September 19, 2014

Life is Too Short

Life is too short for....

Beating your head up against the wall, never to accept the things you can't change.

That last phrase obviously refers to the serenity prayer:

I live by it. I have a small printout of it in a cheap blue frame on my bathroom wall.

That prayer, and the mantra "It is what is", are how I get by. How I -- as so many tell me I do -- deal with all the things my husband's health problems throw at us, with grace.

There is no cure for Diabetes. My husband is not a good candidate for a kidney transplant. Those are two things we cannot change.

So we must accept them.

I could stamp my feet and be pissed off, constantly asking, "Why? Why him? Why us? It's not fair!" Which I have done. I have my anxieties.

I learned, though, that I must accept that I can't take the diseases away. I can't make it all better. But what I can do is love him, help take care of him, advocate for him, be our kids' mom and take care of all the crap he doesn't need to think about.

Especially this year, with so many, many cracks in Mark's path, I am hoping and praying for his acceptance as well. I wish so much for him to find a place of peace with all that he must endure.

Because he's so strong -- he will fight to the bitter end -- and has a great sense of humor. But it hurts my heart when he's banging his head on the wall, railing against the frustrations and fears. I know they're there. I'm not trying to deny that. He's absolutely allowed to feel however he feels in any given moment....

Just, when he looks up and out from his inner turmoil, it is my hope that he sees the smiling faces of the people who love him, that he knows deep down in his soul that he is loved and there is a reason for him to be here, to be with us, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

One day it will be over. It will all end.

So life is too short to not accept the things you can't change and just make the absolute best of them that you can.

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.

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