October 9, 2012

I am such an idiot!

Never mind the fact that I Googled "half of 2/3" while baking this weekend.

::Face palm::

That's a minor thing.

No. I proclaimed more than once over the summer how I was looking forward to September, starting a new chapter with both of my kids in school full-time.....

It was gonna be great!

And it is.


It was a CHANGE. A pretty big one. And I'm not always the best at change.

I have to warm to it. The idea has to grow on me. Then I'll be all, "Bring it on!"

One would think this was happening over the summer. That I had ample time to be ready for this new normal.

Apparently not.

When September 5 rolled around and my little boy was gone just like his big sister, it broke me a little.

Not so much that day. More like as the days marched on and both my children left me for six hours of each one. It started to sink in. The change had come.

I became a mess.

If I really think about it, it's not so much that something changed. It's not even really that it has to do with facing my babies growing up. At the heart of it is the fear and anxiety I write about so often.

This is why I'm an idiot. I should know by now that a change like this can set off a chain reaction of crazy emotions inside me. I should have expected it and planned for it.

I'm doing much better now. I've found a new routine and have plenty to do. And I like it. But man, I wish this past month had gone differently.

1 comment:

  1. I think that you're stronger than you think you are. You done good. I say that because a.) you admitted how you felt and b.) you've altered your routine to accommodate that your little ones are both now in school.

    I say... bravo to you! Go with your baaaad self!