My Husband is Enough

Source: littlelifepreservers.com via Just on Pinterest

My dearest Mark,

I'm not sure you're really hearing me when we're talking so I'm going to put this out to the world as a way of showing you how I feel and what I truly think.

I need you to know that you are enough.

You are enough man, enough husband and enough father.

You are the love of my life. Your children light up when you spend time with them.

Your health problems have nothing to do with how we feel about you.

You are not a burden and you do not cause us pain.

The health problems are hard and cause worry and concern and even fear. But they are what they are. They are not WHO you are; they do not define you.

I know you're becoming afraid, wondering how much more your body can take. I know how afraid you are that you'll leave us too soon.

I'm afraid of that too.  We do deal with a lot of crap. It does get stressful. Scary things happen. There are challenges to overcome. Life just plain sucks sometimes.

But you taught me - YOU TAUGHT ME - years ago that we cannot live in fear. YOU TAUGHT ME about what it is to fight for the life you want. YOU TAUGHT ME how to live in the moment.

Being with you has taught me how to love unconditionally. You have taught me compassion and faith. You have taught me how to laugh in the face of hardship. You, my sweet husband, have taught me to see each and every one of life's blessings and to focus on them when struggles come. Because of your strong influence in my life, I know that everything will be OK. Somehow, someway, it'll be OK.

When I think back to where we began, and look around at where we are today, all I see are the good things.  I see our relationship of almost 18 years, our beautiful children and this little house we bought and I am in awe.  I feel so full of love.

I am proud of us. I am proud of our life together. I am proud of you.

This life - yours, mine, ours - will never be picture perfect. It is what it is, hon. At the end of the day, the crap doesn't matter. What matters is who we are, how we love, our strength and perseverance.

Mark, I can't stand to watch you worrying so much about the future. Please, like Sammy says, stay right here, right now. Breathe in the moments and live your life with the intention of wringing out every single last drop that you can.

And please know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are enough. No, you are more than enough.

I love you,
Jen

PS: Like The Band says, you have The Eye of the Motherfucking Tiger, and don't you forget it!

My Life's Soundtrack

For this final Monday of January, Bruna at Bees With Honey challenged us with this:

If they were to make a movie of your life what would the soundtrack be like? Share 10 songs that best tell the story of your life. Be sure to include the period or event that each song represents.

I love music and have had many favorite songs in my life, so I *think* I can do this. I'm just glad she didn't ask who would play me and the people in my life, because that I do not think I could do!  Well, except that I think my husband looks a little like Tim Robbins.

Speaking of Mark, he could totally pull off this task because he so easily remembers events in his life and the music that he liked at the time. Problem is, he'd have a very hard time stopping at just 10 songs.

The year of my birth was 1974. April of 1974, in fact. The #1 Billboard song on the date of my birth was a ltitle ditty called TSOP (The Sound of Philidelphia) by MFSB & The Three Degrees. It's a fun R&B song, but does nothing to tell you anything about me or my life. There are, however, plenty of other songs that were #1 on my birthday over the years that I really liked. Such as Against All Odds by Phil Collins, Like a Prayer by Madonna and Boom Boom Pow by The Black Eyed Peas,

1. There's this one song that was apparently #1 on my birthday in 1996 that became the song Mark and I danced to at our wedding in 1998 (not Mark's choice, he would like me to note): Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion.  Actually, now that I know it was #1 on the charts on my birthday that year, I find it even more apropos that it was our wedding song. Because...Mark had his kidney/pancreas transplant in April of '96 which was a hugely defining thing in our life as a couple. And that song, well, it gets me every time. It's actually from a movie -- the one with Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Redford where Robert Redford dies and I sob -- Up Close and Personal.

2. The song that is really "our song" is Thank You by Led Zeppelin. Mark put it on a mix tape he made me somewhere between our first kiss and his vacation with a friend a couple month later. I had never heard this particular Zeppelin song before and I fell in love with it.

I printed up the lyrics and had them framed by my FIL as a gift for Mark one year...long ago....

3. My mom, I guess, dedicated Close To You by The Carpenters to me. She would sing this part of the song when she was feeling particularly mushy towards me:

On the day that you were born the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair
And golden starlight in your eyes so blue

4. My dad liked to sing Dog and Butterfly by Heart to me. I'm actually not sure why, except maybe because it sounds a little like a lullaby. He pretty much liked to sing anything to me. Still does.

5. I'm not sure if Mark knows this, but In My Life by The Beatles holds a ton of meaning for me in regards to how I feel about him. What I know he doesn't want to hear, is that I adore Bette Midler's version of it. I tear up every single time I listen and sing to it.

6. At Christmastime, I gotta have me some of Elvis' Blue Christmas.

You're thinking I have an awful lot of old songs here, hu?  Are you wondering just how old I am? Not THAT old, don't worry!

7. When I entered adulthood I was really into Melissa Etheridge, and would be remiss if I didn't list Like the Way I Do. It is a rockin' scorned woman song that came out LONG before Alanis Morissette that my friend Brandie and I used to crank up and belt out together. It's on her first album, which I actually discovered only after Yes I Am came out. Anyway, Brandie and I went to see Melissa live and I just have to say it is such a trip to be surrounded by lesbians screaming, "I wanna have your baby!"

8. I absolutely HAVE to talk about Bon Jovi because he/they have been a big part of my life since I was 12 years old. Can I pick just one song of theirs that would be on the soundtrack of my life? I think not. The first song I heard was You Give Love a Bad Name which introduced me to the wonderful world of the "big hair band". I love to belt out I'll Be There for You. I'm all over Livin' on a Prayer and Dead or Alive on Rock Band. When Jon Bon sang Lay Your Hands on Me, I said OK! I suppose It's My Life is the one that would be most appropriate, right?

9. When I got pregnant with Camryn in 1999 the song With Arms Wide Open by Creed was out and climbing the charts to #1. It's about the lead singer, Scott Stapp, learning that he was going to be a father. Needless to say, the song resonated with both Mark and I, and still does.

Well shoot. This has been fairly easy up until now. One more song that articulates some facet of my life? How do I choose?

10. I think I will have to go with Carrie Underwood's Lessons Learned, which is probably my theme song.







PS: Mark your calendars for a shiny new monthly meme hosted by me and Danielle at Motherhood: Truth. It's called "Did You Know...?" and will go live on the first Tuesday of the month. First one is February 7! So come share some bit of info with us. It can be completely true, or total BS. Point is, we want you to have fun with it!

TGIF: Yeah. Good Times. Edition

I've got a fun treat for you today.

The gal behind Yeah. Good Times. is here to get her happy on with us!

Jill is unique. She's also pretty awesome. She blogs semi-anonymously as @Jillsmo or "Jill H. Smo", lives in Berkeley and she has two sons whom she refers to as Child 1 and Child 2.  Jill describes herself as an "excessively chatty", "snarky, liberal bitch" who is "actually a nice person".

And she really is -- all of those things -- and I really enjoy her posts. Jill can completely crack me up with her funny drawings, or make me think when she has an important issue she'd like to discuss.

Today, I'm just beyond thrilled that she agreed to share her brand of happy with us! You will see below how it might be just a little bit of a twisted happy....

* * * * *

When Jen asked me to write about something that made me happy, I originally thought I would write about how awesome it is when my 2 boys (one with autism, one without) play together, despite their often "saucy" use of language. I even drew this picture!!

But then something else happened that I thought was funny, so I changed my mind. But I didn't want this picture I already drew to go to waste, so there it is. Totally out of context.

Child 2 has this LeapPad Explorer thingy; it's like a fake tablet for kids, and you have to hook it up to a computer to install stuff on it. The other day we were messing around with it and when we hooked it up to the computer we had to install some software. I guess as part of their marketing strategies, the LeapPad company thought it was necessary to put in pictures of REALLY happy people using their products, so as we sat there waiting for it to install, we were treated to pictures like this:

... and, well.... I thought that was kind of funny. Because who is actually that happy to be using their computer? Without a glass of wine? So I say to Child 2: "Man, that woman is happy to be using her computer, don't you think?" He didn't care, so I kept going. I like to mess with him during down time. Here, I drew it for you....

... until he shrieked at me: "STOP IT, YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!!"

"But do I look as happy as she does?" I insisted. "I AM installing software right now!!"

"YES. YES YOU DO. Now stop, this is really awkward!"

Ahhhhhhh...... Happy :)

* * * * *

Hahaha! It IS fun to mess with our kids! I mean, they've gotta be good for something, right?

Leave Jill some comment love here and then go check out her blog, Yeah. Good Times.

Do YOU have something HAPPY to share? Grab the TGIF button in my sidebar, write a post and link it up! You've got all weekend....

Doing My Due Diligence

I have a parenting challenge that is weighing on me quite a bit right now.

A little backstory

My daughter Camryn has Attention Deficit Disorder with an emphasis on being inattentive and impulsive.  This was first brought to our attention (no pun intended) when she was in kindergarten.  Since she's a summer baby and therefor one of the youngest in her class, we thought maybe she just needed a little time to mature more.  So we didn't do anything about her possible ADD until about the middle of first grade.

I don't need to write out ALL the details.  Suffice it to say, she does indeed have ADD and she does take a stimulant daily.  From 6 1/2 to 11 1/2 (where we are now) there have been many ups and downs in regards to behavior, meds and school.  But for the most part, she has been a bright, inquisitive, well-behaved girl who seems to enjoy school and learning.  We have seen her trying her hardest over the years.

Where we're at today

School is what I'm really concerned with right now.  Well, that and just this overall lack of effort on her part.  Because it's not only evident in regards to her schoolwork and grades, but also here at home.

When I first started writing this we were on day 3 of Cami being home sick.  On the first day she was home I logged into the school family access site where we parents can view our children's school records.  This includes grades, assignments, attendance and any disciplinary actions.  Now, this was my first time logging in all year because I didn't know I needed to disable my pop-up blocker for it open the secure window (so I just thought it wasn't working for me).

What I found was very disheartening.  Cami is in 6th grade this year and we are nearing the end of the first semester when they will be filing report cards.  According to the online records, she currently has 3 Ds.

She has always struggled with math and we did experience a hiccup with that earlier in the year.  But that turned out to only be about an assignment she simply didn't turn in.  Total ADD move on her part.  So you live and learn, right?  Ever since then, we have routinely asked her if she's turned in her completed work, to which she always answers yes.

I guess my first clue to the troubles should have been when she called me from school and told me she needed to turn in 2 missing math workbooks.  I asked her if she had them, she said yes, so I said to freaking turn them in!  She replied that they weren't finished.  I told her that doesn't matter.  Some is better than none.

In fact, whether she finishes all her math homework or not doesn't matter, according to the agreement we made with her math teacher and written into her 504 plan.  Her math teacher explained to us that it should only take each student about 30 minutes to do their homework.  Since Cami has ADD, if someone is sitting with her, helping to keep her on task, that's all she will expect of her as well (if she's working on her own, we'll give her an hour).  The teacher said math homework is really just practice, so finishing it all isn't necessarily the point; as long as she's trying and doing most of it, she will get credit.

But here Camryn is still thinking she can't turn it in if it's not complete.  So it shows an F in her record.

Seeing an F in your child's school record is one of the most upsetting things for a parent.  Or at least it is for me.  F means FAIL.  I don't want my child to fail!

OK. So, I talked about all of this with her, explained that something is better than nothing and that if the teacher tells Cami she has to finish it, to have her call me because that's not what is supposed to happen. I also spoke with her about how now that she's in middle school her grades count towards the rest of her school career, and ultimately the rest of her life.

That's a big thing to lay on an 11 year old, but it's the truth.  I told her we expect nothing less than a C and if she brings home Ds or Fs there will be serious consequences.  I reiterated what my mother told me, that school is her job and her grades are her pay.

Camryn listened, nodded, said OK....

But then I'm up in her room a day later sorting through her laundry and such.  Now, keeping her room clean has always been an issue, and seems to be an issue for most ADD kids.  She's sick, so I'm not bothering her much, but when it comes time to put some clean laundry away, I discover that the last time I had her put away clean clothes, she simply threw them all into the bottom drawer of her dresser.  I also discovered that she's shoving hoodies onto a shelf in her closet, rather than hanging them up.

These might seem like small things, but this combined with the school stuff screams of a total lack of effort on her part.  All this time I was under the impression that she always tries her hardest, that it's just difficult for her to stay on task.  And I still think that's true.....but....

I also think she is just kind of floating through her little life right now.  I guess she's lost in her own little world way more than I thought.

I've been wracking my brain with, "what do I do?" and "how do I help her?".

For many parenting dilemmas I believe in natural consequences, but I'm now thinking that might not be the way to go with her, with this.  She's not stupid, but she is...how do I say this delicately....?  Things go in one ear and out the other, or right over her head entirely.  Let me say again, she is not dumb, she's just got ADD and her brain is all over the place.

I think I am going to have to hold her hand and walk her through some things for awhile.  Things that other 11 1/2 year-olds can take care of just fine on their own, Cami still needs help with.

We are going to have to start checking her binder and planner religiously every day, as well as help her organize each assignment so she knows when to turn it in (which should already be written down in her planner, but....).  I will have to start checking the online records at least weekly.

As for her bedroom, I am going to have to help her get it really cleaned up and organized, and then push her into a routine of keeping it that way.

Nag, nag, nag.

So I know what I and we have to do.  The problem is how exactly to execute it.  How to balance it so that I don't go back to doing everything for her.  And how to get her to understand that these things matter and are important.  I think it is so easy for an ADD kid to just not care about certain things because it's so hard to focus on them.

I worry so much about her future if she doesn't learn how to take care of these things now, while she still has mom and dad to help her.  Since learning about ADD, I have felt that my most important job as her mother will be to teach her how to function well -- how to be organized, not lose things, not always be late to places.  If I can teach my ADD daughter these things, I will feel successful as her mother.

Right now, I'm failing at this and I'm really disappointed in myself.  I thought I was doing all the right things.  I do ask questions about school, have been to every conference and 504 meeting.  I help with Cami's homework the best I can, math not being my strongest subject either (there's a lot of Googling).  I encourage her, tell her she can do anything, she's smart and beautiful and funny and I love her so much.  Her teachers have told me they feel the same way about her and that they really appreciate me as a parent, that so many other parents just don't seem to care.

So why is she still struggling?  Obviously some changes need to be made and I have to suck it up and make them. It maybe even require a trip to the doctor to reevaluate her medication needs....

I just want to get this right, and I feel like I'm already running out of time since we are now over halfway through her childhood.

Are Seattleites "Snow Wimps?"

Many in the lowlands of Western Washington hope for at least one good snowstorm per winter to break up the rainy doldrums, and to let the kids have some winter fun.

And last week we got it!  Here's how things were looking around my house (about 40 miles north of Seattle)....

With MLK day last Monday, the kids got an entire week off of school. I mean, it just kept snowing. It stayed below freezing for an entire 5 days.

And then a little controversy ensued.

A reporter for the LA Times posted an article calling us wimps! Specifically, "Snow wimps: Seattle is shut down by first real snow of the season". Besides that rude headline, Kim Murphy wrote:

• Color Seattle clueless. The city has always marched unarmed into its infrequent battles with snow, and Wednesday's snowstorm was no exception.
• The snowstorm had been forecast to be the worst to hit the Puget Sound region in 30 years, an ominous warning that scared easily scareable Seattleites. 

The kicker to her comments is that she lives in Seattle. The biotch is a backstabber!

Art Thiel of KING5 News wrote a great rebuttall. He pointed out two important points to keep in mind about Seattle snow:

• No downtown that receives snow is as as hilly as Seattle. Period. The Priniciple of Verticality. There's just too much up here to get down safely.
• Wet snow doesn't drift. It gets compacted onto road beds and sidewalks. Plowing and salting helps, but 90 percent of the streets in a metro area as large as Seattle will never see a plow or a salting truck. Seattle cement can only wait for warm rain to wash most of it away.

Let me first admit something. I used to harbor similar feelings to Ms. Murphy's when I first moved back here after having lived in Lake Tahoe, which is over 6,000 feet above sea level and gets lots of snow every winter (except this winter, apparently). I graduated from South Tahoe High and you better believe me when I tell you the snow had to get pretty bad before they called off school. Because of my experience living in the mountains, I too thought Washingtonians were a little overly cautious when it comes to snow.

However, now that we're going through our 9th winter here, I understand the caution. The simple fact is, we are used to rain. Even wind and flooding. We're not used to snow. It doesn't snow here every single winter so we don't put snow preparedness things at the tippy-top of our city planning priorities. And frankly, these days, we simply do not have the money in our state budget.

And like Mr. Thiel pointed out, the snow we get here is the polar (polar, ha!) opposite of the snow Lake Tahoe gets. The variety of snow experienced in the Sierra Nevada mountains is the dry kind. It's not as heavy or sticky or slick.

For this chic to criticize how we handle our snow storms for the Los Angeles Times is ludicrous. LA has not a single leg to stand on when it comes to snow! The rain we're used to here in the Pacific Northwest causes all kinds of problems for the residents of Southern California when they get it. They encounter the same idiot, white-knuckle driving and increase in accidents during rain that we do during snow.

And excuse me, but if a portion of the 405 being shut down can be coined "Carmageddon", we deserve to refer to the storms we just had as "Snowmageddon". When the East Coast has a freaking earthquake they're allowed to freak out a little too. And by the way, I hear there were recently freezing temps in Florida! Shit happens. Ahem.

I just don't understand why she needed to write something critical. Why couldn't she simply report the facts?  She apparently complained on a radio show that her email inbox was being "abused". Aw, I wonder why?

Before I Die

Today's Listicles topic is this:

10 things you'd like to see happen before you die. They can be things you participate in or things you just witness. ~ Ally, Two Normal Moms

That is a really great topic! Might be hard to only list ten things.

Before I die I'd like to see....

1. My kids living happy and fulfilled lives. That's all I want for them. Whatever that looks like, however they go about it. As long as they're happy, not hurting themselves or anyone else, I'll be happy.

2. My great-grandchildren. I used to be kind of afraid of getting really old, but now that I'm on my way on the down slope to 40, and have children, I find myself wanting to live a good long life. In the immortal words of Aerosmith, I don't wanna miss a thing.

3. A cure for Diabetes. Or even maybe a vaccine to prevent it in the first place. I have no idea if that's possible because I'm not a doctor, or even scientifically minded, but it sounds good. All I know is that disease is a scourge and it needs to be eradicated the same as polio.

4. The end of pimples. Seriously, I'm 37 years old and still getting them. What kind of crap is that? Totally unnecessary and unfair, that's what!

5. Total equality on all levels. Much less of a disparity between the rich and the poor, zero discrimination or prejudice, less divisive political parties and humility among politicians, health care and education for everyone who needs/wants it, every one's basic needs met ALWAYS. Basically, for the world to wise up!

6. Really good, even great, public transportation. Especially here where I live, for me, but I think everywhere should have it. The biggest thing I miss about the Bay Area is BART.

7.  The Seattle Seahawks win a Superbowl. I'm just sayin'.

8. Healthy, organic food at the same price as everything else. There's a vicious cycle going on that looks like this: eat high fat, processed food, have health problems, become unable to work, try to get healthy, can't afford good food due to no job, keep eating the high fat, processed food, get sicker, require lots of medical care which causes costs to rise for everyone, even more people can't afford healthy food and.... If you really think about it, it's another example of the haves and have-nots. And who wins?

9. My fingernails not snapping off the minute they get to a nice length. My mother has the strongest, nicest nails on the planet. Why didn't I inherit that? I inherited her oily, Italian skin, which I suppose is good for the aging process (I don't think I have any wrinkles yet).  I have kinda nice hands, but not nice nails. Just goes to show, you can't have it all.

10. No more fighting about God. If we can accomplish #5, we should be able to do this. Wars in the name of God are one of the least understandable things to me. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I feel pretty confident that it's not what God wants. No Holy Wars, Crusades or Jihads. Just believe what you believe and knock off the anger towards others' beliefs!

*Stepping off my soapbox*

I tried to be both serious and light-hearted here. I don't usually blog out my opinions on religion, politics and such. But the question of things I'd love to see come to pass in my lifetime really got me thinking.  There are things in this world I just don't think are right and kind of make me sad (including my weak fingernails). So there ya go.

This topic also got me humming one of my current favorite songs, "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. I've embedded the video for your viewing and listening pleasure....

TGIF: 6 Years Edition

Welcome to a new & improved....

<a href="http://www.justjenniferblog.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt=""src="http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb331/JenAnnHall/Blog%20Photos/newtgifimage-1.jpg" /></a>
All things have their growing pains, right? I think a blog meme is no exception. It might take a little time to know exactly what you're going for, the feel/tone of it and such.
At least that's what I'm telling myself.
TGIF started out as talking about something Terrific, something you're Grateful for or something Important , focusing on the positive at the end of the week. Then I realized that people just may not be able to find something like that in their week.  I also decided I wanted to have others guest post here every other week and it seemed hard to ask them last minute, you know? And then I wrote my last TGIF post about my little Coke scrapbook and GetGlue stickers, which was all about stuff that makes me happy in some way.
So I decided that TGIF should simply be about whatever makes us happy, whatever is making you happy....whatever, however...just happy stuff.
So come and get your happy on with me!
* * * * *
This week I'm talking about my AJ.  His 6th birthday is tomorrow.
He shares his birthday with my MIL. It's so interesting.  When we told her I was pregnant and that my due date was January 19, she said, "Well keep your legs crossed until the 21st!", and I ended up being induced first thing in the morning on the 21st.
My dad's birthday is on the 22nd, and my J.Ho's birthday, my kids' Godmother, is on the 23rd.  AJ has good company all the way around.
Having my son made me very happy because I really wanted 2 children, and it turns out he is the only boy in our family. I remember when I was pregnant my FIL asking me, "Do we know yet if there's a stem on the apple?" Haha!
I have prepared some pictures to show how he's changed over the years, and I'm linking them with Mama Wants This! and These Little Waves for this month's....

Six years already! I swear his little boy years are going by so much faster than Cami's little girl years did. Looking through these photos I am floored. AJ is a handful, but I am in awe of his spunk, his energy, his mind and just what a handsome little man he is. I'm very proud to be his mom.

Source: forum.baby-gaga.com via Just on Pinterest

Go get your happy on and link up with me!

AskDocG: A Guest Post

Somehow among all the clickity-clicks and tweets that go scrolling through my timeline I became connected to a great lady who is a real doctor in IRL (and a mother to 4 boys!).  She is a physician, public speaker and currently on her way to global domination, I think, with her sound and practical, yet compassionate, parenting advice.

I have never been one to listen to so-called "experts" on parenting.  But Dr. Deborah Gilboa (DocG) is different. She is utterly personable, kind and easy to talk to  She doesn't judge (at least not out loud).  Honestly, I think I could talk her ear off if I had the opportunity!

DocG's blog on her website is all about answering real parenting questions, so when I asked if she would do a guest post for me and she said yes, I sent a doozy.  However, I am not at all surprised that she was able to answer my tough question so well.

Me: Ever since we had kids we've struggled with balancing them and my husband's health condition. Sometimes we feel guilty about being parents with disabilities.  We especially struggle to balance just how much our kids are burdened by the stress and worry of their dad's health.  I don't want to shelter them or sugar coat things, but also don't want to frighten them.  But I do worry about the fact that they could lose their dad when they're still young.  I've never said this to them, but sometimes I wonder if I should, to prepare them for the possibility.


So, what do you think is the appropriate way to raise children amid chronic illness?

DocG: First off, Jen, let me say that I have followed along these past months and been amazed by the honesty and grace with which you and Mark seem to face these challenges. Good health is guaranteed to no one, but taken for granted by so many. I hope that someday your family is able to live with great good health.

Every family going through hardship struggles in this same way with how to teach their children about their situation. Your children are at very different developmental stages, but both are bright kids with empathy and understanding.

The bad news is this: we don’t have much choice about the struggles our kids will face in their lives.

The good news is this: the more we show faith in their competence to handle struggles, the more resilient they will become.

To encourage your quest for balance here are a few guidelines:

• Share the work. It is fine to put some extra responsibilities on your kids as they pitch in for family chores. If a parent has mobility issues, your kids will not think twice about being asked to carry things or do some walking tasks. This is part of the reality of your family and will teach your children helpfulness and empathy. I would not be surprised if teachers at school tell you that your kids look out for people who need a little extra help.
• Don’t share your worry. Kids should not be “leaned on” emotionally. You are still the rock in their world – disabilities do not change that. They look to you for comfort and stability, and need to do that.
• Have empathy but no guilt. It is not your fault that your family has obvious differences from other families. You can show your children empathy if they express frustration or embarrassment about these differences, but don’t apologize for the reality. Encourage your kids to think about ways in which other families might have less obvious but still large difficulties to overcome that put stress on them (like military families, minority families, out of work parents, etc).

For your 11 year old, it’s time to start asking her how she feels about the health issues in your family. This will show her that her parents’ health is not an off-limit topic, and encourage her to think about it. If she asks questions about the future, or her dad’s prognosis, don’t lie but don’t dwell on it. No one knows what the future holds or when. Encourage her to appreciate the now, remind her that your family situation has a silver lining: you know better than most to make the most of each day.

For your six year old (happy birthday!) you can strengthen him by modeling good care-taking behavior. That doesn’t just mean encouraging him to take care of others! Show him how you take care of yourself, encourage him to also take time for his own interests, to express his feelings and to stay fit. Model gratitude (out loud), and living in the moment so that he will internalize these great habits.

This is a hard situation, but they can teach your kids great character traits and lifelong skills.

* * * * *

See what I mean?  DocG's advice on this matter makes me feel encouraged that we are already doing many of the right things for our kids, while also letting me know straight - no wishy-washy-ness - about the realities I have to consider. And yes, Cami's teachers have told us she is a very helpful and compassionate kid. So neat that DocG thought of that!

I've started referring to DocG as my "doctor friend",

and you can too!

Connect with Dr. Deborah Gilboa:

Website

Twitter

Facebook

A Cat, a Cup and a Quote

A truer thing has never been said.

I've blogged about my cat Julius a few times now.

Because he's a big, fat squishy hunk of cat who lets me be his person.

See this?

I have been waiting a whole year to get these pictures!
Because he is partially named for Orange Julius.
Isn't that awesome??
The answer is YES!

The Things You Think You Know

The Listicle topic for this week was chosen by Greta at Not Enough Patience and Never Enough Jewelry:

"I'll Never...": The Top Ten Things You Said You Would NEVER Do And Have Caught Yourself Doing.

Oh yeah, I can do this.  I used to have all kinds of preconceived notions about all kinds of things, especially raising children.

I once said, but eventually ate my words:

1. I will never watch, let alone enjoy, a football game. Girls don't like football!
When I fell in love with a man who was a football fan, I decided "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em".  I didn't want to be a "football widow".  Turns out, it doesn't suck.

AJ was born the year the Seattle Seahawks (with Sean Alexander - Alexander is AJ's first name) went to the Superbowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers (the Seahawks were robbed!)

2. I will never breastfeed in public. Not that I think there's anything wrong with it - for others. I would just be too self-conscious.
When you have a screaming infant in need of milk and you're breastfeeding, you'll do it wherever you have to.  I once managed to nurse my daughter while walking around Costco.

3. I will never own one of those fancy-shmancy "cadillac" strollers.  Why the hell do you need that big of a contraption just to cart your baby around?
Turns out there are very legitimate reasons for those strollers.  You really do need a cup holder, a bin under the seat for crap, a sippy or snack cup holder for the kid and little hooks on the handle for your bags.  Moms already don't have enough hands.

4. I'll never give my kids apple juice because I don't like it.  How can I give it to my kids when I can't even stand the smell?
What my kids like and don't like has nothing to do with me!

5. I'll never be that mom in the store whose child is tugging on her pants saying, "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy..." without responding.  What kind of mother just tunes her child out like that?
It's actually quite easy to tune your children out when you listen to them all.day.long.  And it so happens that in the store, you purposely ignore them because all they want is to ask you to buy something.  It doesn't mean you're being a bad mom.  It means you're sparing the child your wrath.

6. My kids will never have a video game system.  Playing video games is a mindless activity that eats brain cells.
We have both an Xbox and a Wii and my kids love them.  And I won't apologize for or feel bad about it. One of the factors for having them is where we live.  Can't kick the kids outside all the time around here.  Also, Mark spends good quality time playing video games with them.  And anyway, what's wrong with a little mindless fun?  We Americans are too uptight.

Playing Kinect

7. I will never move back to Washington. California is so cool, why would I ever want to leave?
I was born in WA, lived here with my dad until I was 12 then moved to South Lake Tahoe, CA to live with my mom.  Lived in Lake Tahoe until I was 19 and moved to the SF Bay Area where I met Mark and we lived there for 9 years, before relocating to WA in 2003.  I really never thought I would live here again.  I loved CA, thought it was the most amazing state in the union. But things priorities change when your husband's transplant fails and you have a small child and could really use some support. You start to worry about schools and medical care and raising your kids in a family friendly environment.  The Bay Area was not us; too much of a rat race with no real connections made in the 9 years we lived there (or rather, the connections we did make moved away too).

Little Cami

8. I will never scrapbook. I can't see well enough to do that, and what's wrong with simple chronologically organized photo albums?
Scrapbooking is so much better than just photo albums!  It's personal and creative and tells a story.  When I moved here and met some moms and saw their scrapbooks I oohed and aahed. They patiently worked away at my stubborness until I allowed them to buy me some things to get started for my birthday one year.  I've been on a serious hiatus from scrapbooking for (eek) a few years now, but I'm interested in exploring digital and photobooks. But my stubborn side is determined to traditionally scrapbook the pictures I have sitting in my photo box!

9. I will never knit or crochet. Who does that?
Knitting? Crocheting? What? Do people still do that? Why? Because it's cool to make stuff!  It's nice to always have something to do with my hands....making things, all the options, the yarn and needles....and how the hell did someone figure out that you could make pretty things this way?? It's fascinating!

10. I will never own a house.  It's so much easier to rent and have a landlord to be responsible for repairs and such.
I was a huge scaredy-cat about home ownership.  I don't know, I guess I felt like it would be too big of a responsibility and we had enough to stress out over anyway. Also, never thought we'd actually be able to afford our own home. But then the real estate market tanked and President Obama decided to give first-time home buyers an $8,000 incentive and, well, I caved. Turns out I kind of love paying a mortgage every month even though it really is more expensive to live in your own home. We got to paint before we moved in and completely transformed it into OURS. It's not spectacular; it's just enough room for the 4 of us and a cat. But it's our home and I'm proud of that.

Yes, I really did say and/or think all of those things at one time or another.  But I said them all before I learned about being open and all that stuff I've been talking about a lot lately. Do I sound like a broken record yet?  I'm sorry if I do. It's just that it has taken me nearly 38 years to learn some pretty big stuff. Have I mentioned that I can be stubborn sometimes? I think that's one piece of crap I'm shedding, though.

TGIF: Anything But Edition

Welcome to a GUEST POST edition of...

<a href="http://www.justjenniferblog.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt=""src="http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb331/JenAnnHall/TGIFnew2-1.jpg" /></a>

You know her.  You love her origami flowers.  She's @MyBelovedAdoria on the Twitter.  But did you know she also has a personal blog called Anything But, and Then Some?

"She" is Jessica and the person who suggested I start a blog.  Jess is one of my very best friends IRL, which means she must be pretty awesome (I recently bluntly told her I had a hard time seeing all of her blog, so she made it totally "Jen friendly").  She is UBER creative; don't think she can go a day without being crafty or expressive in some way.

Without further adieu, heeeeeerrrrrrrres Jessica!

* * * * *

When Jen asked me to be a guest blogger this week for TGIFriday I immediately said, “Sure!” I was certain I would have something really amazing to talk to you about. I mean, my life is seriously amazing, wait no that’s not me…

Never mind, I’m quite boring, so I actually have nothing to talk about.

Honestly, I thought this whole thing would feel a little different. I thought it would feel dirty, or exciting to be a guest blogger. I thought I would sit down, slip my fingers onto the keys and open up this world of amazing revelations or something. I thought maybe some strange light would begin to glow from my computer and the song of bloggers would stream out in glorious harmony. I don’t seem to be getting any of that now… Perhaps I’ve done something wrong… Here, let me just… Hmmm… There? No, still nothing.

Perhaps I should drive over there to her house and blog at her computer. Perhaps that would give me a bit of a thrill, sort of like sneaking out at night as a teenager, or taking a nap in the break room at work. I could put my hands all over her computer, invade her bloggy home… Then I really would be guest posting in her blog!

All these things I would write would suddenly sound so much more tantalizing coming from foreign keys. All those mouse clicks coming from some strange mouse. It would all seem so innocent at first, but then as the words came through faster it would just get better. Everyone would be riveted, clinging to the edges of their seats. I would spin this fabulous story about fate and time and a long lost world.

Of course, I’d be cheating.

I’d come home and my computer would smell some other keyboard on me…

Tomorrow I’ll wake up and all of my pictures will have the faces photo shopped out, replaced by pics of my computer. My note pads would start popping up with accusing new questions already typed on them, like “Where have you been?” and “Why won’t you just love me.”

Then Jen’s computer would start getting hate mail. Weird viruses suddenly running rampant through her system… Her documents erased, left with only one small }8[ left.

I would start breaking into the other local computers then. Stealing money from banks and switching hotel room information. The chaos would be horrendous until the cops came pounding at my door, ready to take me away as I screamed and cursed at the desktop, “Why you do me like you do me?!”

No, I think my computer will work just fine. But I still have nothing to talk about.

Maybe next time I will have something more interesting to say…

* * * * *

OMG I am seriously LOLing over here!  Why had I never thought about how guest posting could be considered cheating?  I always just kind of thought of it as sharing.

Umm.... Right.

Moving on.

My clever friend here is a busy gal, and you can follow around the interwebs in any of the following ways, or a combo therein:

Anything But, and Then Some

MyBelovedAdoria - the Blog

MyBelovedAdoria - the Etsy shop

the MyBelovedAdoria tumblr

On the Twitter

On Facebook

Don't forget to give Jessica some love here, before you run off to check out the rest of her stuff.

AND, don't forget to write up some of YOUR happy and link it up!

TGIF is about ending your week on a positive note by writing about something that makes you happy!
To participate
1. Write a post about something good that happened this week (or if you don't blog, tell me by leaving a comment). It can be anything. Just keep it positive!
2. Grab the #TGIF button and include it somewhere in your post.
3. Come back here and link up.  Linky is open all weekend (even when I publish a new post).
4. Visit other linkers, leave comments and consider giving them a follow (it would be nice if you followed me, but no pressure).
5. Share posts on Twitter, Facebook, StumbleUpon, etc, if you are so inclined!
6. TGIF is open to guest posting!  In fact, I'd like to have someone else here every other week.  If you want, instead of just linking your post to mine, you can write the post instead of me.  Just let me know and I will happily schedule you a week to take the floor!  Be warned, if no one volunteers, I might put you on the spot and you will feel obligated to do it because you love me!

  Sharing with Lovelinks, cuz I love this post!

My BlogSPOT: The Linky!

This past Saturday I said, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."  And I think several of you were interested in playing along - yay!

Today is the day to share the "wheres" and "hows" of our personal blogginess.

How do you get your blog on?




<a href="http://www.justjenniferblog.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt=""src="http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb331/JenAnnHall/Blog%20Photos/juliusfront.jpg" /></a>


I have a documented case of "Mail-itis", or "I'll-get-to-that-later-itis" or "All-these-people-who-sent-me-crap-in-the-mail-can-suck-it-itis".  This means I often have PILES of crap mail all over my desk, with nary a spot for my coffee cup.

Yet other times, I have succumbed to the piles, gone through them and actually dealt with all the crap mail and my desk looks neat and clean and it could accommodate several cups of coffee.

So I will share both states of my bloggy space with you.  'Cause I'm generous like that.

My computer is in our living room, at the back, I guess you would say.  The space where we have these cool built-in shelves is exactly the right size to fit a small desk.

See?  The desk is behind the couch.

So this is where I'm sitting when I'm blogging, reading and commenting on blogs and doing the majority of my tweeting.  Except for.....

....I got that there Kindle Fire with the Best Buy gift card I won from The SITS Girls, so I do some tweeting and RSS feed reading on that as well.

Did you notice how my monitor isn't sitting back on the desk?  That's because I need it as close to my face as I can get it.  And I don't have a keyboard tray because it's a really cheap desk, so I'm practicing very poor ergonomics.

As far as any "tricks of the trade go".....I will do my actual blog writing whenever I can, as the mood strikes me or whatever.  I seem to perpetually have 5 draft posts that I will go back to at some point.  I rarely publish a post as soon as it's ready.  I prefer to publish first thing in the morning because, honestly, you all are more likely to be paying attention at some point during the day.  Before any of you started coming around here, my publishing was all willy-nilly like.  Oh, and I'm a wee bit anal about the date of each post.  For example, I never post Monday Listicles Sunday night.  And, I've found that while the idea of listening to music while blogging seems like a good one, I tend to be very distracted by wanting to sing the lyrics.  But if just the TV is on or my family is trying to talk to me, I can tune that out.

OK!  Now it's YOUR turn!  Grab the button with my Julius' mug above, stick it in your post and link up! Linky will be open for 1 week, and I will read, comment and tweet ya!  (You could be really super nice and do the same for others. Just sayin'.)