Why do my children behave better on their own?

This spring break each of my children went to a friend's for a sleepover. AJ went Tuesday night and Camryn went Thursday night.

Mark and I both noticed, both nights, that both of our children were perfect angels for us.

They listened. They did what they were told. They used their manners. And they did NOT whine.

It was fantastic!

Thursday night while Cami was away, we took AJ out to McDonald's for dinner. In the middle of eating I leaned over to Mark and asked, "Why are they so much easier when it's only one of them?" He didn't have an answer. On the way home, our little boy happily sitting in the back seat, I decided to ask him.

I always wanna know why. Even from a 6-year-old.

Me: Hey AJ, how come you're more well behaved when Cami isn't around?

AJ: I dunno.

Me: Well, you've been such a good boy since she left. You've listened to us and been polite. Just now you didn't whine a bit when it was time to leave McDonald's. The other night when you were gone, she was the same way. How come you guys can't be the so good when you're together?

AJ: Well, she's always making me mad.

Me: But WHY?

AJ: Well, um, we're all born with problems. And um, me and Camryn have a fighting problem.

M'kay.

Mark: But you don't need to fight.

Me: Yeah, I know you guys like each other too.

AJ: But she always does things....like when Daddy asks for someone to get his sandals, she always gets in my way so she can do it.

Mark: Yeah, she does do that. I'm sorry, little man.

Me: Still, I don't see why you guys can't listen to us and do what you're told when you're both home.....

But we pulled into the driveway, so I didn't get an answer to that one.


Guess it's tough to be the younger sibling.

On the other hand, AJ's no wallflower.


When Camryn got home, we posed the same question to her.

Cami: AJ....

Me: No. Wait. First, it's not all his fault. Second, it's not only about how you interact with each other, it's also about how you interact with US. Why are you both more respectful when the other isn't around?

Cami: Silence.

Me: Sigh.

Does anyone else know why it's different when one is home and one is gone. Mark said something about competition. Competing for what? Who can get yelled at first?

It makes no sense to me!


PS: Dad, do NOT comment that this is why you had only one child!

Reelin' It In

So it's summer, right?  Kind of hard to tell around here with how not hot and only occasionally sunny it's been.

However, according to the calendar it is indeed summer and the kids are out of school.  It is a time for playing, frolicking and generally running amok all day long (if it isn't raining).  I am a mom who firmly believes in kids being kids.  I want them to have a fun and carefree-as-possible childhood.  Yet I also know I must balance this with all the motherly things I am obligated to teach my children during their childhood so that once they turn 18 and magically become adults, they will have some clue how to operate out in the world.

Because I am aiming for both carefree and well-behaved children, this, like every damn last thing in life, requires a balance.  Well, we got off balance since school ended.

I'd say since around the 4th of July we have been allowing way too much consumption of soda and other junk food, as well as inconsistent sleeping arrangements and a general lack of a daily routine.  I mean, there's been some sense of a routine, especially because we spend most of our time at home (due to my inability to drive; I always feel I need to remind people of this), but it's surely been vague.

My son pretty much started losing his mind.  I kid you not.  AJ is 5 1/2.  My daughter had a hard time with the inconsistency of school breaks at his age, so I should have known better.  Camryn is 11 now and doing just fine with summer.  But AJ?  Not so much.

He has been having ugly temper tantrums where he will yell and scream and stomp, slam, hit and throw things.  And he will do it for a really long time before he relents because he is a stubborn and prideful male.  Partly his inherent personality, partly his age and that autonomy crap he's got going on, and partly a lack of parenting.

Wait.  What?  Did I just admit to lazy parenting?

Ouch.  That stings.

Hi.  My name is Jennifer, my husband's name is Mark, and we've been slacker parents this summer.

In our defense, I think where we run into problems is with how much older Camryn is than AJ.  We tend to choose our parenting tactics based on her age first, his second.  And because he has a much older sibling, AJ is somewhat older than his chronological age in regards to many things.  But his emotions?  Whole other matter.

All of this came to a head on Sunday when I swear AJ woke up having a tantrum.  He cried.  I cried.  Camryn tip-toed around.  Mark came home from work and I said the dreaded words, "We need to talk."

So we talked, agreed things needed to change and came up with a plan.  I typed up a list of rules and consequences.  We called the kids in and we basically had a "family meeting".  After reading each rule we discussed the particulars.  You know how literal kids are.  Camryn took dictation, writing everything down in her little notebook.  AJ wanted examples.  But he was such a cute little dude about it, sitting just like his dad, nodding and saying "yeah".  THIS is the boy I know and love!

I thought I would share our list for your consideration:

MOM & DAD’S RULES FOR THE KIDS

TV and video games will be OFF between Noon and 6:00 PM
(unless it’s raining).  *We need some leeway here due to where we live. That, and I'm not doing crafts with them all afternoon!  I'm just not THAT mom.

Soda and other junk food only on weekends IF we’ve had a good week.

You will sleep in your own beds.  *They had been sleeping together a lot.

You will wear helmets when riding your bikes or the motor scooter - or you won’t ride them.  *I wasn't super worried about this until recently. My friend Jessica was appalled that I didn't make my kids wear helmets and my mom gave me a guilt trip. Of course, they're right. But I never wore a helmet and I honestly felt like a hypocrite.

You will not have a tantrum, yell, scream, hit or throw things.

Watch your attitude and be respectful.

Be Polite - say please and thank you and excuse me.

Do Not Lie.  *I cannot stand lying liars who lie! Makes me clench my teeth and make my hands into fists and my kids will not be liars!

You may not fight with each other - no yelling and screaming or hitting and kicking.  *I know siblings fight, but they don't have to go to the extreme.

Listen and do what you are told.

No eating or drinking in the loft.  *AJ constantly asks. He's a slob.

Clean up after yourselves.

These rules are subject to change at any time.

CONSEQUENCES

Added chores

Loss of a privilege

Loss of a favorite toy or activity

Loss of weekend treats

Grounding to your room

Writing name or sentences repeating

Standing facing a corner

I printed two copies and put one on the fridge and one upstairs between their rooms.

There have been a couple minor hiccups, but mostly so far so good.  AJ still gets frustrated, but hasn't had any tantrums.  They both messed up Sunday night at bedtime (Cami was rude and AJ hit her), so they had to clean their rooms and the loft yesterday.  But I'm really hopeful that we've turned a corner and gotten back on track.

Has this kind of thing ever happened to you?  Have you ever had to admit you screwed up as a parent?  Please tell me I'm not the only one!

PS: Linking this up as my post of the week with Bruna for Let's BEE Friends!