January 18, 2011

Late Night Revelations

What is it about late at night, lying in bed, that helps make thoughts and feelings more clear and understandable?  I suppose it's the dark and the quiet, no distractions.  However, it really isn't the most opportune time to be working on life's great questions since it keeps you awake!

Jessica, one of the people I am closest with, just lost her maternal Grandmother this morning.  Last night she visited at the hospital and told me about it when she got home.  After saying a prayer for a merciful release, I lay in bed thinking about stuff.  I realized that after I had just been very worried about my own Grandmother at the end of December, it turns out to be my friend's Grandma's time to go and she has to say goodbye when I didn't have to.

Then, as is often the case now (and the recurring theme to my blog as of late), my thoughts went straight back to "the night from hell"....Mark coded!...and I literally gasped!  I almost started crying, but managed to take a few deep breaths and shake it off.  So then another new thought came to me.  Maybe Mark coding has effected me so much because I now have very real proof that that can and does happen....so it can happen again.

Um. At the time that seemed like a new and somewhat profound thought, but now that I'm trying to explain, it feels more like a DUH moment.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that experience really freaking scared me and messed me up and I'm just still not over it!  And feeling emotional over someone else's grandmother dying just goes to show how sensitive I still am (well, also how much I care for Jessica).  These are not little things.  It's OK to feel.

On a brighter note, I must gush about my thoughtful and giving husband.  As soon as we found out it was over Mark started asking what we can do.  I picked out flowers and he dropped me off at Jessica's house to be there when she got home so I could give her a big hug and try to help her start processing.  Then he went home and cooked up a double batch of spaghetti and garlic bread to share with her family for dinner.  He had hoped there wouldn't be much to do today.  But since there was, he really stepped up and led with his heart.  Pretty sure he feels like I do, that when we have an opportunity to pay some of the generosity we've been shown forward, we gotta do it!
"Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever."
~Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross

No comments:

Post a Comment