One thing has been on my mind for over a week. One has been on my heart since the 11th. And the other just became a thing to chew on yesterday.
First, I experienced what Oprah would call (did she make it up or did she hear it somewhere...?) a "full circle moment" when I sent my kids to visit my mom in Lake Tahoe, just like I used to do three times a year, before moving to live with her, when I was a kid.
Times have changed a lot, but I still did the very same thing my dad used to do with me. I wonder if he was experiencing deja vu driving us....
When I was a kid, my dad could have dropped me off at the curb of the airport and sent me on my way. When he picked me up, he could have been any old guy luring me to his car. Now, I have to go through security and wait until my kids' plane is in the air. When they return, I have to prove I'm their mother and sign for them like I'm accepting responsibility for a package. I don't think there were unaccompanied minor fees for me, but there are for kids today.
But I digress. What I'm trying to say is, it felt weird. Because I had moved to live with my mom in Lake Tahoe when I was 12, and then lived in the Bay Area for nine years with my boyfriend/husband, I didn't grow up thinking I might one day be sending my kids to my mom, from Sea-Tac to Reno, just like me.
So I'm just saying: Full circle moment.
Second, the death of Robin Williams has been heavy on my heart, as it seems to be on so many of our hearts.
When an entertainer I'm a big fan of passes away, especially before what felt like should have been their time, I cry, "No, no, no, no!" and think about all the wonderful things they'll never do again.
I loved Robin Williams. He was one of my very favorites and I could have watched him and laughed at him till he was much older. I mean, just look at his body of work! I wish so much this hadn't happened.
I don't really have anything more to say about the loss of him -- nor about his depression or suicide -- than others have already said so well. Except, I read on Wikipedia that he first became "known" as a performer in 1973. I was born in 1974, so he entertained me my entire life. MY WHOLE LIFE. And now he's gone.
This made me in turn think of my two uncles, two men I knew from the very beginning, but now they're gone too, and also sooner than we would have liked. My dad is one of five. There was always five. I can't seem to get over the fact that there are only three left.
I know everyone dies eventually. We all suffer losses. It's just really hard for my feeble human mind to fully comprehend it.
So I'm just saying: Grief is hard.
The third thing my brain has been noodling is....more of an idea than a thing, really
We had my dad over for a steak dinner while the kids were away, and as it always goes with him, we talked and gabbed and conversated the night away. I can't totally recall what led me to say this, but I said:
This house is nobody's dream home, but it's perfect for us. Sure, space is tight in places, but there is enough room for the four of us; it has everything we need. I love my little house, my little yard, this neighborhood. It's enough.That's how I honestly feel. Our house isn't special by any one's standards. But it's ours and we like it.
Then I saw two things on Facebook that only served to validate me. The first was a blog post my mom shared from Glennon Melton of Momastery titled "Give me Gratitude or Give Me Debt" who put on her "perspectacles" and shared why she's perfectly content with her kitchen, even though many people suggested she give it an update.
I freaking love that post. I shared it everywhere I could.
And then I saw this image in my newsfeed:
|as seen on The Mind Unleashed's facebook page|
I've talked about the feelings Mark struggles with in regards to all of his health problems. Sometimes he feels quite a bit of anger. So sometimes I check in with him, sort of remind him, that even though that stuff sucks, he does have a good life because of how much he is loved. He assures me that he knows.
So I'm just saying: Perspective is necessary.
Has there been anything in particular on your mind lately? Lay it on me!