October 11, 2011

A Letter to My Future Self

The Be Enough Me prompt for this week is to write a letter to your future self or your child.

I think it is pretty easy to write a letter to your children.  We moms find gushing over our kids to be like second nature.  While I could totally go that route, I think it might be more important to tell myself some things.

Along this blogging journey I'm on, I 've found that some questions that are raised, some ideas or writing prompts that others might find cheesy or even to be cheating, will elicit very real thoughts and feelings from me.  And I realize, I want to write about that.

This is just me being real.  I don't intend to upset anyone or cause tears to flow.

* *

Dear Future Self,

You may need to read this from time to time, and in the event of a further decline in Mark's health or his death.  Because when that happens, there are some things that you need to try to keep in mind.

You can do this.  Yes, you can.  And you will.

You are strong, smart, capable, loved, supported and enough.

No matter what happens with Mark's health, you and your kids will be OK.  I know it won't feel like it in the moment, but you know it to be true.  It's true even if the worst happens.

Yes, even if Mark dies.  You will not be the first, last or only person to lose your spouse.  It happens every day and people get through it every day.  They hurt, suffer and grieve, then they move on with life, and so will you.

Whether it's another crisis or the end, you have enough wherewithal to deal.  You will cry, get angry, blog it out, ask for help and hugs, be grateful, remember the good, and that will be enough.

You will hold onto your children and be there for them.  Whatever comes, they will need you to help them know they are alright, that they are loved and they are enough too.

You will do all these things because you have made a choice to.  You love Mark and you have bound your life to his.  You will continue to ride this roller coaster with him for as long as you can, until it stops.

When the ride does stop, you will rest assured that you have known true love.  You will know that you have had a very special marriage, a good life with a great man who gave you 2 beautiful children.  Your heart will be full.

I want you to know that you did enough, you loved enough, you were present enough.

I also want you to know that the good times were enough to hold onto, to cling to, to cherish and to honor.

Last, I need you to know that when all is said and done.....you are still enough.


  1. Oh wow Jen, this is powerful. I cannot imagine having to be honest with myself and face the fact that Brad may be gone one day . . . possibily one day soon . . . the way you have to with Mark. You amaze me.

  2. What a powerful letter. Though, I admit that I hope you don't need it for a very long time. xo

  3. I might need to do one of these myself. Very wonderful of you to share. Inspiring :)

  4. That was beautiful, Jen. Very sincere. You can really tell that it came from the bottom of your heart. My prayers are with you, your kids, and your husband.

  5. I agree with Jenn. You are so brave to be able to face that you may lose Mark. I live in a world of denial.

    I'm so glad I "met" you. You are truly an inspiring person. Hugs and love and prayers to you and your family.

  6. So powerful and heart breaking.

    (I'm so sorry.)

    You are so strong, so admirable!

  7. Oof, my heart. Totally teared up reading this. Sending much love. <3

  8. You are SO much more than enough!


  9. You are right; you are strong and you CAN handle anything life throws at you and your family.

    But I sincerely hope you don't have to worry about it for a long time. Sending positive thoughts and hugs to you.

  10. You are enough, and I hope you don't have to find out the hard way.

  11. I am so sorry for what you and your family are facing.  My prayers go out to you all.  You are so brave and as as your dad said SO much more than enough. 

  12. AND.... you continue to amaze me.

    I have no idea how I created such a wondrous human being. **but I WILL take credit; hehe**

    Of course I cried. As your mother; I want to take all your pain away. I know that I cannot; nor would it be good for you or me... *sigh*

    I thank Mark for helping you to become the strong, thoughtful, introspective, loving being that you are today, and I look forward to seeing the 'new' you of tomorrow, next month, next year. Such an exciting journey! <3

    Love, MOM

  13. Wonderfully honest, genuine, and powerfully touching. I hope you do keep this for your future self. Lovely writing.