Brittany Maynard Has Made Me Think

Suicide is wrong. It's selfish, the easy way out and might even be an unforgivable sin for which you will surely be damned to Hell.

Those are all things I used to think.

But that was before....

• I started reading the personal blogs of people who fight depression,
• I witnessed many celebrities take their own lives, and
• I began to see my husband's illnesses taking such a big toll on him.

I understand much better now how hard depression is on a person. I also understand now that one can be so physically ill that they might as well just let go.

6 Best Instagrams of October

I have been doing these posts all of this year.

Once a month, the first Wednesday.

Except last month.

I did not share my Best Instagrams of September...

because I really didn't share very many that month.

My husband spent nine days in the hospital.

That's my excuse.

I did share the very best ONE on my Facebook page, however.

October was a bit better in the picture-taking department, so I give you:

Instagram Hearts: October

One morning my daughter discovered Julius lying like this
on the top of the couch. She took this pic, I Instagrammed it!

Kids Just Don't Understand

There are many things in life that confuse the hell out of me.

The complexities of relationships. Many differing views and opinions out there. Health care reform. The stock market. Religion. Bad things happening to good people. Climate change. Why things that taste so good can be so bad for you. Other people's feelings. Some of my own feelings.....

The one thing I seem to have clarity on is my kids. Or is it that being a mom gives me clarity?

Either way.

I don't know if it's maternal instinct, knowing them since before they born or angels whispering in my ear (or a combination), but it just IS.

Like when I have to talk to them about something. Even the most tough things like about their dad's health problems, I seem to always find the right words.

Digging Deep for Smiles and Gratitude

I've gotta try to do this.

Because I'm not in a great place right now.

And I really want to pull myself up.

But it's hard when there's so much weighing you down.

Like today being one week since the school shooting in my town. Or this year of continuous health complications for my husband.

I feel like I am surrounded by grief and loss and heartache. Perhaps I'm too empathetic. Maybe I should have a thicker skin.

But I don't. That's not who I am.

I'm walking a fine line between letting myself feel however I feel, and not wallowing in it.

I realize this might not be the best way to begin a happy/thankful list, but it's the truth.

9 Quotes to Help with Grieving

Ever since the tragic event that occurred in my town last Friday,

I haven't been able to give a darn about anything I would normally blog about.

Between that and the grief and sadness I've already been feeling from

all the changes in my husband....plus all of the family losses my BFF has experienced this year....

I thought I'd share some helpful, inspiring, VALIDATING

quotes about grief and loss. To help myself, and maybe you too if you need it.

There Has Been a School Shooting in My Town

On Friday morning, October 24, 2014, at 10:39 AM, freshman Jaylen Fryberg brought a gun to Marysville-Pilchuck High School, invited five of his friends to have lunch with him, walked into the cafeteria and shot all five, two of whom are his cousins. He then shot himself.

source

I was 3.9 miles away, welcoming my husband home from dialysis and doing a little housework.

A few minutes later the local news app I use pushed a breaking news notification to my phone. I very often don't even pay much attention to them. I did tap this one and read a headline about a possible school shooting here in Marysville.

"Oh God, no", I muttered.

And immediately went into GET-ALL-THE-INFORMATION mode.

I was holding out hope that the word "possible" would turn out to mean that that's NOT what happened.

Alas, it was true.