June 6, 2010


We have hit a detour on the moving road.  Had planned to go to Michael's for Cami's spray glitter and then try to get dressers moved today.  But Mark needed to turn off and go to the ER for a dialysis treatment.  So the kids and I are just hanging out at the apartment.  I suppose one could argue that a break from all the craziness isn't the worst thing in the world, and that Mark's health is of utmost importance.  But, yeah.....still wish it didn't have to take an ENTIRE day!

Mark has been struggling with his fluid/sodium/phosphorus levels the past few weekends.  We're busier than usual, having a lot to do by June 15, and we're not eating well and have strayed from our normal routines.  Plus it's all a little stressful.  Totally understandable while moving.  But it's obviously taking a toll on Mark.  Maybe I need to try to help him more.  I simply HATE it when he doesn't feel as good as he can!  And then icky thoughts creep into my head..... I literally have to tell myself to STOP thinking them.  I wouldn't wish health problems on anyone.

Mark just told me he has to stay overnight.  Of course!  They always find a reason to keep him at least 1 night!  Apparently they want to make sure it's not his heart because of his shortness of breath.  I reminded him that this has been happening every weekend like clockwork lately, but he's fine the rest of the time.  I guess the cardiologist said some certain levels were slightly elevated which could indicate a teeny, tiny little heart attack.  So they want to recheck those levels first thing tomorrow morning.  But they're also gonna have to take into consideration that tomorrow is his regular dialysis day too.

OK, I'm gonna have a selfish little meltdown here for a minute..... My plans, thoughts, ideas of how things will go in our lives are constantly getting screwed up!  My Mother's Day was ruined cuz Mark had bronchitis and that was a very stressful time cuz we were also closing on the house.  We had this huge fight over plans for yesterday, that Mark had things he wanted to do wtih his friends but I had obligated him to do something with kids.  Well not only did he get to go shooting and hang out with friends yesterday, but he also hung out with John on Friday.  I was hoping to get to sneak off to see Splice with Jessica tonight, but now I can't.  Mark often thinks everything is conspiring against him and what he wants.  Well, he's gonna have to revise that idea cuz it looks to me like it's ME who's getting shafted lately!!

See now, while I feel like that on one hand, on the other, he's still the one getting screwed with isn't he?  He's the one with all the health problems and has to spend the night at the hospital, not me.  I'm just visually impaired so I can't really keep doing the things I wanted to do today cuz I can't drive, and stuck at home cuz the kids need me.  Whatever.

I'm missing my mom more than usual lately.  It's going on a year since I've physically seen her and we really should talk on the phone more often.  She mentioned possibly flying Cami down to see her in August, but I'm honestly not very happy with that idea.  What about me?  What about AJ?  Is 2 years in a row really necessary?  We don't really like going to Oregon 2 summers in a row.  I know Washington isn't my mom and Doug's destination of choice.  But I'm here.  Shouldn't that be enough?

Things with my friends aren't getting any better.  Actually I guess you could say they're worse.  I had a debate with Roxy about Serra and Jessica this week that was really frustrating.  I was very surprised by the things Roxy said to me.  She may have also been surprised by the things I said to her.  She defended Sierra and I defended Jessica.  I never in a million years would have thought that would be the way things shook out.  It's so disappointing to learn that something isn't the way you think it should be.  Regardless, I feel I'm more right than Roxy cuz she doesn't really know all of what she speaks since she hasn't actually talked to Jess about it.  And I don't think they're gonna talk about it any time soon since Roxy doesn't feel like it right now and Jess is hurt by the things Roxy is thinking.  I decided to tell Jessica about my debate with Roxy after struggling with it overnight, and then hearing from Sierra that she does plan to come out for Roxy's birthday GNO.  Once I knew that, I felt Jess should know so she wasn't ambushed the night of.  Jessica is glad I filled her in, but I feel like it did exactly what I was worried it would do, which is only hurt her more.  What's done is done I guess, and I've been told that I can't fix it.  It's not for me to fix.  I just wanna know one thing: why do some people have to be such jerks?

Guess I've also had a detour of the mind today!
"Physical ills are the taxes laid upon this wretched life; some are taxed higher, and some lower, but all pay something." ~Lord Chesterfield

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