An every other day habit.
Tie shoes, pop in earbuds, step outside, breathe in some fresh air.
Walk to the rhythmic sounds.
Showing posts with label alone time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone time. Show all posts
July 22, 2014
November 14, 2013
The View From Here: Cancelled
The View this week is from Roxanne of Unintentionally Brilliant.
I dig the name of her blog.
Roxanne is a single mom to a little boy, living near my old stomping grounds (Lake Tahoe)
in Reno, Nevada. Also, she is participating in NaNoWriMo this month!
Roxanne caught my attention with a post titled
"I am intolerant of your intolerance."
In fact, she got a lot of attention with that one!
Go give it a read after this one here....
in Reno, Nevada. Also, she is participating in NaNoWriMo this month!
Roxanne caught my attention with a post titled
"I am intolerant of your intolerance."
In fact, she got a lot of attention with that one!
Go give it a read after this one here....
__________
Cancelled
Right now my view includes bare branches, crunchy orange leaves, and a chill in the air that means I’d have to bundle up just to sit on my porch to write.
I have my feet propped up on the coffee table, my toes freshly painted bright red. The television is off so the only sound, besides the clicking of keys on the laptop, is the refrigerator’s low hum and the occasional rustling of leaves from outside.
Today I was supposed to have a lunch date.
I made plans last night for my son to go to my friend’s house at noon so I could meet this guy for lunch. We met online and this would be our first face-to-face meeting. We were going to do lunch, maybe catch a movie, and get to know each other.
It’s not all that easy for me to ask my friends to watch my son so I can go on dates. I always feel like I’m doing it too often, asking too much, even if it’s only once or twice a month. I feel guilty for giving up time I should be spending with my son. As a single parent with a basically-absent ex-husband, you can imagine that most of my non-work time is spent with my son. I’m obviously not neglecting him, but that twinge of guilt is still always there.
I dropped off my son at my friend’s house. I stayed and chatted for a while, happy to see our sons playing together right away and the smile on my son’s face told me that he wasn’t feeling neglected. He was happy to be with friends.
So why am I sitting on my couch writing and enjoying this lovely autumn day?
My lunch date cancelled. So now I’m here with a couple hours to myself. I have a guest post to write (this one!), and two posts due for other sites I write for (Write on Edge and World Moms Blog, if you’re interested). As I sit here typing away, occasionally distracted by a woman walking her dog by my apartment or the college kids whooping as they jump into a beat-up Chevy and peel away, I can’t help but feel totally content that my date cancelled.
I am an introvert. I crave time to myself, time away from others. I have fun with my friends and family, and I enjoy my time with them. But when I need to recharge my batteries, I do it best when I’m on my own. I enjoy solitude.
Unfortunately, I don’t always feel comfortable asking for that solitude. I feel judged if I ask for a friend to watch my son unless it’s for a really good reason, like having to work on the weekend. I feel like I am letting him down because I need time away from him. Maybe it’s all in my head. It probably is.
I’m going to finish up this post and go pick up my son. Maybe I’ll hang out with our friends for a while and enjoy their company. Maybe we’ll all have dinner together.
Then I’ll return home, with my son, and snuggle with him while watching a movie or an episode of Doctor Who (our most recent shared obsession). And I’ll feel at ease because I’ve had this alone time to recharge. And maybe I won’t feel quite so guilty asking for help next time to get the time alone that I require for my sanity.
I am an introvert. I crave time to myself, time away from others. I have fun with my friends and family, and I enjoy my time with them. But when I need to recharge my batteries, I do it best when I’m on my own. I enjoy solitude.
Unfortunately, I don’t always feel comfortable asking for that solitude. I feel judged if I ask for a friend to watch my son unless it’s for a really good reason, like having to work on the weekend. I feel like I am letting him down because I need time away from him. Maybe it’s all in my head. It probably is.
I’m going to finish up this post and go pick up my son. Maybe I’ll hang out with our friends for a while and enjoy their company. Maybe we’ll all have dinner together.
Then I’ll return home, with my son, and snuggle with him while watching a movie or an episode of Doctor Who (our most recent shared obsession). And I’ll feel at ease because I’ve had this alone time to recharge. And maybe I won’t feel quite so guilty asking for help next time to get the time alone that I require for my sanity.
__________
July 21, 2012
Alone Time 2012
*I wrote this post last July. Am recycling it today for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. It has been edited and updated so as not to completely plagiarize myself. The original is HERE.
::
It seems to be very hard for moms to admit they need time away from their children. Or time away from their spouse. And when we do admit it, we tend to carry some guilt over it.
It could be on a daily basis or only every once in awhile. The guilt is the same.
Working moms feel bad that they aren't the stay-at-home mom types (or simply can't be), and the stay-at-home mom types feel bad for not having a paying job. Maybe not all the time, but the twingy feelings pop up here and there and we find ourselves questioning our decisions.
And people wonder why the "mommy wars" are such a sore subject!
These are not small issues. But one that shouldn't be such a difficult issue is the desire for some time to yourself. Really, who doesn't need that sometimes? My friend JHo calls it "Zen Jen" time. I once stole that phrase from her even though she still calls me Jenni. JHo strategically plans to take a day or two off work, when her husband and kids will still be otherwise occupied, and spends the time doing whatever she wants to. It's genius!
When I was younger I had no desire to do anything alone. I couldn't understand people who didn't mind, or even liked, going out to eat by themselves. Or shopping or to a movie or even just spend time at home alone. Why would you want to do that? Don't you feel lonely? Don't you worry that you look like a loser who doesn't have any friends?
I was clingy. I met my husband when I was 20 and I drove him nuts with wanting us to be together 24/7 and my feelings got hurt when he wanted to go off and do something without me. I felt jealous of his best friend, who didn't even live anywhere near us. Thankfully, while Mark didn't like this particular aspect of my personality, he did like the rest and chose to stick it out until I grew out of it.
Now I know those feelings I had didn't have anything to do with anyone else. It was all about insecurity, a lack of confidence in myself. A lack of knowledge of myself. Over the years I've learned a lot. I've learned that people get along with each other better when they don't spend too much time together, and when they get to have time to think and absorb and ponder the goings-on in their lives. And to do the things that make them happy.
Unfortunately, I didn't really learn this until I was married and become a mother. And then it's a little more difficult to find the time for yourself. Good job, me!
Now I know I'm a better mom and wife when I get some time away, out with my friends or just home alone for awhile. Oh how I love being home alone! I can either leave it quiet or I can play MY favorite music and sing out loud to it. I can choose to get some chores done without anyone in my way, or I can just do whatever. I know, I know, you're probably thinking I shouldn't do chores. But let me tell you. I can do them so much faster when everyone is gone, and then it still frees up time to do other things later. Although, this summer, I'm all about the slacking!
I love my family to the moon and back. But sometimes....sometimes I just want to be alone. Or to go out and do something with friends. It's not selfish, either. It's good for everyone involved. My dad tells me that when my grandfather was asked how does he keep his wife happy, a housewife with 5 kids, my grandfather replied that you have to get her out of the house at least once a week. My grandfather was a smart man.
Do you feel like you get enough alone time?
::
It seems to be very hard for moms to admit they need time away from their children. Or time away from their spouse. And when we do admit it, we tend to carry some guilt over it.
It could be on a daily basis or only every once in awhile. The guilt is the same.
Working moms feel bad that they aren't the stay-at-home mom types (or simply can't be), and the stay-at-home mom types feel bad for not having a paying job. Maybe not all the time, but the twingy feelings pop up here and there and we find ourselves questioning our decisions.
And people wonder why the "mommy wars" are such a sore subject!
These are not small issues. But one that shouldn't be such a difficult issue is the desire for some time to yourself. Really, who doesn't need that sometimes? My friend JHo calls it "Zen Jen" time. I once stole that phrase from her even though she still calls me Jenni. JHo strategically plans to take a day or two off work, when her husband and kids will still be otherwise occupied, and spends the time doing whatever she wants to. It's genius!
When I was younger I had no desire to do anything alone. I couldn't understand people who didn't mind, or even liked, going out to eat by themselves. Or shopping or to a movie or even just spend time at home alone. Why would you want to do that? Don't you feel lonely? Don't you worry that you look like a loser who doesn't have any friends?
I was clingy. I met my husband when I was 20 and I drove him nuts with wanting us to be together 24/7 and my feelings got hurt when he wanted to go off and do something without me. I felt jealous of his best friend, who didn't even live anywhere near us. Thankfully, while Mark didn't like this particular aspect of my personality, he did like the rest and chose to stick it out until I grew out of it.
Now I know those feelings I had didn't have anything to do with anyone else. It was all about insecurity, a lack of confidence in myself. A lack of knowledge of myself. Over the years I've learned a lot. I've learned that people get along with each other better when they don't spend too much time together, and when they get to have time to think and absorb and ponder the goings-on in their lives. And to do the things that make them happy.
Unfortunately, I didn't really learn this until I was married and become a mother. And then it's a little more difficult to find the time for yourself. Good job, me!
Now I know I'm a better mom and wife when I get some time away, out with my friends or just home alone for awhile. Oh how I love being home alone! I can either leave it quiet or I can play MY favorite music and sing out loud to it. I can choose to get some chores done without anyone in my way, or I can just do whatever. I know, I know, you're probably thinking I shouldn't do chores. But let me tell you. I can do them so much faster when everyone is gone, and then it still frees up time to do other things later. Although, this summer, I'm all about the slacking!
I love my family to the moon and back. But sometimes....sometimes I just want to be alone. Or to go out and do something with friends. It's not selfish, either. It's good for everyone involved. My dad tells me that when my grandfather was asked how does he keep his wife happy, a housewife with 5 kids, my grandfather replied that you have to get her out of the house at least once a week. My grandfather was a smart man.
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