Are the Seahawks the Red-Headed Step-Children of the NFL?

The Super Bowl is this weekend!!

Two football teams, the best commercials advertising execs can come up with, food, drink, friends and Bruno Mars.

Apparently it's cold in New Jersey. Everyone keeps harping on it. Bruno Mars said yesterday during a press conference ("I've never had to do a press conference before a performance.") that his mic felt like a popsicle during rehearsals.

Well, at least both of the teams competing this year are used to cold weather. It was meant to be! I mean, it would be pretty sad if the two teams were the San Diego Chargers and the Miami Dolphins, right?

If you know me at all you know I live in Washington state, and therefor I am a Seahawks fan.

Perhaps I shouldn't say "therefor" because when I lived in the Bay Area I was not a Raiders or 49ers fan. Nope.

But see, Washington is my home state. I was born here, and although I did live in California for many years, I have now lived here longer than there.

I am a Washingtonian.

But besides all that, I believe the Seattle Seahawks are a very special football team with the most awesome fans.

There is this palpable feeling around these parts that the Seahawks are never going to be taken seriously.

My husband says it's as if they're the red-headed step-children of the NFL.

It's true that the Hawks were not contenders for many years. They were just this cute little football team way up in the Pacific Northwest (where is Seattle again?) trying to make a go of it. As far as I can recall, pretty much any team who played them during my childhood came away with a win.

But all of that changed eight years ago. In 2006, just two weeks after my son was born, the Seattle Seahawks played the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl.

I'm just gonna say it. The Hawks were ROBBED!

Don't you say no they weren't! I watched that game and every single unfair call made by the refs during it. The Steelers whined their way to the win.

Eight years and a ton of work later there doesn't seem to be a whole lot more respect for this team than there ever has been.

Sure, they say Wilson is great, Lynch is the "Beast" and Haushka is an excellent kicker. But Sherman is vilified for his little rant about Crabtree (5 seconds after making the play that won them the game) and we fans, the raucous and passionate 12th Man, are just seen as annoying.

Not to mention the fashion faux pas one female commentator made wearing a red coat as she reported outside Century Link Field before the NFC Championship game against the 49ers. I mean, really? Yeah, she got a lot of flack for that.

This year, I just know that because the Broncos have a few Super Bowl trophies, the Seahawks will be seen as the underdogs. That's OK, though, I think they like it like that. I think it pushes them harder.

But let me tell you: The Seattle Seahawks and the 12th Man are a force to be reckoned with. I know those guys are going to play their hearts out this Sunday. They want it, and they want it bad.

#GoHawks!

Images found on the Seattle Seahawks Memes Facebook page.

The View From Here: Connections

The View for this final week of January is of a more spiritual nature,
and comes to you from Mary Hill who writes two blogs.

I would like to just let her words speak for themselves.

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Connections

I sit in my Southern home watching my cat clean himself, and then he stretches out.  He had just given me attention full of purrs and love. Now in the back room, my daughter practices on her keyboard and my hubby is getting ready for bed.

My life seems so mundane at times, but it is full of connections.  I decided last week to participate in this Word of the Year challenge.  As a Christian though, I took it seriously.  I prayed for three weeks and meandered around words until I felt like God had given me the word “connection.”

It has to be from Him because I stink at connections. I am a writer and introvert. I shun people especially now that I am sick and overweight from years of steroid treatments for my arthritis. My thought, “He wants me to do what? Work on connections?” Did I mention, I probably I have an attention problem too?

My first challenge, my husband wants me to do something. I am busy and writing. My daughter is playing her tune over and over again. Connecting.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to connect, and I love these important people so much.  How am I going to connect outside my home to others? The only thing I do is blog.  What does He want me to “connect” about? A voice inside me answers: Him.

I am on a journey to connect, and it is just beginning.  First, I start in my home. I want to improve my connections with my family; then it will spread out to my church. My husband wants me to go on a women’s retreat. Our women’s church group will travel to Gatlinburg in March.

First things, first, my husband is looking for a truck. His 87 Ford Ranger is almost dead, and we can’t get a rebuilt carburetor to work in it. My daughter plays the piano. 

“How much do they want for that Mazda truck?”  he says.

My daughter practices, Come Thou Fount. I sing in my head: Come, thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace; streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.”

I look at the time. 9:30.  Oh, man, she has to go to school tomorrow. “KR, bedtime.”

But first my husband wants to try the first session in a book Beacon Hill Press just sent me to review.  A Faith of their Own: An Experience Guide for Parents and Preteens by Chris Folmsbee.

We don’t know what we are doing, so we just read a little from a couple of the activities. It is okay though because in the end, she prays. “Dear God, please help my teacher who has cancer. Be with her this week during her treatments. Thank you God for your blessings.”

Faith building, connection building. We will start with God tonight.

Mary Hill began blogging just one year ago. She brings more than 25 years experience as a journalist and educator to the blogging world.  Now retired because of disability, her goal is to use blogging as vehicle to inspire and bring joy, peace, and abundance to others by writing about how Jesus is at work in her and her family's lives. She writes on her two blogs; Mary-andering Creatively and Mary-andering Among the Pages.

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Sometimes it's best to get back to basics.

Leave Mary a comment and then check out her blogs!

**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

Heavy Burdens Take Their Toll

I don't mean to harp on this subject, but suddenly doing a little traveling by myself has brought some not-so-happy things to the surface for my husband..

On the Thursday I was gone for my friend's birthday, Mark spent the whole day alone. He didn't have work, the kids were at school, plus the schools got locked-down due to some police activity and they were both late getting home.

Most of us LOVE having that much time alone. Some never get that kind of time.

I assumed Mark would love it. I thought he might sit around in his boxer briefs and a holey t-shirt playing Xbox and rocking out.

Instead, spending the day by himself only served to give him ample time to dwell on the negative aspects of his life.

"Negative" is not a word I usually use in any sentence that has to do with my husband.

Mark used to be the most positive individual I knew. He taught me about looking on the bright side, focusing on the good and being grateful for what one has rather than what one doesn't have.

He has been my rock and my inspiration in living life as fully as you can under whatever circumstances you have.

But he has been living with Type 1 (insulin dependent) Diabetes for 30 years. Would be 36 if not for the kidney and pancreas transplant he had for six years.

He has had to endure blindness, neuropathy (nerve damage), kidney disease (for which he has been on dialysis for the last 12 years), heart disease (3 heart attacks, double bypass and arrhythmia) and a toe amputation.

Mark is understandably weary of it all.

Living with chronic illness is a notorious cause of depression. Yes, let's do heap depressive feelings on top of physical ailments, shall we? Because what's ONE MORE thing?

There are medications for depression and he is on one. He started taking it again after his last heart attack in November. It helps, but as my therapist says, Mark keeps "bumping up against" some rather upsetting feelings.

While I was gone and he was alone, his mind went to the dark places. Where thoughts of his mortality and just how much his health problems suck live.

After I returned home Saturday night, Mark said some things to me. He said that while he's happy for me to get the opportunity to do a little traveling, he is also jealous because he doesn't think he'll ever get to. He went on to say: "Nothing is going to get any better for me. It's only going to get worse."

I thought about that for a moment. While I did insist that he doesn't know if/when he might be able to take a trip, I couldn't argue with the rest. There is no cure for Diabetes, the only way to get off dialysis is to receive a kidney transplant and because he had another heart attack, that prospect is looking even more unlikely than it already had been.

That harsh reality had me sitting on the floor, bawling my eyes out. It breaks my heart into a thousand tiny pieces.

Especially because just as I have been feeling so much better about myself and my life, am working on being Brave and doing things I wouldn't ordinarily do, my soul mate is feeling the opposite.

Where can he find hope?

I have all kinds of answers to that question. I can extol his virtues and remind him of all the GOOD there is left in his life. I can remind him of how much the kids and I love him, that the fact he was able to build a family is in itself such a huge accomplishment and blessing. I can tell him how much other people love him and appreciate what he brings to their lives. I could simply tell him to knock off all the negativity, that it's not allowed....

But you can't make someone feel something they don't. Feelings are what they are. They're not rational and they don't always make sense.

Maybe Mark just needs to work through these "bumps". It's certainly understandable that he is struggling. He has been carrying these burdens for so long. So long. And they're heavy. How much can one person hold before they break? Honestly, he's still doing better than some might, even if a little more negativity is creeping in.

On the other hand, what if he doesn't work through them. What if I can't let go of the guilt that, even with my bad eyes, I am still more able to go off and have fun?

I have no control over so much of this. I think all I can do is continue to love Mark like I always have, and to try and lift the heaviness wherever I can. Maybe I can try to find peace somewhere in there. Hopefully he can too.


Linked with Pour Your Heart Out.

I'm a Lying Liar Who Lies

Week before last I wrote a lovely little post about my 25 year friendship with my high school BFF and how we're taking a little trip together in celebration of our 40th birthdays.

That wasn't the whole truth.

I lied by omission.

There was something I HAD to leave out because it was a BIG SURPRISE. I couldn't tell you guys because JHo reads my blog (of course she does!), and if I had spilled the beans on this and ruined the surprise her husband planned for her birthday, I'm pretty sure I would have been stoned to death!

For serious. You guys, this surprise was planned and executed as if the Secret Service themselves were in on it.

The cruise JHo and I are taking is true. We ARE indeed doing that. That is a separate thing from what her husband had planned for her big day.

JHo's husband is Joe, and he hatched, plotted, schemed and orchestrated this elaborate plan on THE PLANNER herself. He made it so she had all her best friends on hand to celebrate her birthday with.

Three of us had to be flown in for the festivities. One local friend was charged with making semi-fake plans with JHo to get her to Joe's Crab Shack where the surprise would be sprung. Joe had to round everyone up at the airport, which was nearly foiled because I almost didn't make my connecting flight. My luggage didn't make it.

Do you have any idea how hard it was for this social media lovin' girl to keep her tweeting fingers from saying anything about the fact that I was leaving home all by myself for the first time since my daughter was born? Can you imagine my excitement? My anxiety??

But everything came together with perfect timing. JHo spent just the right amount of time shopping at Ikea before heading to the restaurant. We pulled up JUST AS JHo was walking in, her friend making sure she didn't spot us.

The plan was that Joe would give JHo "gifts" that were framed pictures of the three of us who flew in. However, my picture was in my suitcase which didn't make the connection in Las Vegas. So I called her instead, and walked into the restaurant as I was trying to have some sort of normal conversation with her. I was failing miserably.

Thankfully, it wasn't hard to find her. When she spotted me, she burst into tears. I quickly came around the table for a hug.

Joseph!

All JHo could think to ask when we sat down was, "Who drove you to the airport?" I answered her, but was thinking, "Really Jen, that's what you wanna know?"

Her other peeps came in and surprised her. There was an "OMG!" and a "NO!" or two or twelve. JHo was shaking with excitement as she started putting the pieces together.

"LIARS!", she called each and every one of us.

Yes, we're liars, and damn proud of it!

We ate lunch, my luggage was retrieved and we headed to the JHome in Chico where we were whisked off to a birthday dinner with more friends and family.

The next day we took a mini tour of the Sierra Nevada Brewery and went bar hopping. I had Fireball and "Scooby snack" shots, and a Sex on the Beach. We attempted to dance to the longest techno rap song ever, were refused entry into the Crazy Horse, took a cab home where a few of us sampled apple pie moonshine and I ate the other half of the best turkey melt in creation, albeit cold and not at all still melty.

On Saturday we watched my Godson's basketball game, dashed into McDonald's for sustenance and made our way on BFE two-lane roads back to the Sacramento airport which was eerily empty, but therefor seriously easy to get through.

Once aboard my flight home I settled into the row I had all to myself and thought about the whirlwind that had just ensued....

Prior to the trip I figured getting to do this would make waiting for our cruise together easier. I wondered when the last time was JHo and I had spent any time just the two of us. You know, before husbands and babies and LIFE. I thought hard and could only come up with the weekend we went shopping for my wedding dress 16 years ago. Suddenly I ached for just a few moments to sit, relax and TALK to my friend. It feels like a very selfish thought after having a fabulous and fun time with such cool people.

Very cool people who are good liars, helped pull off the birthday coup of the decade and will leave JHo questioning everything for the rest of her life!

The View From Here: Politics and Social Media

This week's View comes from Greta of g*funk*ified!

Greta is one of my best bloggy friends. She is a running, photographing mom of 4 living in Kansas. She is authentic and kind.

However, she does have one View on a matter she'd like to get off her chest.

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Politics and Social Media

I don’t like talking politics. The only family members that I think I’ve ever talked politics with are my mom and (briefly) my dad. In fact, I only recently found out that my older brother and his wife are members of a different political party.

That’s not to say that I don’t have strong political beliefs. I’m a liberal. I believe that every woman has the right to choose what she does with her body (and by the way, pro-choice is VERY different than pro-abortion). I believe that we should help those in need if we can. I believe education should be a top priority in our society, and I believe that anyone should be free to love whom they choose and receive the same benefits that a married man and woman are allowed. I believe that gun laws should be strict and that not everyone should be carrying one everywhere. I could go on and on and on.

I’m not at all ashamed of my beliefs and will respectfully discuss them if asked. But something that I don’t believe is that politics and social media play well together. I have a hard time keeping my feelings to myself when I see something on Facebook that goes against a strong personal belief, and I’ve been sick to my stomach in almost every instance at the conversation that follows. I often take things personally (unfortunately) and it’s hard to know why someone sees the world the way he or she does, even in a calm, rational discussion. The biggest problem, though, comes from other people who have no qualms about jumping in and putting their two (or two hundred) cents in. People can be brutal, and disrespectful.

I hate election time on Facebook, because ignorant and completely biased views come at me from every direction, and I learn things about people that I didn’t know and frankly, shock me (and would’ve been happy to have never found out). And don’t even get me started on Twitter….140 characters is NOT enough.

I won’t change your mind and you won’t change mine. So, let’s just stay away from the hot button issues online, okay?

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I try so hard to stay away from the touchy subjects, but gosh darnit, I have my feelings, ya know? And I'm never disrespectful to someone else, although others sometimes think they're allowed to be so to me.

I shared my political views here during the last major election cycle. Like Greta, I'm a "bleeding heart" liberal. Also like her, I completely get the frustration of trying to express any sort of actual opinion on social media, especially Facebook. It seems things posted there are subject to the most scrutiny. Why do people think they should be allowed to say whatever the hell they want on something YOU posted? I think we should all be able to say the shit we want to say on our own pages, but should be respectful on others' pages. There is one person I am thisclose to blocking because they seem to think Facebook is a debate forum.

OK, so! Greta usually blogs about other things like running and gluten-free recipes and sharing photos, In fact, she hosts a weekly link-up of photos taken specifically with your phone. Please check the rest of her out at her:

Blog - Twitter - Facebook - Google+

**If you are interested in contributing YOUR View, please go HERE**

An Interview with an Eight Year Old

It's AJ's 8th birthday and finally time to share his 2nd grade school portrait and ask him some questions!

Back in October, when I got my daughter's 8th grade portrait, I had her answer 20 questions along with sharing her picture, as further illustration of where she's at as a 13 year old.

Now for the boy!

Totally bugs me that they used a lowercase J in his name!
I checked and double-checked that I entered AJ.

1. My favorite food is: Tacos

2. The best show on TV is: Agents of SHEILD

3. The coolest person on earth is: My dad

4. My favorite subject in school is: Math

5. The subject I like the least is: Music

6. The thing I do best is: Play video games

7. If I could go anywhere in the world, I'd go to: California

8. My favorite color is: Purple

9. When I grow up, I think I might like to be a: Marine Biologist

10. My current favorite song is: "The Other Side" by Bruno Mars

11. Three words that describe me are: Funny, nice, cool

12. My favorite season is: Summer

13. The snack I like the best is: Chocolate pudding

14. My best friend is: Mikey

15. My current favorite book is: Poppy by Avi

16. If I had one wish, it would be: My dad being healthy

17. My best memory is: Going camping at Lake Tahoe

18. My current favorite movie is: Avengers

19. One food that I really dislike is: Peppers

20. My favorite thing to do is: Spend time with my family

I was surprised when AJ said Music is his least favorite subject because he loves music....listening and dancing to it. He explained that he just doesn't like doing music at school.

AJ wants to go to California so he can both see his cousins and go to all the cool places like Disneyland.

I was also surprised that he said spending time with us was his favorite thing to do because he also spends a ton of time with his friends. Super sweet that he said family is his favorite. And of course what he said about his dad. Ooph.

Happy, happy birthday, kiddo! We love you so very much!

Lost To Me

My babies are lost to me.

I only got to have two, and now they're no more.

My daughter is 13 and my son is about to turn 8. They are big kids.

There is nothing "baby" about them.

I miss my babies.

It's not that who they are now isn't great. It is. They are.

They are healthy and beautiful and bright and funny. They are challenging, obstinate and obnoxious.

Typical kids.

Their baby selves were soft, sweet, cuddly. They fit perfectly in the crook of my arm to nurse and nestled their sleepy little heads just below my shoulder. I could feel their breaths on my neck.

So warm.

Camryn Rose

Alexander Jared

I miss my babies.

Because, save for pictures, they are lost to me now.

I want to never forget.

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*I have been feeling more and more wistful like this as AJ's birthday approaches. Prodded to express it by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop prompt #2: Write a post inspired by the word 'lost'.

View from Here: Parenting in a Mixed-Ability Family

The View this week is from a woman I just recently met and decided I liked right away. Her name is Kara and technically has two blogs. She started at Wheeler Mom, but is currently focusing on her family's adoption journey at Roll You Home.

Do you get the hint as to an aspect of her life from those blog titles?

I'll let her tell it.

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Parenting in a Mixed-Ability Family

Around 3 years ago, our family was featured on the cover of New Mobility Magazine. Within the article, I bemoaned my failure to find one of those nifty car decals that represents my family. My husband and I are full-time wheelchair users. Our daughter is now an imaginative, dramatic, sweet, and sassy 3-year-old who will gladly talk to you for hours about Ninja Turtles, princesses, or her feelings on feelings. I’m trained in clinical psychology so it’s safe to say she is WELL informed about her emotions. What I didn’t expect was how she would start to inform ME about them-on a daily basis! She routinely tells me she’s excited, frustrated, or SO upset with me! We’ve mastered the naming of feelings-now on to the taming!

Back to the car decals…I can’t say I’ve spent a great deal of time searching. However, with a little effort, victory is mine! As evidenced by this trend becoming more inclusive, the world has obviously evolved…in some ways. In the end, I decided that I’m not much of trend follower. I’ll continue to allow the coating of snow sludge to adorn our van instead but I’m still glad to see images like this available.

Even 3 years ago, I knew that blending our unique family into the fabric of society would be more difficult to finding images that represent us. We are a trans-ability or mixed-ability household. My husband and I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI). OI is a bone condition. It’s one of more than 200 types of dwarfism and results in bones that break easier than most. There was (is) a 75% chance that our child would have OI. To be technical, 25% she would have my type of OI, 25% she would have Adam’s type, and 25% that she would inherit both types-which typically doesn’t result in a viable pregnancy. We were most frightened about option 3. In the end, Hannah was born without OI. She does not have a disability.

As I’ve communicated this news or revelation in person over the years, I’ve found it far more comfortable to do so online. It lets both of us off the hook. To be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure HOW I want you to react. I, too, am happy that Hannah does not have OI. Here ablebodiedness is just as much a part of her as my OI is a part of me. There’s certainly nothing shameful about NOT having a disability and I would never want to change anything about her. Still, it stings when people let out a dramatic sigh and proclaim her a miracle. She IS a miracle to us but not because she is simply without disability. So, it’s definitely complicated and I see that. In an ideal world, I suppose I wish people would ask and respond just as they would to any other of her numerous traits.

People who celebrate the news that Hannah does not herself have OI are also missing a key experience of her life and that of our family. Hannah is still very much impacted by disability. In many ways, our family has OI. Of course, there are the negative aspects of disability that creep into our lives. Hannah has already noticed people stare. She’s asked why her classmates “talk to me like that” as even preschoolers sometimes have a disgusted tone in asking their questions. As a family, we sometimes take a little longer or go about things a little differently than others. Many of the parts of Hannah’s disability experience though are positive. Like any culture, we read books, attend events, and spend time with friends who share our membership to the disability culture. Hannah *LOVES* wheelchairs. She is a superstar at navigating chairs and cannot wait until she can start playing the inclusive sports programs her Dad leads.

Hannah has asked me a few times why she doesn’t have a wheelchair. It’s a part of typical development to mimic parents and in some ways, expect to grow up to be like them. Our family has worked so hard to develop and express a positive identity associated with disability (often against the stereotypes held by society) that Hannah has absorbed that message loud and clear. As she grows into her own body and creates her own identity, I also want her to know and feel that same type of pride. I found myself involved in one of our many deep, bath time conversations last week.

Hannah: “I just think wheelchairs are cool and I want to have one like you.”

Me: “They are cool. But lots of things you do are cool too! I loved the way you JUMPED while you were counting to ten tonight. It’s cool that you walk and it’s cool that I don’t.”

Hannah: “Yeah…[long pause] but I really think we should get a cat. I would name it Kitten Kitten and take care of it and Obie (our dog) would promise not to eat it.”

Obviously, my explanation was far too long but we’ll keep working on it together! As a child, then a teenager, and even during the majority of my adulthood as a woman with a disability, I’ve had very few models of parenting with a disability. All parenting though is largely trial by fire. After spending years finding things I love about the disability culture, I’m starting to appreciate parts of Hannah’s identity that I’ve never noticed before in the general population of nondisabled people. It’s not a betrayal to my own identity to recognize her amazing coordination and how she can take an incredible fall and just keep on keepin’ on. It’s OK to notice how she can just blend in as she joins a group of peers and to celebrate as she grows like a weed.

Developing pride as an individual in a majority culture is not akin to negating the minority one. Hannah is a living example that my cultural identity, too, is not about us versus them. I’ll admit I sometimes become frustrated with actions of some in the nondisabled community. I think twice before I lump everyone into that lot because my daughter-my heart and soul-is also a member of that group. In some ways, we hope to allow Hannah to see the best of both worlds while also appreciating the challenges experienced by both. She’ll be prepared for her own bright future in a world that is made all the more beautiful and complex by its diversity.

*Guest post by Kara Ayers. Kara is a disability advocate with UC UCEDD. Please “LIKE” their page to stay informed about news that affects the world’s largest minority, people with disabilities and their families. Kara is also blogging about her family’s adoption journey at www.ayersadoption.com. Follow her on Twitter at @DrKaraAyers.

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"A world that is made all the more beautiful and complex by its diversity."

Love that. I hope this is what we are all showing our children.

Please leave Kara some comment love and then check out her blog!

Years of Friendship

26 years of friendship.

Well, to be completely honest, there was one year that we didn't speak (because of a stupid boy), so maybe we can only claim 25 years of friendship.

But not just 25. Technically, we met in 7th grade (1986), but remained mostly acquantances until 9th grade (1988).

Regardless, I've known her for more than half my life. She is the closest thing I have to a sister.

My best friend shares my name, where we graduated high school, divorced and remarried parents, sticky family dynamics, weddings, babies, long distances and now even blogging.

She calls me Jenni and I now refer to her as JHo. "Jenni" is left over from high school when I let everyone call me that, and "JHo" (since she married Joe) is a play on JLo. Also extra funny because "Ho".

The BANGS!

Over the years we have danced at prom and each other's weddings. JHo is partially responsible for Mark and I finally getting engaged (nudge, nudge) and she was instrumental in planning my wedding. We are both mothers to one girl and one boy. She is Godmother to both my kids, and I am an honorary Godmom to her son. She is ten times better at the Godmother thing than I am. She is "Auntie Jen" to my kids.

JHo says some of her favorite memories include:

• Number one would have to be the notes we passed daily! I guess I can think about the days since high school…
• Or maybe the day you called me to tell me you had just given birth to a baby girl : “I am woman – hear me roar!”
• Hearing your giggle as I toasted your marriage at your wedding (a la Princess Bride).
• Oh! Your bridal shower!

I too loved our note passing, especially because JHo drew these awesome little comic strips illustrating what we were dishing about at the bottom. I absolutely LOVED her "wild, wild west" themed wedding and was beyond honored to be her MOH and Camryn a flower girl.

She HANDMADE all the dresses!

My most recent favorite memory was when we hooked up while I was visiting my mom in Lake Tahoe. Loved that our kids got to play together!

Most of our relationship has been a long-distance one, so we do each have our local besties too, but she has proven to be one of the Constants in my life. Distance be damned!

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This year, as we both turn 40, we are looking forward to commemorating this milestone together on a little cruise between LA and Ensenada in early March. I've never ever been on a cruise before, so I'm so EXCITED!

(Maybe you've noticed the PayPal "Donate" button I put up there in my sidebar? You know, just on the off-chance someone would like to help me finance a massage, mani-pedi or a drunken stuper on the ship....)

It's going to be wonderful. We will get to warm up from winter, see the beautiful Pacific ocean, be gluttonous, talk and play and just be us girls TOGETHER. I almost don't even know what to do with myself.

This is so huge because for years I hesitated in traveling away from Mark for fear that something bad might happen with his health without me here. Little by little -- crisis by crisis -- I have been learning to let go of that. Taking this trip with JHo is part of my year of living Bravely. I knew I wanted to do this years ago, but I wasn't sure if it would really happen. At least if I would actually leave home;  maybe she would just come see me here.

I am nervous, still. I will probably have to battle my anxiety a few times as the date approaches. JHo will need to be armed with plenty of reassurances that everything will be OK and I CAN let myself have this. let myself RELAX.

But I know it's going to be great! And I love her so much for gently pushing the issue.

Now, just get me to March 5th.....

Things I Learned When Changing the Name of My Blog

The number one thing I learned when I changed my blog's name is that it is better to make this decision as early on in your blogging career as you can.

That would be ideal. However, if you decide you really want to do it at any point, here is what I learned when I did it at three and a half years in.

1. I will mention doing things 'ahead of time' so I want to touch on what I mean by that.

For me, the inspiration to change the name of my blog hit and I wanted very badly to JUST DO IT. When I'm excited about something I get very antsy. I took a breath, and Googled "changing the name of your blog" and read some advice on the subject, all of which told me to warn my readers first. It makes sense. As it turns out, it was really fun getting people excited about the change along with me.

I posted about my plan to make the change. Then I gave everyone a clue as to what the name would be and asked them to throw out guesses (which I apparently made way too easy). A week later, I made the change and posted about the big reveal.

Lesson: Don't be impulsive, Plan and plot the change, pacing not only yourself, but your readers too.

2. You absolutely want to set your old URL to redirect to your new one. (If you also change your URL) You have put links to your site all over the place through blog hops, social media, applying for brand opportunities, on Pinterest.... If someone clicks on an old link and it goes nowhere? Oh how sad!

For me, this was kind of complicated because I had purchased my first URL through Blogger (Google) and when I renewed it the next year, Google did it through eNom. It took some hunting around to figure this out, and then I had to contact eNom for help with setting up the redirect. The complications of this were compounded by ME purchasing my NEW URL from GoDaddy. However, eNom were awesome about helping me.

Lesson: You should be in control of your URL(s) at all times.

3. Still on the subject of your URL(s), in hindsight, I wish I had decided to change mine more than two months before my old one was set to expire. Due to some still unknown to me problem with Google, I wasn't able to renew the old one for another year like I had wanted to.

However, thankfully, I had worked hard on updating my URL everywhere I came across a place to do so, including updating Pins when I noticed them being re-pinned a lot.

Lesson: Think ahead. And again, control of your URL(s).

4. Figure out what size you want/need your header to be and make it IN THAT SIZE. Don't make it in one size and expect it to look good if you resize later. I made this mistake and didn't notice at first that by the time I got my header sized correctly, it was also blurry. I had to make a brand new one.

In Blogger, you can go into your Template settings and see what your blog width is set at (and change it if you wish). I don't know if this is the case on other blogging platforms. Knowing your width can help you narrow down how wide your header should be. As long as you're close, you can do a LITTLE resizing without ruining the quality of your image.

Obviously, this is a tip for DIY blog designers. My header dimensions are 1140x321, and I used PicMonkey with some free clip art I found to make it.

Lesson: You probably won't get your header just right on the first try. Be patient.

5. Somehow, the HTML code for a new blog button became a challenge. I made a new image, uploaded it to Photobucket, grabbed the direct link and copied it into the code I had for my old button, and it didn't work. I still have no idea why, but I found this site which is a Grab My Button Code Generator.

Lesson: Even if something should be a no-brainer, it might not be. Because technology.

6. Beyond your blog, there is social media. If you're like me and a bit anal about all your social media images matching, make them (or have them ready) before you officially make the changes to your blog. I was able to find the exact sizes for the various social media cover images (not profile photos):

• Facebook: 851x315
• Twitter: 1252x626
• Google+: it was 2120x1192, and you can still get away with this because it's still a 16:9 ratio, but it appears smaller now. Minimum image SIZE is currently 480x270.
• YouTube: 2560x423 (total size), 1546x423 (always visible)

I made all my new images ahead of time so that once the change was official, I simply went to each of my social media channels and uploaded my new images, easy-peasy. No delay or confusion for your followers. It's all streamlined and changed at once.

Lesson: Trust me, it is a big relief when it all flows nicely.

7. If you have greater than 200 likes on your current Facebook page, chances are Facebook won't want to let you change the name of that page and you will need to start from scratch if you want your blog and Facebook page names to match. I mean, why wouldn't you? This is a big bummer, but still doable.

After you mourn the loss of your current page, set up a new page and start bugging suggesting to your current Facebook following to like the new page. I explained the situation and I had many go right away to my new page. My old Facebook is actually still up, three months after the fact, because I was involved in a long campaign when I made the changes. I will unpublish it after I get paid for that.

I made the change in October but continued to share my new blog posts, with my new Facebook page tagged, to my old page through the end of the year.

Don't forget to plug your new Facebook link into your follow buttons widget/gadget in your sidebar. I decided to go one step further in advertising my new page by installing a widget that pops up in the middle of the screen after a reader has been here for 30 seconds, suggesting that they like my Facebook page. I found this at TheBlogWidgets.com. I'm happy to report that likes on my Dancing in the Rain page have surpassed my old page likes!

Lesson: There are things about Facebook that suck, but it's still worth it to go through the effort because interactions there can be pretty great.

8. One word: Pinterest. You have been going through the extra step of including a pinnable image in every post. Pinterest is the hottest thing since sliced bread, so people are re-pinning your posts. There's nothing you can do about the fact that your previous images have your old blog name or URL watermarked on them, but you can go in and edit pins with the updated URL. I'm not doing this for every single pin; just the ones that are getting attention. It takes two seconds. Again, nobody likes a dead link. And remember, if you have your old URL set to redirect, this won't be an issue for you at all.

Lesson: There may be some uber tedious things you'll want to do. Do them as you can and it shouldn't be overwhelming.

There are some other miscellaneous things like updating whatever commenting system you use, as well as making sure you're using the correct URL when commenting on other blogs (auto fill will have your old one at the ready). Check to see if there's anything you should update with your social shares plug-in. Updating profiles on sites that deal with blogger opportunities is important....

I think that's about it!

Have you ever gone through "The Change", the blog name change, that is?

If I Had a Million Dollars

If I had a million dollars I would be so very grateful, because then I could.....

1. Pay off my house, and maybe someone else's too. And that would be a continuing gift due to the lack of a house payment, thus all that money in your pocket every month!

2. My husband and I would take our dream vacation. Dialysis be damned! We would figure out a way to take a Mediterranean cruise.

3. Have the exterior of my house painted and landscaped (what little there is to landscape; wouldn't cost much).

4. Buy my husband a vehicle that is less than 10 years old.

5. Go to Hawaii.

6. Go to New York City.

7. Go to England. Take Lizzi out to dinner.

8. Go to a blogging conference.

9. Give some to the local food bank.

10. Set up savings accounts for my children.

Apparently I'd like to go a lot of places. Perhaps that's because I NEVER GO ANYWHERE. Maybe.

Did I mention gratitude? I'm pretty sure I did. Because I would be beyond grateful if money to do all these things magically landed in my lap. Truly.

Show me the money.


Feeling all kinds of clever combining two great link-ups!

The View From Here: I Win

2014....so far so good?

It is around here, especially because I have someone I consider to be one of the "cool kids" of the blogosphere sharing her View today.

She is The Suniverse and she prefers "to remain Sunonymous". She has a husband, a daughter, a couple of cats, is highly educated and swears a lot. Translation: she's smart and funny, which equals witty, and I really like that in a person.

__________

Somebody is going to win. It had better be me. 

I see things in black and white.

This is exhausting – it means that everything is a zero sum game. Everything. The bowl near you has more potato chips than the bowl near me? You win, even though I don’t actually like potato chips. You think you’re better than me because you like potato chips? You’re wrong, and I win, because Cool Ranch Doritos are empirically better.

This type of black and white competitiveness is great for gearing myself up for things I want to accomplish – whether that’s getting a degree or learning to knit or having a kid. It’s less fun, and less lucrative, when I focus my zero-sum ray beam eyes on actions or activities that I have no interest in. Your house is super clean? My house will be super cleaner. You clean your windows once a month? I CLEAN THEM EVERY WEEK. I WIN.

As I’ve gotten older, the chemicals that provide the crazed competitiveness have diminished – perhaps, like a woman’s eggs, there are only so many available in my lifetime, and I’ve squandered those competitive eggs on things like learning how to do a yoga pose better, or spelling things faster than the person next to me. Or maybe guessing the answer when playing Charades against my 10- and 11-year-old nieces.  Actually, I don’t consider that last one squandering my competitive edge. Kids have to learn how to lose sometime.

This could be bad in the long run; I definitely am setting myself up to lose at Bingo in the nursing home. Of course, Alzheimer’s runs in my family, so I’m assuming that by the time I’m in the nursing home, I’ll just relive all those times I beat my own daughter at Candyland. Ahh, the good old days.

Anyway, I’ve gotten a bit less zero sum. I’ve started to think in shades of gray – started to realize that just because you win doesn’t necessarily mean that I lose. That life is not binary. That your success does not mean my failure; that there is more to focus on than an external barometer for success.

I’m not winning at that. Yet. But if someone is going to win at being able to see shades of gray, it is for sure going to be me. Because that is how I roll.

Wait. I may have just negated any progress I’ve made. I . . . win?

__________

I think she'll get it figured out, don't you?

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Strings Attached

In the 19 years of my relationship with my husband I have learned that I should not be responsible for the intricacies of managing the connections with my in-laws. They had a relationship with Mark for 25 years before I came along. Why should I step in and make things happen for my husband who is a grown man?

I know many wives do this. And their husbands let them. I did for awhile too. I am really good at remembering dates and I would remind Mark of his parents' birthdays, and make sure he got them at least a card.

But sometime after having children I realized I was a parent now too and didn't need to keep mothering my husband. I had actual babies to worry about.

It's not as if he made sure I remembered my parents' birthdays or thought of gifts to give them for Christmas. Nope, that was all on me.

So I decided that Mark's relationships with his family members were his responsibility.

I had to tell his father too when he got in the habit of emailing me with questions for Mark. I can understand that my father-in-law is hard of hearing and using email is easier for him. I also understand that my husband would rather use the phone, so these opposing preferences present a problem. However, my father-in-law has high quality hearing aids and can pick up the phone and call his son.

Unless Mark is lying in a hospital bed, I don't need to be a middle-man.

__________

Another problem has presented itself in the past few years. Mark's step-mother has called me twice a couple of days after Christmas complaining that we didn't call them on Christmas Day. I think both of the years in which this happened, we had guests for the Holiday and were kind of busy.

See, she feels it is the kid's job to call the parents on Christmas. And she is apparently pretty hard over on this.

I, on the other hand, think it shouldn't matter who calls whom. If you want to talk to me on Christmas, call. If I happen to think of it first, I'll call you. As long as we connect, it shouldn't matter who dialed the digits.

She called me again this year, two days after Christmas. She said, "We've been waiting. You're the kids."

::begin rant::

It is so completely frustrating to be scolded like that. Especially when it's not even my fault! I actually did remind Mark to call his dad. We had guests, we were doing things and he forgot.

I think these expectations are stupid. We are parents now too and busy making Christmas special for our kids. I think YOU should call if it means that much to you! And actually, all that should matter is that we talk sometime AROUND Christmas and the New Year. To check in, to talk about the gifts that were exchanged, whatever.

Why does it have to be FORCED?

It makes me feel like the gifts they send to us have strings attached. In fact, I have tried to get them to NOT give me anything before because of this. I stonewalled when asked what I wanted for Christmas last year. They wouldn't leave me alone until I gave them some clue as to what I might like.

This year, I told them about household items we could use. Nothing personal for myself. I just can't handle the sense of obligation that emanates from them.

When Mark's step-mother called this year, I cordially said I was sorry we hadn't called yet, but at that moment Mark had just gotten home from dialysis and wanted to take a nap before going to work. She said, "Well, it's the kids we really want to talk to." Oh. Well then call the kids!!

::end rant::

Cordiality. Obligation. Strings.

That's all I feel. It doesn't feel good, and I don't know what to do about it, IF there's anything I CAN do about it.

I don't think they have any idea I feel this way. Because of other difficulties in the relationships over the years I am always completely cordial and polite to/with them. I am beyond gun-shy of making waves.

So I sit here and bite my tongue the hardest I've ever had to bite it. I do that for my husband and my children. But it bugs me so much.

(I am 99% sure they don't read my blog, by the way. If they do read it and never say anything to me.....well that's just oogy.)