February 25, 2012

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry I didn't love my step-mother.

I'm sorry for the time I puked my way from my bedroom to the bathroom.

I'm sorry my eyeglasses kept breaking.

I'm sorry I went with mom. I'm sorry I went back with dad.

I'm sorry I wanted to live with my mom when I was 12.

I'm really sorry I didn't do better at staying in touch with my family after I moved.

I apologize for going boy crazy, letting my grades slip and quitting the school band.

I'm sorry for my blind, ugly left eye.

I'm sorry I got pregnant at 16. And I'm sorry I had an abortion. I apologize for not being able to make everyone happy in that situation, and for not telling certain people about it, and for telling others.

I'm sorry you couldn't handle it.

I wish I could have understood geometry and chemistry better. I'm sorry I failed, and that I had to take extra classes in order to graduate.

It sucks that I never got to get a driver's license because of my crappy eyes. Sorry I can't drive and always have to ask for rides, not only for myself, but for my kids too.

I'm sorry I haven't finished earning a college degree.

I'm sorry for falling in love with a Diabetic and making you cry over everything that happens to us.

I'm sorry for making a very important decision for my family and that you put up walls and are still punishing me for it.

I'm sorry I don't like spinach, asparagus, guava, hummus or Pepsi.

I'm sorry you don't see how much you've hurt me, for how I've hurt you, for no longer trusting you, for still trusting you, for saying things I shouldn't, because you say things you shouldn't.

I apologize for being overweight. I'm sorry you don't like your body and feel the need to make me feel bad about mine.

I'm sorry I don't wear make-up or paint my nails. Sorry I don't know what's hip.

I'm sorry you make too many passive-aggressive comments.

Sorry my house isn't immaculate and that I've never had a home big enough to keep a guest bedroom.

I'm sorry for when my children misbehave and you judge me as their mother.

I'm sorry I don't agree with your politics, that I think everyone should be treated fairly, each of us has value and I don't think the death penalty is cool.

I'm sorry you piss me off. I'm sorry I piss you off.

I apologize if I don't live up to your expectations, if who I am bothers you.

But then again, all these things make up ME and maybe I'm not sorry for any of it. Maybe you should be sorry.





Edenland's Fresh Horses Brigade
I opened up a new post and this is what
came out in response to Eden's prompt:
Sorry? Spill.

19 comments:

  1. Wow, this makes me cry. My mom is blind in one eye and hasn't been able to drive either, for a long time. It sucks so bad. You shouldn't apologize for these things. You are human. You are beautiful. Hugs

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    1. Most of the time I say "this is just me", but sometimes I do feel the need to apologize. Thank you.

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  2. That's a lot to apologize for. Or not. *sigh* I think I have a list just as long. But then again, like you said, this is what makes us who we are. Some things we want to erase and undo and wish we could go back. But we can't and all we can do is move forward.

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  3. Oh my god Jen you are beautiful. Your eye especially.

    You mixed up all your sorries like a goddamn mixed bag ... of AWESOME HUMAN-NESS.

    Love to you. Thank you for linking up. XX

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  4. Love this post; all kinds of subtle layers beneath the intense colors on the surface. And girl: you don't want a guest room. You know what happens when you have one? Guests come. And stay in it.

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  5. We have so much more in common than I ever thought - same problems with geometry and chem - went to summer school for getting an F+ in chem. I'm just glad that whatever you went through brought you to this space..thanks for sharing

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    1. Thank you, Amy. I didn't have to do summer school, but did have to be at school all day my senior year when most seniors had only half days.

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  6. Other' s should be sorry for even making you think you should appolgize! Your writing is so powerful!

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  7. Major hug!

    Love,
    Dad

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  8. I don't think you should be sorry for anything! You are beautiful and sweet and funny and a great friend. Anyone who can't see that is an asshat. SMOOCHES!

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  9. I'm with The Sarcasm Goddess... anyone who can't see that you're a great friend, is an asshat. You're marvelous just as you are! We all have issues... we all have stuff in our past. Anyone fussing about yours, ought to be dealing with their own!!!

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  10. I got here via SITS and can I tell you that I adore this post?! Authenticity is so rare in this online world of "everything is fine" and I admire you greatly for it.

    Elizabeth
    craftybitch#1 over at www.3CraftyBitches.com

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