as absurd that a hard liquor company is a race car sponsor?  Mark was watching a race on TV at Laguna Seca last week and I thought, wow, that's really funny.  Yes, I know beer companies also do it.  That's absurd too.  Way to teach people not to drink and drive!

WTF?!?!?

Project Marriage Challenge: Date Night

This month’s Project Marriage challenge was perfect for Mark and I because we had an easy excuse for a date night: our wedding anniversary.

We got married on July 18, 1998, 13 years ago (we’ve been together a total of 17 years). We became parents almost exactly 2 years later when our daughter Camryn was born on July 11, 2000. In the 11 years since becoming parents we have never, I repeat NEVER spent a day or night without a child.

Although I did plan on asking a friend to babysit, I didn’t think this anniversary would be any different. I thought we’d get childcare just so we could go out to dinner. I didn’t expect the offer of a sleepover. And when the offer came, I didn’t think our son AJ would want to. AJ is 5 ½ now, definitely old enough, but he’s still a big chicken about staying overnight with a friend. The difference here, was that his big sister would also be there. So when I asked, he was super excited.

Mark got off work on Sunday at 2:00, came home, grabbed the kids and took them to our friends John & Carin’s house. Once he got back home and showered, we headed out to eat. We had ideas about going to one of the nicer restaurants in our area, but let’s face it, Mark and I just aren’t the fancy types. Maybe we were tried to be at one time, but we just aren’t. Don’t get me wrong, we enjoy really good food, but I guess we’re too boring practical after 13 years of marriage and 11 years of parenthood.

So we went to Outback. Mark ordered prime rib, I ordered grilled shrimp and scallops and we shared a little with each other. Romantic, right? My veggies included these awesome little mushrooms that Mark wished he could have an entire bowl of. It was all delicious.

Part of this date night challenge included NOT TALKING ABOUT THE KIDS. A really tall order! But guess what, we totally didn’t talk about them. I regaled Mark with all of my blogging/#tweeting/networking/new friend making craziness. He downloaded an app on this phone to check movie listings to see if there was anything we’d both like to see.

Sunglasses on his head and reading glasses on his face is hot, right?

Transformers 3 was the only one we’d both like to see, but decided it wasn’t a very date night appropriate movie. Yes, I enjoy the Transformers movies and Shia LaBeouf.

Remember that practicality I mentioned before? I suggested since we were close to a Bed, Bath and Beyond that we should stop in and see if they had any butter dishes we would like. Mark agreed. We have very specific features we want in a butter dish. We tried. But at 6:30 on a Sunday night they were already closed.

Mark really wanted coffee from Starbucks. OK! Don’t have to twist my arm. Coffee made me think of my teeth. What? Coffee and teeth don’t get along. So my next thought was that I really need a new toothbrush and toothpaste (so did the kids). There’s this shopping area near where we live that has a Target and a Starbucks (actually, there‘s a Starbucks IN Target). So that’s where we headed to next. Perfectly logical right?

At Target I grabbed a new light blue t-shirt, a toothbrush and toothpaste for both me and the kids. Mark grabbed a hose sprayer and a new travel cup (because I lost his last one while selling Girl Scout cookies in the freezing cold).

Married for 13 years and all I get is a t-shirt. Haha!

We ultimately decided not to get Starbucks at Target in favor of a nicer one down the street where we could sit in comfy chairs and chat. Remember how I said it was Sunday night? We got to Starbucks 5 minutes before closing. No bother. We ordered our drinks and took them home.

I’ve had "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps" from Netflix for a couple weeks now, waiting for a night when both of us could watch it. Date Night! We sat down with our Starbucks and turned it on.

Well, a little ways into it Mark felt his blood sugar rising. Upon investigation he discovered that his insulin pump connection was DISconnected. Joy. Pause. He got himself hooked back up and we pushed play.

While I enjoyed the movie (got some Shia LaBeouf after all), Mark thought it lacking. He remembered that the first one was a bit more of a nail-biter. I said I don’t think every movie has to be exciting to be good.

Sorry. You’re not reading this for a movie review. Moving on….

There’s not much more to tell. Next came a glass of wine and back scratching. Wine for me, scratching for Mark. The man LOVES having his back scratched! It’s apparently one of the things he loves most about me, and it’s something I’ve done less and less since our kids were born. We did this while watching Top Gear on BBC America. What? That show is cool.

And then it was time for bed. I’m not telling you about that.

So that was our date night. Impressive hu?

It may not have been the most romantic date, but it was all about us, and that’s all that matters. I enjoyed every minute of it. I told Mark that I love how we simply enjoy each other’s company and genuinely LIKE each other. Mark is my very best friend, my love, my husband, the father of my children and just a great guy. Our life isn’t perfect, whatever that means. But we love each other and we’re happily married.

Thanks so much to Life Without Pink for urging us old married types to celebrate marriage!

"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year."

~Paul Sweeney

PS: 7/22/11 - I am linking this post up with Bees With Honey for "Let's BEE Friends" as my favorite post of this week. So welcome to anyone who comes over from BWH!

Knitting Pattern: Chinese Waves Button-Top Hand Towel

Yes, this is going to be my 3rd button-top hand towel pattern.  I think they're cool!

But you know what, you could so easily NOT make it button-topped simply by continuing straight in the pattern until your piece reaches your desired size for a regular rectangular hand towel.

However, this is a pattern for a Chinese Waves Button-Top Hand Towel!

I used
Lily Sugar’n Cream cotton sunshine, white & country blue
     (less than 1 ball each)
Size 7 needles
Button
Yarn needle

Chinese Waves Pattern from Maggie's Rags
Row1 (WS): Knit across
Row 2: K1, Sl 1 across, end with K1
Row 3: Knit across
Row 4: K2, *Slip 1, K1* repeat between * until 3 stitches remain, Slip 1, K2
     (I swear this last row used to read "K2, *Slip 1, K1*, repeat between *, end K1".  This confused me so I emailed Maggie's Rags who responded with why it made perfect sense and then apparently changed it anyway. Whatever.)

How I made this towel

Body
CO 45 sts (or any uneven # of sts) with sunshine yellow
Work in pattern for 52 rows (piece should measure about 5 inches)
Switch to white on WS row.
Continue to work in pattern another 52 rows (piece should measure about 10 inches)
Switch to country blue on WS row.
Continue to work in pattern for 24 rows (piece should measure about 12 inches)

Decrease
You will do decreases on WS rows.
Row 1: K1, K2tog, repeat, end K1 (31 sts remain)
Row 2: work Row 2 of pattern
Row 3: K1, K2tog, repeat, end K1 (21 sts remain)
Row 4: work Row 4 of pattern
Row 5: K2tog, K1, K2tog, K1, K2tog, K1, K2tog 3 times, K1, K2tog, K1, K2tog (13 sts remain)
Row 6: work Row 2 of pattern
Row 7: K1, K2tog, repeat, end K1 (9 sts remain)
Row 8: Knit across (to switch WS for strap)

Strap
Work in Chinese Waves pattern for 28 rows.
Next row, buttonhole: K4, yo, K2tog, K3
Continue in pattern for 5 more rows.
BO

Weave in ends. Attach button to front of towel at base of strap or just below. Done!

Please do let me know if you notice anything wrong with this pattern.  I write everything down as I'm going and type it up when I'm done, but something could get lost in translation.  I do think it's accurate, though.

Enjoy!

Happy

On a piece of paper write down something that makes you happy...
take a photo of your paper and wa la...there's your post.

What I Like About Me

There’s a little something that seems to be spreading through the blogosphere which I found at Ciao Mom’s site. This little something has people listing all the things they like about themselves.

Yes, apparently we CAN actually LIKE things about ourselves.

Kind of a revelation, right?

So, I think I’m going to use categories, because I’m just not real good at being random.

What I like about me - Physically

My hands and wrists, and feet and ankles - They are nicely shaped and sized. A jeweler once told me I have “jewelry store hands” I guess because I wear the stock ring size.

The color of my lips - A very nice shade of pink.

My breasts - Mostly (could be more round). They are a generous size without being too big (full C) and breastfeeding didn’t affect them much. I always hear about breasts deflating to a smaller size after nursing, but mine didn’t.

My body shape - I’m not a “perfect” 36-24-36, but I do have an hourglass figure, meaning my bust and hips measure pretty much the same, and my waist is smaller. So I’m not top heavy nor bottom heavy. My weight is distributed well.

I have blue eyes - but that’s all I like about my eyes because they don’t work right!

What I like about me - Personality

Good sense of humor - I love British humor, stand-up comedy, sarcasm, quirky humor, totally inappropriate and wrong…..I’m not easily offended. Politics, race, religion, men, women, sex are all fair game. And I can laugh at myself. My husband taught me how to have fun at the hospital. Children are a riot!

Open-minded - The older I get the less I judge, and I’ve found the less I judge the happier I am. Each and every one of us is just a human being doing our best making lives for ourselves. Well, except for murderers. They’re not doing their best. But even then, I have a hard time with the idea that bad deeds can’t ever be forgiven. The human heart is limitless. I will always listen to another’s point of view.

Authentic - My life is an open book (hence all this blogging I do). I don’t do or say anything I don’t really want to, unless I absolutely have to. Along with being authentic I have had to learn tact, however. I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s very hard for me to hide how I feel. This isn’t always easy, and I’ve gotten into trouble because of it. But at the end of the day, it’s still something I like about myself.

Attitude - I am generally content, positive and grateful. Even if I’m struggling with something, I’m not all “everything sucks” or “I might as well just give up”. There’s always something to be learned, the grass is not always greener and it could probably be worse.

Love - I am a really loving wife and mother. I mean, they still drive me crazy sometimes, but my husband and kids know I love them with all my heart.

What I like about me - Skills

Touch typing - I learned how to touch type in high school and I do it pretty well. I can’t imagine not. Especially with my eye problems. Yeah, I think touch typing was meant to be.

Great with dates - I can remember the dates of so many things. It’s crazy! I can even remember some of my friends’ dates better than they can. Now I’m talking special occasions here, not the date of my husband’s next doctor appointment.

Crafts - I can scrapbook, makes cards and knit! I’ve also helped my daughter put together a couple of science projects.  Does that count?

Common sense and logic - I may be a jumble of complicated emotions, but they are tempered by a decent amount of common sense and ability to use logic and deductive reasoning.

Multi-tasker - What mom isn't?  But seriously, I can have several things going on at once and somehow manage to get through them all.  I get a lot done around my house when I'm on the phone!


Man, this really is kind of a difficult exercise. I feel a little silly going on like this. I tweeted @CiaoMom about my feeling silly and she said back, “Do not feel silly, feel empowered. Celebrating yourself is a gift to yourself in the long run. #BeEnough”.

Alright then. Now I will post.

11 Years

So yesterday was my daughter Camryn's 11th birthday.  If you saw my Rockin' the Baby post yesterday, or you're a friend or family member, you already know this.

There was much talk about the significance of her 11th birth date being 7-11-11.  My Grama pointed out that 7+1+1+1+1 = 11 and that "these #s are spiritually powerful and protective".  My mother says that the year you turn the age of the date of your birth is your Golden Year.  Cami turned 11 on the 11th, so this is hers.  But then my mom went further, saying it's her Triple Golden Year because of all the elevens.  So I guess this should be the absolute BEST year of her life!  My dad says he remembers 11 being a pretty good year for him.

Anyhoo...

Camryn opted for a 2nd annual slumber party to celebrate.  It's difficult having a summer birthday because people are all over the place during the summer.  But she had 3 girls able to come and that's just fine with me.  It was the same last year.

To be perfectly honest, she had 3 girlfriends.......and her little brother.  AJ cannot leave his big sister alone lately.  It's kind of driving me nuts, so I can only imagine how much it's bugging Cami.  But for the most part, she doesn't mind, which I love.

Fancy!

please pardon the slight blur

Cake from Grampa
We let her have cake for dinner!

New sleeping bag for summer camp!
Remember how I said Cami is mostly OK with her little brother?

I also took Camryn shopping, just the 2 of us.  It was really cool but I'm gonna wait and talk all about it a little later on.  So stay tuned....

The Tooth Fairy

Am I a bad mom if I'm not good at doing the tooth fairy thing?

Camryn has been subject to a somewhat hit and miss tooth fairy experience.

First, I don't let her put the tooth under her pillow because she's not a heavy sleeper so I just know when I or my husband goes in there we'll totally wake her up.  Instead, we have her put the tooth in a little dish.  The last time she lost a tooth, just a couple months ago, I had her put it on the shelf in the entryway so the tooth fairy could easily get in and out.  Or so I told her.

I also forget.  Several times the tooth fairy has not come to collect our daughter's lost tooth the night of the losing of said tooth.  Mark and I have had to come up with excuses as to why this happens.

"The weather was terrible last night!  She probably didn't do any tooth collecting at all."

"You didn't lose your tooth early enough in the day to get on her schedule for that night."

"There must've been a ton of kids losing their teeth this week so she's back-logged."

But you know what Camryn did this last time?  She decided to leave a note for the tooth fairy with her request of how much money she wanted (yes, really) , as well as a few questions for Ms. Fairy.  So you know what I did?  I answered the questions of course!  There were 3 questions and I can't remember all 3 now, but I do remember that I answered them quite well.

But my dear daughter recognized my writing.  I suppose I could've been found out, but I waved her off, saying it was just printing and anyone can print like I do and it wasn't me anyway, it was the tooth fairy!  She either believed me or decided to let it go.

So today, my little boy lost his first tooth.  And it begins again.

I didn't know chewing gum could make a loose tooth come out. But it makes sense.

"Other than a dimple in a cute little chin,
What's more adorable than a toothless grin?"~Azu "Betty" Espezia

Do you think I can be a better tooth fairy this time around?

TV Shows I Miss

This is my very first attempt at a writing prompt. I’m choosing the one that is the easiest for me to complete.

What? I’m a writing prompt virgin!

 

* * * * *

I dig pop culture. I really dig TV.  Always have. Probably always will.

My husband says he can remember the events of his life with the music that he liked at the time, like his own personal soundtrack.

These things influence us. And I embrace it.

Television has changed (and grown) a lot over the years.  Some shows have bombed while others changed how we saw ourselves and the world around us.  It is a powerful medium.  Oprah knows it.

(Hey, can I include her show in this list?)

I've laughed, cried, sat on the edge of my seat and bit my nails while watching great shows.  I've yelled my fool head off when they made me angry.  Great TV shows let us slide into their pretend world, leaving ours behind for 30 or 60 minutes.  They can teach and enlighten, or simply entertain.  And I always feel a sense of loss when a show I really enjoy comes to an end.

(On the other hand, I really enjoyed LOST, but I was just frustrated when it ended!)


And now, 10 long-gone TV shows I’d love to have back are (in no particular order):

1. Family Ties

Michael J. Fox. ‘Nuff said.

Actually, I should also add that I MISSED the series finale and it haunts me. I can’t remember what the hell I was doing but I can remember that I didn’t see it. L

2. Growing Pains

I had a big crush on Kirk Cameron and I thought Alan Thicke was a pretty cool dad.

3. The Cosby Show

Bill Cosby is EVERYBODY’S DAD! Love that man.

4. The Wonder Years

This was a super special show. It was a great showcase of childhood from a child’s perspective. It was sweet and innocent and honest.

5. Star Trek: The Next Generation

I admit it. I’m a Trekkie. However, I specifically enjoy TNG the most.

EXCEPT. For. The. New. Star Trek. Movie. It was so freaking awesome! But we’re not talking about movies here…

 

6. Little House on the Prairie

From the future to the past. Yes indeed, I love Pa and Half Pint. My dad and I bonded watching this show. It’s one of our best mutual memories from my childhood.

Also, I didn’t know it at the time, but I really like historical stuff.

 

7. Friends

I’m willing to bet that Friends makes it onto just about everyone’s list. It was simply one of the very best sitcoms ever produced. Someday I would love to own the entire series. Yes, I would totally continue to watch it and laugh!

 

8. 21 Jumpstreet

Young, good looking cops. Young, cute Johnny Depp. Waiting months between new movie releases to watch Johnny Depp is sad. Bringing him back into my living room on a weekly basis? Yes, please.

9. Mad About You

I loved this show so much! I loved this couple. I was really sad when it ended.

 

10. Boston Legal

This show morphed out of The Practice, which I didn’t really watch (although I stole the spelling of my daughter‘s name from Camryn Manheim). Great cast and very well written. My husband and I both looked forward to this show every week and that’s rare (we don’t really like the same kinds of TV shows). It was current and witty, even making fun of themselves as a TV show on occasion (talked about changing time slots as part of the show). Miss it.

 

Now I hope you won't mind if I include an 11th show which was just cancelled but I know if I were to do this list in another 10 years it would be on it.

 

11. Brothers and Sisters

This was one of my favorite shows as of late and I can't believe it's been cancelled.  Some crap about having to pay too many big name actors.  Why does everything have to be about the bottom line? Besides, they killed off Rob Lowe's character and Tommy only guest starred.  Why wasn't that enough? Hu? Why? Whatever.

If you will indulge a little self-psychoanalysis..... I seem to be drawn to shows with many characters, big families, crazy drama and wit.  I'm thinking this must be because I am an only child and my parents divorced.  Makes sense, right?

*This post was written in response to the prompt: A list of 10 old TV shows you’d like to make a comeback.

What shows would be on your list?

I Am Grateful for You

We can do no great things, only small things with great love.

~Mother Teresa

I have written entire posts about, or alluded to, my husband’s health problems and more specifically his heart attack and bypass surgery no less than 15 times since last September. That’s an average of 2.4 times per week.

I write about gratitude regularly.

However, I have never written about my gratitude surrounding the events of last Fall.

I think I should.

Disclaimer:
I am not by any means grateful that Mark had another heart attack requiring double bypass surgery. I am not grateful that he had a septic staph infection surrounding his heart. And I am not grateful his heart stopped 3 times. Nor am I grateful for the 2 weeks he spent in the hospital and the total of 8 weeks he spent on antibiotics and with sternal precautions. Along these lines, I am actually grateful that the doctors found a bone infection in a toe on his left foot and amputated it so it couldn’t get any worse.

What I am truly grateful for are the PEOPLE in our lives, those who were there for us in so many ways.

Mark drove himself to the ER and when we found out they needed to look at his heart my dad went to the hospital since I was home with my kids. My poor dad had to be the one to call and tell me it was bad and they needed to do surgery the next day. For some reason my aunt and grandma were there with my dad and my aunt came and got me and my kids so I could be at the hospital to sign papers and get all the information. I am grateful for their immediate logistical help and support.

Right after I spoke with my father I called my friend Jessica crying. She was in the middle of trying to celebrate her husband’s adoption of her son. I felt horrible that another drama of mine was interfering with that. But because Jess is so sweet, she simply shifted gears and contacted our mutual friends to tell them the news and start rallying the troops. When I talked to her again later that night and couldn’t articulate what kind of help I needed, she seemed to just know. I am grateful for Jessica’s calmness and intuitiveness.

I try very hard to keep my kids from being burdened by their dad’s health problems. They operated on Mark first thing in the morning, but I wasn’t at the hospital for it. I decided to be home with my kids to get them off to school so they could have a normal day. That was probably for the best too, because I would’ve just been a nervous wreck at the hospital. I am grateful for my children because they give me equally important things to focus on when we have these crisis.

After taking the time to focus on my kids in the morning, I was then able to hand them off to my friends Carin and Roxy. When my friends have my kids I know I don’t need to worry about them a bit. Carin got my kids and Jessica’s kids off their buses (because Jess was with me). Roxy ended up staying with my kids until very late that night. I am grateful for my fellow mom friends who care for my kids and give me peace of mind. I am also grateful for their teamwork.

The day of Mark’s surgery Jessica took me to the hospital and stayed with me for the rest of the day and into “the night from hell”. Most of the day was fairly typical I guess. Just spending time by Mark’s bedside and getting reports from his doctors and nurses. My dad and aunt were also there some. We all spent the time talking about things, planning logistics for me and the kids, updating other family and friends and thinking everything was going to be just fine. I am grateful for the companionship.

About 9:00 that night I decided I should probably go home. Jessica and I were maybe halfway when the hospital’s spiritual counselor called to tell me I should come back because Mark had coded and been resuscitated. When we got back, I asked Jessica to come with me to Mark’s room. I’m pretty sure that was the last thing she wanted to do, but she did. After I saw Mark, Jess held me while I cried and held my hand while people talked to me. Carin showed up a little while later. I was sitting in the waiting room with the 2 of them and on the phone with my mom when the counselor came out and told me Mark had coded and been resuscitated again and that I needed to go in there and have a little talk with him. I am grateful that I had 2 people I trust physically with me, my mom praying for us and this wise lady telling me to suck it up and be strong for Mark.

I am so very grateful for Mark’s nurse and doctors that night who saved his life 3 times.

In the days that followed Jessica organized childcare, rides and a mini food drive for my family. Several people contributed food and household items we needed. Jess also cleaned up my house a bit because my in-laws were coming and even carted her 3 and my 2 kids to a Girl Scout meeting. Carin, through the job she had at the time, arranged a discount on hotel rooms for Mark’s parents. J Ho cried with me on the phone, wishing so badly she lived closer. Our friends and family were at our service for whatever we needed. I am so grateful for this.

In the weeks that followed our family and friends continued to show their support by visiting Mark in the hospital, with rides to and from the hospital for me, spending time with my kids, checking on us and how we were doing with Mark’s IV antibiotics, taking Mark to and from dialysis and follow-up appointments…..

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THIS.

People need people.

"Independence"... [is] middle-class blasphemy.
We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.

~G.B. Shaw, Pygmalion, 1912

Sole Sisters...and My Dad

Today I'm participating in a cute little Blog Hop that I came across at The Kir Corner.

I guess she really likes shoes, so she wants people to paint thier toenails and show off their favorite summer sandals.  I think Kir is probably more into cute shoes and I am not.

Toes painted by my (almost) 11 year old daughter.

Flip flops by Skechers.  They are so comfy!


And now I would like to make things a little extra interesting by including another picture:

Those are my dad's feet.

One of his big toes is black and blue so he got the bright idea to grab my daughter's purple polish to cover it, and then both big toes had to match.

Yes, he knows I'm blogging his feet.  He's such a good sport!