Soaking Up the Good

The working title of this post was "Trying to Soak Up the Good".

Because when I first thought to write it a few weeks ago, I was still merely trying.

I'm glad I was slow to get back to it, because after awhile, I realized that I AM soaking it up.

I really am.

This is huge.

I'm not feeling guarded or cynical these days.

I can't say I never think about the tough stuff anymore. My worries will always be there. My concern for my husband's health continues to nag at me.

But I am fully living in the now....the calm of Mark being stable, summer, my kids, gardening, walking, taking pictures, friends and family....not even thinking too much about September.

Right here. Right now.

I feel like my inner thoughts and desires were heard and answered, allowing me to slowly find peace.

Peace in the face of some scary shit. Peace with what was, is and will be.

It's been a process to get to this place. But being here feels great! I feel stronger and more confident.

I feared I could get stuck in that cynical and angry phase. Instead I feel more open. I'm astonished at what the difficulties in my life have shown me*.

No matter what life throws at me, at us, I know at the core of my being that everything will work out for the best. I know this because I have faith in the bigger picture.

"This too shall pass."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"Every dark cloud has a silver lining."

These are not merely trite pearls of wisdom. There is Truth in them.

Things can suck. Things can suck hard. Things can feel like the sky is falling and you want to hide under a rock.

Shit happens, and it will happen some more.

But today, things are good. I'm content and satisfied, feeling positive and grateful.

It sure feels good.

*Now let's hope I didn't just jinx myself!

I poured my heart out and am hanging at yeah write.