June 2, 2011

Change It

“If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

I’ve found that usually after I blog about something I’m able to let it leave my brain, like I vented it, got if off my chest, said my piece…done.

This was not the case, however, after my Fear and Insecurities post. The issue kept eating at me. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to get over my insecurities. At least those. The fears are another matter altogether.

As is par for the course, I was lying in bed the night before last….you know where this is going, right? I said - maybe out loud, maybe in my head - “I am sick and tired of feeling insecure in my relationships. I am tired of letting others dictate how I feel about myself. Please help me stop it!”

And guess what? I had a revelation.

I’m not surprised. Happens to me all the time, if I just ask for it.

The big revelation is that everything is fine. Really it is. I’m fine. My friends are fine. Nobody’s perfect. You can’t change others. But you CAN change yourself and the way you think. AND, sometimes when you change yourself, it rubs off on others and they change too. But it’s not as if YOU changed them per se…..

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
~Mohatma Gandhi

Funny thing is, I already knew this. Guess I just need to be hit over the head with it.

That, and I have to stop worrying so much about everyone else.

That last part is hard for me. When I care about someone I really care. I always want to be humble, grateful, caring and selfless. I never want to come off as self-centered or conceited. I guess I have to strike a balance (there’s that word again) between loving others and loving myself. I know I can love myself, believe myself worthy of love from others, in a non-conceited way.

Another funny thing is, thinking that people might not like you as much as you like them if they do (or don’t do as the case may be) some little thing and you think, “how come you didn’t think of me?”, is totally conceited! It’s probably not about YOU! Not only that, but it’s probably safe to assume that people you consider to be your friends, people who have shown you they care, aren’t out to hurt you. Sometimes they might neglect you a little, might forget to share something with you, might not call you for ages, but they’re doing the best they can.

One can only hope that if someone does have a problem with you, they will talk to you about it. If they don’t bring it to your attention, then hopefully that means it’s not very important and they’ll let it go.

We all have our crap to deal with. We all have our own crazy, whether external or internal, or - gasp! - both.

Note to self: everyone has their own perspective. Not everyone sees things they way you do. Oh, and you can do more to nurture your friendships too.  Damnit.

Considering all that, I should probably be hoping I’m not the one hurting someone else’s feelings!

Before starting this post I Googled “change the way you think” and found a Discovery Health article all about how to do just that.  I <3 the Internet.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.”
~Author Unknown

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