October 23, 2012

I am not selfish.

We women love and nurture and care. It's part of our inherent nature.

Not that men don't. But there is a clear difference. In my 38 1/2 years on this planet I've noticed this fact: women carry an abundance of guilt, where men do not. Men have no problem taking care of their own needs without feeling guilty about it. I'm pretty sure that all too often sometimes we women resent them for it.

Mothers love and nurture and care. For others. Notsomuch for ourselves.

The simple act of getting a haircut can feel like an indulgence.

At night after the kids are tucked into bed, we pull out our hidden stashes of chocolate, grab a glass of red wine and tweet or facebook that we're enjoying them and do not feel guilty about it, dammit!

Yet we still do. Deep down.

Guilt is the bane of our existence.

We rationalize that we're "giving up" our own needs for the needs of the "greater good", which makes us feel like we're doing the right thing, not being selfish. Of course often financial concerns require prioritizing the needs of the family. Believe me, I know this well.

BUT, and it's a big BUT, the things that don't cost money, shouldn't have to be put on the back-burner.

Things like alone time, hot baths, getting out for a walk to clear your head, taking a nap, not doing the dishes just one freaking day, letting your kids eat cereal for dinner once in awhile, read a book, do a craft or taking some time to chat with a girlfriend.


I've come to what I now believe is one of the so-called "change of life" milestones: when all your children are in full-time school. Granted, this may not affect working moms as much as those who stay at home.....although....just the savings on day care must be fantastic.....

I don't think I'm being too dramatic when I say this has been huge for me. In good ways and bad. or rather, positives and negatives. I shall focus on the positives for the purpose of this post.

It is now my time to become fully ME. The title of my blog has never been more apropos. Now is the time when I can have the best of both worlds. I can, dare I say, have my cake and eat it to.

I will always be a mother. I am still a wife. I utterly adore my family. they will always come first in my heart. I already feel like a better mom. I look forward to my kids coming home each day and show them more patience.

Now though, I have some freedom to explore the other parts of me.....wait for it.....without feeling like it's selfish.

To take better care of my health, both physical and mental. To keep plugging along this blogging journey and sift through the possibilities therein. To be creative. To maybe figure-out-how-to-get-some-new-glasses-especially-since-one-of-my-nose-pieces-just-broke-off. To feel like cooking more (I already do). To maybe become a little more independent. And for gosh sakes, to possibly RELAX a little...??

It's not selfish. It's fair. I'm not selfish. It's my turn.

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